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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents won't see us until we are all negative

205 replies

mag2305 · 21/03/2022 10:24

So myself, hubby and two children all have covid at the moment. We've thankfully all had it mildly but are all testing positive 9 days on. I'm aware that without symptoms, you don't have to keep testing beyond day 10. The problem is my parents won't see any of us until we test negative. I totally understand they don't want to get it as they're late 60s but we could go on testing positive for ages yet. They help with childcare so we can work so it's going to make things quite difficult and we can't afford to pay for childcare right now. I don't want to stress my parents out and it's obviously their choice. They're amazing providing childcare but I'm also worrying about work. AIBU?

OP posts:
lljkk · 21/03/2022 14:13

Sorry you're getting such a hard time on this thread, OP.
I'd feel very upset if I were you, too.
It wasn't unreasonable that the relatives did childcare for you.
I hope you keep your jobs.

bob1985 · 21/03/2022 14:13

@Barkingmadhouse not sure there's any need for the sarcasm.

I'm no covid skeptic. It has been mentioned a number of times before there is no requirement to isolate past 10 days. It would be entirely reasonable for the OP to assume that past this point their normal childcare would resume.

I assume everyone who is saying they are being very unreasonable would isolate themselves fully until they test negative on Lft. Even if , for example an employer demands them back at the 10 day point. if your in a position to do that you're in very privileged situation

WeCouldBeSpearows · 21/03/2022 14:15

@Hbh17

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?
When did Wales leave the UK? Afaik, it's still a legal requirement there.
EasterIssland · 21/03/2022 14:15

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness

bob1985 · 21/03/2022 14:16

@EasterIssland exactly

Cleothecat75 · 21/03/2022 14:18

So why am I exempt from testing on LFT for 90 days following covid when I visit my mam in her care home?!!🤔
No idea, but I’d be extremely concerned that the carehome were not understanding the guidance correctly and putting your dm at risk of catching covid by being so lax. Dd has had covid twice in 3 months as have several Other people I know. It seems immunity doesn’t last very long at all.
Op, if your parents don’t want to provide childcare for whatever reason, I’m afraid I think you just have to suck it up. It’s up to you what you do from this point. You either Graciously sort something for the next week or so or you could tell them that you have decided to pay for childcare from now on.

But whichever you do, don’t send your child to nursery while they are positive. Although there is no isolation rules now the guidance still states to stay at home And avoid contact with others if you can. There is no way a child in school or nursery can avoid contact with others and I’d be furious to find out a child had been sent in regardless.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 21/03/2022 14:22

@EasterIssland

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness
Maybe not 'all of these people' are in England? Maybe some will still have access to free lft test kits...
HopefulProcrastinator · 21/03/2022 14:24

When did Wales leave the UK? Afaik, it's still a legal requirement there.

Or Scotland or Northern Ireland...all still have formal self isolation guidelines.

@Hbh17 UK does not equal England

ReadyToMoveIt · 21/03/2022 14:25

It was never a legal requirement to isolate in Scotland, only ever guidance.

shiningstar2 · 21/03/2022 14:30

Sorry YRBU. Some people don't get this horrible disease in a mild form. My dsul, a for active, slum 66 year old had to have a pace maker fitted after getting Covid. Also had a mini stroke. Don't know when she'll ever again be as fit as she was before Covid. Why shouldn't your parents prioritize their health higher than your jobs?

shiningstar2 · 21/03/2022 14:31

Dsil. Fit active slim ...not slum. Must proofread! 😱

LowlandLucky · 21/03/2022 14:34

And how would you feel if one f your parents caught covid from you and was either really ill or died ?

MzHz · 21/03/2022 14:38

@mag2305

My son is testing positive on day 5 but no symptoms. Can he go back to nursery yet? Is it a legal requirement to keep him off. He only does half days but it might help with work and childcare a bit.
You’re just trying to get rid of him so that it solves your problem

What about the poor fuckers who work in the nursery? Or their parents or grandparents?

This is your issue to solve, without impacting on the health of others

You and h will have to tag team and see what you can do in terms of working around it.

All your concern is about you, not your parents and not especially your kids either

I’d be really hurt that you thought so little of me if I was your parent.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 21/03/2022 14:39

YABU. It affects everyone differently.

