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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 and denied alcohol

258 replies

antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 14:35

Bit of a light hearted one but I am actually annoyed.

Also this isn’t a stealth boast or humble brag at all, because I didn’t come out of this feeling in any way flattered or superior 🤣

I’m 35. I’d like to set the scene by saying I look my age, maybe on a good day I look 30. No way do I look like I’m in my 20s. I definitely look old enough to drink. I have several fine lines and the face a woman of my age has just from existing.

Having a few friends around tonight so just popped out to the shop to get some snacks and a bit of alcohol. I went with DH.

We were at the conveyor belt and the cashier was putting the food through. Then she paused at the alcohol. She looked at DH and then at me and said to me “do you have ID?” I just laughed then realised she was serious. I said I had nothing on me, DH showed his but the cashier said ‘sorry I can’t serve you as I can’t be sure you won’t give the alcohol to points at me’

I laughed and said ‘I’m 35!’ but she wouldn’t budge. I considered asking for the manager but wimped out. Didn’t fancy making a scene for the same outcome.

To cut a long story short, DH had to leave the alcohol because his ‘child bride’ 🤣 left her wallet at home. I actually felt a bit awkward that she thought my 42 year old DH (greying hair and all) was with an under 25 year old. Or did she think I was some street child forcing DH to buy me booze 😊

I know cashiers need to check, I know it’s the law and it’s hard for them etc etc but 1. wow, if she thought I was under 25 I must have had a hard life and 2. I just don’t understand the logic in this situation.

DH was buying the alcohol I was just gormlessly stood with him. What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I think it’s madness. AIBU?

Also DH has just popped to another shop to get it and I decided I’d stay in the car like a naughty dog 😭 I’m 35!

OP posts:
Cheesewiz · 18/03/2022 15:00

I'm 35, I never buy alcohol or cigs so rarely have to show Id but I have 9 and 8 year old and regularly get asked if they are mine, and then followed by "oh, you don't look old enough" or "did you have a teenage pregnancy?" taxi driver recently thought I was big sister taking siblings to school 🤣. I kinda love it though

Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 15:00

@berlinbabylon

thankfully I had a scan of my passport on my phone so I always have age verification on me

I'm surprised they accept a scan.

Waitrose are another level though. They put under 18s to serve on the cigarette counter...you go there to buy age-restricted items, so you want someone over 18 on there to sell them! not to have to hang around for ages while the supervisor chats with their colleagues (partners) before coming over to press a button. When I commented the girl said "well I can sell lottery tickets" (not anymore)

Waitrose are another level though

This was Waitrose 👀

OP posts:
MadameHeisenberg · 18/03/2022 15:01

This happened to me in duty free at the airport the previous week. I didn’t really follow what was happening at first and then when I realised I weirdly felt embarrassed and couldn’t remember my DOB! (It took me back to 20+ years ago when I was actually underage and trying to pass myself off as older)! I told the cashier… but I’m 41 and she insisted I show ID. I had to rummage around for my passport and after that she finally served me.

I do look a bit younger, but I certainly don’t look anywhere near being underage, so I can’t understand it. Is it a power thing? Or do they get into trouble if they serve someone too young and so are extremely over-cautious?

Bananabutter · 18/03/2022 15:01

They can’t budge once they’ve asked. If they ask, they have to see ID or they can’t sell it.

NeverChange · 18/03/2022 15:02

It's well known that a lot of young people working in retail request ID from people who clearly over over 25 just to break up the day and relieve the boredom.

We used to do it many years ago when I worked in a supermarket. We would go to the pub afterwards and the person who got the most entertaining reaction (meltdown, abuse, I'll have your job, I want to speak to the manager, I'm old enough to be your mum etc.) would drink for free. Very immature but it's sometimes very dull being on a checkout all day.

I'm in my late 30s and got asked recently. Just gave him my driver's license and asked if he was a bit bored. Very obvious I'm not underage.

berlinbabylon · 18/03/2022 15:03

Or do they get into trouble if they serve someone too young and so are extremely over-cautious they do, but their employers overinterpret the rules and the whole notion of think 25 is ludicrous when you only have to be 18 to purchase.

I obviously look old because I've never been asked for ID, even with masks Grin

Blossom64265 · 18/03/2022 15:04

Just carry your ID like a responsible adult.

And yes, sometimes it means a parent with their older child gets denied. It’s a rare complication easily solved for most families by not approaching the register together. Families with a special needs teen may still face issues.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/03/2022 15:04

I get ID'd a lot and I look (and am) much older than 25. I find if I go to a younger cashier they know I'm older but if I go to an older cashier (anything from about 60+) they ask. Maybe it's harder to discern age between 20 and 30 when you are older?

Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 15:05

@berlinbabylon

Or do they get into trouble if they serve someone too young and so are extremely over-cautious they do, but their employers overinterpret the rules and the whole notion of think 25 is ludicrous when you only have to be 18 to purchase.

