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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 and denied alcohol

258 replies

antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 14:35

Bit of a light hearted one but I am actually annoyed.

Also this isn’t a stealth boast or humble brag at all, because I didn’t come out of this feeling in any way flattered or superior 🤣

I’m 35. I’d like to set the scene by saying I look my age, maybe on a good day I look 30. No way do I look like I’m in my 20s. I definitely look old enough to drink. I have several fine lines and the face a woman of my age has just from existing.

Having a few friends around tonight so just popped out to the shop to get some snacks and a bit of alcohol. I went with DH.

We were at the conveyor belt and the cashier was putting the food through. Then she paused at the alcohol. She looked at DH and then at me and said to me “do you have ID?” I just laughed then realised she was serious. I said I had nothing on me, DH showed his but the cashier said ‘sorry I can’t serve you as I can’t be sure you won’t give the alcohol to points at me’

I laughed and said ‘I’m 35!’ but she wouldn’t budge. I considered asking for the manager but wimped out. Didn’t fancy making a scene for the same outcome.

To cut a long story short, DH had to leave the alcohol because his ‘child bride’ 🤣 left her wallet at home. I actually felt a bit awkward that she thought my 42 year old DH (greying hair and all) was with an under 25 year old. Or did she think I was some street child forcing DH to buy me booze 😊

I know cashiers need to check, I know it’s the law and it’s hard for them etc etc but 1. wow, if she thought I was under 25 I must have had a hard life and 2. I just don’t understand the logic in this situation.

DH was buying the alcohol I was just gormlessly stood with him. What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I think it’s madness. AIBU?

Also DH has just popped to another shop to get it and I decided I’d stay in the car like a naughty dog 😭 I’m 35!

OP posts:
WeCouldBeSpearows · 18/03/2022 17:08

@itssunnytoday

I'm pretty sure they aren't allowed to refuse alcohol to someone that has ID, even if they are with someone that doesn't have ID? What business if there's is it what I do with my alcohol after I've paid for it ?
You are wrong. We are allowed to refuse to sell to anyone, for any or for no reason.

It is an offence to sell alcohol to a person over 18 if you know that it is being purchased for a person under 18. It is also difficult to prove that you didn't know it was for someone under 18, if they were at the till together - so if there is any doubt, it will be refused.

Zazdar · 18/03/2022 17:10

My husband got asked for ID in a bar when he was 37

Mine was asked for ID when he was 42. He’s not bald but certainly didn’t look like a teenager.

He queried it and was told that it was company policy.

mummyh2016 · 18/03/2022 17:12

I'm 32 and whilst I don't look 32 I don't look 25 either. I still get id'd in Morrison's every single time, all other supermarkets I'm okay. I find the staff in Morrison's to be older than other stores though (talking 60+) so I just put it down to the staff thinking anyone under say 40 is a child Grin

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 18/03/2022 17:13

What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I had this exact scenario play out, when I was in Asda a few years ago. I had travelled to see my 19 year old daughter, who was at Uni in a town a few hours away. I was booked in to a hotel. Plan was to have dinner with DD, then she was going out clubbing, and I was going to go back to my room, drink wine and watch TV. The cashier in Asda would not allow me to buy any wine, because my 19 y/o daughter didn't have any ID. I said it was for me (late 40's), but they wouldn't sell it to me, in case I gave it to her. In the end a Manager was called and they relented, but it took about 20 minutes of chin scratching and faffing on their part. The crazy part to me, was that I had never had this happen previously, when my kids were even younger. I would not have had any trouble if DD was, say 10.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 18/03/2022 17:15

What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

We are allowed to sell in that instance. The law allowed parents to give children over 5 alcohol at home, so that isn't considered a potential proxy sale.

