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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

35 and denied alcohol

258 replies

antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 14:35

Bit of a light hearted one but I am actually annoyed.

Also this isn’t a stealth boast or humble brag at all, because I didn’t come out of this feeling in any way flattered or superior 🤣

I’m 35. I’d like to set the scene by saying I look my age, maybe on a good day I look 30. No way do I look like I’m in my 20s. I definitely look old enough to drink. I have several fine lines and the face a woman of my age has just from existing.

Having a few friends around tonight so just popped out to the shop to get some snacks and a bit of alcohol. I went with DH.

We were at the conveyor belt and the cashier was putting the food through. Then she paused at the alcohol. She looked at DH and then at me and said to me “do you have ID?” I just laughed then realised she was serious. I said I had nothing on me, DH showed his but the cashier said ‘sorry I can’t serve you as I can’t be sure you won’t give the alcohol to points at me’

I laughed and said ‘I’m 35!’ but she wouldn’t budge. I considered asking for the manager but wimped out. Didn’t fancy making a scene for the same outcome.

To cut a long story short, DH had to leave the alcohol because his ‘child bride’ 🤣 left her wallet at home. I actually felt a bit awkward that she thought my 42 year old DH (greying hair and all) was with an under 25 year old. Or did she think I was some street child forcing DH to buy me booze 😊

I know cashiers need to check, I know it’s the law and it’s hard for them etc etc but 1. wow, if she thought I was under 25 I must have had a hard life and 2. I just don’t understand the logic in this situation.

DH was buying the alcohol I was just gormlessly stood with him. What if a parent goes shopping with their underage child and wants to buy a bottle of wine? What they’re saying is you can’t buy alcohol unless everyone accompanying you has ID to confirm legal age?!

I think it’s madness. AIBU?

Also DH has just popped to another shop to get it and I decided I’d stay in the car like a naughty dog 😭 I’m 35!

OP posts:
Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 16:20

@EmpressCixi

I agree it is frustrating, but the cashier doesn’t choose who to ID. The registers system randomly does a check ID pop up on a selection of sales and the cashier has to check ID and push yes or no for ID before they can proceed to ring up the sale. This is even on self checkout lanes...the computer will randomly choose transactions to check ID on. Say you’re buying lemsip...need to be 25...if selected it will put a check ID window up on screen and the light flash red to call an assistant to check your ID.

So I’ve voted YABU because the cashier had no choice and if you’d called a manager it would have made no difference.

I see what you’re saying but DH was buying but she asked me! If the system is saying ‘ding ding ding this person is the lucky customer’ why did she ask me? Why shouldn’t it matter who is with the person buying the alcohol? 🤔
OP posts:
MasterBeth · 18/03/2022 16:22

@Blossom64265

Just carry your ID like a responsible adult.

And yes, sometimes it means a parent with their older child gets denied. It’s a rare complication easily solved for most families by not approaching the register together. Families with a special needs teen may still face issues.

WTF, "responsible adult"? This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!
girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 16:24

This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!

You don't carry your driving license in your purse?

Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 16:25

Just carry your ID like a responsible adult.

Eek. That’s me told.

Well we don’t carry ID in the U.K. I didn’t have my driving license on me as DH was driving and I decided to go with last minute so had nothing but myself. Also, I don’t carry my passport around at 35 years old just in case someone thinks I am under 18 🤣

OP posts:
BogRollBOGOF · 18/03/2022 16:25

I had my gin & tonics confiscated at 37. I normally carry ID, but it was temporarily out of my purse for dealing with a DBS check earlier in the week.
When I said I was 37, the assistant looked mortified and was very appologetic. I think she had thought I was younger on first glance then realised 37 was plausible.

That year I also came close to being caught out while buying a caffiene drink while mid-run. The cashier said to herself 16... 18... and I added 37. She looked at me and put it through Grin

Thursa · 18/03/2022 16:27

We were in America for my 55th birthday and the restaurant wasn’t going to serve me a glass of wine because I didn’t have ID. When I said okay, we’ll go somewhere else they relented.

Original poster
antisocialsocialclub · 18/03/2022 16:28

I mean I didn’t take my wallet as DH had his and was buying… didn’t think I’d be confused for a child bride and that me stood next to him would cause an issue 🤣

Anyway this child bride is off to get showered and ready to gasps drink alcohol 😂

OP posts:
tigerbear · 18/03/2022 16:28

DH and I went out clubbing with friends of ours a few years back (who are all in their 20’s). They all marched on past the bouncers with their ID, and DH and I at the back of the queue didn’t have ID (as we were 41 and 49 at the time!)
Bouncers refused to let us in, despite us saying that we could be the parents of us some of the group we with. 😀
Argued for about 5 minutes, but they wouldn’t budge. We were on the verge of going home to get ID - more than an hour round trip - when we asked them to get management. Managers duly came out, took one look at DH and I, and were like 🤔WTF at the bouncers, and waved us on in 🤣

Oblomov22 · 18/03/2022 16:29

I completely disagree with coalcraft. It more than annoying and I don't understand why they take such 'care'. It's ridiculous.

girlmom21 · 18/03/2022 16:29

Have fun OP and remember not to stay up past bedtime Grin

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 18/03/2022 16:43

@girlmom21

This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!

