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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

299 replies

Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 17:45

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

OP posts:
woodhill · 19/03/2022 20:01

@WTF475878237NC

I completely agree with you OP. It's bang out of order to invade your privacy or to expect you to return balls or open the gate to let them retrieve them if they bothered to knock. When I was a child if we kicked a ball over the fence we were only allowed to go and knock once, and only at a sensible hour. If it happened again that day our parents said we'd have to wait and see if it got thrown back over when convenient for our neighbours. Children playing should never be an inconvenience like this to the next door neighbour.
Absolutely and it sounds like they are damaging your fence by lifting it
Chohlin654 · 19/03/2022 20:03

I feel you op. They very quickly stop kicking them over when they are popped before they get them back

Bootothegoose · 19/03/2022 20:04

Knock on the door, say you overheard the children asking about the fence panels but didn't have time to go out to the garden, returned home and intended to throw the balls back over but found they are gone and that there are visible footprints in the flower beds (doesn't have to be).

Surely they aren't letting their children into your property? Sometime pushover parents need to be confronted for them to realise how unacceptable their behaviour is. If not, get the fence brackets and ensure the fences cannot be lifted and get anti-climb paint for all entry points.

Changeee15467 · 19/03/2022 20:04

[quote Hosta13]@Changeee15467 there is no amicable arrangement. How do you have an amicable arrangement with a family where the kids rule the roost and don't understand no? Years ago before I started locking my front gates I told the children to get off the driveway (didn't shout or swear, I needed them to move because I was moving my car and also because they were in my front garden!) and the kids whined to the mum that I'd said no to them (who was stood right there) and she basically said she's mean, ignore her.

I've kept the driveway gates locked since then.[/quote]
Now you’re drip feeding stuff.

Fine, don’t try and speak to them. Commence war. See how that goes.

ChotaPeg · 19/03/2022 20:04

Irritating. Keep the balls, take them in the house.

When they come to ask for the balls back tell them they need to send their parents round to speak with you about it. Then explain the reason for keeping the balls is that the children trespassing in your garden, aided by the parents who should know better, is not acceptable nor is the frequency with which you're having to chuck them back over. Make it the parents problem.

Amici · 19/03/2022 20:07

I understand completely why talking to them won't work. When I was young, there were some neighbours who we were 'safe' to run into the garden quick to get our ball so long as we shut the gate behind us etc. There were a couple of grumpy old men who we knew would go nuts at us if we even tried to retrieve them so we never did (we respected/feared them 😅). All the streets parents said it's a case of 'don't let the ball go in their garden then' and supported the neighbours. We live in a terraced house and after the ball going into the neighbours yard and having twice for it to be passed back, I didn't wanna annoy the neighbours so ball games were only for on a field at the end of the road. There doesn't seem to be much mutual respect in neighbourhoods anymore. We are a quiet, friendly row but some new neighbours moved in a few year back and let their kids scream (Hugh pitch constant bratty scream from both genders) mother screaming back and swearing at them and how much she's 'sick of the little fkrs', the neighbour inbetween us constantly having toys thrown into her garden and unable to relax if sitting out on a nice day incase an incoming hard toy lands on her, they're blasting music every sunny day and both parents thinking they're on TOTP after a can... I totally feel for you OP. Definitely secure the fence and if you feel upto it, nonchalantly throw the balls elsewhere other than yours or their garden. Make them go looking for them!

Ratpatootie · 19/03/2022 20:09

YATNBU. I made sure the poxy, loudmouth brats that we used to next door to couldn't get in the garden by planting quickthorn. Lovely, long spikes all year round. Thankfully we moved and are in a haven of peace. And yes we have children ourselves but they have been brought up with actual manners. Same with the morons who think it's perfectly acceptable to allow children to play on the main roads.

Nottogetapenny · 19/03/2022 20:15

It might be a good idea to put another fence on your side, without removable panels. I know you shouldn’t have to do that, but it would certainly stop them from getting in by lifting panels.

Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 20:20

I'm not dripfeeding, it's been pretty clear from my first post the kids are in charge and the parents do what they want.

I don't think securing my garden counts as commencing war. If anyone's the aggressor here it's them trespassing in my garden.