TortugaRumCakeQueen · 18/03/2022 17:17

@mummyh2016

I'm 32 and whilst I don't look 32 I don't look 25 either. I still get id'd in Morrison's every single time, all other supermarkets I'm okay. I find the staff in Morrison's to be older than other stores though (talking 60+) so I just put it down to the staff thinking anyone under say 40 is a child Grin
I think this is it. I got queried when I was about 49! The cashier was very old and short sighted. I laughed thinking they were joking, so they screwed up their face and stared hard at me, and then rescinded. I mean, I could pass for 40 on a good day, maybe, but come on now!
alexdgr8 · 18/03/2022 17:18

@itssunnytoday

I'm pretty sure they aren't allowed to refuse alcohol to someone that has ID, even if they are with someone that doesn't have ID? What business if there's is it what I do with my alcohol after I've paid for it ?
because proxy sales are an offence under the Licensing Act 2004, i think it;s section 149. the business could lose its licence if it allows proxy sales of alcohol. and test purchases are often made by enforcing authorities.
alexdgr8 · 18/03/2022 17:19

and of course they can refuse to sell any item to any person.
you have no right to purchase anything.

BrightonBunny · 18/03/2022 17:24

This happens all the time - the staff have to randomly ask people for ID as well as people they suspect may be U25. Tesco staff are put through disciplinary procedures when they fail to ask for ID from secret customers who are 24, but look much older. It's fucking mental.

I was asked in Sainsburys when I was 51, so I guess they have the same policy.

OatmilkandCookies · 18/03/2022 17:24

The day after our wedding, DH went to Asda to pick up something nice for dinner and picked a nice bottle of wine to go with it and we were denied as neither of us had ID- we were 24 and 26! And I thought me saying oh I'll just get husband to see it he has his might have worked but it didn't 😂 I mean it was a nice bottle of red wine, not a litre of cider or a bottle of Buckfast!

YouCantTourniquetTheTaint · 18/03/2022 17:29

Yeah I'm 36 and get ID'd when buying baccy, I was also recently ID'd for energy drinks and ibuprofen, that was fun. They look at me kinda funny, then ask if I've got id.

I get it though, I used to work in retail, so I know Think 25 very well. Once they have asked you, you need to prove you're over 25, or if under 25 you need to prove you're over 18.

Basically everyone who looks under 25 gets ID'd because the ramifications of serving alcohol or restricted products to under 18s includes fines, job loss, and prison, for example you sell a knife to a 17yo they murder someone with the knife, you risk prison because you sold the item that was used to kill. I know someone who lost their job for selling a restricted item in a test purchase by the council, they'd worked there for years, and was part of the furniture, but mgmt needed to follow guidelines.

That's why I keep my id with me, just in case.

Topseyt · 18/03/2022 17:30

I am 55 and have only ever been asked for ID once. I was in my forties at the time and was buying teaspoons!

I thought it was bizarre at the time, and funny. I've since learned that they are popular with drug addicts, who use them to heat up and then snort their fixes. Maybe that is why, but it still doesn't explain why someone might have thought I looked under 25, flattering as that may be.

milveycrohn · 18/03/2022 17:32

Yes, it happened to me because I had my DS with me who was then 25!
Wouldn't sell me the alcohol, in case I gave it to him.
I was in my 60s.
Very irritating, and I rarely go in that shop now.

brokengoalposts · 18/03/2022 17:35

My sister was refused alcohol at a check out earlier this year, she's 59. She just laughed and skipped out of the store. I mean, she doesn't look 59, but she looks under 25 even less! Fgs

brokengoalposts · 18/03/2022 17:37

Those people being carded in the US, I've seen a woman in her 80's being carded as they just said "everyone is being carded today". Ridiculous but it happens pretty often.

Porthia · 18/03/2022 17:37

I got ID’d in M&S lst year (I think wearing a mask makes it more difficult for people to be fair) but I was buying a £15 bottle of Prosecco along with quite a lot of other naice food. Makes me wonder how many under age drinkers would really be trying their luck by adding a £10 fish pie to their basket,

I didn’t have ID but got my phone out and showed the cashier the endless photos of me with my three children over the years on my phone - pointing out that my oldest is almost 10 and I was 29 when she was born.,, she let me buy the wine!