My parents have both tested positive recently. Mum just had a mild sore throat and a bit of the sniffles, but my dad has had a horrible cough and a temperature and has been quite unwell with it. Not anywhere close to being hospitalised, but unwell nonetheless.

Also, what would you do if your parents picked it up from you/DC and became too unwell to do childcare? You'd be "stuck" for even longer than you are now, surely?

Lemonyfuckit · 21/03/2022 14:48

I'm sorry OP but I think YABU. My husband currently has it, so we cancelled seeing my mum this weekend. We're each due to see our respective DMs the weekend coming for Mother's Day, so we're both just hoping he is negative by then and I don't catch it, as wouldn't dream of seeing either our DMs if one or both of us was testing positive. I do think you're putting the inconvenience to you above your parents' health. To be honest if I was testing positive I wouldn't dream of seeing a friend my own age let alone older parents, I mean, why would you knowingly see someone when you know you could be infectious?

Lambanddog · 21/03/2022 14:51

@NeedAHoliday2021

If they catch covid they won’t be able to provide childcare either.
This is true.
ZoeCM · 21/03/2022 14:51

@Hbh17

There is no legal requirement to isolate at all, if you are in the UK. So your parents are being totally ridiculous, not to say precious. Unfortunately, however, it is entirely up to them who they see. Perhaps another reason why it doesn't work well to rely on family for childcare?
WTF? Of course they're not being precious. They're in their late sixties, why should they risk getting COVID? Why is it "unfortunate" that it's up to them who they see? You seriously think they should be forced to look after their grandchildren? Children are the responsibility of their parents, not their grandparents.
godmum56 · 21/03/2022 14:55

so baseline "Am I unreasonable to expect my parents to continue to give free childcare regardless of their own wishes and concerns?"

TulipsGarden · 21/03/2022 14:57

@EasterIssland

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness
Buy LFTs to make sure they're safe to see vulnerable friends and family. It's not ideal and we're very fortunate that we can afford to.

Also, Portsmouth is going to continue funding them until the end of June. I imagine other councils will decide to too.

Wednesdayafternoon · 21/03/2022 14:59

@WeCouldBeSpearows

Yanbu to be concerned about work

They anbu to be concerned about COVID

This.
Dailyfailcanfeckoff · 21/03/2022 15:03

@lljkk

Sorry you're getting such a hard time on this thread, OP. I'd feel very upset if I were you, too. It wasn't unreasonable that the relatives did childcare for you. I hope you keep your jobs.
Agreed. And this may not be the case here -who knows- but some grandparents are horrified at the thought at anyone but them looking after dgc. It’s not always a case of ungrateful op taking advantage of gps.
IwaswhoIam · 21/03/2022 15:08

I know plenty of people who never got a negative LFT . After 10 days you are fine if going by the original rules . You can have a positive pcr up to 90 days and we don’t expect people to self isolate for that so what’s the difference between that and a positive LFT ?
I can understand your parents worries but after day 10 you and your family are not at risk to spread it .

HomeHomeInTheRange · 21/03/2022 15:15

Unfortunately if you rely on free childcare it has to be on their terms

Paying for childcare for a few weeks will be cheaper than losing your jobs, if you can find any.

MargosKaftan · 21/03/2022 15:26

Yes you can send your ds to nursery now. Theres a good chance at least one of the nursery staff are currently positive. There probably will be other children positive.

My colleague tested positive on Saturday and was in work today.

As for family childcare - free childcare comes with its own limits. Id be asking the nursery if they could take your dc full time for a week or so.

Its a really tiny percentage who still test positive on day 10 so please don't worry. Many are still positive until days 7/8. That's why it was 10 isolation, most people are done within a week but when they didn't have tests to send to everyone, 10 days was playing it safe.

louiseofthelakes · 21/03/2022 15:30

wonder what all these people will do next week when tests arent free anymore and covid will be like any other illness

For me, worrying about my CEV husband it will mean buying tests - although of course we could never expect anybody else to do that. As my husband is so at risk, until now our children/grandchildren have always been tested before visiting. Without the security of that, we will have to take a further step backwards in order for him to be protected (my choice), or risk it (his choice). I feel very strongly that free tests should continue to be available for those who are CEV as his booster has now run out, and the 4th dose is only given in very specific circumstances for which he does not qualify.