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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reservations over Dads new will?

184 replies

MsMiaWallace · 20/03/2022 21:13

After a conversation with my dad this morning he informed me he was renewing his will following a health scare.

My Dad is currently retired, is very comfortable. Mortgage free 3 bed semi, owns a narrowboat & has around £70k if not more in his account.
He has a partner who lives with him.
She basically lives off him, barely works or contributes. This is how it has been since she met him.

I never challenge this as he's happy with the situation & it's his choice.
They've been together around 4 years. Since meeting her he has distanced from us & we were close.

This morning he told me that he is changing his will so although his house would be mine she has to stay at the property until she chooses to leave.
Again his choice however I am concerned that it is a large house. She's in her 60s & will be too big for her to maintain alone therefore I will have to upkeep the property whilst she continues to live there rent free?
I also have my own mortgage to pay, family to look after etc whilst doing this.
He told me I would be the landlord but without the rent.
She also has a son that will likely move in with her who also does not contribute.

I absolutely respect that it's his choice but
AIBU here to have reservations about this situation?

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 21/03/2022 08:39

If he won't discuss the practicalities then if it was me I'd say to him dad, this has got far too many problems and the potential to just end up giving me endless bills and headaches . Just leave the house to her in your will.

beachcitygirl · 21/03/2022 08:40

This reply has been deleted

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Bogeyes · 21/03/2022 08:49

Who will pay the council tax?

Original poster
MsMiaWallace · 21/03/2022 08:50

@beachcitygirl really?
Take your opinion elsewhere.

OP posts:
fruitbat987 · 21/03/2022 08:55

his partner is in her 60's, did she own her own house, what savings/investments etc does she have? How was she providing for herself before she got into a relationship with your Dad?

ThatsNotItAtAll · 21/03/2022 08:58

beachcitygirl what's your opinion on the OP being responsible for bills and maintenance, not to mention potential death duties? Also grabby not to want to be liable for open ended amounts of money for an unlimited number of years in return for something she may never live long enough to recoup her outgoings from? Do you seriously think its grabby not to want to inherit potentially decades of paying out thousands of pounds a year to support someone you've no personal history with?

StrawberryPot · 21/03/2022 09:00

It's his money, not yours.

Wrong. Op is worried about the cost implication to her of the proposed arrangement.

beachcitygirl · 21/03/2022 09:01

[quote MsMiaWallace]@beachcitygirl really?
Take your opinion elsewhere.
[/quote]
I don't think you quite understand how this forum works.
There's an easy answer. Refuse the inheritance, problem solved. Make your own money.

Don't expect to land on your feet with your dads money .

Grabby personified

beachcitygirl · 21/03/2022 09:01

@ThatsNotItAtAll

beachcitygirl what's your opinion on the OP being responsible for bills and maintenance, not to mention potential death duties? Also grabby not to want to be liable for open ended amounts of money for an unlimited number of years in return for something she may never live long enough to recoup her outgoings from? Do you seriously think its grabby not to want to inherit potentially decades of paying out thousands of pounds a year to support someone you've no personal history with?
I think the easy answer is refuse the inheritance if it's such a drain. Live her own life. Let her dad live his & spend his money however the hell he likes.
StrawberryPot · 21/03/2022 09:02

@beachcitygirl - try reading the thread properly before you start slinging spiteful and vindictive insults about? Hmm

Quartz2208 · 21/03/2022 09:02

I dont think the OP is being grabby - I get the impression she is fine with it but doesnt want to have to pay out for maintenance etc and wants everything to be sorted.

Maintenance/Council tax etc should be their responsiblity. It isnt the same as being a landlord as the property is held in trust and the OP Dads partner should be responsible for everything

That said @MsMiaWallace I am concerned that your Dad has phrased it that way that you are the landlord - you should have some powers as trustee. Indeed is he making you a trustee. BEcause he should be leaving enough money as well or some means of her to be able to maintain it as well. It should not be down to you.

Original poster
MsMiaWallace · 21/03/2022 09:06

@Quartz2208 thank you!

Of course I am fine with his choice. It's his to choose.
I'm not ok with potentially being financially responsible for the upkeep. It was the landlord without the rent part that threw me. He told me it would be in my interest to look after it as it's my asset.

I too have a mortgage to pay, kids & my husband has a life limiting illness that I may be required to care for him in time.

OP posts:
ChoiceMummy · 21/03/2022 09:09

@MsMiaWallace

I believe upon speaking to a solicitor he will go with the life interest trust. Would I still have to pay maintenance at the property?
No, while the Life Tenant is in occupation of the Property they are liable for its upkeep and all costs relating to the Property, such as Insurance. But you will struggle to make her do this.
ThatsGoingToHurt · 21/03/2022 09:09

I would see a solicitor and see what you be liable for and if the costs are excessive I would be tempted to tell your dad you don’t want to inherit the house due to the additional costs.

If you already own a house and want to buy a new one you may have to pay additional rate stamp duty

I presume inheritance tax may be payable when the house is sold which you will need to pay

If he doesn’t set the trust up properly you may have to pay to maintain the house. Im assuming if you are the landlord you will also have to pay for landlords insurance and gas safety certificates

You DFs partner could move her son and a new partner in. The son could then move his partner and kids in.