DontCallMeBaby · 18/03/2022 17:39

DD’s two friends got refused service a few weeks back, as one had ID and the other didn’t. They’re identical twins … and yes I get that the shop assistant had no choice, but it still makes me laugh 😂 They are VERY alike, no mistaking them for ‘just’ sisters.

Meanwhile DD is 18 today and gone out to buy booze with her friend who’s still 17. They plan on parting company before the checkout 🧐

glowingcandle · 18/03/2022 17:42

This shows how vain I am but I absolutely love it when I get ID'd. I always have my driving licence in my purse so it's not a problem, maybe I'd feel differently if I was actually refused the sale.

I do understand your frustration but I was a cashier many years ago and the penalties if you get caught are really harsh so I can kind of see both sides.

JustOneMoreStep · 18/03/2022 17:45

I was in a similar situation at Christmas. Refused alcohol because I was shopping with my profoundly disabled brother who didn't have any ID. Annoyingly, he doesnt have any ID as his disability makes travel challenging so he doesnt need a passport and his disability prevents him from driving so no drivers licence. I'm 35 and he is 33.

ExtraCreamy · 18/03/2022 17:47

I'm the same age as you OP and got ID'd a few times in the space of about six weeks. I never mind being asked for ID, I don't think I look under 25, but I'm not going to make a fuss about it. I just show my driving licence and that's it. I really don't understand what's so difficult about showing ID if you're asked for it!

Moody123 · 18/03/2022 17:48

I was ID'd for a Red Bull!
I was 30 and had been awake with a newborn all evening ... I burst into tears ...
However I completely understand where they are coming from, it's just not worth it for them
Didn't get my Red Bull tho ! :-(

Callipygion · 18/03/2022 17:58

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

Theres children in my DDs Yr6 class talking than me.. (5ft7, so I'm not exactly short). I do wonder at what age parents stop being able to buy alcohol if their children are present...

I completely agree with the ID checks for purchasers BTW. But not their companions.

I’m afraid there’s a rule of Sale by Proxy involved there.

It’s an awful pain to checkout staff as it is incredibly hard to judge someone’s age. One chap I looked at and thought he was about 30, he was overweight, balding, and had a big bushy beard. However he just handed me his ID without being asked for it (bless him) and he was only 18! 18!! Then there’s the one who was 37 that I asked for ID ….. 🤪

BellatrixOnABadDay · 18/03/2022 18:03

@glowingcandle

This shows how vain I am but I absolutely love it when I get ID'd. I always have my driving licence in my purse so it's not a problem, maybe I'd feel differently if I was actually refused the sale.

I do understand your frustration but I was a cashier many years ago and the penalties if you get caught are really harsh so I can kind of see both sides.

Same here 😁 I'm nearly 34 and love it.

I sort of think that anyone around my age and younger (and OP you're a similar age) should be very used to being asked for ID. I would never attempt to buy alcohol in supermarkets before I was 18- there was no way it was going to happen 😂 clubs and pubs I'd say I had about a 50/50 chance. It's even harder these days.

I get the frustration when you're not even the one buying it but occasionally if I've been at the shops with my mum (whilst in my 30s!!) but been without ID, I've gone outside if shes wanted to buy alcohol, just in case!

I probably look late 20s in my mid 30s so I genuinely love being asked now 😂 the only thing I hated when younger is cashiers being rude about it- it definitely felt at times like people were rude to me as a younger person, whereas now, they're almost apologetic and friendly about it. No need to be rude to younger people when asking!

Thatswhyimacat · 18/03/2022 18:04

I get really offended when they push the over 25 button at the checkout. I'm 33 but that's besides the point god dammit!

nuffinimlazyatthemoment · 18/03/2022 18:05

I had this when I was in my late 30's, more than a few times. I bloody loved it 😃 Since hitting 40, I must have aged 20 years overnight, because no one asks me any more and it makes me a bit sad.