Do I owe him money?

[isaidwhatisaid]

I was with my ex partner for 12yrs. When we met I owned a flat. We lived in that flat together for 5yrs. When I wanted to move I tried to buy another property with him but his credit score was low so I ended up having to buy a cheaper property myself. We lived in that new property for 6yrs before breaking up. During those years he paid me ‘half’ the bills. It was never actually half as he never had enough money because he was always getting fines and getting silly APR loans and generally mismanaging money. Asides from that, it was always me paying for holidays, restaurants etc. I paid for our IVF. Now he’s saying that I owe him money for him having contributed towards bills. AIBU by telling him to get lost?

@Prettynails

If he has contributed to the mortgage he does have a valid claim - you were living as a joint couple

Joint couple isn’t a legal term. Did he really contribute to the mortgage if he didn’t pay regularly

The money he did pay could quite easily be contributions towards his half of the ivf treatment, holidays, childcare food, paying for the tool bought for him etc I doubt it would have covered regular mortgage repayments as well.

I would ignore him and go after him for childcare. He sounds like a desperate man trying to grab in as much cash as he can because if he is living at his mothers then her property Is at risk if the bailiffs come round.

There are a lot of people angry on your behalf op.

But, from a legal point of view, he can prove that he paid 50% of all bills, including the mortgage, for 11 years, by regular bank transfer.

I know you say there were some months where he underpaid but unless it was less than 50% of the mortgage, he'll say that was what the payment was for.

You paid for extras such as holidays because you were the higher earner.

The fact that you were engaged and had two children shows a shared intention towards the future.

I do think, based on my own experiences, that he has a shot at a claim. He would be a fool not to consult a solicitor and try.

You are generous telling him not to pay cm while he gets himself sorted but I think you should be 'belt and braces' from now on, because it looks as if that's what he will be doing.

As some others have said, if this was the other way round and it had been the mans name on the mortgage, the woman would be told that she should be entitled to half the equity in the house and to fight for their share! It may seem unfair to you, but I do think he has a claim! However, on the other hand, you also have the right to claim CMS payments!

If you can manage it, I would try and pay him some money, for the contributions he made towards the mortgage. Not half the equity, but enough to get him off your back without going down the legal line, as then you would both have to consider solicitor’s costs!

I would get legal advice but if he was giving you cash towards bills/mortgage then he has no way of proving he paid towards the mortgage. Taking emotions out of it this is what will count. Did he pay into the mortgage through a bank account directly for those years. Things may seem difficult now but you will have peace of mind and can move forward with your children and sometimes mediation is the best thing you can do to sort out when he has the children, maintenance etc and is better if you can do it this way. But if he is unwilling then I would suggest going down the legal route as always good to have things on paper. You can still keep things civil for the sake of the children which is the best thing for them but you have to protect your children's home.

Personally I wouldn't waste money on a solicitor unless he does. If he keeps hounding you for money I'd say something along the lines of 'Well if we added it up properly I think we'd find you owed me money but feel free to take it to a solicitor....... Oh and whilst your there ask him how much child maintenance you need to pay'......... Bet you never hear another word about it👍😊

Of course he hasn't got a claim. He's handed some money over whenever he felt like it - that's not equivalent to paying half the mortgage!

He thinks you should pay him back in cash for the privilege of having him live with you. Let him take it to court - and tell the court that he's paid for a solicitor but won't pay for child support.

The law is clear

Married/civil partnership
Or
Single

You are both legally single

Engagement means nothing

Common law means nothing

You owe him nothing

Citizens advice & government websites will clearly state the differences between married & single

Put in a claim for child maintenance

Some really poor advice on this thread based on anger and him being a womble.

Tell him you will allow him to take a penny off the maintenance money every week for a year.

Hugs to you !

Lucky escape !!!

Having a husband with an ex who wanted everything - from legal experience ( No I’m. Of a lawyer !!!!)
there is no way you would be made to sell your house until youngest was 18!

He however is entitled to pay you CM.

He gave you money each month for bills - very different to him giving you money for the mortgage ! I’d just say his money paid for bills and food !!! Not mortgage as that was in my name !
He didn’t add value by giving you a lump of cash for an extension/ house revamp etc !!

Call his bluff and say you will lodge CM .
He can pay to seek his own legal advice ! Then see what he does !

@Mossstitch

Personally I wouldn't waste money on a solicitor unless he does. If he keeps hounding you for money I'd say something along the lines of 'Well if we added it up properly I think we'd find you owed me money but feel free to take it to a solicitor....... Oh and whilst your there ask him how much child maintenance you need to pay'......... Bet you never hear another word about it👍😊

This is incredibly sensible advice.

