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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reservations over Dads new will?

184 replies

MsMiaWallace · 20/03/2022 21:13

After a conversation with my dad this morning he informed me he was renewing his will following a health scare.

My Dad is currently retired, is very comfortable. Mortgage free 3 bed semi, owns a narrowboat & has around £70k if not more in his account.
He has a partner who lives with him.
She basically lives off him, barely works or contributes. This is how it has been since she met him.

I never challenge this as he's happy with the situation & it's his choice.
They've been together around 4 years. Since meeting her he has distanced from us & we were close.

This morning he told me that he is changing his will so although his house would be mine she has to stay at the property until she chooses to leave.
Again his choice however I am concerned that it is a large house. She's in her 60s & will be too big for her to maintain alone therefore I will have to upkeep the property whilst she continues to live there rent free?
I also have my own mortgage to pay, family to look after etc whilst doing this.
He told me I would be the landlord but without the rent.
She also has a son that will likely move in with her who also does not contribute.

I absolutely respect that it's his choice but
AIBU here to have reservations about this situation?

OP posts:
Nancydrawn · 20/03/2022 22:31

Rather than being hurt, you need to be absolutely practical.

He can certainly give her a life interest in the property. It would be sensible to say that you're delighted to hear it, but that you would like to make sure that the trust indicates that she would be responsible for all bills and upkeep, with the proviso that she has to keep the property in the current state of upkeep in order to maintain the interest.

I'd highly recommend you spend a small amount of money to go over the will draft with your own independent legal counsel. It will pay dividends.

I highly recommend you do not make comments under your breath like her "landing on her feet."

godmum56 · 20/03/2022 22:35

@Nancydrawn

Rather than being hurt, you need to be absolutely practical.

He can certainly give her a life interest in the property. It would be sensible to say that you're delighted to hear it, but that you would like to make sure that the trust indicates that she would be responsible for all bills and upkeep, with the proviso that she has to keep the property in the current state of upkeep in order to maintain the interest.

I'd highly recommend you spend a small amount of money to go over the will draft with your own independent legal counsel. It will pay dividends.

I highly recommend you do not make comments under your breath like her "landing on her feet."

Grin
BeanStew22 · 20/03/2022 22:42

@MsMiaWallace

It sounds bitter but she has really fallen on her feet.
You are not wrong. I’d be asking him what your deceased mother would have thought of another woman & her adult son living rent free in the house she no doubt sacrificed for (whether working or a SAHM)

Do you have kids yourself? Try to talk your dad into willing the property to them

He may be thinking this woman ‘needs’ more help than you if you have your own home but it’s hardly fair to you. She might live 30 years more than your dad …

I’m sorry if I’m not calming the waters, I’ve lost a parent and would be v upset if remaining one prioritised a new GF over me & siblings

AdaColeman · 20/03/2022 22:44

It’s to be hoped that he includes a clause stating that if she co-habits she looses her right to live in the house. Many divorce settlements include something similar, so it must be a standard thing.
Also taking in lodgers should be forbidden, the right to stay in the house should only apply to her.

BeanStew22 · 20/03/2022 22:46

@AdaColeman

It’s to be hoped that he includes a clause stating that if she co-habits she looses her right to live in the house. Many divorce settlements include something similar, so it must be a standard thing. Also taking in lodgers should be forbidden, the right to stay in the house should only apply to her.
^ DEFINITELY do this! I was going to suggest you ask your dad whether he’d be happy for her to have any subsequent partners living in the house. That would hopefully get him thinking

4 years is nothing honestly

Spectre8 · 20/03/2022 22:51

also suggest that the money he is giving her should instead be set aside to cover maintenace or the wording in the life interest covers that she is responsible for maintance and no lodgers allowed e.g. her son

Sugarplumfairy65 · 20/03/2022 22:56

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Sugarplumfairy65 · 20/03/2022 22:59

@Nancydrawn

Rather than being hurt, you need to be absolutely practical.

He can certainly give her a life interest in the property. It would be sensible to say that you're delighted to hear it, but that you would like to make sure that the trust indicates that she would be responsible for all bills and upkeep, with the proviso that she has to keep the property in the current state of upkeep in order to maintain the interest.

