To not want neighbours coming in my garden?

[Hosta13]

I don't particularly like my neighbours. They have a lot of unruly children, and the family as a whole are generally quite loud and irritating. That said I'm happy to keep myself to myself, and accept noise is a fact of life when you live in a built up area and houses are only a few feet apart.

What I do object to is them intruding (for want of a better term), into my property. The children used to ride bikes on my driveway, I now keep my front gated locked. They also used to frequently climb over the 4ft fence between our properties into my back garden. I replaced it with a 6ft fence last year but have had suspicions they still enter my garden as things would be moved, or I'd hear a ball being kicked over but when I'd go outside to look there wasn't one there.

Today I was in the garden and found 4 of their balls that must've been kicked over earlier today which I threw back - I always do throw the balls back, although sometimes it might be a day or two as I don't go out in the garden every day, am at work, can't be bothered going out there if its raining etc. They very rarely knock to ask for the balls back and rely on me throwing them over but if they do ask I give them back straight away.

So about half an hour later I hear all the kids in the garden (its warm and sunny here today so I've got windows and doors open)whining to the parents about how their balls are in my garden, and can't dad just lift the fence panel again so they can retrieve them. There are 2 that it seems I missed, ones in a bush and another one in the far corner and despite having 10+ balls and the 4 I've chucked back, they need these ones. They've seen them from looking over the fence I assume, they have a climbing frame near the fence which they can see over into my garden from. So anyway dad kind of fobs them off ineffectually but its clear this is what they've done more than once for them to even suggest it. They're still going on about it an hour later and saying well we'll climb over her gate then and get them that way.

This isn't on is it? I wouldn't have dared go in someones garden when I was a child and there's no way my parents would have allowed it either. I'm now trying to work out how I can stop them lifting the panel, because clearly although they didn't do it today they have and I'm sure will again. It feels really intrusive and unpleasant.

They're not tiny BTW, ages range from 8-13.

[Theyulelog]

God if it bothers the op then it bothers her. It’s her property, which she is entitled to enjoy. She is not able to relax or enjoy her garden without a stupid amount of footballs landing in her garden, having her fence parcel moved every time they enter the garden. It’s so fucking rude.
She doesn’t want to talk to them because she wants to keep the peace and is not a confrontational person.
The footballs have potential to cause damage to her property, I would be on edge enough because of that.
I hope they aren’t using the fence as a goal either or your fence will become loose over time.
Get those brackets and hopefully they will get the hint. After fixing the brackets don’t throw the balls back over, you’ve done enough of that. By fixing the brackets you are making a point that you know about the fence panel being moved and you aren’t happy about it the balls coming into your garden.
If it’s still happening then tough shit, the parents can buy them new balls and teach their kids some manners.

[TrashyPanda]

@Hosta13 - you know you are not being unreasonable.

Some folk will argue black is white. Not sure why.

Maybe they get a kick out of being perverse?

You are better than that. Just ignore troublemakers.

[KosherDill]

The notion that others' private property is fair game for children, or that kids can/should make as much noise as they wish, is so inexplicable. Who is raised to think that?

Noisy play is no pre-requisite to a happy and healthy childhood. If kids need to burn off energy and can't do so without infringing on the neighbours' privacy and enjoyment of their garden, they should be taken to a park or sports field or given a gym membership.

Kicking balls over a fence six or seven times in a month would be inexcuseable, let alone that many times in a day.

And I get where the OP is coming from mentioning the religion. My selfish, oafish neighors also profess to be "good Christians," including all sorts of stickers on their car, a sign in their front yard promoting Jesus, etc. etc. -- and they are the most inconsiderate, crass, ungodly, belligerent and rude people I've ever had to live near.

Jesus Christ would not approve of or endorse their attitudes or their actions. It's just a social club for them and an attempt to fend of criticism. They're also very un eco-friendly too using all sorts of pesticides and chemicals so much for reverence for "the Lord's" creations.

I started out trying to be friendly but in the end the bullshit was too much. The balls get stabbed and binned.

[mathanxiety]

You have spoken here about the anxiety you feel in your garden.

You mentioned three burglaries - apropos of what, exactly?

There is no such thing, objectively speaking, as a 'normal' amount of child noise. The other neighbours make very little noise, and that is the amount you are able to put up with. What you consider normal is actually your subjective opinion based on your preference. The next door children make a lot more noise. They kick a ball, they scream and shout. This is how a great many children play - actively and noisily. You might try walking past a school playground some time to confirm this. You will see some are playing quietly and some are playing noisily - screeching, yelling, barging around. All of that is normal.

If you haven't spoken to them much over the years I don't know how you have found out that their professed religion and religion-inspired values don't match up to their behaviour.

[navydear]

Am sorry but I'm still laughing at the extreme reactions on this post, the community police 🤣🤣🤣
Let them get their ball, why do you get so worked up. St least they are not knocking every five minutes asking you to get it. You live in an estate with neighbours and ur where you chose to live. These things are so petty to be getting so upset.
Honestly, this thread is funny but a mad type of funny. Can you not just smile and wave hello when they pull up the panels, I have no idea how something as trivial as what you have described has you so worked up

[PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn]

I have no idea why so many people think its acceptable for neighbours to repeatedly break into her property, but there you go...

[AppleButter]

@PollyPutTheKettleOnKettleOn - probably because they themselves don’t see a problem in overstepping boundaries so much. Thats why so many of us have awful neighbour problems (shrug) - barbed wire and closing off fence gaps helped me and my nice neighbours against the brats next door, and I hope OP gets the security and peace that she needs and deserves.

[wtfwasthatmate]

Oh god just ignore math. Like a dog with a bone.

