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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh follows me to bed

367 replies

overreactionreally · 20/03/2022 06:41

So obviously there are times when dh and I go to bed together but sometimes I like to go up first. I like pottering about, having some wind down time to myself. I'll read a bit in bed then doze off. Lately dh has started coming to bed at same time as me (regardless how early) he's in bed in seconds and wants light off straight to sleep. It bugs my routine but obviously I can't say anything as iabu.

Just wondering if there's anything your oh do that annoy you but you don't feel you can say because they are not really doing anything wrong?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Isitsixoclockalready · 21/03/2022 07:05

@Monty27

They're saving on energy bills just like the olden days 🤣 (Light-hearted)
That might have to become a 'thing' again from April!
resuwen · 21/03/2022 07:16

@RampantIvy

If you want to read get a kindle paperwhite. It is a game changer.
This!
Scalottia · 21/03/2022 08:09

[quote SavBbunny]@dipdye
I hear your pain. Husband on 7 day rota. I work mainly from home now. He starts fiddling with packets about 12 ish.
I eat fish on those days as he doesn't really like it😁 tuna sandwiches or nothing.
He puts the radio on in the Kitchen and I like to cook in silence. He moved the radio so high i can't reach it.[/quote]
So move the radio back down. Use a chair, use a ladder. If you don't like something, change it!

So many people on this thread should probably just live alone. Why live with people that annoy you this much? Also, I suppose that we are all perfect and do nothing that annoys our partners? I mean, life's too short to bother with this stuff.

TurtlesAndTropicalFish · 21/03/2022 09:17

I would say ‘can’t you just bugger off, I’m having my alone time’ but then we say things in jest all the time and so this is normal for us. He’d probably reply that he’s only allowed one room in the house, it’s his office and it’s tiny or he might ask if I’d rather he slept in the car etc...but then we’d probably talk about what we could actually do like get a night light etc to read...
I would definitely be saying if it bothered me. As would DH, he’s the first to tell me when I’ve done something he doesn’t like! X

Chely · 21/03/2022 09:47

Loads of stuff, my least favourite is he likes to make a brew when I'm doing meals and gets in the way. He works away a lot so he's only an occasional annoyance rather than every day.

nopuppiesallowed · 21/03/2022 09:59

@Scalottia Don't worry so much! This is a light hearted thread. I bet there is no one in the history of the world who could live with anyone, no matter how much they love them, without finding things that niggle them. I bet there are loads of things about me that drive my husband crazy (he's too nice to mention them!) and there are things he does that drive me mad, too. But I'd much rather have him around than any other man and would be up the creek without a paddle without him.

Scalottia · 21/03/2022 10:32

[quote Snippysocks]@Scalottia Don't worry so much! This is a light hearted thread. I bet there is no one in the history of the world who could live with anyone, no matter how much they love them, without finding things that niggle them. I bet there are loads of things about me that drive my husband crazy (he's too nice to mention them!) and there are things he does that drive me mad, too. But I'd much rather have him around than any other man and would be up the creek without a paddle without him.[/quote]
You are absolutely correct! But some of the people in here, wishing for separate bedrooms, or even separate houses...that is what I don't understand. Why stay married/partnered if you want completely separate lives? Been there, done that, got out! As I said, life is too short! I actually enjoy sharing a home with my partner. He isn't perfect, I am not perfect, but I can't imagine not wanting to share a home with him. Maybe I just don't understand the dynamics of the relationships of people who say 'separate houses/bedrooms = bliss!' Why not just be single then?

TirednessButHappiness · 21/03/2022 10:36

I often go up first, to read or go on mumsnet. I say that’s what I’m going up to do.

I think I’m lucky though as I fall asleep really easily whatever is going on around me, so if he’s reading or watching tv etc it doesn’t impact on me at all.
He struggles a little more to fall asleep but doesn’t complain if I carry on reading for a while once he turns his light out.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 21/03/2022 12:13

You are absolutely correct! But some of the people in here, wishing for separate bedrooms, or even separate houses...that is what I don't understand. Why stay married/partnered if you want completely separate lives? Been there, done that, got out! As I said, life is too short! I actually enjoy sharing a home with my partner. He isn't perfect, I am not perfect, but I can't imagine not wanting to share a home with him. Maybe I just don't understand the dynamics of the relationships of people who say 'separate houses/bedrooms = bliss!' Why not just be single then?

In my case, I don’t want completely separate lives. I want a decent night’s sleep and less noise in the (stupid) open plan kitchen/lounge when I am trying to watch TV. I also want to watch TV without the running commentary. I do want him around for the fun and laughter we have together, and because I enjoy cooking for him and him for me. I want him around because he makes me happy. I want him around because he can be wonderfully supportive. And I need him around to deal with spiders and creepy crawlies.

Snoopsnoggysnog · 21/03/2022 15:01

@DottyHarmer

I read a newspaper article a while back on “Things builders know” and no. 1 was that they know you have Special Builders’ Mugs - ie crap ones Blush guilty as charged. I think no.2 was that they know the Special Middle-Class Talking to Builders Voice - ie trying to disguise plummy tones and saying “mate” awkwardly (Dh guilty party here).
This is so funny and a bit embarrassing. DH and I both do this! Will give builders our middle tier mugs from now on… not the best ones as to be fair they are at higher risk of damage if they’re on a building site!
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 21/03/2022 15:05

Get rid of the TV in your bedroom. Get a little light/lamp thing that attaches to the headboard or your book. Or sleep in separate rooms. Nowt wrong with that.

