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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

299 replies

Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 17:45

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 18:32

There really isn't any point in talking to them. The dad isn't that bad on some levels, hes just completely ruled by his children. So even if I could speak to him reasonably (years ago I lent him some garden tools which he appreciated, his children were younger then) he just does what his kids say., eventually they always get their own way. And they're such awful entitled children I know that whatever he said they will still be nagging him to do it. The mum lets them do as they please and never says no so there's nothing to be gained from asking them.

OP posts:
ChardonnaysPetDragon · 19/03/2022 18:33

Try the wedges in this case.

AppleButter · 19/03/2022 18:41

Really this is never ok, unless the neighbour allows it. Otherwise it is trespass. Secure your fence, those fence clips look good, and barbed wire along the top. Also close any gaps there may be at the side.
I wonder what they get up to when you are in holiday? Is your garden bigger and nicer, or just a nice private extension to theirs. They could have a party there when you are away, to give the parents some peace and quiet (not).
Barbed wire underneath too, and a lovely hedge of wild tudor rose and hawthorn, long term.

AppleButter · 19/03/2022 18:41

*on holiday

Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 18:42

And as if to prove my point, I've just been outside, as I realised I'd left my gardening gloves out there, and the other balls have gone. So clearly he did lift the panel despite saying no (I've realised there's a load of stuff by the gate so they couldn't have climbed over, it must've been the panel).

Will get some wedges, brackets, both even, whatever it takes to stop it.

OP posts:
Strictlyfanoftenyears · 19/03/2022 18:43

Wow, do people actually lift their fence panels to retrieve their childrens balls, I am gobsmacked. (and surely it wont do the panel any good to keep being lifted? Confused

Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 18:44

My garden isn't massive but it is about 3 times the size of theirs.

OP posts:
Iputthetrampintrampoline · 19/03/2022 18:44

next sunny day borrow a friends dog! Seriously though I get how irritating this is for you. No sensibe suggestions from me or ones that would not disrupt the harmony,

Wouldntitbenicetobeinyourshoes · 19/03/2022 18:49

@Hosta13

The panels are between concrete posts so they just slide in, if that makes sense. Meant it was easy to take the old ones out, but does also mean they can lift them as easily. Hopefully not once I get the wedges put in.
I’d definitely be fitting these fence security

wedge

Unsure33 · 19/03/2022 18:50

I would be annoyed as well . That’s trespass and invading your privacy .

Hope you get it fixed so they can’t do it again

mum11970 · 19/03/2022 18:51

You don’t need to buy special wedges. You can tap anything in to the gap between the panel and post to fill the space and stop them being lifted. It’ll also stop them rattling in the wind, which you can use as an excuse should they tackle you about it. Just feign ignorance to the fence lifting.

Rewritethestars1 · 19/03/2022 18:51

I'd much rather this than my neighbours, who are absolutely lovely by the way but their kids kick multiple balls in daily and knock every time. Its a nightmare when I'm on calls, meetings, trying to relax or recently at 7am when I'd just woken up. I have told them just to go in but they won't.

Sparklingbrook · 19/03/2022 18:52

Ah the sun has come out. I've missed these threads. On MN no footballs shall be returned to their owners, ever. Grin

Londoncallingme · 19/03/2022 18:53

@girlmom21

If you heard them discussing those balls and where they were why didn't you just throw them back and call over the fence that if they ever need a ball back to just knock and ask?
Finally! Some sense! Why were you listening and seething - just go out, retrieve balls and chuck ‘em back.
FizzyTango · 19/03/2022 18:54

I know you don’t have a dog.
But the idea of my neighbors entering my garden fills me with horror. I have a dog who absolutely would not be safe if someone let themselves in.
Your garden is private property, it’s not on fir people to do that!

HundredMilesAnHour · 19/03/2022 18:54

@Sparklingbrook

Ah the sun has come out. I've missed these threads. On MN no footballs shall be returned to their owners, ever. Grin
Oh come on. The OP had already returned 4.
SevenWaystoLeave · 19/03/2022 18:54

Have you actually spoken to the parents about this? Might be they're the types to ignore you/fob you off, but it seems a reasonable first step - perhaps they don't realise this bothers you, or think you aren't aware (so will be embarrassed to find you are). Tell them firmly you don't want the children on your property without permission, that you will throw balls back as and when you find them, and that if something they need urgently happens to venture onto your property, they need to knock on the door and ask permission to retrieve it. At least then you've put cards on the table and if you have to escalate they can't say they weren't warned. Following that, I'd be tempted to put a row of spikes on top of the gate and wedge the fence panel. Or fit a very noisy motion sensor alarm.

Sparklingbrook · 19/03/2022 18:55

Oh come on. The OP had already returned 4

Oh. Is that the daily limit this year? Grin

AdaColeman · 19/03/2022 18:55

Would some sort of trellis with plants growing up, placed along your fence work? Perhaps chicken wire or slats of wood? Where the fence runs along side a path, you could have some tubs of plants or dig up a section of the path, to train up the trellis?

My NDN's children have started using my garden as an extension of their own, so I know how irritating it is.

Original poster
Hosta13 · 19/03/2022 19:00

Well @Sparklingbrook maybe you'd like to live here and have them kicking 4+ balls over a day and coming in to fetch them even if you've already thrown a load back and missed one? Or are you the sort of parent like my neighbours who can't say no to their kids or accept they ever do any wrong?

I would've chucked the other 2 back but they'd already helped themselves by the time I went back out.

And they've got 15 balls maybe - all footballs of varying sizes. So its not like they have nothing to play with.

OP posts:
LivingInaBuildingSite · 19/03/2022 19:04

Apparently a handful of gravel down the sides of the panels can be a quick fix - according to Google anyway.

I would definitely not want my neighbours helping themselves to my garden like that so YANBU imo.

DillDanding · 19/03/2022 19:06

It clearly bothers you, so the first thing you need to do is secure the fence so it can’t be lifted.

As for people suggesting puncturing the balls or turning the hose on them - unbelievable.

drpet49 · 19/03/2022 19:08

* This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either.*

^I agree OP. These kids and their parents are feral

alexdgr8 · 19/03/2022 19:08

i think this is all wrong.
when i was young, if i kicked a ball over a fence, it was gone. i'd lost it.
and i had very few so i was careful.
unless it is very rare, or someone chooses to return it, why can't kids take responsibility for their actions.
maybe they shouldn't be playing with balls in a small space.
there are other things to do, and parks to kick around in.
why are children allowed to do anything and everything these days.
why must respectable householders be subjected to such stress.

Rosebuud · 19/03/2022 19:10

I think things have deteriorated very badly if you could hear them, knew the balls were there and didn’t jist pop out and throw them over, you were clearly just sitting there listening. As a pp said, then jist say hey just knock if you want them

Sure it’s annoying but honestly not worth all this emotion.