My husbands ex ( they were never married ) wasn’t on mortgage and she paid £300 a month into house . She told DH she was going to take the house from him as she had a clear paper trail of paying £300 a month for 5 years !

She demanded he gave her the house.
He said he couldn’t do that but would of course give her some . The house was bought mainly from his inheritance. Anyway.

The judge said she had no claim. My DH didn’t have to pay her legal fees !!!!
But was able to remain in house until youngest is 18.

Husband has agreed to give her a lump . Out of kindness . But judge said no way was she entitled to anything .

@BlueLightsAside5

The law is clear

Married/civil partnership
Or
Single

You are both legally single

Engagement means nothing

Common law means nothing

You owe him nothing

Citizens advice & government websites will clearly state the differences between married & single

Put in a claim for child maintenance

But his potential legal interest doesn’t rest on any marriage / engagement / “common law” question.

If he has a claim, it would most likely to via the Trusts of Land and Appointment of Trustees Act 1996 or TOLATA for short.

That’s not even solely for unmarried couples - could be siblings.

So why do you say the law is clear? @BlueLightsAside5

Oh tell the cheeky fucker to piss off.

I had this shit with an ex. He decided that I should pay 50% of the debt he accrued with his ex before they split up... funnily enough we spilt up shortly after.

He may have a claim on some money bc he paid towards the bills/mortgage for11 years but can he prove it for a start?

He sounds so lazy I doubt he can be bothered organising all his paperwork and then trying to make a date with a solicitor. These things aren't easy.

This isn't the same at all as if the CF of an ex was a woman - OP is taking sole financial (and probably the day to day) responsibility for their children as well as trying to house them plus absolutely everything by herself with no help from this lazy arsed bellend.

Tell him you'll see him in court (ie. It'll never happen!)

I was going to say possibly until I saw that you have children and he's not paying towards them. If you added it all up over the years, with his missing months plus his half of IVF and the money he stole from you and missing child maintenance you might find he owed you money, or at least hadn't actually contributed towards the mortgage.

No contract was ever entered into that you would have to pay that money back so no, you do not owe him money.

Please see a solicitor re any case he might have for part of your equity, but to his face say no, he's unlikely to get organised enough to see a solicitor and start a case.

One thing struck me though - he didn't pay half the mortgage and bills, even though he agreed he would- not because he didn't earn enough, but because he wasted his money and wasn't sensible with it. You let him get away with that, covering his shortfall, you covered holiday costs (including for him), you paid for your jointly agreed IVF - you enabled him to not be sensible.

And you are still doing it, you are letting him not pay maintenance so he can sort his finances out.

His finances are none of your business. You claim maintenance. It will be calculated at a level someone on his wage can easily afford. If he messes up and wastes the rest of his income, thats not your responsibility to sort.

Yes his ‘half’ of the bills included the mortgage board, inconsistently

YANBU. Morally, I think if he paid half the bills including the mortgage he should have a claim. However, it sounds like he didn’t pay half the bills, he just paid up to half depending on what else he wanted to spend his money on that month. And you can’t do that with a mortgage. You’ll end up losing the house. You can’t even do that with rent. So it really sounds like you paid the mortgage and he gave you a self decided contribution towards living costs, relying on you to keep him sheltered and fed. If he was the one doing most of the childcare during the periods he didn’t contribute towards the bills equally, then my opinion might change. Ditto if you’d had a conversation about him building equity in the house through his contributions, so he had an explicit expectation that the arrangement was that he was a part owner.

But regardless of the “moral” position, it’s legal advice you need so I’m glad you intend speaking with a solicitor.

Also, you aren’t helping him get back on his feet financially by not requiring him to cough up CM, you’re just screwing your children out of a more financially stable home life. He’ll get on his feet financially when he decides to take responsibility for living within his means, not when people give him more leeway.

@crispmidnightpeace

No contract was ever entered into that you would have to pay that money back so no, you do not owe him money.

Please do tell us where you got your law degree from @crispmidnightpeace As you had a contract with the provider, perhaps you could get a refund? Otherwise, maybe go and read your TOLATA notes? It’s year one level stuff, maybe you forgot it?

@Cocomarine I did a GDL at BPP in Waterloo and got 67% on my contract law exam.

[quote crispmidnightpeace]@Cocomarine I did a GDL at BPP in Waterloo and got 67% on my contract law exam.[/quote]
Well done on Contracts.
And on Land & Trusts?

Maybe people would be outraged if OP was a man but the first thing they'd say to her partner who came on here would be "why didn't you get married, you've put yourself in a terrible position, you'll probably get nothing..."

He can't say that his contributions were solely towards your mortgage, eg "I gave her £500 a month and told her she was on her own as far as the electricity, gas, water, repairs, IV,F, council tax and childcare costs are concerned, this is towards the mortgage, even though I don't always pay it..."