LadyEloise1 · 21/03/2022 17:33

@Scalottia
If I could I would challenge you to sleep ( sleep - ha ha !!! ) one night with my dh snoring beside you.
You wouldn't last the night. Grin

sherbertdib · 21/03/2022 17:44

Oh blimey. How long you got? 🤣

angela99999 · 21/03/2022 17:44

My DH goes to bed very early and I prefer to go later, but try not to make it too late or he's starving in the morning before I'm up.
He gets up at 5.00 but doesn't often disturb me so I get a couple of good hours sleep before I have to get up.
This suits us as I don't sleep well overnight but do sleep well after he gets up - might have something to do with the snoring!

Looubylou · 21/03/2022 18:10

Same as you OP, I am furious when he follows me up, when I wanted to read.

Rachie1973 · 21/03/2022 18:18

@sofakingcool

I have a husband who follows me everywhere HmmGrin, if I say I'm going up now he'll say "oh ok, I hadn't planned an early night, but one sounds good!" Or words to those effect. Drives me nutty. He does similar if he's ready to go up - will stand up, turn off the TV and say "right come on!" - even if I'm not ready for bed yet.

I now tend not to announce it, vanish upstairs to put my PJ's on then never go back down Grin

Oh that would give me the rage!
Cotonsugar · 21/03/2022 18:27

I used to have this problem with my husband. He used to work away from home quite a lot too so at least I had my own headspace quite often. Once he started working from home he would then keep popping in to whichever room I happened to be in during the day for a chat, which drove me mad. Always got restless just before 10pm as he wanted me to go to bed at the same time but I wanted to stay up longer and read or watch something on tv that he didn’t like. The answer to this? Divorce of course😊 I’m happy as Larry now and hog the bed at whatever time I like - it’s great and I wouldn’t want to return to sharing (yes, don’t tell me I’m selfish, I know) 😂😂

Amici · 21/03/2022 18:31

I'm a light sleeper. It takes me a while to drift off. My partner has the audacity of needing to go for a wee through night. Which wakes me up. Then I realise how desperate I need to go. So I silently seethe at him until I accept I'm going to have to get up and go wee. I've took to wearing earplugs and a weighted eyemask some nights just so I can hold it in until morning so I don't have to stay awake half an hour through night until I drift off again.

Loving the mug replies too, I have one mug I exclusively use. Its a huge Disney mug. Luckily my partner knows that's MY mug but the dc make me cuppas in regular cups and it's so disheartening when they hand me it 😔🤣

Inwiththenew · 21/03/2022 18:37

I’m the same. On the rareish occasions he comes up at the same time as me I (and I can only admit this here) I sulk.

tammytwigg · 21/03/2022 18:39

Mine says, yes I’ll have a fresh one ,grrr I wasn’t gonna give you a rank one ,winds me up a treat .

Gingercatsarethebest2017 · 21/03/2022 18:40

Yanbu. I get really angry when dh comes to bed at the same time as me, it means I have to share responsibility for turning off all the lights etc, plus I like to watch crap on YouTube in peace! 😂

2018SoFarSoGreat · 21/03/2022 18:43

@BlueFlavour

When he uses my best mug Grin It really really annoys me. I put the crap mugs to the front of the cupboard and the nice ones at the back. I can just about handle him using one of the middle ranking mugs, but when he uses one of the top three I want to snatch it away from him.
well that earns a resounding LTB right now. There is a solution though.

Call a Mandatory Mug Meeting. All mugs in play on table, each picks top 1/2/3. Agreement that under no circumstances (no exceptions) the other party will not use said selection. If you wish, can continue with selection, but why bother beyond 3 prized offerings?

Then (and this is the key to success): no more 3 rows in order of - fake - hierarchy. Divide cabinet in half - small gap denotes dividing line - and YOUR mugs on left, his on right. Or vice versa. No matter.

Easy. His side mugs/your side mugs. If he then breaks the rules, patio him. He will have earned it.

NamelessBaby1 · 21/03/2022 19:09

@BeHappy91818

Does breathing count? 😂
Are you my mum? She gets irrationally annoyed at my dad's breathing at times, haha! Poor dad!
flower277 · 21/03/2022 19:12

Get him a sleep mask and read with a lamp on

RachelGreeneGreep · 21/03/2022 19:20

@thecatsthecats

YES!

My husband comes to bed either at the same time as me or after. Never before, no matter how different our tiredness levels are or how much earlier he has to get up the next day.

I go to bed when I'm at an appropriate level of drowsy that means I'll be asleep withing roughly half an hour. Usually half ten.

He comes up with me even though he's not ready and therefore wants the lights on for ages after, meaning I lose sleep.

And sometimes, I just want to chill out in the lounge by myself for twenty minutes or so, but he will loiter around because he "misses me".

And yet he complains about disturbed sleep even though I'M the one trying to abide by a routine.

That would make me feel really claustrophobic.
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