Do I owe him money?

[isaidwhatisaid]

I was with my ex partner for 12yrs. When we met I owned a flat. We lived in that flat together for 5yrs. When I wanted to move I tried to buy another property with him but his credit score was low so I ended up having to buy a cheaper property myself. We lived in that new property for 6yrs before breaking up. During those years he paid me ‘half’ the bills. It was never actually half as he never had enough money because he was always getting fines and getting silly APR loans and generally mismanaging money. Asides from that, it was always me paying for holidays, restaurants etc. I paid for our IVF. Now he’s saying that I owe him money for him having contributed towards bills. AIBU by telling him to get lost?

@crispmidnightpeace

The question was 'do I owe him money' the answer is no. If the question was 'could a claim be made to rights to my property via his behaviour?' the answer would be yes. If the question were around the possibility of success the answer would again be different.

Aye right. So why didn’t you - with all your legal training - say, “not cash - but property rights?” Because what’s the difference, for OP? How exactly would you expect him to want to exercise his property rights? 🙄 Stop digging!

@Dillydollydingdong what qualifications does @BlueLightsAside5 have? And how do you know?

Indeed! I have my suspicions, see my post above

Just get legal advise. It may cost you money, but at least you will know!

IMO, based upon what you have said. It would take an extraordinary amount of effort for him to pursue this in court (and money). He sounds lazy, immature and entitled, and probably thinks that he can rail road into giving him some cash.

Him being cash poor is NOT your problem. Also, CMS is for his children, so l would be putting in a claim for that also.

You owe him nothing.
If people had the same financial protection being unmarried and not having their name on the deeds, as they did by actually doing those things, then what would be the point of marriage

@Branleuse

You owe him nothing. If people had the same financial protection being unmarried and not having their name on the deeds, as they did by actually doing those things, then what would be the point of marriage

🤦

I'm guilty of the Mumsnet cardinal sin of not reading the thread but have you considered taking legal advice rather than asking the opinion of random women on a Sunday afternoon?

@Branleuse

You owe him nothing. If people had the same financial protection being unmarried and not having their name on the deeds, as they did by actually doing those things, then what would be the point of marriage

There’s more than one law in this country. Have a read of TOLATA as referenced above.

That’s like saying, “what’s the point of consumer rights legislation anyway - if you needed that, what would be the point of marriage?” 🤣

@limitedperiodonly

I'm guilty of the Mumsnet cardinal sin of not reading the thread but have you considered taking legal advice rather than asking the opinion of random women on a Sunday afternoon?

Read the OP

Does this strike you as someone who is going to pursue solid legal advice re her finances or head to AIBU for mumsnetter thoughts on her financial situation?

I think this is one of those times you say, "See you in court."

And that'll never happen.

@BanjoKnickers, ever felt like you're banging your head against a brick wall?!

(My GDL was at Nottingham Law School, but I have no idea what my marks were these days; I'm better at remembering my LPC marks.)

@implantreplace I can't be arsed. Is it good?

He paid you a lump of money every month for RENT and utilities - you used it to pay your mortgage and utility bills. Don't understand why you owe him money.

@StoneofDestiny then read the thread, if you’re interested in the law.

I think having been through this, I would visit a solicitor for whatever the piece of paper would be that would have him commit to a full and final settlement, then offer him a couple of grand or whatever feels like the amount he's angling for, to sign it.

Why on earth should the op make the effort to go to a solicitor (and pay for one) to organise to pay her useless ex a few thousand ?

He should be paying her money to support his children.

@BloomingTrees

I think having been through this, I would visit a solicitor for whatever the piece of paper would be that would have him commit to a full and final settlement, then offer him a couple of grand or whatever feels like the amount he's angling for, to sign it.

Why on earth should the op make the effort to go to a solicitor (and pay for one) to organise to pay her useless ex a few thousand ?

He should be paying her money to support his children.

Because unfortunately when it gets in front of a judge if it gets that far the first question the church will ask the OP is what did you proactively do about this situation to prevent it getting in front of me today. And if she doesn’t have a good answer it may not end well

I would reply: I've been proactively housing, feeding and clothing our children without any financial support from ex, by myself and that he owes me X thousand in child support.

If he was contributing to the mortgage then you are owe him back his contributions. He contributed to an asset that you are keeping. The rest of the bills are irrelevant.

@BloomingTrees

I would reply: I've been proactively housing, feeding and clothing our children without any financial support from ex, by myself and that he owes me X thousand in child support.

Sadly CMS is irrelevant and a separate issue. The judge wont care. However its got to get that far first, there wont be a final remedy or consent order if they werrent married I believe.

@Nothappyatwork it’s got nothing to do with Consent Orders.

This is a very complicated and fact-sensitive area of law. The ball is in his court to make an equitable claim (for example because there was an agreement of some kind between you). The fact that he made payments might be something or nothing. It's a few years since I've done this type of law but I think I can safely say you should wait for him to make a claim. He probably won't as it will involve expense and effort. The 'starting point' is whose name the house is in. It is for him to provide evidence that he has an interest. It's not for you to show he doesn't. He has an uphill battle to be honest.

Why on earth should the op make the effort to go to a solicitor (and pay for one) to organise to pay her useless ex a few thousand ?

Because then she has a signed settlement, and he thinks he's won so it won't drag out.

Child maintenance is separate to this, once she has the piece of paper that his/her finances are sorted, she should put in the claim for that.

I'm a year and a half into a split, and only just managed to get to the point where he'll sign off on it all - on the same deal I offered at the very beginning and it could all have been done and dusted - the time, money, and stress of having this hanging over you is well worth a couple of grand to have it finalised.

YANBU. I also think you should pursue him for maintenance. He's had his whole adult life to be financially responsible, he's not going to start now. Any money he isn't paying is money that isn't going to your kids and is likely to be pissed up the wall by him. He's a parent, his responsibility is to his kids first and foremost.

Sounds like it's just a way he's thought up to get money out of you.
Tell him you'd like half of the money for the IVF and weekly payments for his DC. That should shut him up.

Sorry I've just read they're both your children. I thought with you saying 'his DC' that they weren't yours. But still ask for child maintenance anyway!

1. Put in a CMS claim now.
2. Do not take any action or enter into discussions with him about money you allegedly owe him. If he ever sends you a solicitor's letter, deal with that. You could consult a solicitor now, but you'll get much better advice when not dealing with a hypothetical.