7rd old fucking football

[footballfckers]

I just wrote out a whole post and then accidentally deleted it.

Really pissed off about football for seven-year-olds and really upset. I am not a person who cries but today I cried. I had a cal from a private sports club who run football training once a week. My son who is 7 was having a 3 week taster and they called today to say he isn't good enough abs can't come back. I am so upset for him. He is such a sensitive little boy who just wants to play and learn.

He plays in a small after school club once a week but can't get him into the village football club either. To get in the village club it seems to be either who you know or sending a WhatsApp at the right moment. My husband has offered to do the Coaching qualifications and now I am thinking maybe we need to make a 'donation'.

He was offered a space in November but was having eye surgery so I asked if he could come in Jan. Tbey said yes and then ghosted me in January.

I don't want to be 'that' parent but my 7yr old needs someone to speak for him and sort these things out. He just wants to play football with his friends.

It's fucking ridiculous.

The other thing I've noticed that seems to be different between rugby and football (in my limited experience of one - ds played both sports until he was 7 or 8) is that in football, parents weren't expected to stick around for training (indeed were positively discouraged from staying ), whereas in rugby, they're expected to stay . The Minis Convener when ds started (age 5) famously used to say, "It's no' a crèche"

This has the added benefit of allowing the people already in organising/coaching etc to be able to get to know the parents and nab them to volunteer too get involved themselves.

My DD goes to two clubs (primary aged). Neither are run by volunteers, neither super competitive, they play matches against each other, no serious games but lots of fun training. The coaches must be making enough money out of it to do it, so surely this could be replicated everywhere

I agree, there probably is a place for clubs such as this, and it could be a good money making opportunity for those who want to run this kind of club.

However, this then becomes an issue for low income families. Clubs that are run by volunteers tend to charge minimal subs, or even free for those on very low income, with the idea that sport is accessible to all. Of course, if you can't get enough volunteers, then this means that it's no longer accessible to all. However, at least no-one is denied on a cost basis.

Also as a volunteer myself I have to say all the problems with spaces would vanish if parents bothered to step up, help out and actually contribute 😬 I'm afraid that's the truth

True to a degree, but the problem there is that, at least for games, it's often the case that there just aren't enough pitches. My DHs team at one time had enough demand (and volunteers) to start a second team, but there just weren't enough pitches in the area to allow this. Yes, he could have taken more children on just for midweek training sessions, but this would mean many would not be able to play a game each Saturday. A few kids would be happy with this, but most would not.

@budgiegirl

Also as a volunteer myself I have to say all the problems with spaces would vanish if parents bothered to step up, help out and actually contribute 😬 I'm afraid that's the truth

True to a degree, but the problem there is that, at least for games, it's often the case that there just aren't enough pitches. My DHs team at one time had enough demand (and volunteers) to start a second team, but there just weren't enough pitches in the area to allow this. Yes, he could have taken more children on just for midweek training sessions, but this would mean many would not be able to play a game each Saturday. A few kids would be happy with this, but most would not.

I can see that's a very frustrating situation but it's not the most common reason places aren't available for kids. The lack of volunteers (or parents that think they should in any way be helpful) really limits what we can offer to young people.

It’s the wrong time to be looking for a club, it’s nearly the end of the season so teams will likely be full. You could try contacting your local FA to see if they’re aware of teams that need players. You’d probably have better luck over the summer though after this season ends and plans for next year are being made. Your dh could look at setting up a training only session alongside the local team, if they’re aware of others who are interested but don’t have space for, with a view to starting a second team eventually. That’s what happened here, my ds was in the under 7’s team but a second team were set up, they amalgamated when the team size increased and they’re still playing at 16. The trouble with having too many players is that they don’t get enough game time, it’s probably capped by the FA how many registered players per team as well.

The lack of volunteers (or parents that think they should in any way be helpful) really limits what we can offer to young people

That is certainly true in a lot of circumstances, and definitely true at the scout group where I am a cub leader. We could always do with more volunteers, and a lack of them has made it difficult to keep our sections open, let alone add more.

However, it's not so much my experience with football, at least in the younger years. They mostly played on council owned pitches, with the odd private one in a farmers field, and there was definately more demand that there was pitches available. Lack of volunteers became more of a problem with the older groups, and once my DH stepped down (mostly due to unreasonable demands from parents), no one came forward to replace him and the team folded. I think the team were U14 at that point.

@southlondoner02

When I read these threads I always think there is a gap in the market for someone to make money out of running football clubs all over the place.

