35 and denied alcohol

[antisocialsocialclub]

Bit of a light hearted one but I am actually annoyed.

Also this isn’t a stealth boast or humble brag at all, because I didn’t come out of this feeling in any way flattered or superior 🤣

I’m 35. I’d like to set the scene by saying I look my age, maybe on a good day I look 30. No way do I look like I’m in my 20s. I definitely look old enough to drink. I have several fine lines and the face a woman of my age has just from existing.

Having a few friends around tonight so just popped out to the shop to get some snacks and a bit of alcohol. I went with DH.

We were at the conveyor belt and the cashier was putting the food through. Then she paused at the alcohol. She looked at DH and then at me and said to me “do you have ID?” I just laughed then realised she was serious. I said I had nothing on me, DH showed his but the cashier said ‘sorry I can’t serve you as I can’t be sure you won’t give the alcohol to points at me’

I laughed and said ‘I’m 35!’ but she wouldn’t budge. I considered asking for the manager but wimped out. Didn’t fancy making a scene for the same outcome.

To cut a long story short, DH had to leave the alcohol because his ‘child bride’ 🤣 left her wallet at home. I actually felt a bit awkward that she thought my 42 year old DH (greying hair and all) was with an under 25 year old. Or did she think I was some street child forcing DH to buy me booze 😊

I know cashiers need to check, I know it’s the law and it’s hard for them etc etc but 1. wow, if she thought I was under 25 I must have had a hard life and 2. I just don’t understand the logic in this situation.

DH was buying the alcohol I was just gormlessly stood with him. What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I think it’s madness. AIBU?

Also DH has just popped to another shop to get it and I decided I’d stay in the car like a naughty dog 😭 I’m 35!

YABU. It’s their job. I was id’ed for the first time in a couple of years today. I didn’t have anything so I apologised and left. Went to my
Local where they never ask

I also call out all those saying it's about test purchases and fines, test purchasers aren't allowed to lie about their age so it would be easy to say, How old are you?

But where I work we get two types of test purchases.

Those that are under 18 (by trading standards) and those that are 18-25 (by our store).

If we get a test purchase by our store, and they say they are 18/19 etc, we will fail and get disciplined if we don't ask for ID. So asking for age is irrelevant. We need to see ID.

And of course, it's not all about test purchases. It's about abiding by the law.

@BuanoKubiamVej

Not being allowed to buy alcohol with you have an older child with you definitely happens. There have been loads of threads about it. I have taken to sending DS12 to the car before heading to checkouts if there is booze in the trolley.

Nobody has said it never happens but sometimes it is really hard to tell if the alcohol is being bought for the adult or for the teens - especially when it is stuff like alcopops etc.

If it is clearly a parent and older teen doing the weekly shop and there is a bottle of wine in the trolley then I'm more than likely not going to ID anyone, but if it is a parent and older teen doing a "party" shop (eg lots of crisps/bottles of pop/cakes/nibbles/pizzas/birthday candles/banners etc) and it includes alcopops then I'm more likely to ID them, especially if the parent makes any suggestion that the party supplies are for the present teens party. I once had someone buying party supplies and as she was putting a box of Strongbow dark fruits on the end of the conveyor next to the box of WKD she very clearly asked her teenage son "Is this enough for everyone you've invited tomorrow night?" and he replied "Yeah that should be enough for us" ... this clearly indicated that the shopping was intended for his consumption so I asked for his ID, which he didn't have.

His mum then kicked off because I refused to let them have the alcohol because "I'm the one buying it, I'm the one paying!" And couldn't understand that because they had had the conversation in front of me I definitely knew the age restricted products were for her teenage son and so it would be classed as a proxy sale as I was knowingly selling it to her knowing it was for her son. Fortunately my supervisor backed me up and told the woman she wouldn't be getting her alcohol.

She shouted about contacting head office which I was happy for her to do, and we actually got an email from HO a few days later saying they had received her complaint and they had sent a reply basically saying "Sorry you felt you had a bad experience but our staff member was following policy and the law so get over it" but they also wanted to send an email to me to say they were pleased that I had upheld company policy, to reassure me I wasnt in trouble as I had done the right thing and were giving me a store gift voucher as a token of appreciation. That's one of the only times I've ever been happy to see an email from Head Office!

this clearly indicated that the shopping was intended for his consumption so I asked for his ID, which he didn't have

And not only his consumption, but other invitees that may well be under age. You did the right thing - but you know that already!

