Reservations over Dads new will?

[MsMiaWallace]

After a conversation with my dad this morning he informed me he was renewing his will following a health scare.

My Dad is currently retired, is very comfortable. Mortgage free 3 bed semi, owns a narrowboat & has around £70k if not more in his account.
He has a partner who lives with him.
She basically lives off him, barely works or contributes. This is how it has been since she met him.

I never challenge this as he's happy with the situation & it's his choice.
They've been together around 4 years. Since meeting her he has distanced from us & we were close.

This morning he told me that he is changing his will so although his house would be mine she has to stay at the property until she chooses to leave.
Again his choice however I am concerned that it is a large house. She's in her 60s & will be too big for her to maintain alone therefore I will have to upkeep the property whilst she continues to live there rent free?
I also have my own mortgage to pay, family to look after etc whilst doing this.
He told me I would be the landlord but without the rent.
She also has a son that will likely move in with her who also does not contribute.

I absolutely respect that it's his choice but
AIBU here to have reservations about this situation?

That happened with my neighbour. The lady is now in a nursing home at a 102! But she has outlived both her partner whose house it was, and his daughter and it will now go to the step grandchildren.

I would point out to your dad (in writing so he can't strop) that you have understand he wants to ensure his partners security. You also have never had any problem with his choice to totally support her by covering all her living costs.
But by leaving the house to you, he is expecting YOU to support her. If she doesn't work, who is going to pay the utility bills?

Its very difficult to speak about things like this.

My mum passed away many years ago snd last year dad remarried. Being in his 70’s i don’t understand why, they could have lived together.
She sold her house, lives with dad, now she has no mortgage and not much was left after the sell. What was left she pooled with dad and this is wha im not happy about. I know what dad has in the bank. (His and mums money)

His will stated the house us mine and my brother’s. And his wife lives there till she dies-fair enough.

But the money is being split 5 ways. Her 3 kids and me and my brother when both die.

But its my dad and my mum’s money, she pooled about 20% of what its worth. How do i tackle it? I can’t because it will make me seem grabby.

And i don’t think you can tackle this easily either.

@MrsDThomas

Its very difficult to speak about things like this.

My mum passed away many years ago snd last year dad remarried. Being in his 70’s i don’t understand why, they could have lived together.
She sold her house, lives with dad, now she has no mortgage and not much was left after the sell. What was left she pooled with dad and this is wha im not happy about. I know what dad has in the bank. (His and mums money)

His will stated the house us mine and my brother’s. And his wife lives there till she dies-fair enough.

But the money is being split 5 ways. Her 3 kids and me and my brother when both die.

But its my dad and my mum’s money, she pooled about 20% of what its worth. How do i tackle it? I can’t because it will make me seem grabby.

And i don’t think you can tackle this easily either.

It doesn't make you "seem" grabby.

You are grabby.

What the hell makes anyone think they are entitled to anything ?

I told my parents to live the life of Reilly. Spend every last dime, cruise the world, buy the dresses, eat the cake.

It's NOT your house or money .

Your parents brought you up. You're owed zilch. Nada, nothing.
No one is.

MrsDThomas I'm sorry but you are grabby. Why shouldn't people in their 70s get married? That's an outrageous thing to say.

No-one is entitled to anything. It's up to individuals how they spend their money.

Of course its up to him. But when she had nothing when she met him its clear what she saw.

I like your idea about you move in with her. Win win for you since you save money on housing, and you can ensure she pays half the bills etc. Plus, since she will have lots of money and the boat from your dad, might just decide to f it and move out and find her own place.

@Missdotty

I like your idea about you move in with her. Win win for you since you save money on housing, and you can ensure she pays half the bills etc. Plus, since she will have lots of money and the boat from your dad, might just decide to f it and move out and find her own place.

Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with that? Why half the bills? Is OP single?

But the flipside of that is that a woman built up savings and a life with a man that she envisioned would go to her children when she dies. After she does die suddenly along comes another woman who has very little money and 3 children and decides to marry a man and have money split 5 ways between her children

The OP has a right to be upset for her mum and that it goes to others - it is a fairly normal emotion to have in this situation

@MrsDThomas

Of course its up to him. But when she had nothing when she met him its clear what she saw.

You really dislike your father don't you ? Jeezo

Maybe she seen a kind, funny, clever, warm man intelligent man, maybe she seen a fellow bookworm or sports guy or gorgeous brown eyes..
Maybe she seen great sex and companionship.

In other words maybe she seen exactly what everyone does in the person they fall in love with.

Love is not the sole preserve of the young.

Maybe they just fell head over heels in love.

If you were a decent person you would be over the moon your dad is happy.

She didn't according to you have nothing. She had a home & sold it & they blended their lives.

I thought the op of this thread took the biscuit - you take the whole damm packet!

beachcitygirl most reasonable people encourage their parents to spend their money enjoying their retirement/ making their later years as comfortable as possible and are happy to see their parents doing so. That is not remotely the same thing as genuinely being happy after one parent dies to see the other not spending their money enjoying life but rather changing their will to leave their money or family home to people the deceased parent never knew. It's very hard not to feel rejected as an adult child (and hurt on behalf of the parent who died first trusting their spouse) in the second context.

Comparing encouraging your parents to enjoy spending their money while alive to being happy to see one parent leave both parents ' home and money to a third party is completely and utterly disingenuous and does not prove your moral superiority to people in a situation you didn't face.

