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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents won't see us until we are all negative

205 replies

mag2305 · 21/03/2022 10:24

So myself, hubby and two children all have covid at the moment. We've thankfully all had it mildly but are all testing positive 9 days on. I'm aware that without symptoms, you don't have to keep testing beyond day 10. The problem is my parents won't see any of us until we test negative. I totally understand they don't want to get it as they're late 60s but we could go on testing positive for ages yet. They help with childcare so we can work so it's going to make things quite difficult and we can't afford to pay for childcare right now. I don't want to stress my parents out and it's obviously their choice. They're amazing providing childcare but I'm also worrying about work. AIBU?

OP posts:
ReadyToMoveIt · 21/03/2022 11:35

@whynotwhatknot

My dh was told by work not to test lft or pcr for 90 days as it could still show a positive-hopefully it wont go on that long but are they really saying they wont see you for 3 months?
The actual advice is not to test on a PCR within 90 days as it may still be positive (unless you have new symptoms, which is what a lot of people seem to miss out). There is no such guidance around LFT’s and they are highly unlikely to stay positive once an active infection is over. Some companies are making their own rules up though.
Nelliephant1 · 21/03/2022 11:37

They're absolutely right in what they're doing. I understand that it's not convenient to you but that's the world that we're living in just now. They're being very sensible.

luxxlisbon · 21/03/2022 11:38

They won’t be able to look after your kids if they are ill with covid though so it’s a 2 way thing.

whysoserious123 · 21/03/2022 11:40

They are right . You are wrong

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/03/2022 11:41

I'd want you to be a bit further down the line regardless of whether you're testing positive or not. I know someone who caught it from their partner of day 10 so it sounds sensible to me.

TulipsGarden · 21/03/2022 11:46

@whynotwhatknot

My dh was told by work not to test lft or pcr for 90 days as it could still show a positive-hopefully it wont go on that long but are they really saying they wont see you for 3 months?
It's PCR, not LFT - obviously his company can make up their own rules, but you can get Covid again within three months so that's a fairly daft rule.

I know a family whose children had it twice, eight weeks apart!

BobLemon · 21/03/2022 11:48
Biscuit
ChoiceMummy · 21/03/2022 11:50

@mag2305

My son is testing positive on day 5 but no symptoms. Can he go back to nursery yet? Is it a legal requirement to keep him off. He only does half days but it might help with work and childcare a bit.
The advice is not to go until two consecutive days of negative testing or 10 days from day 0 when first tested positive.
BoredZelda · 21/03/2022 11:56

But if we get to day 12, 13, 14, etc and still testing positive, I feel like we're going to be risking our jobs

Then pay for childcare.

Wheelz46 · 21/03/2022 11:59

It's not about what you feel is right, it's how they are feeling about it and if they don't want to take any chances then that is their choice.

When we had covid, we tested negative on day 10, however if we had continue to test positive, although studies suggest you are negative, there is no way on this earth, I would have risked seeing my parents in law who are CEV. It's just not worth it.

Sadly, my parents are no longer with us, nothing covid related but I would have done anything to keep them protected just as I will my partners family. What if they did happen to catch it, you would always be questioning yourself, if you were responsible for them being ill!

In terms of your child's nursery, just call them and explain, some providers may have their own guidelines!

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 21/03/2022 12:04

YABU. Their health ergo their choice.

They have every right to be cautious. Suck it up and find alternative childcare. Unless you have horrendous absence records I'm pretty sure that your jobs will not be at risk for one of you having to WFH or take dependants leave.

louiseofthelakes · 21/03/2022 12:14

I believe your parents are 100% correct and you are being completely unreasonable. I look after my grandchildren and my daughter 's family have tested positive. As my husband is CEV there is no way we can risk looking after the grandchildren until there is a negative test, and nor would my daughter expect it. Yes, like yourself, it may be awkward with my daughter and son in law's work, but they accept that completely and will make whatever arrangements (staying off work/paid childcare/annual leave even if unpaid) are needed in order to keep my husband as risk free as possible. They are both completely supportive and therefore it is not an issue. It is lovely they consider our health first and maybe it would be nice if you considered your parents health in this situation too. I am glad you have not suffered too badly and hope you all test negative soon.

ikeepseeingit · 21/03/2022 12:17

Currently have had covid for three weeks covid and haven't once tested positive on LFT. I had it quite badly to start with, but I still have a lingering cough and sniffle, plus a boatload of fatigue. Are you testing positive on PCR or LFTs? I think if you're only testing positive on PCR then they should understand it can be three months before you're negative. However, you just told us your child is only 5 days into infection, surely you can understand your parents won't take him until he's at 10 days? Ask your nursery what their policy is on Covid they might take him, they might not.