You don't carry your driving license in your purse?

No, there's no need, the police give you 7 days to produce it. It just risks getting lost and being a nuisance/expense to replace.

In any event mine doesn't have a photo because I am old.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 18/03/2022 16:44

@girlmom21

This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!

You don't carry your driving license in your purse?

No, there's no need, the police give you 7 days to produce it. It just risks getting lost and being a nuisance/expense to replace.

In any event mine doesn't have a photo because I am old.

Blossom64265 · 18/03/2022 16:45

The cashier or waitstaff shouldn’t have to take the risk because you can’t be bothered to bring your Id. That is your personal choice. It really doesn’t matter if you are 80, the low wage worker is the one who has all the liability.

WhistPie · 18/03/2022 16:45

@girlmom21

This is Britain etc etc. We don't carry ID!

You don't carry your driving license in your purse?

Err, no, not if you're 49 & don't have one
GrumpyPanda · 18/03/2022 16:52

@emmathedilemma

I've had this twice in my late 30's/early 40's in my local supermarket. Both times buying one or two bottles of wine as part of a weekly shop......cos classic underage drinkers spend £80 and buy organic chicken and frozen peas as a cover up ;) If I hadn't been in a rush the second time I'd have walked out and left my shopping on the check out. It's ridiculous and a guy in front of me once who must have been at least 50 had it happen to him as well. He asked to see the manager as it wasn't the first time it had happened to him either. The manager said they had to stand by the decision made by their staff.
I actually did put all my shopping back on the conveyer belt once in a similar situation - nice classy bottle of wine at a California Whole Foods Market. At the time I was walking everywhere so not habitually carrying a driver's licence around with me, in a country where it's not required and in fact people get upset at the idea of compulsory ID cards. No bid deal re-doing the shopping - two blocks from home and walking straight past on a daily basis, so it was definitely worth it for the sheer satisfaction and the look on the cashier's face.
WeCouldBeSpearows · 18/03/2022 16:54

@Floydthebarber

I had the assistant at an Aldi self-service till press the 'over 25' button WITHOUT EVEN SEEING MY FACE! I clearly have the back of a woman in her late thirties.
How do you know they didn't see your face?

When I'm on the self scan checkouts, I watch as people are approaching them, and note if they look over 25, if I can see alcohol etc in their basket (when I can, it's not always possible).

Wrinklepicker · 18/03/2022 16:55

It’s a lot harder to get served now than when I was 15

Iamkmackered1979 · 18/03/2022 16:55

There needs to be common sense though. What seriously is going to happen to someone if a 43 year old me, I look 43 I have 4 kids buys vodka because clearly I am old enough I walk out and get stopped for ? Buying vodka ? I’m not buying it for anyone else and I’m not underage, so no offence is committed. I avoid buying it with my 16 year old as he doesn’t yet have Id. I did buy red bull recently and they wouldn’t sell it as he was with me. No one is ‘taking the risk’ by serving a bloody 43 mum of 4 or a 55 year old woman or a 70 year old man. I get some people look young but this is ridiculous

WeCouldBeSpearows · 18/03/2022 16:57

@nearlyspringyay

it should be like America, everyone gets carded whether you look 90 or 19.
Totally agree on this. It would be much easier.
itssunnytoday · 18/03/2022 17:02

I'm pretty sure they aren't allowed to refuse alcohol to someone that has ID, even if they are with someone that doesn't have ID? What business if there's is it what I do with my alcohol after I've paid for it ?

WeCouldBeSpearows · 18/03/2022 17:03

I see what you’re saying but DH was buying but she asked me! If the system is saying ‘ding ding ding this person is the lucky customer’ why did she ask me? Why shouldn’t it matter who is with the person buying the alcohol?

It doesn't matter who is buying, because the law includes proxy sales - i.e. buying on someone else's behalf. We aren't allowed to sell to someone if people in their party don't produce I.D. when asked. It's that simple. We are allowed to sell alcohol to adults shopping with their children though, but clearly not every person working in a shop has been told that.

SnowdropViolet · 18/03/2022 17:05

DD was being served by a friend's sister who asked her for ID. Friend's sister explained that because she knew that DD was 23, she had no wiggle room to say "I thought she looked over 25" and had to ask for ID to prove she was over 18.

balalake · 18/03/2022 17:05

What this shows to me together with the way supermarkets respond to those who kick up enough of a fuss is that retail managers do not support their staff.

Then wonder why there is a high turnover.

DetailMouse · 18/03/2022 17:08

My petite and youthful SIL, when in her 30s and a mother herself, once answered her door to a cold caller and was asked "is your mum in?"

Chely · 18/03/2022 17:08

You lucky duck. I have never been asked for ID when buying alcohol, great when I was under age 🤣.

Once was in shop and dh was nearest till, cashier asked him for ID for my wine. She thurned to me as he was fumbling for his ID and asked if I was paying (I was using my card) and said oh it doesn't matter then. I was not amused.