I refused someone eyebrow razors today. The guy was like.we got married yesterday (and?) Then called her a "overseas child bride" jokingly. Disgustingly he was much older, she was bame so.it just made him.look a dick.
The other day i refused paracetamol to a girl who was clearly under 20 and came to the till with it and a drink. I asked for I'd. She had none, so was refused. Her mum kicked off and said I will buy it then. I was like nope, cos your gonna give it to her. Explained the proxy rules. She said she would then walk out and walk in without her daughter to buy it. I told her as I had refused her service today that wouldn't work either as I knew who she was and it was for her daughter. She threw a massive fit and left. Not bothered over 45p love!

My 18 year old son is always ID'ed. He has no form of ID other than a passport....and I don't like him taking it out with him when he goes out with his mates (who are all 18)
When he was at school he had no educational ID/ NUS card, doesn't drive so has no driving licence, and he has a beard....
He looks the oldest of all his mates - in fact he IS the oldest!
Pubs locally also won't take a citizen card as too many variants and fakes on the market....

I feel so sorry for him as it's really hard!

@girlmom21

This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!

You don't carry your driving license in your purse?

Not everyone drives!!!

@ihatesoaps

My 18 year old son is always ID'ed. He has no form of ID other than a passport....and I don't like him taking it out with him when he goes out with his mates (who are all 18) When he was at school he had no educational ID/ NUS card, doesn't drive so has no driving licence, and he has a beard.... He looks the oldest of all his mates - in fact he IS the oldest! Pubs locally also won't take a citizen card as too many variants and fakes on the market....

I feel so sorry for him as it's really hard!

He doesn't need to drive to have a provisional licence. Both my kids got them just so they had I.D.

doesn't drive so has no driving licence

I don't drive (no need based on my circumstances) but I still have a driving licence and have done since the day I turned 17 and got my provisional licence, as did most - if not all- of my friends.

Pretty much every 18-25yr old I know has a provisional licence even if they have zero intention of learning to drive because it is the easiest and cheapest way to get valid ID for going out/buying alcohol etc instead of risking losing their passport, which is much more expensive and difficult to replace.

This pisses me off SO MUCH. It's also none of your effing business if I give alcohol to my under 18yo. It's not illegal, it's only illegal to sell it.

I was once in Waitrose buying snails, olives, pâtes, Roquefort and a bottle of pastis. I was ID'd but didn't have my wallet. I was 31. What kind of 17yo buys that stuff? Surely it's proof enough that I'm over 25

In response to those saying my son can get a provisional licence....he can't as he has epilepsy so will probably never drive.

@ihatesoaps

In response to those saying my son can get a provisional licence....he can't as he has epilepsy so will probably never drive.

Ah, that is definitely more problematic. Sorry to hear that.

It's hard especially as when he was 14/15 he was constantly being charged for adult fares on bus and train...even when he was in school uniform!

Someone close to me had to go back and get a wallet to show ID for ‘challenge 25’ to buy non-alchoholic beer. They’re pretty close to 50.

I really don’t understand this rule, because you can drink alcohol at home if you are over the age of five.

The stupidest ID incident I had was when me, DH and DS (age 1) were doing a food shop in Morrisons. I needed a new vegetable knife so it was in with the shop. Cashier didn’t even really seem bothered about ages, she said to dh he looked old enough to buy it but said to him “but what is she (pointing at me) going to do with this?” waving the knife. I was taken aback by her tone and all I could think to say was ‘peel potatoes’ as that’s literally what I planned to do with my new veg knife once home, it was very odd!

She gave me a lecture about how dangerous knives can be and are used as weapons etc dh and I were just looking at each other like wtf? It was a bizarre interaction

She sold us the knife though in the end, weird!

@MadameFantabulosa

I really don’t understand this rule, because you can drink alcohol at home if you are over the age of five.

