Parents won't see us until we are all negative

[mag2305]

So myself, hubby and two children all have covid at the moment. We've thankfully all had it mildly but are all testing positive 9 days on. I'm aware that without symptoms, you don't have to keep testing beyond day 10. The problem is my parents won't see any of us until we test negative. I totally understand they don't want to get it as they're late 60s but we could go on testing positive for ages yet. They help with childcare so we can work so it's going to make things quite difficult and we can't afford to pay for childcare right now. I don't want to stress my parents out and it's obviously their choice. They're amazing providing childcare but I'm also worrying about work. AIBU?

@EmpressCixi

I agree with your parents also. You do realise testing positive and then being in close contact for hours means almost certain transmission of Covid?

Untrue. My DP didn’t catch it from me despite not distancing at all and sharing a bed. My Mum also didn’t catch it from my younger siblings and they were in bed with her too cause they were poorly. I know quite a few people who haven’t caught it from someone in their household.

That being said, I agree with OPs parents.

bob1985

Whilst they are not obliged to provide childcare they do a have responsibility to understand that suddenly withdrawing it has consequences”

No, they aren’t.
Surely anyone relying on older parents for childcare has a contingency plan? Would be foolish not to.

Whilst they are not obliged to provide childcare they do a have responsibility to understand that suddenly withdrawing it has consequences

I'm sure the OP's parents understand this very thing but ultimately they've decided that they can't risk their health by providing childcare in these circumstances. Also their ability to provide longer-term help looking after the children is assisted by their wish to avoid catching Covid right now so I'm sure a lot more thought has gone into their decision than you seem to be suggesting.

You'd think that two years into this virus, people might start understanding the difficult decisions it so often presents. Clearly, we're a very long way from achieving this recognition.

YABVU. They're being sensible and are under no obligation to put their health at risk. Their bodies, their choices. Your children are your own responsibility. You should be grateful your parents provide free childcare, but you need a backup plan for the times they can't.

@MrsSkylerWhite yes, a back up plan is good idea. For circumstances where there is a reasonable cause to not provide childcare. For example grandparents are ill etc.

But...withdrawing childcare based on their own made covid rule is unreasonable and they do have a responsibility to understand it has an impact.

As i mentioned no grandparents are obliged to provide childcare. But where they do there should be a clear understanding that suddenly stopping it has an impact.

For what it's worth all grandparents I know who provide some kind of regular childcare in real life are wonderful and seem to grasp this

@mag2305
I tested LFT positive for 10 days. I'm CEV (extremely comically vulnerable) group and triple vaxed already. This was "milder" than would have been

It's not abnormal for it to take that long to clear if you have underlying health problems and I still had covid all that time, the 10 days and in total 14 days (as it didn't show positive initially)

. It can look like 'symptoms have gone' then come back with a vengeance next day or two!

My DCs tested positive for 5 days then negative once they'd cleared it.

I think it's reasonable to wait the 10 days out if LFTs still showing positive. I don't blame your Dparents as I'm still struggling with breathlessness and fatigue 3 weeks later after I was officially clear after the 10 days though and LFTs showed negative and have continued to do so.

Current LFTs you get online do seem to go negative quite quickly- (in fact I tested negative LFT for 4 days at the start when I had covid symptoms despite my DCs having it and my absolute certainty I had it .. I still self isolated anyway and stayed away from my CEV parents and WFH due to my job also being with vulnerable patients)

You can Rethink it maybe after the 10 days after last person first tested positive if still getting positive LFTs, but if I were your parents I would insist on the same, waiting for all of you to be negative LFT.

It is absolutely awful to get even this "mild covid variant" (this is my second covid infection, first I was hospitalised for ) when you are CEV group and I've been on verge of ambulance admissions to hospital during even this covid period, but for the GP good care at home (of additional strong meds) I'd be back on a ward on 24/7 oxygen. Please understand why your parents don't want to take risk with their health and lives as it is PAINFUL to struggle to breathe.It makes each few minutes of the days and nights very tough going

It's all very well saying 'pay for childcare' but how is the OP supposed to arrange paid-for child care at zero notice for a few days until they test negative?

What is your employers Opinion /policy on returning to work ? What about your children's school (s)? Could you and your husband alter your working hours in any way? I know it's a very awkward position to be in but I really understand your parents reasoning as I'm in a vulnerable category myself.

Extremely clinically vulnerable- lolz at the autocorrect to 'comically'!

I understand their concerns and your frustrations. If it's any help at all, I tested negative on day 11 and husband on day 13 so it isn't automatically as long as 90 days or even half that. Hopefully you'll find you're back to normal sooner than you expect and your parents will have more confidence in getting involved in childcare again.

@bob1985

I'm going to stick my neck out and say your parents are being a bit unreasonable.

There's no requirement to isolate past 10 days as you're very unlikely to be infections.

Assuming they're living their daily lives as normal the virus is so wide spread they're likely to catch it out and about anyways.

