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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents won't see us until we are all negative

205 replies

mag2305 · 21/03/2022 10:24

So myself, hubby and two children all have covid at the moment. We've thankfully all had it mildly but are all testing positive 9 days on. I'm aware that without symptoms, you don't have to keep testing beyond day 10. The problem is my parents won't see any of us until we test negative. I totally understand they don't want to get it as they're late 60s but we could go on testing positive for ages yet. They help with childcare so we can work so it's going to make things quite difficult and we can't afford to pay for childcare right now. I don't want to stress my parents out and it's obviously their choice. They're amazing providing childcare but I'm also worrying about work. AIBU?

OP posts:
Gilly12345 · 21/03/2022 12:50

Your Parents are being understandably very cautious, it is unfortunate but you rely on them and would have to manage if you didn’t have them or if they caught covid or something else, so you are going to have to make alternative childcare arrangements.

I do feel for you though, we are a family of 4 and 2 of us have tested positive, my Daughter on Saturday and myself today, Husband and other Daughter are currently negative.

Tortabella · 21/03/2022 12:50

Are there other people you can call on for childcare as a favour/swap given your circumstances? I think you can't argue with their position.

We had covid through our house and tested negative after 10 or so days so I would not think it likely you'll be testing positive for too much longer.

My DH like you was getting frustrated but it cleared around Day 10 for everyone (and I never caught it.)

justasking111 · 21/03/2022 12:51

Well I'm sorry for you as a grandparent I'd be okay with this but OH wouldn't be. We've had a few germ vector comments from him over the last two years. He's had pleurisy has COPD so it could just be one grandparent who's scared

Mulhollandmagoo · 21/03/2022 12:52

@MrsSkylerWhite

Do people seriously still take advice from this Govt?

Much as I love them, I wouldn’t babysit a positive grandchild either, thanks.

Quite right, I wouldn't expect my parents to babysit my covid positive child either. Your jobs seriously can't be that ignorant to the situation OP, surely?
foamflower · 21/03/2022 12:52

@RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime

So why am I exempt from testing on LFT for 90 days following covid when I visit my mam in her care home?!!🤔

It’s probably either because you’re considered to have protection for re-infection for 90 days or because they’ve confused LFT with PCR, which can continue to show the same infection for 90 days.

If it’s the former, it’s not correct - school friends of my DS just had a new infection 7 weeks after another one.

This probably explains the outbreaks in some care homes, with advice like this being given.

With Delta you were advised not to have a PCR within 90 days of a positive result, but they changed that with omicron (in my part of the UK, at least), due to reinfection being possible after a short time. New symptoms required another PCR test.

If you tested negative on LFT after having covid, then have new symptoms and test positive, then you have covid again. I’ve known people get it again within 90 days, so the previous advice for when delta was around is out of date.

foamflower · 21/03/2022 12:54

I was referring to the original quote - not what RubbishRobot said, which I agree with - but I couldn’t quote the original.

TheMarmaladeYears · 21/03/2022 12:54

I'm with your parents here. Guilt tripping them into providing childcare is really not on and could have serious consequences. I'm sorry this causes issues for you at work but you aren't alone in the currently shambolic approach to the virus where for entirely economic reasons, rules got replaced by so-called guidance about transmission. I agree that we've got to learn to live with Covid but there's a difference between this and putting yourself at unecessary risk.

Thatswhyimacat · 21/03/2022 12:59

People talk about the inaccuracy of lfts but while they aren't 100 percent in picking up infection they are a pretty accurate indicator of whether or not you are infectious. If you're testing positive on an lft, you are a risk to others regardless of what day it is.

NewMum0305 · 21/03/2022 12:59

@azimuth299

I think her parents are perfectly within their rights to refuse childcare.

But given that government guidance explicitly states you can stop testing after day 10, I understand from the OP’s perspective as well. Many of the responses are acting as if she’s asking her parents to go against scientific advice when that’s not the case.

KnowingMeKnowingYouAhaaaa · 21/03/2022 13:02

My parents do childcare for us which we rely on to work. My husband had covid a few weeks back, they didn't come anywhere near us until my husband tested negative. The rest of us continued to test everyday for about 2 weeks every morning, I'd then message my parents that it was safe to come round. I did not want to give my parents covid. You sound so selfish and entitled that they are chosing to protect themselves, there's no way we'd have asked my parents to come round if anyone was still positive, even if it inconvenienced us/cost us money. If you gave your parents covid you could potentially make them very poorly, possibly taking out your childcare for weeks. I'd wait to test negative.