What happens if she become frail and needs the house adapted. Do you have to pay for that?

If the house falls into disrepair and she won’t maintain it?

He could give her the 70k plus narrowboat which she could sell

beachcitygirl · 21/03/2022 09:10

[quote StrawberryPot]@beachcitygirl - try reading the thread properly before you start slinging spiteful and vindictive insults about? Hmm[/quote]
I have read the full thread.

I'm far from the only person calling op grabby, which imho she is.

I also wouldn't want this type of liability hanging over my head so were I in op shoes.
I would simply say dad. I'm a grown woman, leave your house to the woman you love. If you want to remember me in your will in another way, fabulous, but it's your money. You've earned it, spend every dime enjoying your life, travel, spend, have a world cruise - whatever. It's yours.

As far as I'm concerned the joy of a father is having one, not what I'll potentially get when he goes. Or making him worry that the woman he loves will be out on the street.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/03/2022 09:11

@SquirrelG

Having heard recently of a woman in her early 80s who is about to be forced out of her home upon the death of her husband I think your father is doing the honourable thing. Normally in these situations the person living in the house is responsible for the upkeep while they live there.

You sound rather bitter. Your father has a companion and is presumably happy with her, and he is not actuallly leaving the house to her, it will come to you eventually. He can actually leave his possessions to whoever he likes - I find all this angst about what people might/might not get from someone once they die distasteful.

So do I. The poor man isn't dead yet and the op is circling and complaining about what he wants to do with his property
Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/03/2022 09:13

@StrawberryPot

It's his money, not yours.

Wrong. Op is worried about the cost implication to her of the proposed arrangement.

Then she can refuse the inheritance
Quartz2208 · 21/03/2022 09:16

[quote MsMiaWallace]@Quartz2208 thank you!

Of course I am fine with his choice. It's his to choose.
I'm not ok with potentially being financially responsible for the upkeep. It was the landlord without the rent part that threw me. He told me it would be in my interest to look after it as it's my asset.

I too have a mortgage to pay, kids & my husband has a life limiting illness that I may be required to care for him in time. [/quote]
I think the issue is you cannot talk to him. He should be making provisions for this as well alongside the house in order to keep that all ticking along - plus how on earth is she going to pay for bills.

I dont think it is being grabby that you sit down with him (possibly having done some research on life interest tenancy there is plenty about) and talk him through those kind of aspects including what you can and cant do as a trustee (which I assume you will be).

Maybe even ask to be with his solicitor as the will is drawn up so you are aware of the responsibilities.

HELLITHURT · 21/03/2022 09:17

@brainhurts

I would make sure she is responsible for all repairs and upkeep, and you as landlord have the right to inspect the hours at any time
She is not a landlord! She has a remainder interest.

She had no rights to barge in whenever she wants!

Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/03/2022 09:18

@Bogeyes

Who will pay the council tax?
The occupant pays the council tax
Quartz2208 · 21/03/2022 09:18

Neither do I get the whole unwllingness to sort all of these things out - proper planning for these things is vital and everyone should have a will and have discussions with relatives about these things

WorriedMutha · 21/03/2022 09:21

I think you need to explain to your father that you don't want a life long relationship with this woman. There's huge potential for conflict. Surely it would be better if the will provides that the house is sold and some of the sale proceeds are applied to house her. That way a designated sum is hers and she can make some provision for her son. Your father's proposal potentially leaves nothing to him and therefore his partner may see more merit in a straight forward sale and division.

Sugarplumfairy65 · 21/03/2022 09:22

@PermanentTemporary

Perhaps just check if you would be liable for inheritance tax on the house, and whether paying it could be delayed until it is sold, possibly decades ahead?

Mn isn't the only place where people assume that planning for the future is grabby and unpleasant. If you're going to get landed with bills for tens of thousands and no means to pay it, it's perfectly reasonable to ask a few questions.

A landlord has no such right
Neighbours87 · 21/03/2022 09:26

Op you need to get legal advise. The same happened my friend and the ended up being liable for tax, insurance etc. Whilst also having difficulty securing finance. In their case they would have been better being left with nothing. A right of residency is watertight. The house will be worse than worthless to you.

AllOfUsAreDead · 21/03/2022 09:28

Jesus can't believe some people on here. 'she's been a big part of his life for 4 years?'. Yes I'm sure it was very difficult for her, not working not contributing and spending someone else's money. Hmm

Op is his daughter?! She's been a bigger part of his life from a lot longer, maybe like 4 DECADES. And this is how he treats his daughter for some moronic woman who can't provide for herself so leeches off other people? I suppose the ones saying you are being grabby op do the same thing. I'd ignore them.

I'd tell my dad he can do that if he wishes but I won't be paying any bills for her, or maintenance. If she wants to live there, she can pretend it's hers until she dies, then I turf the idiot son out and sell it.

I can't believe some parents. Willing to do this to their children for some twit that refuses to work and leeches off people. I bet when he becomes frail she'll say its too hard for her and either get op to care for him or send him to a home. Then she'll bring in her next arm candy to leech off.

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