My DD goes to two clubs (primary aged). Neither are run by volunteers, neither super competitive, they play matches against each other, no serious games but lots of fun training. The coaches must be making enough money out of it to do it, so surely this could be replicated everywhere. They run sessions Saturday, Sunday and some nights after school so there is lots of space for kids to get in one of the days. One is run by an ex premier league footballer, so they are getting decent coaching. I realise not everywhere have ex premier league coaches, but the other one she goes to is staff by some men in their early twenties with coaching qualifications.

There are quite a few of these clubs around. I guess the issue is that as they get older, they either join a club that's in a league, or lose interest as it's a hobby that isn't going to lead to anything. The 'good' kids will move on and the less-skilled kids will probably become bored after a time.

Actually the best ones I've seen are community groups run by our local Premier League teams; they're subsidised so more affordable than the private ones set up by ex-footballers or whatever. And not ability-based.

Get him signed up to rugby. Mini's rugby doesnt have this nonsense.

I tried to sign my just turned 8 year old up to football and was told they dont take kids that old who haven't played and trained on a team before.
Football coaches take it way too seriously for kids. I think it is part of what creates the nasty culture within football.

Kid's rugby is nothing like that. They'll let kids of any talent join and really work with them to help them learn.

Actually the best ones I've seen are community groups run by our local Premier League teams; they're subsidised so more affordable than the private ones set up by ex-footballers or whatever. And not ability-based

These are a few and far between though. Our local team is a League One team, and does have a community group. But demand is extremely high, it's expensive (at least compared to local, volunteer-led groups), and it's entry is definitely based on ability (kids are invited to try out). No good for the average kid who just wants to play club footie with his/her mates.

Scouts do come around occasionally to recruit for Premier and Championship team youth groups from larger cities, but again, it's most certainly done on ability.

Oh that's a shame @budgiegirl

We have two professional teams in our city (Scotland) and they both have excellent community programmes running all the time.

My son goes to their holiday camps and it's five days of football for £50, which is incredible value really.

I think this is so sad, how many children become professional footballers? at this age its about development.

I will add another dimension in the way that in schools children who not the most able sports people are treated - school teams obviously want to field their best team which I understand. So the best students are selected - fine. But when it comes to plays at the end of the year - it isn't the case. So the child who is good at performing isn't chosen for lead parts - instead given to someone to develop skills. Either apply this philosophy to everything or nothing

Yes, definitely sounds like there is a massive gap in the market there alright. There should be a national body organising playing soccer for fun - training and friendlies on the weekend - like the GAA in Ireland for Gaelic football. Surely the guys who are super talented have plenty of opportunity with academies. It's the 90% of kids who are just "normal" who need the non-cut-throat resource. This thread has been a real eye-opener for me. It also makes me a bit sad.

This happened to my son too, and he gave up football. It's sad that adults get so invested in the competitive aspect that they can't see how inappropriate it is for that age group, and how damaging it can be for very young children who will then miss out on all the other things they could get from sport - fun, fitness, teamwork, social contact, etc. Often it's the less sporty kids who need those things the most, but there are also talented kids who miss out because they need encouragement and nurturing to discover their skills.

The local Championship team does run a just show up session which looks like absolute chaos. I'd guess they are looking for signs of talent but are happy for two left feet merchants to show up and get stuck in.

The numerous local rugby and cricket sides also run early years sessions too but they do tend to be filtering for the older competitive teams.

How about martial arts? Virtually all of the styles are welcoming to kids and generally tend to be quite tolerant of lack of ability (just not bad behaviour).

Scouts are generally a lottery in respect of getting in as you can't just expand groups due to a lack of adults.

Starting your own group sounds good on paper but it's bloody hard work when you start getting into the nitty gritty of the thing (premises/subs/DBS/insurance/accreditation and so on).

Try hockey.

I've found football and ballet to be the most competitive.

Followed closely by gymnastics and boys cricket (not girls so much)

Sport where we live is incredibly competitive (and expensive)- and trying to get in requires some serious negotiation skills, making the right phone calls, putting them on waiting lists, following up, volunteering, fund raising etc

once in, skill does play a massive part in the more competitive teams- however, not every child wants to be a star in the Royal Ballet or an Olympic athlete. Needs to be a middle ground- so hard to find the right club for the right sport at the right time.

I hope you find the right club (a club...) for your son.

