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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents won't see us until we are all negative

205 replies

mag2305 · 21/03/2022 10:24

So myself, hubby and two children all have covid at the moment. We've thankfully all had it mildly but are all testing positive 9 days on. I'm aware that without symptoms, you don't have to keep testing beyond day 10. The problem is my parents won't see any of us until we test negative. I totally understand they don't want to get it as they're late 60s but we could go on testing positive for ages yet. They help with childcare so we can work so it's going to make things quite difficult and we can't afford to pay for childcare right now. I don't want to stress my parents out and it's obviously their choice. They're amazing providing childcare but I'm also worrying about work. AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/03/2022 15:40

@louiseofthelakes

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness

For me, worrying about my CEV husband it will mean buying tests - although of course we could never expect anybody else to do that. As my husband is so at risk, until now our children/grandchildren have always been tested before visiting. Without the security of that, we will have to take a further step backwards in order for him to be protected (my choice), or risk it (his choice). I feel very strongly that free tests should continue to be available for those who are CEV as his booster has now run out, and the 4th dose is only given in very specific circumstances for which he does not qualify.

I agree and we will be doing the same. I'd love to be able to just 'treat it as flu/learn to live with it/ get on with life' etc.
gannett · 21/03/2022 15:46

I'd love to be able to just 'treat it as flu/learn to live with it/ get on with life' etc.

The most stupid thing about the Treat It Like Flu/Live With It argument is that we all take steps to avoid getting/giving any of the other illnesses that we already live with it. We wash our hands, we take vitamin pills, we wrap up warm when it's cold, if we actually have the flu we don't go to crowded parties or restaurants or visit elderly relatives.

We're all mindful every day of how to keep healthy but apparently learning to live with Covid means ignoring that it exists at all, or maybe even wilfully spreading it in a way most normal people would never do with flu.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/03/2022 15:47

Exactly, we all try and avoid flu as much as possible!

Buttercup54321 · 21/03/2022 15:53

You sound very entitled Your childcare is your responsibility, not your parents.
How would you managed if they moved away or, heaven forbid, caught Covid and died!!!
They are being sensible. You might have to pay for childcare.

Wednesdayafternoon · 21/03/2022 16:03

For those telling the OP to pay for childcare I'm just interested to know where they find childcare at last minute with a day or 2 notice?
A lot of parents and grandparents rely on each other for childcare. Covid has made childcare extremely difficult for many particularly those that aren't in nursery yet for whatever reason .

DoctorMarten · 21/03/2022 16:04

@Hbh17

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?
Wow. Glad you're not my child. Are you Mr Johnson?
TheOrigRights · 21/03/2022 16:06

@Wednesdayafternoon

For those telling the OP to pay for childcare I'm just interested to know where they find childcare at last minute with a day or 2 notice? A lot of parents and grandparents rely on each other for childcare. Covid has made childcare extremely difficult for many particularly those that aren't in nursery yet for whatever reason .
You have backups in place - other parents, friends, other family. If you are relying on parents/grandparents it's only a matter of time before you'll be in the position of them not being available.
dizzydizzydizzy · 21/03/2022 16:09

YABU. I'm much younger than your parents but probably much older than you. I had nearly 2 weeks off work for covid and I have now had 3 weeks off sick for post covid symptoms. I have been stuck at home for over a month. Covid can be really nasty. And by the way, I am in good health and very very fit.

Wednesdayafternoon · 21/03/2022 16:14

@TheOrigRights so speaking from my experience of a single mum I have two options. Both of my options have Covid atm. Son isn't in nursery as he's still very young.

Not everyone is privileged enough to have a big family or a 2 parent family. If and when I get Covid I'll be working from home with two children who may well have Covid themselves. Atm I'm off work as I have no childcare at all.

When I planned to have my baby I wasn't in this position as I was with my ex husband. Not everyone has multiple back up options.

That being said I obviously wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable but it is an extremely challenging time for parents who don't have a lot of support like me and perhaps OP.

TheOrigRights · 21/03/2022 16:24

[quote Wednesdayafternoon]@TheOrigRights so speaking from my experience of a single mum I have two options. Both of my options have Covid atm. Son isn't in nursery as he's still very young.

Not everyone is privileged enough to have a big family or a 2 parent family. If and when I get Covid I'll be working from home with two children who may well have Covid themselves. Atm I'm off work as I have no childcare at all.

When I planned to have my baby I wasn't in this position as I was with my ex husband. Not everyone has multiple back up options.

That being said I obviously wouldn't want to make anyone uncomfortable but it is an extremely challenging time for parents who don't have a lot of support like me and perhaps OP.[/quote]
I am also a single parent with no local family - I can empathise with that.

However, I am fortunate in that my son is now 12 so I don't need childcare.

If get sick leave so if I get covid and feel unable to work, I won't have to.
However, when I've been unwell I have had to look after a child on my own.

I do understand, I just think the OP is coming across as a bit flakey.

zingally · 21/03/2022 16:35

I wouldn't want to hang out with anyone currently testing positive either, and I'm not pushing 70! Your parents ANBU.