Sallydimebar · 21/03/2022 13:02

We’ve all tested negative by 10 days with omicron and prob delta on lft .
My dad had it 3 weeks ago he’s tripple jabbed and 70 , can’t walk round the block yet without getting out of breath , thought he was having heart attack couple days ago doing light tasks in garden . So don’t blame them for being cautious.

LBFseBrom · 21/03/2022 13:02

In my opinion, your parents are right. We all know that many if not most cases of Covid are mild but nobody wants to catch it, even mildly.

Some cases are dreadful! My neighbour had it recently and was extremely ill, at times couldn't swallow. It was scary for her and she is not one to complain generally. Thankfully it subsided and she didn't have to be hospitalised but it was still bad.

It really isn't worth the risk. If you are still testing positive, you won't be going to work anyway unless you work from home, and your children won't be able to go to school. Please just accept the status quo, it won't last forever. I think you can start 'going out' and mixing if you test negative after ten days; then you repeat the test at 90 days. I'm a bit vague about these things as they don't really affect me (retired), but I did just google and read that.

yomommasmomma · 21/03/2022 13:07

In my view YABU and I also think it is totally unreasonable to expect your late 60's parents to do regular childcare. Let them enjoy their grandchildren and not parent them. Perhaps this is their way of telling you they want to do less.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/03/2022 13:08

Would your parents be willing to follow the advice from earlier in the pandemic? Tests can stay positive long after the illness is gone that's why at the start of the pandemic people were told to isolate for 10-14 days after getting their first positive test. And households had to start counting from the last person in the house to get a positive test. Could you do that? You can still find the advice online, though it's flagged as "withdrawn".

Having said that, my father's care home has been in near-permanent isolation because the carers keep cacthing Covid. One carer gets it, they say no visitors for 10 days, meanwhile someone else gets it, rinse and repeat. But hopefully things wont be as bad for you.

PurpleDaisies · 21/03/2022 13:09

Tests can stay positive long after the illness is gone that's why at the start of the pandemic people were told to isolate for 10-14 days after getting their first positive test.

Pcr tests. LFTs are negative much, much more quickly.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 21/03/2022 13:09

(Sorry I'm not quite right about "households" counting but hopefully you know what I mean)

BirdOnTheWire · 21/03/2022 13:11

Stunningly selfish to consider taking covid positive children to grandparents.
Not to mention relying on your parents for childcare.

If I was them I'd bve reconsidering the whole arrangement.

MrPickles73 · 21/03/2022 13:18

My children have not seen my parents since Christmas as they are in their 80s and my mother is not well so I don't want us to give them any germs we may or may not have..

AnnesBrokenSlate · 21/03/2022 13:20

The government 'guidance' has led to the current situation where 1 in 19 have Covid.
You need to put a different childcare solution in place.

NerrSnerr · 21/03/2022 13:21

I know childcare is expensive OP but you need a back up plan. Your parents could test positive one after the other once you're all negative meaning that's another 2 weeks (or longer) they can't provide childcare (and this is of course ignoring non covid reasons, broken legs, illnesses, bereavement etc- all reasons why they may need time of childcare).

PixieLaLa · 21/03/2022 13:27

YABU
You keep saying you understand but….

It doesn’t seem like you do.

DoctorMarten · 21/03/2022 13:28

I'm in bed with it. I don't blame your parents. It's horrible (triple vaxxed).

justasking111 · 21/03/2022 13:29

@AnnesBrokenSlate

The government 'guidance' has led to the current situation where 1 in 19 have Covid. You need to put a different childcare solution in place.
1 in 13 in London I read today. It's rampant here in Wales too
bob1985 · 21/03/2022 13:30

I'm going to stick my neck out and say your parents are being a bit unreasonable.

There's no requirement to isolate past 10 days as you're very unlikely to be infections.

Assuming they're living their daily lives as normal the virus is so wide spread they're likely to catch it out and about anyways.

Whilst they are not obliged to provide childcare they do a have responsibility to understand that suddenly withdrawing it has consequences

RealBecca · 21/03/2022 13:37

If you send your son it dont be surprised if other parents find out and ostracism your son from parties because you arent doing your bit.

If you're worried about work you need to talk to work. If that means paid for childcare and debt, changing hours or resigning then those are your options.

Dont bring it up with parents again or you dont "totally understand". Using anything other than paid for childcare is always a risk.