Rejection of your children is so painful. Don’t ever go to an audition or for tryouts unless you are certain that you can all handle a no

@Catkitkat As we go through life, we have to learn to face rejection. I don't think it's feasible to hide from it for ever

@frownaminute agree 100%

My eldest is now 12 and we have been through 5 years of this. We found him a team when he was 8 and the coach was a narcissistic bully who treated him appallingly. My son turned up to every practice and match and think he got less than a total of an hours playing time over a 6m period. Really dented his confidence and we stopped going eventually. The coach even borrowed better players from other teams rather than play his own team to ensure they won the cup and then arranged a whole presentation evening where the boys were made to stand on stage and speak about how great a coach he was. When we left he posted on the WhatsApp group (thinking we had left) ridiculing my son and asking if anyone knew any players that could actually kick a ball. I still to this day kick myself for not reporting him
After this experience my son didn't want to play for a team but carried on playing football after school which he did enjoy
Fast forward to last year he asked if he could go and train with a local team where most of his school friends play at.
We had our doubts but went with it and it turns out that all 3 of the coaches are dad's of boys in the team. The rest of the team are made up of boys whose parents are good friends of the coaches. So guess who gets all the game play and awards etc?
I know I'm biased but my son is as good as the majority of the team and has played after school with a school team for them all for years but his face doesn't fit. He ended up getting frustrated with never getting any game time at all except when the favourites couldn't make it. We approached the coach who I always thought was a decent bloke and he said he should put up with it or leave. So we left. This was within a few months of signing on paying a fee, buying kit, setting up monthly direct debit
It's a farce. Shouldn't be allowed
We have despite all this, found a new team for him. It's a small club and he absolutely loves it. He is flying. Scored a hat trick last week. The coach is lovely. Really Spends time with the kids and gives them so much encouragement and praise. Just a lovely guy and it doesn't matter if they don't win. He loves going and doesn't have that dreaded feeling of getting abuse if he misses a ball. The delightful kids he goes to school with are now giving him grief for playing for a "crap team" though.
My 8 year old on the other hand, managed to get into a local village team and its all good so far. Huge range of abilities but they all get pretty equal game time. Still a teeny bit of favouritism I. E the main coaches son plays pretty much a full game every week and he strops if he ever gets subbed so they don't sub him. And he's always played upfront where as the other boys get moved around a lot. But nowhere near as bad as the other teams we've experienced.
It's so hard though. Both my boys are football mad and both are really good. Never going to be professionals and I wouldn't want them to be. Just want them to enjoy the experience of playing without all the crap that seems to come with it

like the GAA in Ireland for Gaelic football

Oh my god yes. The GAA are fantastic, and I wish DS had that option, but the London clubs seem to be mostly out west. All my friends' kids in Ireland have played on GAA teams, and it keeps the girls especially playing team sports into their teens.

@twelly don’t agree at all. The play parts are always given to the same kids. Always always!!

Can I make a vote for hockey? Much less of this silliness, most kids don’t start at 4(like with football) and it’s one of the few competitive sports where at a professional (and club) level both men and women have equal standing and opportunity. It’s great fun and clubs always looking for new players.

We had similar with DS. Coach was happy to take our money every week for training but never let him take part in matches or tournaments, saying there were no spaces on the team but he would get a turn when spaces became available. He then advertised on Facebook for more boys to join as he didn't have a full team! Big sob story about how his team couldn't take part in matches as they didn't have enough players, poor little boys are upset etc please help us! They claim they're inclusive etc but it's all crap, they only want the best players who will win and get the coaches a good reputation. It's just gutting, and totally ridiculous for children!

Also- there is a correlation to age and being selected for a team.

Take swimming.

Vast majority of England swimmers born in first 3 months of the calendar year.

Why? Kids born in those months have an advantage. They can swim faster because a child born in january generally swims faster than one born the same year in December. They get faster times. which means they qualify for more galas. get selected for more teams. win more medals.

A child born in December- as fast as a child born just 4 weeks later- will get no where near the same opportunities- as they will be expected (according to the swim times) to swim faster due to the year they were born in, not their actual age on day.

And so the cycle continues....

So, yes, a child who might be physically less able at football- but in the same school year- will likely not be chosen for the team or squad and therefore wont get as much opportunity to improved.

And it sucks.

Any chance it wasn’t actually his skill but something like a behavior issue that made them not want to invite him back? Say, not following the coaches’ instructions or not understanding rules that the other children who’ve been playing longer already knew?

Or, you say he had eye surgery recently—is it obvious and could the coaches potentially be afraid they can’t keep him safe from injuries?

It just strikes me as odd he was given a trial and then told “don’t come back.”