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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 and denied alcohol

258 replies

antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 14:35

Bit of a light hearted one but I am actually annoyed.

Also this isn’t a stealth boast or humble brag at all, because I didn’t come out of this feeling in any way flattered or superior 🤣

I’m 35. I’d like to set the scene by saying I look my age, maybe on a good day I look 30. No way do I look like I’m in my 20s. I definitely look old enough to drink. I have several fine lines and the face a woman of my age has just from existing.

Having a few friends around tonight so just popped out to the shop to get some snacks and a bit of alcohol. I went with DH.

We were at the conveyor belt and the cashier was putting the food through. Then she paused at the alcohol. She looked at DH and then at me and said to me “do you have ID?” I just laughed then realised she was serious. I said I had nothing on me, DH showed his but the cashier said ‘sorry I can’t serve you as I can’t be sure you won’t give the alcohol to points at me’

I laughed and said ‘I’m 35!’ but she wouldn’t budge. I considered asking for the manager but wimped out. Didn’t fancy making a scene for the same outcome.

To cut a long story short, DH had to leave the alcohol because his ‘child bride’ 🤣 left her wallet at home. I actually felt a bit awkward that she thought my 42 year old DH (greying hair and all) was with an under 25 year old. Or did she think I was some street child forcing DH to buy me booze 😊

I know cashiers need to check, I know it’s the law and it’s hard for them etc etc but 1. wow, if she thought I was under 25 I must have had a hard life and 2. I just don’t understand the logic in this situation.

DH was buying the alcohol I was just gormlessly stood with him. What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I think it’s madness. AIBU?

Also DH has just popped to another shop to get it and I decided I’d stay in the car like a naughty dog 😭 I’m 35!

OP posts:
WeCouldBeSpearows · 19/03/2022 10:55

@BoredZelda

But IDing someone that I know is 22 is also a waste of time and I have to do that too.

That is a misapplication of the policy. The challenge is for anyone you you don’t think is over 25. If you know their age, IDing them is pointless.

I agree it's pointless. But the question was raised and we were advised that we should still ID them as we can't be sure it's not a test purchase by the company.
Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 19/03/2022 10:57

It leaves no room for doubt, no offending people because you did or didn't ID them (I've had both!). Just a straightforward policy of ID is required in order to buy age restricted products.

That makes sense in my situation if the cashier IDed both my DH and me but she didn’t, she just IDed me.

OP posts:
WeCouldBeSpearows · 19/03/2022 11:08

@BoredZelda

It leaves no room for doubt, no offending people because you did or didn't ID them (I've had both!). Just a straightforward policy of ID is required in order to buy age restricted products.

Except that there are people who have neither a passport nor a driving licence. Forcing anyone clearly over legal age to have one to be able to buy things is ridiculous. When did we start being so afraid of things we stopped using common sense. IDing pensioners for products? What nonsense.

Other ID options are available.

And I have agreed it's a waste of time. But if you risked being disciplined, sacked or fined for not being cautious enough, and risked annoying your customers and getting flack at best and aggression/violence at worst for being too cautious, you might see things differently.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 19/03/2022 11:28

Except that there are people who have neither a passport nor a driving licence. Forcing anyone clearly over legal age to have one to be able to buy things is ridiculous. When did we start being so afraid of things we stopped using common sense. IDing pensioners for products? What nonsense.

That's a very significant point, actually - a lot of people won't have ID; and of those who do, they may have a driving licence in a purse or wallet close by, but who has their passport to hand at all times when in their own country? If you're clearly over 70, your face is your obvious ID that you carry with you at all times!

I'd be interested to know if it would work the other way as well, if common sense is jettisoned and only ID accepted. If somebody who looked 85 showed you ID that suggested they were 19, would you not think to challenge that? In fact, what would you do if somebody was very clearly about 8 (with voice and mannerisms to match), but had (presumably fake) ID that said they were 19? Are we saying that we don't just accept common sense alone but that, in fact, we deny it completely?

