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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to give people free advice?

289 replies

PretZubscription · 18/03/2022 12:44

I work in the legal sector, studied Law at both undergrad and postgrad level and I am hoping to work towards becoming a barrister.

Since starting my undergrad Law degree I have always had people (family & friends) reach out to me to ask for advice. I have always tried to answer their questions based on what I know but warned them I am not a professional. Since gaining my current position I now specialise in a certain area of Law that a lot of people are wanting advice in. I don’t mind people asking me the odd question here and there but I am increasingly getting messages asking for advice and even people asking if I will meet them. I have told these people that I can’t do that and it’s constantly been met with “it’s not really legal advice I just wanted to meet for a coffee and a chat”.

I work very long hours. Sometimes I’m working 14+ hour days going over massive amounts of paperwork and I come home with my brain frazzled. I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not constantly be asked my professional opinion. I have friends who are hair dressers and I wouldn’t ask them to do my hair for free, so to me this feels like the same thing. However, there is a part of me that’s thinking well it’s not like I’m doing their paperwork and legal advice is more important than that so should I be giving these people some time? A lot of the people who are asking my opinion are not well off and would probably struggle to afford professional advice so I’m not sure what to do. I obviously don’t want their lives to be negatively impacted by not gaining appropriate advice but if I did it for one person, how many would I be meeting? I’m not a charity Sad As I said, I don’t mind answering messages here and there or even pointing people towards a solicitor in that area but suddenly it feels like a lot. I’m on a salary right now so even if I was giving these people advice through work I wouldn’t be paid any extra for it.

So AIBU to not want to give advice to these people? And if I am please can you help me come up with a reply because I just keep being met with “I only wanted a coffee and a chat” when I tell them I can’t meet up with them and give them legal advice.

OP posts:
Wastwater · 19/03/2022 10:29

You are not being U at all. It must be very irritating.
But I can see why people might ask. You are entering a profession that deals with 'the law'. The Law/ justice is inaccessible to so many people, because it is technical, complicated and unaffordable.

CityHigh · 19/03/2022 10:29

@sherbertdib

Isnt this just life?

No matter what job, people want your advice and help in your specialist subject

I think there’s a difference between a friend asking a couple of questions about a topic you’re knowledgeable on and receiving messages from people who aren’t in your close circle pressuring you to meet up to give them advice that could end up endangering your whole career.
waitingformytakeaway · 19/03/2022 10:51

You even see it all the time on here -

'Any lawyers about?'

At least on here people can choose whether to respond and its anonymous.

Winkydink · 19/03/2022 12:04

@waitingformytakeaway and what’s even more alarming on those chats is when I do offer a tentative, caveated, opinion (as a solicitor), the OP will go with the advice based on what someone’s unqualified neighbour’s cousin’s boyfriend said!

Squeezita · 19/03/2022 12:15

@waitingformytakeaway

You even see it all the time on here -

'Any lawyers about?'

At least on here people can choose whether to respond and its anonymous.

Asking for advice on a forum, where no one is obliged to respond, is very different to guilt tripping a friend/family member.
dayswithaY · 19/03/2022 12:21

I feel your pain. I'm not a professional, but I did used to work in a high end store with generous staff discount. You would not believe the number of "friends" who came crawling out of the woodwork hoping to use my discount. Getting me to obtain and pay for the item, they would then "pay me back" for. Some would even return the item to the store for a cash refund!

I had to become quite rude in order to shake them off.

waitingformytakeaway · 19/03/2022 12:32

@Squeezita from many of the replies on here though it's not just friends and family members it's pretty much anyone a professional meets in a non professional capacity. The desire for free advice is still there. It's not so different actually.

89redballoons · 19/03/2022 12:34

I'm a solicitor and when I get this, I always say it's not my specific area of law so I don't really know. 9/10 that's true, my area is quite niche. If they are pushy I say sorry but I'm really not allowed to advise unless engaged through my firm, and I won't be insured if anything goes wrong, which is also true.

Sometimes I can recommend other lawyers to talk to, some of whom offer free consultations etc. That is another good way to deflect.

Marchingredsoldiers · 19/03/2022 14:44

This is a common attitude leading to the CFery. @marchingredsoldiers, in practice i made 27k for working unlimited hours plus supervising a team.

27k is/was not a bad wage at all! If you think that is a poor wage, that may explain a bit. Work in kitchen. Then you would experience a proper income/hours imbalance. 27k is a fortune. And LOL at 50k for 70 hours being unreasonable! (I agree 70 hours is inhumane - but not uncommon, but the money can't be said to be bad.)