OP posts:
RosiePosieDozy · 19/03/2022 20:23

I feel for you. This would piss me off. Once in a while lifting a fence panel to retrieve a ball wouldn't bother me if they had knocked on the door and I wasn't in. But to repeatedly come in to your garden is nasty and disrespectful. This man needs to grow up and tell his children that they need to keep their balls in their garden!!! Honestly not really sure what to advise you to do.

Tdcp · 19/03/2022 20:24

I think some naked sunbathing might be in order soon 😉

On a more serious note, them trespassing into your garden once, let alone regularly, is so far over the line I'd be shocked if they knew it was wrong to begin with.

Nsky · 19/03/2022 20:25

Secure spikes on top of fencing

Datsandcogs · 19/03/2022 20:25

I agree it’s trespass.

I would have a word with the neighbours, or leave a note. Be reasonable, ask them not to enter your garden and that you will return the balls when you notice them, or the children may knock and ask for them.

Beyond that if they continue to trespass then take the balls inside and return them less frequently.

MyDcAreMarvel · 19/03/2022 20:26

You sound very petty op. Surely it’s easier for you if they just get their own balls.

Honeyroar · 19/03/2022 20:31

If there’s an equestrian feed shop near you go and buy something called Cribbox. It’s greasy gunk that you paint on the top of wooden doors or fences to stop horses chewing it. It tastes horrible, is slippery and greasy, and stings if you get it near your eyes when on your hands. Paint it along the top of your fences. It will make climbing over/lifting your fence panels awkward/something they might not want to do.

Johnnypiratesfriend · 19/03/2022 20:31

I've told my neighbours if the ball goes in our garden to come collect and leave it only takes a min for them to do that. I don't really want them knocking on the door and disrupting me. Are you sure you want to be getting up and answering the door everytime?

Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 20:33

@MyDcAreMarvel

You sound very petty op. Surely it’s easier for you if they just get their own balls.
I think privacy is quite a big thing. If I wanted to live somewhere with a communal garden I'd have bought a flat. I wanted a private garden and until a few years ago that's what I had. If I had the money (and it wouldn't breach planning) I'd build a 15ft wall that side if thats what it took to stop the balls coming over, and the trespassing.
OP posts:
girlmom21 · 19/03/2022 20:37

@Nsky

Secure spikes on top of fencing
Isn't anything that could injure someone illegal? It's a bit daft as the only people you'd be injuring are people who shouldn't be there though!
Dreamstate · 19/03/2022 20:39

@MyDcAreMarvel

You sound very petty op. Surely it’s easier for you if they just get their own balls.
No the parents should parent! The kids have 15 footballs if 5 are in OP garden tough luck use the other 10 balls they have. If they really wanted a particular football should of been more careful.

Bothering a neighbour once or twice fine but after that its too much.
Op garden isn't free for all for people to come and go as they please. Its her private space and she has every right to decide who can and can't enter it.

RockinHorseShit · 19/03/2022 20:39

A friend has a problem similar to this. She planted lots of nettles along their access route. It worked pretty well after a while.

Wintersbone · 19/03/2022 20:40

You can put up netting on poles and that will solve it.

Dreamstate · 19/03/2022 20:42

And also its not okay for someone to lift your fence and go into your garden when your not home to retrieve a ball. They should be taught to wait until your back home.

No wonder some kids turn out so badly, with no respect for other people's property, privacy and the law.

Their kids will no doubt turn into nightmare neighbours when they are older for the lack of proper parenting thats clearly evident.

Bet those saying your being petty wouldn't be saying the same if those nightmare neighbours moved in next door to them

ihatesoaps · 19/03/2022 20:50

@MyDcAreMarvel

You sound very petty op. Surely it’s easier for you if they just get their own balls.
It's totally not petty! What if OP has friends round/sunbathing/wants a quiet peaceful afternoon.....anything really? Why should she have to keep throwing balls back or risk getting hit by a flying ball? Or worst...if she's sunbathing naked!!!

Totally not on at all

DillDanding · 19/03/2022 20:53

I don't think it's fair to call the OP petty. She finds it annoying and I get that. People with kids don't trump those without and they have no right to lift fence panels - this is incredibly rude.

My garden borders are full of spring flowers at the moment - I'd be hugely pissed off if balls were repeatedly crashing down.

blitzkoff · 19/03/2022 20:55

Op do they kick the balls into the other side garden ? Or are they just targeting you ?
I would be really annoyed to have this happen to my in my property