I'd highly recommend you spend a small amount of money to go over the will draft with your own independent legal counsel. It will pay dividends.

I highly recommend you do not make comments under your breath like her "landing on her feet."

The op is not entitled to even see the will unless her father wants her to never mind take a copy if it to her own solicitor
whynotwhatknot · 20/03/2022 22:59

Erm she pays nothing towards the house so the op will efectively be her landlord and have to pay for the upkeep how is that fair

BeanStew22 · 20/03/2022 23:03

@Sugarplumfairy65: it’s also OP’s deceased mothers house (unless there are circumstances we have not been told of , like a divorce)

OP - you don’t sound coffin chasing at all, the reality is if the new partner is in her 60s she will be likely to live for another 20 year or so on average, while your dad has had a health scare

Do you really think you would/could move in and live there too as you posted - that would not be usual.

Basically at best your dad is delaying your inheritance (which I take it also from your DM) in favour of a woman who had her whole life to create her own financial security but did not….

RippleQueen · 20/03/2022 23:04

No need to be like that SugarPlumFairy

Sugarplumfairy65 · 20/03/2022 23:06

[quote BeanStew22]@Sugarplumfairy65: it’s also OP’s deceased mothers house (unless there are circumstances we have not been told of , like a divorce)

OP - you don’t sound coffin chasing at all, the reality is if the new partner is in her 60s she will be likely to live for another 20 year or so on average, while your dad has had a health scare

Do you really think you would/could move in and live there too as you posted - that would not be usual.

Basically at best your dad is delaying your inheritance (which I take it also from your DM) in favour of a woman who had her whole life to create her own financial security but did not….[/quote]
There is no mention in the op about a deceased mother and even if there was her mother could have left her share of the house to the op if she'd wanted to

Bunty55 · 20/03/2022 23:07

I read this with interest as I have also made a will which leaves the house to my children but my partner will have the right to live there after I die.
My children know this and are in agreement. My partner will live in the house until he gets somewhere else to live. He will maintain the house and pay all the bills and repairs etc.
He will not be allowed to bring anyone else to live with him, but they can't just turf him out of his home.
We have been together for almost twenty years but are not married.
He will not want to stay here as the house is far too big for one person and will want to move closer to his family anyway.

We have both made wills which cover lots of things. There will be nothing for my children to have to sort out as we have done it in our wills.
I think in your case OP, your father has not thought this out very well.
This woman is not your mother, but she will be taken care of as if she were and I do think you should tell your father that in giving you the house, he is ensuring she can live rent free and not have to even make repairs.
I am assuming your mum died? Where is her legacy in all of this?
It does sound as if they have had their heads together and she has influenced him to make these changes.
I am sure she is a very nice woman and he wants to look after her, but not at your expense both financially and mentally

Blossom64265 · 20/03/2022 23:08

You need to talk to him about the realities of this arrangement. Could it be potentially 20 or 30 years of you paying upkeep and insurance on a property you can’t live in? That isn’t just the odd minor issue popping up. That is new roofs and boilers. New windows. Major plumbing repairs. Maintenance on the interior and exterior to maintain the value of the property. If he were to die tomorrow, is his estate leaving you enough to cover that for the rest of her lifetime?

nuttybiscuit · 20/03/2022 23:08

When my dad died my mum inherited their house of course and if anything happened to her, my sister and i inherited equally. It was also a 3 bed lovely semi.

Unfortunately 7 yrs after him passing, my mum had to go into care and they basically took the house - except, my dad had had the foresight to leave 1/4 each to my sister and myself, so they couldnt take all of it.

What i mean to say is, you never know what may happen to the property. We inherited savings but not the entire house. My mum passed away in care before the property money 'ran out' so we received what remained of that.
It isnt a given that a house will come to you at all.

We also knew that prior to my mum passing, if one of us (siblings) moved into her house they would not be able to evict us. Unfortunately neither of us could move in (i was at a distance and working and my sister was mortgaged). So the woman may very well not move out. It wouldnt be in her interests to, sadly.