You're not unreasonable op. I hope you get the fence fixed.

[Lhddujvf]

OP, just pretend you have a dog. Stab the balls! I'm sure they will then stop. If they're teenagers, they need to use a local park!

[Lhddujvf]

Or say you're minding a dog. A little white lie never harmed anyone 👍

[Fraaahnces]

They’re obviously not “Love Thy Neighbour” type Christians are they? I had neighbours who “parented” like that. I even caught one of their kids rooting around in our freezer for an ice lolly. She had climbed over her back fence and wandered straight in to the kitchen through our back door. Her mum was watching from her side and when I frog-marched her back home, she denied it had ever happened, because her kids “never lie.” (They had also stolen money and bits and pieces from our kids prior to that, and despite walking straight past me with them, they denied that their little angels were capable of such bad behaviour and they needed to “believe their kids no matter what.” And the “kids will be kids” bullshit excuse was wheeled out at every opportunity. Oh, and we lived about 300m from a supermarket, but she would lift her kids over the back fence to ask to “borrow” food items. I drew a map to the supermarket and a note saying “I think you have me confused.”

[Planetbippop]

My god, some of the replies! No wonder there are so many brats about.

Securing the fence sounds good in theory but if you prefer not to speak to them, you need to be mindful they will think of another way to get the balls back. Likely option is climbing over which may result in damage.

Hand on heart, I'd have a last go at speaking to them. I'd ask if it's possible to move the climbing frame away from the fence because the number of balls over the fence daily, has hit level ridiculous. If they say no, says it's fine & confirm you will no longer return balls as frequently (if at all), the fence will be secured & a camera fitted. Should any damage occur to the fence, that the camera confirms is caused by them/their children, you'll be reporting it to the police.

I do agree it's because you're on your own & seen as an easy target. That's why, for me, it's important to have the conversation. You're offering a possible solution & indicating what will be, if some simple/reasonable adjustments can't be made.

[AppleButter]

I also agree that because you are on your own, probably seen as quiet and nice, and easier to overstep rules with you. If you were a hurly former SAS type with a screamy wife, and loud teenage children, they would have more respect and not dare. Unfortunately.
So we quiet people have to stick up for ourselves, set boundaries, and I think they will listen. Especially once you start complaining, in writing, of trespass, and the balls start to mysteriously dissapear. Because you wouldn’t damage anyone elses property of course.
Take care, and be strong. Most of the world is entitled brats grown up.

[Jengnr]

If you haven’t spoken to them they don’t know it bothers you. No, they shouldn’t do it but they are so that’s the issue to tackle. You are attributing a lot of headspace to this and have created a huge narrative in your head based on very little.

Speak to them. If it still persists then take action. You’re allowing yourself to get really worked up about something that is probably very easily solved.

The teenager kicking a ball at the fence will be NOTHING to do with whether you have the radio on. But it’s a good example of how you’re building things up into something it isn’t.

[Fraaahnces]

I’d be getting a camera and THEN having one last chat with the parents with evidence of their trespass, etc. I would make it clear that it is disturbing your peace and it is illegal. If they don’t supervise their kids, you will accept any balls in your garden as gifts and donate them to your favourite charity.

[Treesandsheepeverywhere]

YANBU, entitled parents raise entitled kids. It's your property and you should be able to have privacy in your garden no matter where you live.
Even if it was throwing back one ball each day, that would be frustrating as it could be anytime.
Why do some people think the kids are entitled to go into someone's garden just because of where she lives.
This happens in million pound houses too, my ex boss has a son who used to pick his ball into next doors, one side never threw it back nor answered the door, the other let him into the garden to get it once and told him that would be the only time. He looked after his balls better as a result.
Respecting peoples property isn't so hard.

[Macaronichee]

Don’t stab the balls. That’s petty and small-minded. They’re just kids and there are worse things that they could do.

[KosherDill]

@Macaronichee

Don’t stab the balls. That’s petty and small-minded. They’re just kids and there are worse things that they could do.

The first time or two, maybe.

After that, they know what they're doing and don't care.

I started stabbing and binning balls, and the problem stopped. Job done.

[MRex]

Put up 2ft privacy trellis, pick one that's nice and sturdy. You can't beat them, but you can reduce their effect.

[Macaronichee]

They are being mildly annoying but they will grow out of the games. There is no mention of criminal damage being committed and you wouldn’t have known they had been there if you hadn’t overheard their conversation.
Destroying or damaging their property is criminal damage. Take the moral high ground rather than being vengeful. Don’t you remember how you viewed miserable neighbours when you were a child and how life affirming kind ones were?

[KosherDill]

@Macaronichee

They are being mildly annoying but they will grow out of the games. There is no mention of criminal damage being committed and you wouldn’t have known they had been there if you hadn’t overheard their conversation.
Destroying or damaging their property is criminal damage. Take the moral high ground rather than being vengeful. Don’t you remember how you viewed miserable neighbours when you were a child and how life affirming kind ones were?

Why shouldn't the neighbors be held to the high ground??

Why is it always that middle aged women are supposed to suppress their needs and preferences in service to everyone else??

She doesn't want them or their fucking balls in her garden. As is entirely her right. End of.

[Macaronichee]

I am a middle aged woman but would aim to act with more sense and dignity than 8-13 year old children, as I am sure the person posting, will. She has done so far.

[mathanxiety]

I am also a middle aged woman (with neighbours on both sides) and I second what Macaronichee says.

Life is too short to get all hot under the collar about your 'right' to have invisible and inaudible neighbours living a few feet from you.

[Fraaahnces]

Can you get a cut out of this?