I disagree with a blanket policy of asking everybody, however old, for ID. What would happen if every profession did that and not just shop workers selling booze?

Would you have pensioners out for a walk in the park being stopped to check if their parents know that they're out on their own (which, ironically, they probably wouldn't) and 'just wanting to check that you're safe'?

Bearing in mind that, if an on-duty police officer or other official did see a very young person out alone who later came to harm, whom they hadn't approached or challenged, they could be questioned about their potential dereliction of duty....

As for being asked for proof of age to buy teaspoons and fruit juice, we really must have gone mad. What percentage of teaspoons are used for preparing drugs vs those used for stirring drinks or eating yoghurt? I could probably kill somebody with a big bottle of Coke or a tin of potatoes, should I be so inclined - should we demand proof that the buyer is over 18 to buy these (and also assume, against all proven statistics, that almost all violent acts are perpetrated by children and not adults)?

Nocaloriesinchocolate · 19/03/2022 11:29

On the other hand I was once refused an OAP discount on a cinema ticket because the cashier did nt think I looked old enough (I was/am). It was worth agreeing to pay the full price for the lift it gave me all day!

User65412 · 19/03/2022 11:37

I used to work on the checkouts and we were told that if cctv caught a person of age giving alcohol to underage person outside, the store could lose its licence, be fined and we would be dismissed (if we hadn't asked the other person for ID at the checkout). Although unlikely to ever be able to prove this is real life, it was the fear of mystery shoppers from the company that we were all afraid of as apparently they would do this to test stores.
So yes it's OTT but I do understand!

berlinbabylon · 19/03/2022 12:15

Amazon are another who take it too far. The driver if delivering drink, knives, vapes etc have to ask for photo ID regardless

and yet it can't be a requirement for online deliveries because I order wine from other providers and they just leave the boxes at the door if I am not in! I pay by debit, not credit, card, so it's not that I need to be 18 to hold the payment method,, either.

FloBot7 · 19/03/2022 13:22

Although unlikely to ever be able to prove this is real life, it was the fear of mystery shoppers from the company that we were all afraid of as apparently they would do this to test stores.

My 16 year old cousin took part in a mystery shopping test so your fear is well founded. She could easily pass for over 18. It's so hard with girls these days.

BoredZelda · 19/03/2022 14:03

Other ID options are available.

Not really, not which are widely accepted and available to all.

And I have agreed it's a waste of time. But if you risked being disciplined, sacked or fined for not being cautious enough, and risked annoying your customers and getting flack at best and aggression/violence at worst for being too cautious, you might see things differently.

If my employer disciplined me for selling alcohol to someone who was clearly, to anyone who has eyes, over 25, I’d be quitting that job and going somewhere else.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 19/03/2022 14:08

If my employer disciplined me for selling alcohol to someone who was clearly, to anyone who has eyes, over 25, I’d be quitting that job and going somewhere else

We are never going to agree on this, and that is completely fine with me.

But this last post made me laugh. We both know that's not what I'm talking about 🤣🤣

Rosewaterblossom · 19/03/2022 14:21

I find it funny now I'm in my mid to late 30s! Purely on the fact how ridiculous it's all become 🙄 😁 You've got people being asked for ID who are double the legal age to buy alcohol who probably weren't asked when they were 18!

On the occasion I get asked, I just smile because if this person does think I just happen to be 38 who looks 24 but might just be 17 then they either clearly need to go specsavers or the whole system has just become a joke! 😁

TheEarthIsNotFlat · 19/03/2022 14:54

Years ago, I was in a Tesco superstore with an ex. We were both around 28. Anyway, he returned to the car as his broken ankle was getting quite sore. I got to the checkout and got ID’d, which I handed over. The woman said ‘what about the bloke you were with?!!’ I tried to query it but she was having none of it. My ex had no ID so I had to leave the store with no booze. Tbh it actually felt quite creepy that she’d been watching us like that.