Basically even though my sister and I owned some of the property we could not have evicted mum from it before her death. This sounds like a similar situation, except we loved her and of course she had full rights to this situation. I can understand how shitty and frustrating this is for you, as the circumstances are not your own mum and the idea of maintaining a house with a person in it who cant contribute to that.
I would not be happy at all.

What people do at this stage in life is up to them, and they often do not take into account how much pain it may cause for loved ones.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/03/2022 23:12

As far as her son moving in, she may have life tenancy but he doesn't. My assumption would be that although you cannot charge her rent, you could probably charge HIM rent. Or evict him.

My aunt & her 2nd husband had a life tenancy for him after he sold his home and invested some of his proceeds in improving hers (improvements that he wanted). It was stipulated that no one else was allowed to move into the house without the permission of my cousins (her heirs) and if he remarried/had a new partner the life tenancy was null and void. As it happened, he pre-deceased her so it never became an issue.

Supersimkin2 · 20/03/2022 23:15

The trust should specify who pays maintenance and the lawyers’ management fees.

timeisnotaline · 20/03/2022 23:27

@whynotwhatknot

Erm she pays nothing towards the house so the op will efectively be her landlord and have to pay for the upkeep how is that fair
How will she have to pay for the upkeep? She has no requirement to maintain the property, I’d expect the dads partner to do any maintenance while she lives there. Worth saying to your dad though op that’s fine re partner, just two things- you’ll have to word it so she is responsible for maintenance and upkeep while living there as I can’t afford it and that’s the most straightforward way to do it anyway, and I suggest you specify no lodgers or new partners. you can’t stop her son moving in, that would be unreasonable. And it just makes you sound silly for you to say petty things like I could just move in too. If she has a new partner perfectly reasonable they find themselves a place of their own though.
StrawberryPot · 20/03/2022 23:38

I'd be very unhappy about this arrangement. Yes you could ask your df to make it a condition that she's responsible for maintenance and repairs. But what leverage would you have if she just didn't bother? What if she gradually lets the place deteriorate on the basis that the property value can never be realised by her or her son? What if she just can't afford to pay a big bill? Will you end up paying it to keep the property in a good state of repair?

And similarly, what if she moves someone in? How do you define someone living there? She might say her son/friend only stays over one or two nights a week. How would you know/prove otherwise?

StrawberryPot · 20/03/2022 23:40

you can’t stop her son moving in, that would be unreasonable

And if she dies and the son refuses to move out? What then?

Mossstitch · 20/03/2022 23:41

I think it is usual in these situations for the person with the right to live in the house to be responsible for maintenance, bills ect and the solicitor should ensure this when writing the will. Wouldn't hurt to innocently ask your dad what happens if she got another partner, does he want her to have the right to move him in, just so that he can think about all permutations before seeing the solicitor. Usually they do a draft will and hopefully you could ask to check through it with your dad under the pretext of ensuring you are not going to incur costs on the property as you wouldn't be able to afford this with your own mortgage/family financial responsibilities.

BeanStew22 · 20/03/2022 23:41

I’d ask your dad what happens if the house needs to be sold to cover YOUR expenses if anything happens to you or your DC (like illness, accident, redundancy etc).

I.e. try to impress upon him that he has not thought this through

What would your preferred outcome actually be, what was the situation before he met her, and importantly what is your mum’s situation on all of this?

gumball37 · 20/03/2022 23:47

I'd just tell him not to leave the house to you as you don't have the desire or financial situation to fund the life of his girlfriend after he passes.

Nancydrawn · 21/03/2022 00:35

@Sugarplumfairy65

The op is not entitled to even see the will unless her father wants her to never mind take a copy if it to her own solicitor

Well yes of course, but I assumed that as her father was talking to her intimately about its details, he wouldn't mind her looking at the will.

Also, your comment to the OP was frankly appalling.

AdaColeman · 21/03/2022 01:07

I think one of the main problems is how vague the terms are. Giving the right to remain in the house “for as long as she wants”.

It would be far better for the OP if there were a stated time limit, say four years. That would give the partner time to save towards renting and to find somewhere suitable.

This would give the OP only a short term of being responsible for the maintenance for a property she wasn’t benefiting from.

The Father isn’t thinking ahead about his daughter at all, as his partner could decide to stay in the house for decades, which would place a crippling financial burden on the OP.