@ThatsNotItAtAll

beachcitygirl most reasonable people encourage their parents to spend their money enjoying their retirement/ making their later years as comfortable as possible and are happy to see their parents doing so. That is not remotely the same thing as genuinely being happy after one parent dies to see the other not spending their money enjoying life but rather changing their will to leave their money or family home to people the deceased parent never knew. It's very hard not to feel rejected as an adult child (and hurt on behalf of the parent who died first trusting their spouse) in the second context.

Comparing encouraging your parents to enjoy spending their money while alive to being happy to see one parent leave both parents ' home and money to a third party is completely and utterly disingenuous and does not prove your moral superiority to people in a situation you didn't face.

You know absolutely zilch about what I have or have not faced.

The same as neither you nor I know the deceased mums feelings.

And it doesn't change the fact that the money is her dads now. Full stop.

If he's happy, be happy for him, not grabby.

@beachcitygirl are your parents still alive?

@MrsDThomas

My mother is. My father is not. He died suddenly & tragically. Had he lived & been alone I'd have formed a cheerleading squad had he found a woman to marry & love & kiss.

I have heavily encouraged my mum to move into a much smaller flat, to release the cash built up by them both & spend spend spend.

See her sisters (both live abroad) feel safe, happy, spendthrift, comfortable, fall in love. Wear the designer dress. Buy the expensive shoes. Spoil her grandkids. Treat her pals.

Go on the cruise. Life is too too short.

I hope when she goes, she has spent every brass cent enjoying herself or splurging on the person who made her golden years fun & happy. I hope she's driven through paris in a sports car, I hope she's drank champagne at the top of the Eiffel Tower & sunbathed on Bondi beach.

I am an adult & responsible for myself & my finances for good or bad. Even tho she & I have a difficult relationship. I want her golden years spent living it up.

She owes me nothing.

@beachcitygirl Do you have children? If I died and DH left my estate, money that I spent my whole life earning, to some random woman’s kids instead of DS, I would be incandescent. I’d expect DS to be upset that my wishes had been disrespected as well. That isn’t grabby - the grabbiness is coming from the stepfamily trying to swindle the first wife’s children out of her estate. What possible rights do they have to inherit it?

@Changechangychange

Who is swindling ? Which kids are trying to swindle? Who is the "gold digger"

I see an OP whose dad has decided to let his partner remain safe & comfy in retirement with HIS money.

I see another poster whose dad fell in love & married, the wife sold her house - joined finances with her husband & on their death the assets and/or money will be split equally between all of their children.

Maybe cut the dramatics change?

I get what you mean OP. It does sound like you are happy to let her live in the home but being ‘a landlord without the rent’ would strike me with fear as you have a lot on your plate already and this is a lot of extra stress and expense if you are liable for all upkeep. It also sounds like you are certain her son would move in, I would be worried about getting him out again once your fathers partner passes on. Also if she stops paying the bills, are you liable for them.
The thing I would be most annoyed about is your fathers lack of thought and care for you in this-like you should be thrilled about all this rather than worried about the practical implications, and not being open to talking it through.

beachcitygirl you're pretending not to see the difference between being happy to see a parent happy and being happy to see them not spend their money on themselves but rather save it to leave to someone else.

Also many estates are drained by care fees so safer to assume you won’t inherit and certainly not to rely on that - anything you do inherit is a pleasant bonus.

@ThatsNotItAtAll

beachcitygirl you're pretending not to see the difference between being happy to see a parent happy and being happy to see them not spend their money on themselves but rather save it to leave to someone else.

Nope.

Just not grabby.

@MrsDThomas

Its very difficult to speak about things like this.

My mum passed away many years ago snd last year dad remarried. Being in his 70’s i don’t understand why, they could have lived together.
She sold her house, lives with dad, now she has no mortgage and not much was left after the sell. What was left she pooled with dad and this is wha im not happy about. I know what dad has in the bank. (His and mums money)

His will stated the house us mine and my brother’s. And his wife lives there till she dies-fair enough.

But the money is being split 5 ways. Her 3 kids and me and my brother when both die.

But its my dad and my mum’s money, she pooled about 20% of what its worth. How do i tackle it? I can’t because it will make me seem grabby.

And i don’t think you can tackle this easily either.

He was of sound mind?

His choice!

It's not your mums money, she left it to your dad, it is his.

@Juno22

It's your dad's money to do with as he pleases and leave to who he wishes. He didn't have to tell you he is changing his will but he's chosen to do so. This woman lives with him and is part of his life. There's nothing wrong with him wanting to take care of her. Some very nasty comments on here about a woman who hasn't done anything wrong.

No it is n’t, Half of the money belonged to the op’s mother.

@Northernparent68 its the fathers money, she left it to him, she could've left it for her children, had she so wished.

The DF inherited it, it is his.

@beachcitygirl but the OP is concerned that she will have to spend her own money supporting this - which is a real possibility. It is completely different from encouraging a parent to spend the money on themselves

Can you honestly tell me if your Mum remarried and move someone in and gave them a life interest in her flat but because they had no income the chances are you would have to potentially spend your own money on the upkeep of the property you would be happy?

And what is with the sheer number of times you say grabby - methinks the lady doth protest too much

Quartz2208 exactly. beachcitygirl accuses others of dramatics and then composes her own lyrical flights of fancy about wishing her mother had someone to drive her through Paris in a Porsche and do various other perfume advert type activities with; its natural to suspect she's equally hypocritical on the "grabby" front. Certainly her determinedly blinkered posts are heavy on the use of her favourite word. It makes her unconvincing.