I completely get the predicament you're in though, it sounds complicated.

ClemFandangoo · 21/03/2022 12:19

@mag2305

I'm just stressed about it being so open ended. I do understand my parents reasons, absolutely. But if we get to day 12, 13, 14, etc and still testing positive, I feel like we're going to be risking our jobs. Feeling very anxious about it all. I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place.
Can’t you pay for childcare? How do you think people manage who don’t have their parents or live too far away for childcare to be possible. You decided to have children not them.
beattieedny · 21/03/2022 12:22

I'm absolutely done with covid theatre, masks and so on. However, I'd feel the same as your parents. I don't know why you'd put them at risk tbh. When we had it, we didn't allow the elderly parents near us, despite their trying to 'help'

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 21/03/2022 12:24

@Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit

Private nurseries can se their own policies, ours is those testing positive cannot go in until after day 10

Snugglepumpkin · 21/03/2022 12:24

My dad is dead because a family member couldn't be bothered to make sure they were negative before going into his home.

My mother is still recovering from Covid (they both got it from that family member) & now lives in fear of anyone even knocking on the door while she buries her husband & does all the things you have to do when someone unexpectedly dies.

He died this month after spending 2 years shielding & being careful but it was all for nothing because someone decided to go into his house without being careful & killed him.

YABVU to actually risk their lives because you don't think it's convenient to you.

Do you value their lives at less than the cost of the childcare you don't want to pay?
If you cause their deaths you'll have to pay it anyway.

boysmuminherts · 21/03/2022 12:24

[quote Ohdearthatwasntgreatwasit]@mag2305 The only determining factor is whether he is well enough to go in.

There’s no requirement to keep a child off if they’re well enough to go in.[/quote]
yes but it's up to the nursery. Our primary is saying they cannot return until 2 negative LFTs.

FarFarFarAndAway · 21/03/2022 12:26

You can't just find childcare like that! Places have to be sought, you have to arrange it in advance, pay out for it in a budget that didn't have it in before...

I would not panic, though, my dds' lateral flows were positive on day 9 and 10 then clear by day 11.

This will probably self-resolve.

PCR's are different and shouldn't be used to clarify negative results after a test.

Just send your family information that says that.

Ultimately you can't make them provide childcare, so perhaps over the longer-term you can start to look about and think what you would do if they couldn't continue- it's not easy to find, but what if one of them were ill as well? Worth starting to think this through.

MrsSkylerWhite · 21/03/2022 12:26

Sorry, I think they’re being sensible.
I wouldn’t want to make my parents ill.

boysmuminherts · 21/03/2022 12:26

YABU to risk the health of your parents. My DS2 tested positive on Saturday morning and my parents in their 70s were providing childcare to us (this isn't usual) on Thursday and Friday so I am really worried.

irregularegular · 21/03/2022 12:26

I think people have misunderstood? There has never been a requirement/recommendation to isolate for more than 10 days as you were very unlikely you would be infectious after that time (regardless of whether still testing positive). Before it was possible to stop isolating earlier, most people would not known whether they were still testing positive at 9/10 days of not.

QueryA · 21/03/2022 12:27

From my experience it completely varies how long you will test +ve on a LFT.
I tested neg on day 11 onwards
DH tested neg on day 13 onwards
DD tested neg on day 6 onwards
DS tested pos days 1-4, neg on days 5 & 6 and then pos on days 7,8,9 and then neg day 10 onwards!
DFriend tested neg on day 18 onwards
DFriend2 tested neg on day 5 onwards

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 21/03/2022 12:27

@Snugglepumpkin

My dad is dead because a family member couldn't be bothered to make sure they were negative before going into his home.

My mother is still recovering from Covid (they both got it from that family member) & now lives in fear of anyone even knocking on the door while she buries her husband & does all the things you have to do when someone unexpectedly dies.

He died this month after spending 2 years shielding & being careful but it was all for nothing because someone decided to go into his house without being careful & killed him.

YABVU to actually risk their lives because you don't think it's convenient to you.

Do you value their lives at less than the cost of the childcare you don't want to pay?
If you cause their deaths you'll have to pay it anyway.

I'm so sorry to read this. ThanksThanksThanks for both you are your DMum ❤️
ChloeHel · 21/03/2022 12:28

@EmpressCixi

I agree with your parents also. You do realise testing positive and then being in close contact for hours means almost certain transmission of Covid?
I don’t know where you got this from but it’s definitely not true. My Mum currently has it and has been with my dad as normal and on day 6 he’s still testing positive. My Aunt currently has it and on day 5 my Uncle is still testing negative. My niece currently has it and on day 8 her mother, my brother and my nephew are all negative. All are carrying on with each other as normal. No social distancing from one another.