Jowel · 19/03/2022 15:26

There is athing in US airports about arding everyone, just to avoid problems. Might have been a similar thing there.

Hobnobswantshernameback · 19/03/2022 15:32

Reckon you must be Benjamin Button OP and you're just getting younger by the year

Phyllis321 · 20/03/2022 07:39

@VampireMoney my 90 year old dad was refused the beers he'd been sent via Amazon as he has neither driving licence or passport. 90!

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 10:19

@Phyllis321 it's bonkers! If Amazon want to ID people for alcohol then it needs doing before purchase, not on the bloody doorstep when they've happily taken your money at checkout! Or at the very least brief their drivers to exercise common sense! I don't drive or travel abroad so no drivers licence or passport. I'm forty odd, my face is my ID 😂

MadameFantabulosa · 20/03/2022 13:29

@Phyllis321 same for my elderly Mum! I sent her some wine, and the driver wouldn’t leave it with her as she had neither passport nor driving licence. Crazy!

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 13:52

[quote VampireMoney]@Phyllis321 it's bonkers! If Amazon want to ID people for alcohol then it needs doing before purchase, not on the bloody doorstep when they've happily taken your money at checkout! Or at the very least brief their drivers to exercise common sense! I don't drive or travel abroad so no drivers licence or passport. I'm forty odd, my face is my ID 😂[/quote]
If Amazon delivered your parcel of alcohol or knives to your 16 year old neighbour because you'd proved you were old enough to buy them would you be happy?

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 14:39

@girlmom21 I'd expect if someone who was quite obviously a child opened the door they'd ask for the adult, just like they do here when my DC answer the door.

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 14:41

The bottom line is someone who is obviously a pensioner or someone clearly in their forties or fifties shouldn't need IDIng. Common sense seems to be a dying trait.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 14:43

[quote VampireMoney]@girlmom21 I'd expect if someone who was quite obviously a child opened the door they'd ask for the adult, just like they do here when my DC answer the door. [/quote]
When I was 22 and living in my own house I was asked if my parents were in. So they'd need to see ID if they were delivering to me then. Which is the whole point.

Svalberg · 20/03/2022 17:25

@girlmom21 When I was 22 and living in my own house I was asked if my parents were in. So they'd need to see ID if they were delivering to me then. Which is the whole point

The whole point is that a pensioner, especially a 90 year old, wouldn't be mistaken for a 22 year old, and that common sense should be used. Hth.

girlmom21 · 20/03/2022 17:30

[quote Svalberg]**@girlmom21 When I was 22 and living in my own house I was asked if my parents were in. So they'd need to see ID if they were delivering to me then. Which is the whole point

The whole point is that a pensioner, especially a 90 year old, wouldn't be mistaken for a 22 year old, and that common sense should be used. Hth.[/quote]
No but if a 90 year old gave their ID at the point of purchase, and the delivery driver got a notification that said "ID confirmed - recipient is over 18" (which was the suggestion I was responding to) and the driver gets to the door and a 15 year old answers, but his device says that they've already proved they're over 18, and he hands over the goods, who's at fault?

The delivery driver? The 15 year old? The 90 year old? Amazon?

VampireMoney · 20/03/2022 19:57

Look it's called challenge 25. Having worked in both retail and hospitality you only challenge you're unsure if they're over 25. I'd say if you can't tell if a forty something or fifty something or a pensioner is over 25 then you need to go to Specsavers.

And if a 16 year old answers the door to a delivery driver then common sense dictates that you ask for an adult. That's what they do here as standard even if it's just a regular delivery and not alcohol/knives or whatever.

Seems common sense is also lacking on MN these days too.

Greenandcabbagelooking · 20/03/2022 20:05

I recently got ID'd for purchasing alcohol free cider. I'm in my 30s, and was wearing my work lanyard which says "I'm proud to teach at XYZ School". And the cider was alcohol free. There was no alcohol, it's just fizzy juice in a fancy bottle.

I had no ID, so no alcohol free cider for me.