I obviously look old because I've never been asked for ID, even with masks Grin

🤣 I’ve been considering Botox on my 11 lines recently so I definitely look my age!
OP posts:
PurBal · 18/03/2022 15:05

About 10 years ago our local Tesco got in all sorts of trouble because the 17 year old daughter was with her mum when she was buying alcohol and they refused to serve her. The also wouldn’t serve an 18 year old who they knew was in a relationship with a 17 year old (despite the fact that the GF wasn’t there). It was whacky. I wasn’t allowed to buy nail polish remover at 21, still don’t know why. The last time DH got IDd the barman apologised when he realised he was well into his thirties.

sellingupslow · 18/03/2022 15:05

@berlinbabylon Ive weirdly never had any issues showing a scan and have done it a fair few times! Tbf I should probably just remember my ID but since I don't often go into the shops to buy age restricted items, I'm useless at remembering 😬

sqirrelfriends · 18/03/2022 15:07

My mum once got denied a bottle of wine for a dinner party because I was with her. I was about 14 or 15 at the time.

She tried to argue that I was her daughter and that if she wanted to buy alcohol for me she could without me being present but the cashier just dug her feet in.

JudgeJ · 18/03/2022 15:10

@ImInStealthMode

A 52 year old friend was ID'd for wine the other week, she was delighted!

I once got asked for ID for a weekend newspaper, back in the days when they gave away a DVD with the supplement. The film was an 18. I didn't actually want the DVD and asked them to keep it and just give me the paper, but no deal. I was about 29 at the time Hmm.

We were turned 60 when we found put that New Mexico id's everyone, we were quite flattered at first!
sqirrelfriends · 18/03/2022 15:11

@PurBal

About 10 years ago our local Tesco got in all sorts of trouble because the 17 year old daughter was with her mum when she was buying alcohol and they refused to serve her. The also wouldn’t serve an 18 year old who they knew was in a relationship with a 17 year old (despite the fact that the GF wasn’t there). It was whacky. I wasn’t allowed to buy nail polish remover at 21, still don’t know why. The last time DH got IDd the barman apologised when he realised he was well into his thirties.
Was this Tesco in Cornwall by any chance?

The one I'm thinking of denied my mum when I was a teen and again my bf because they saw him entering with someone else. I joined him at the tills with my shopping and quite happily showed my ID The cashier was very put out.

Floydthebarber · 18/03/2022 15:12

I had the assistant at an Aldi self-service till press the 'over 25' button WITHOUT EVEN SEEING MY FACE! I clearly have the back of a woman in her late thirties.

MaudieandMe · 18/03/2022 15:12

@Bananabutter

They can’t budge once they’ve asked. If they ask, they have to see ID or they can’t sell it.
Nope, there’s no law that states this.

It’s just shops own policy and I’d complain to a manager if I was inconvenienced in this way.

MrsGHarrison87 · 18/03/2022 15:13

I get asked occasionally. I'm 34. I don't look my age but there's no way on earth I look under 28.

Thegoodandbadlife · 18/03/2022 15:15

It’s annoying but it’s to protect the chashier and the business sadly and not risk fine and dismissal. Annoying when I worked for the formentioned supermarket that was policy to ID those with the person purchasing the adult to rule out it was being bought intentionally for them. Unfortunately the price of serving a minor is sadly for the company far worse than the hassle of asking for ID. In my area it was often known police would do spot checks so was bloody cautious. Sadly though speaking to a manager wouldn’t have got you anywhere. They have to back up the cashier re age restricted items if they want to ID

TerryChoc · 18/03/2022 15:17

Unless it’s a shop that knows me, I will always get ID’d. I’m 32 and when I’m a supermarket or whatever I my ID out alongside my bank card.
Fine, I don’t think I look young but I know my age 🤷‍♀️. What I disagree is when I am with say my 13 year old niece and get denied because I’m clearly buying it for her 🙄

nettytree · 18/03/2022 15:18

@girlmom21

When I was a teenager my dad was buying my sister - who was 16/17 - alcohol for a party and the woman stacking the shelves heard her saying what she wanted and went and grassed them up to the cashier 😂
I'm a checkout manager and we have to train all our staff in proxy sales.
TerryChoc · 18/03/2022 15:18

I get*

Svara · 18/03/2022 15:19

I see many school girls, in uniform so no older than 16, that I would guess to be, not over 25, but early 20s if they were out of uniform. Maybe that's why it's 25 and not 21? Point is, it can be very hard to tell these days.

JauntyJinty · 18/03/2022 15:19

I'm in my 30s (going to stick to that for now as it won't be true in a few months!) and last summer was ordering drinks at a bar. I was asked for ID so went to get my drivers licence and they said" Oh don't worry, I was only joking!" Grin Grin lucky I've got a sense of humor!

HemanOrSheRa · 18/03/2022 15:19

I'm 50 soon. I got ID'd a few weeks ago Grin. The young woman on the checkout had to call for the manager as she was under 18. He came over and asked if I had ID with me. I roared with laughter and said 'Of course I don't, I'm almost 50!' I was so chuffed I gladly handed the wine back to him. Obviously I then went to my car and messaged everyone telling them the good news Grin.

Hopeful16 · 18/03/2022 15:21

DH and I were in a similar situation when in a supermarket on a camping holiday and had to leave the drink behind as neither of us had ID. I thought it was odd as we were both late 30s and buying a few bottles of real ale type beers - hardly the choice of underage drinkers!
Like you, we just felt inconvenienced and daft!