Is an apology enough?

[hangingonbymyfingernails]

I have fucked up majorily

I drunk far to much yesterday and I dont remember alot of it, but I was a shit to my 9 year old son and according to my partner he was very scared

To save any posts no was not spiked, I dont usually drink so I dont have a problem, I dont drink because I am very fucking unpleasent.

But how do I now fix this?

Oh and because someone is going to say it my AIBUU is because I can

Hard to say without knowing what you did/said. What does your partner think?

If you don't usually drink because you are "very fucking unpleasant", why did you drink yesterday (and far too much, at that)?

Did something happen to set it off?

Has your partner told you what you've done? That will determine whether an apology is enough, surely.

What did you say / do?

How do we know if an apology is enough if we don't know what you said and how you said it?

Oh your poor son. I think I would move this to relationships because you know you're not bu and just need advice on mending damage really.
If you were nasty enough to scare your son then his trust in you will be seriously hurt. You need to say sorry and mean it, which imo would include promising (and keeping the promise) not getting drunk again, because at least then you can give him some assurance that your behaviour was alcohol fuelled and without the alcohol in the picture he won't experience that again.
Then only time will heal it when he sees you keeping the promise.
His experience would have been all the more distressing coming from a deeply trusted parent, everything he thought and knew you were would have been thrown into doubt, you need to talk to him honestly about that... When he's ready. Meanwhile show regret in your actions, gentle care, respect his space, let him go to someone else for reassurance etc.
I hope you are able to admit your mistake openly and honestly to him, not get defensive, and take any criticisism like an adult, offer real long term assurances not self flagellation or empty regret as I think that's the only way the repair can start.
Good luck, your sons relationship with his mum rests on you getting this right.

What did you do?

I cant remember what I did

My partner was really fucked off if that helps people and we are going to have a conversation today

This comment
"If you don't usually drink because you are "very fucking unpleasant", why did you drink yesterday"

I honestly cant give you a damn reason, without it seeming like I am excusing my behaviour, I am stressed, I have mental health issues, I could go on

It really depends on what you did. This is the kind of thing that could stick with him for years OP, you need to stop drinking

@TopCatsTopHat

Thank you

Is your partner your son’s other parent?

@BurntO

Did you read the post or get so far that you decided to make a comment?

A 9yo is old enough to understand alcohol affects behaviour and that you were drunk, you weren't being yourself, etc. A really grownup heartfelt apology and promise never to get drunk again (as long as you can keep that promise...). I agree with others you probably need to find out exactly what happened so you can apologise properly.

I don't really know why you posted on here if you're just gonna be giving twatty replies to questions.

@Bearsinmotion

Is your partner your son’s other parent?

He is his dad and while very pissed of with me, also worried about what the fuck happened

Well, we always say to our kids "sorry" means "I won't do it again" so in a way a genuine apology is enough if it has action behind it.
You say you rarely drink because you're "very fucking unpleasant" with it? Yet you chose to start drinking yesterday when your 9 year old was around. I wonder what had changed for you to make that decision?
I'd say apologise to your dc and talk the whole thing through with them including the steps you're going to take to ensure that it never happens again.
Then, actually let your dc see you following through on what you say.
By the way though, remember alcohol only reduces inhibitions it doesn't change personality completely so if you are "fucking unpleasant" to your 9 year old child when drunk then it's highly likely that you have some big feelings that you are suppressing most of the time, it may be helpful to get some support in dealing with these.
Good luck!

I assume you have hangover anxiety right now which makes everything seem worse. Go easy on yourself, you fucked up and you will make it better today

You need to demonstrate that you are really sorry by not drinking round him again. Words might not be enough, depending, your actions need to show that your child is more important than anything including booze

@hellcatspangle

I don't really know why you posted on here if you're just gonna be giving twatty replies to questions.

which reply in your opinoin was twatty?

The one that said I needed to stop drinking, when in the OP I pointed out it was not a regular thing?

But if you know it’s a problem because you scare your son, you DO need to stop drinking altogether.

Whether it’s regular or not, if you are fucking unpleasant when drunk you can NEVER drink. Previous poster was right. You do need to stop drinking.

It's hard - I can't gauge what 'unpleasant' means.
Does it mean snappy / off / dismissive/ abrupt?

Does it mean neglectful / verbally abusive?

I mean obviously YANBU to want to own it and apologise but it's hard to advice with no context.

Second the advice to move to relationships if possible for better replies

I’ve had that feeling before OP but I’m not sure replying aggressively to posters trying to help is going to be the way forward.

I don’t really know why you’re saying you don’t have a problem when your behaviour very clearly suggests otherwise. I think possibly looking into help for alcoholics wouldn’t be a bad idea, not because you drink all the time but because you know you shouldn’t and yet you did anyway, drank far too much, blacked out and apparently treated your child terribly.
That sort of thing has the potential to be very damaging for him, and seeking help may enable you to handle this in a way that is best for him. As it stands, I gues a very sincere apology and acknowledgment that your behaviour was very bad, it was no reflection on him whatsoever and it will not be repeated.

which reply in your opinoin was twatty?

The one that said I needed to stop drinking, when in the OP I pointed out it was not a regular thing?

I mean to me, yes 🤷🏻‍♀️ their reply makes sense - you need to never drink again - it doesn't matter if it's regular currently or not, you know you're unpleasant when you drink, you did it anyway and you scared your child.

Your child only deserves an apology if you quit drinking, sorry means nothing if you're not going to change and promise never to do it again. Honestly if this was someone in my real life who's partner had got drunk and was being enough of a twat to scare their DC, I'd be telling them to get out in all honesty.