What you do with the alcohol that I sell you is not my issue as long as I have plausible deniability that allows me to sell the item to you in good faith that it is not being bought for someone underage.

If you buy a bottle of wine and then take it home to share with your 6yo then that's on you and I have done everything legally as I had no way to know you were buying it for your underage child.

However, if you come to my checkout with your wine and say "I'm buying this for my 6 year old" then I no longer have plausible deniability as you have explicitly told me that you are buying an age restricted item for an underage person which then makes the sale illegal as it is a proxy sale.

It's like when people come up to the cigarette and lottery kiosk with their children ... one customer says "Hey Timmy, choose one of these scratchcards for me" and I will happily sell them the scratchcard chosen by the child. The next customer says "Hey Tommy, which scratchcard do you want?" and I can't sell the card chosen by the child as it would be a proxy sale as I have strong reason to belive that the scratchcard is being bought for a child. Two very similar situations but the nuance of the question is what gives me the ability to authorise the sale - the first parent is engaging their child in their decision but the second is asking the child what they want.

@ihatesoaps

In response to those saying my son can get a provisional licence....he can't as he has epilepsy so will probably never drive.

Then you have to start letting him take his passport out as he is an adult and has to be responsible for his own property. If he loses it then its on him to replace it.

Sorry @antisocialsocialclub you are bing unreasonable. The cashier was correct doing her job.

When it was check 18 or 21 it was easier to guess if people were old enough but challenge 25 is so hard.

I am 42. I am fat. I don't look my age (when i have kept up with colouring my grey hair). My friend is 26, she was buying a bottle of wine and was id'd because I was with her and they thought she was OK but I was too young. The bigger irony is I don't drink.

The fine is £10,000 & is personally for the person who made the sale if it goes to court.

Trading standards have and do use underage people as well as people whose age is questionable by a few and a lot of years. They also check for the suspicion of buying for an underage person.

People can and do lose their jobs.

Smile, take it as a compliment and move on

@MadameFantabulosa

I really don’t understand this rule, because you can drink alcohol at home if you are over the age of five.

What don't you understand?

There's a big difference between a parent being responsible for giving their child some alcohol at home, and people (friends, strangers etc) buying alcohol specifically for the use of under 18's.

Honestly Check 25 does my head in. I'm used to it at this point as I'm 27 and can never even buy none alcoholic beer without my ID.

The legal age for booze is 18 fgs! And I never had difficulty buying it at under 18 from the dodgy shopkeepers that are everywhere anyway.

And actually I did have someone refuse to sell my mother wine when I was out shopping with her as 'I can't sell it when you're with HER' with a point at me.

I was 21 at the time. I just got my ID and paid for the lot myself.

Yanbu! I can understand them asking for ID, but don’t see why they couldn’t sell it to DH. That is weird. I never have problem buying alcohol when I’m out with dd. I don’t think the check out person fully understood the rules?

For those who have no ID because they can't or don't drive, you can buy a PASS card from the post office for £15.

www.postoffice.co.uk/identity/pass-card

I agree with you OP. I sympathise with the shop staff because I can't imagine there is very clear guidance for them to follow in relation to people being accompanied by possible minors they may possibly be buying for - e.g. if an adult is with a 10 year old presumably it's ok to sell to them but if it's a 13 year old it's not? If they are buying a nice port does that raise fewer alarms than a load of wkds?

I don't see how any kind of consistent policy might be possible with proxy sales. Leaving aside the whole fact that over 5s are allowed to drink alcohol at home anyway, so what could be wrong with an adult parent buying alcohol for their teen to drink later at home; how can you decide whether or not the alcohol is for the child, unless they clearly discuss it or give the game away in the shop?

We've encountered people who gave their 9yo bottles of WKD, because 'it helps to soothe him'; and yet, if he were in a supermarket with a parent buying them for him, I'm guessing most staff would assume he was just there with his mum and not dream the booze was for him.

You could have appallingly irresponsible parents buying alcohol to give to their baby or toddler, and nobody would refuse the sale because they were there with a very young child.

Yet a parent who is in with their 17yo child would likely be prevented from buying - even if it is very much for themselves and the teenager has no interest in the alcohol.