Whilst they are not obliged to provide childcare they do a have responsibility to understand that suddenly withdrawing it has consequences

And acting like a spoilt entitled brat also has consequences. I hope ops parents have had their eyes opened and realised there is no gratitude for helping with childcare and instead they have an entitled woman expecting childcare even when it could be detrimental to their own health. Op, rwlaise they are doing you a favour, a favour they can revoke at any time.

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?

bob1985

@MrsSkylerWhite yes, a back up plan is good idea. For circumstances where there is a reasonable cause to not provide childcare. For example grandparents are ill etc.

But...withdrawing childcare based on their own made covid rule is unreasonable and they do have a responsibility to understand it has an impact.

As i mentioned no grandparents are obliged to provide childcare. But where they do there should be a clear understanding that suddenly stopping it has an impact.

For what it's worth all grandparents I know who provide some kind of regular childcare in real life are wonderful and seem to grasp this“

Own made Covid rule? Or a bit of care and consideration for people you supposedly love who regularly do you a big favour?

Fwiw, I regularly care for our grandchild, wonderfully or not I don’t know. My husband has Covid. I have symptoms but negative tests. I won’t be having our grandchild this week because his parents don’t want him to have Covid, neither do I. I won’t be shopping, etc. either because I don’t want to make anyone else sick at a time when infection rates are higher than ever and hospitals are struggling to catch up with millions of missed appointments.

Your parents are right to say they don't want to see you or mind your children until you all test negative.
COVID can effect some people far more than other people. Its a known fact that if your older it can hit you harder and can leave you with long COVID.

I know of a lady in her early 40's who got it for the 2nd time after 3 vaccines and he breathing is badly effected again. I know 2 people late 40s/early 50 who have not been in work due to long COVID in nearly 12 months.
Just because your not to sick does not mean that if you pass it on that it would be the same for your parents.

How is this even a problem? Ffs just get a box of lfts and test everyday until you all test negative. It’s not rocket science

Hbh17

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?“

Not wishing to contract an infection which for some is extremely serious is precious, now?

But hey, what’s potentially making your parents ill when your free childcare is at risk?

Just, how?

@Barkingmadhouse i don't see having an open and honest conversation between adults being a 'spoilt brat'.

Obviously I don't know the specifics in this case. But it's very hard to 'magic up' childcare at the last minute for days you previously thought you had covered.

Time off work might be unpaid etc.

Yes , ultimately , children are the parents responsibility but ANYONE (so not just grandparents )who agrees to provide regular childcare needs to understand that it's vital to the working parent.

Pulling it for no good reason isn't fair

@PinkiOcelot

You can continue to test positive for up to 90 days. Are they going to refuse to see you for the next 3 months?

Its really unusal to test positive on lft for so long. You are most likely to turn negative at some point during the second week if you haven't already.

"There's no requirement to isolate past 10 days as you're very unlikely to be infections"
I'm unlikely to not pull out in time
I'm unlikely to be ovulating at this time
I'm unlikely to still have an STD
Unlikely is all well and good but isn't a certainty. If you are still testing positive on a lft then you still have residual virus bits in your nose/throat that you are continuing to breathe out over others.

Just waiting for OP's next thread where they are complaining their child's nursery is shut due to all staff having Covid because people though sending their positive child in because they felt fine was ok

Ozanj

How is this even a problem? Ffs just get a box of lfts and test everyday until you all test negative. It’s not rocket science“

Yes but that would mean actually, gulp, paying for childcare 😱
(If they could find anyone else who would be happy with a Covid positive charge).

bob1985

@Barkingmadhouse i don't see having an open and honest conversation between adults being a 'spoilt brat'.

Obviously I don't know the specifics in this case. But it's very hard to 'magic up' childcare at the last minute for days you previously thought you had covered.

Time off work might be unpaid etc.

Yes , ultimately , children are the parents responsibility but ANYONE (so not just grandparents )who agrees to provide regular childcare needs to understand that it's vital to the working parent.

Pulling it for no good reason isn't fair“

Ah, so having Covid is no good reason. See where you’re coming from now.

You would rather put them at risk so that you can use them for free childcare. I despair. Your poor parents, I feel that your attitude is very selfish and not considerate to your parents and their very valid health concerns. You need to take responsibility for the childcare you need - what if your parents got covid, or got ill, or in an accident etc and were unable to provide free childcare? you need to have alternative arrangements in place.

I am just recovering from covid - testing negative now at day 12. I have continued to look after my grandchildren (1 day a week) while I have had covid as I was happy to and my daughter was happy to take the risk. The last time I had them was last Wednesday and so far they are not showing any signs of having caught covid from me.

In a couple of weeks time we won't be testing anyway so no-one will even know if they have it. We just have to get on with it I think. Yes, I've had a few days of feeling rough but I've had lots of other illness in my life which has been much worse including flu and food-poisoning!

@Hbh17

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?

They are not being ridiculous or precious.

They simply don't want to be ill!