Chloemol · 21/03/2022 16:41

@mag2305

My son is testing positive on day 5 but no symptoms. Can he go back to nursery yet? Is it a legal requirement to keep him off. He only does half days but it might help with work and childcare a bit.
No

You send him in when positive he is going to give it to everyone

You go back when you have two days clear negative

pinkpirlie · 21/03/2022 17:12

I doubt you will test positive much longer.
For me it was 12 days of very quick and clear positives, then negative. No in-between at.
I was poorly for almost 3 weeks.

beinggreen · 21/03/2022 17:18

Some of these replies are ridiculous.

The OP's parents have been doing her a massive favour. They are now being asked to do something that is not within their comfort zone. The solution is to not to force them to change their minds, but to accept that they cannot provide childcare for now, and to seek an alternative, no matter how awkward/expensive/inconvenient that might be.

If I did someone a favour of any kind and wanted to temporarily stop, and got bombarded with 'but this is why you should still do it', I would feel taken advantage of, and I wouldn't resume the favour.

It's unfortunate, but it is what it is.

Given it's possible to catch Covid more than once and the grandparents clearly aren't comfortable being around it, I'd suggest the OP gets a reliable backup in place for later down the line too.

DiamondCushion · 21/03/2022 19:30

@EasterIssland

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness
The same you’d hope if they had a vomiting bug or flu. You wouldn’t go see people and if meeting up would let them know so they could decide and keep people off school/childcare
LynetteScavo · 21/03/2022 20:02

But if they catch Covid from your family they possibly won't be able to provide childcare for some time, so it's sensible to make sure they don't catch it from you.

I don't know anyone who tested positive after 10 days.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 21/03/2022 20:36

After 10 days you don’t need to isolate and you don’t keep testing. Before all this you can leave isolating after testing negative on day 5 or whatever people isolated for 10 days then went back to normal.you can test positive for 90 days so I agree with you op . Your parents are being over cautious as you have gone past the infection stage and the risk on passing it in after 10 days is extremely low that’s why isolating was 10 days . I’d isolate for 10 days then stop isolating tell then you don’t need to isolate after day 10 as you aren’t infectious.

cigarettesNalcohol · 21/03/2022 20:53

Don't rely on them so much for childcare and it would be less of a problem

DiamondCushion · 21/03/2022 20:55

@gettingolderandgrumpy some people are still infectious up to 14 days. Friend took 16 days to get infected living with her DH in isolation and not going anywhere. 10 days was closed as people wouldn’t stick to 14 days and that would cover about 90% of people and they hoped the 10% who were still infectious would still feel ill so not go out.

Just because we are the first country to not make it mandatory, why would you go and see someone when you can still knowingly make them ill? How would you explain to the kids in the future it was them that caused granny to have a stroke when granny asked not to see them?

And again, if they get covid they won’t be well enough to look after your kids so that’s no childcare for longer than now.

gettingolderandgrumpy · 21/03/2022 21:01

Some people maybe but MOST are not infectious after 10 days. I completely agree not mixing with people with covid but day 10 and beyond to continue testing is ridiculous . But it’s personal choice if someone doesn’t want you near them until you test positive then that’s up to then .

ReadyToMoveIt · 21/03/2022 21:10

Just because we are the first country to not make it mandatory, why would you go and see someone when you can still knowingly make them ill?

Isolation has never been mandatory in Scotland. It has always only been guidance.

AlphaJura · 22/03/2022 00:08

I know some people think it's nothing, but I don't think they ABU. I wouldn't expect elderly parents to do this and would totally understand. They might not die from covid, but who wants to be ill? I thought it was a given that you didn't take ill children to see family (especially older relatives ) whatever the illness, and this was before covid. I know it's inconvenient for you but that's just the way the cookie crumbles. My dd has just tested positive, I'm really worried if my ds also tests positive he's going to miss a gcse cooking exam coming up this week and he's struggling enough in his GCSES. But if he does, that's life and we'll have to deal with it and find out what we can do. I very much doubt you'll be testing positive for 90 days on the LFT's.

Patternmagic · 22/03/2022 10:24

Our dipshit inlaws still won't see us indoors because we're not quadruple boostered 😂 Apparently we may be blessed with their company, outdoors in the summer if we're lucky 😂 I think I might have to have Covid that day!

DoctorMarten · 22/03/2022 11:26

@beinggreen

Some of these replies are ridiculous.

The OP's parents have been doing her a massive favour. They are now being asked to do something that is not within their comfort zone. The solution is to not to force them to change their minds, but to accept that they cannot provide childcare for now, and to seek an alternative, no matter how awkward/expensive/inconvenient that might be.

If I did someone a favour of any kind and wanted to temporarily stop, and got bombarded with 'but this is why you should still do it', I would feel taken advantage of, and I wouldn't resume the favour.

It's unfortunate, but it is what it is.

Given it's possible to catch Covid more than once and the grandparents clearly aren't comfortable being around it, I'd suggest the OP gets a reliable backup in place for later down the line too.

Absolutely this. Some people think the world revolves around them - even though they are adults FFS.
DoctorMarten · 22/03/2022 11:27

@Patternmagic

Our dipshit inlaws still won't see us indoors because we're not quadruple boostered 😂 Apparently we may be blessed with their company, outdoors in the summer if we're lucky 😂 I think I might have to have Covid that day!
If I was your in-law, I'd want to avoid you with that attitude tbh.