And yes I do read the news and know that legal aid has been slashed. Don't you think that may have contributed to people asking for advice?

My comments seem to have annoyed legal types. But I stand by it. The fees and costs are a lot for many people. I get that not all workers see all the profits.

But my point is that many people earn very small amounts compared with the cost of living. That's why they ask. It doesn't really matter who in the law firm, dentists, builders (it's not all about lawyers!) gets the bulk of the money, it still costs alot. How often are women who want to leave their husbands and are finanically fucked told to "use the free half hour" on MN. Now they are labelled cheeky fuckers.

I also understand that doctors and nurses would get pissed off too. That is another matter. Health is chronically underfunded and people get desperate due to lack of appointments and waiting times.

We can agree though that the government is the root cause for most of this.

(BTW if you work a 70 hour week on "minimum wage" as a lawyer, you will take home nearly twice as much someone working a 35 hour week on minimum wage. Actually more if childcare costs are deduced. Lawyers may not take home the fabled huge sums and/or they are disappointed with their salary, but there are a lot of people earning significantly less.)

By that mindset maybe you should suck it up and get a better paid job? Why? I enjoy my job. This whole is moaning about yours!

Coffeetree · 19/03/2022 14:51

27k is not a bad wage. Neither is it overpaid for someone who studied for 7 years and works 60 hours a week. So am I meant to spend every weekend volunteering? Or do you want to take all this bosom-hoiking over to your MP and ask for Legal Aid cuts to be reversed?

Coffeetree · 19/03/2022 14:58

I mean it's a very Maoist approach that I owe something to people who make less than me (I kind of like that), but what's the cut-off. Can I get every other Sunday off?

SnowWhiteLobelia · 19/03/2022 15:02

@Coffeetree

27k is not a bad wage. Neither is it overpaid for someone who studied for 7 years and works 60 hours a week. So am I meant to spend every weekend volunteering? Or do you want to take all this bosom-hoiking over to your MP and ask for Legal Aid cuts to be reversed?
I am not in practice any more but when I was a 4 year qualified solicitor (granted, in a rural area) i was also on circa 27k. It does bite when people talk about greedy lawyers.
CityHigh · 19/03/2022 15:06

27k is/was not a bad wage at all! If you think that is a poor wage, that may explain a bit. Work in kitchen. Then you would experience a proper income/hours imbalance. 27k is a fortune. And LOL at 50k for 70 hours being unreasonable! (I agree 70 hours is inhumane - but not uncommon, but the money can't be said to be bad.)

Maybe 27k is a lot of money to you but it is not what the majority of people would class as a ‘good’ wage. You only have to read through previous threads on here to see that. Is it survivable? Yes. Is it more than NMW? Also yes. Being more than NMW does not mean you’re on a good salary. The average full time salary in the UK is 32k. Below average does not = good.

You can spin that all you want but 27k is not a good salary when it is below average. NMW is poor and should be more, but below average wage when you’re putting in unlimited hours is poor. Especially when you have to put in 7+ years of education that you pay for to get qualified.

BTW when I was a waiter on NMW I worked full time hours and I probably averaged about 27k a year when you accounted for cash tips. The tips were much more than the wage. They were split with kitchen staff too.

Coffeetree · 19/03/2022 15:24

Anyway the CF was justifying CFery because she thought lawyers are "overpaid".

IncompleteSenten · 19/03/2022 16:07

You're not paying for the time taken to give you a piece of advice, you're paying for the years it took the person to become qualified to give the piece of advice.

SucculentChalice · 19/03/2022 16:18

@Wastwater

You are not being U at all. It must be very irritating. But I can see why people might ask. You are entering a profession that deals with 'the law'. The Law/ justice is inaccessible to so many people, because it is technical, complicated and unaffordable.
Equally, the internet is full of people who think the law is easy and they know far, far more than any lawyer. Yet another reason its better not to engage because as soon as you identify one, some trolls will do their best to embarrass you professionally.

This unfortunately means that many social media discussions which really could do with more informed input are often woefully lacking in such.

TheChronicalTales · 19/03/2022 16:55

27k is a fortune

Just because 27k a year is more than you earn, it does not equate to a fortune. That is £1835 a month after tax without pension and student loan deductions. If you have to pay for full time wrap around childcare to fit around a lawyers schedule then you’re looking at at least another £1000. That leaves less than £835 for food, bills and transport. I certainly won’t be encouraging my children to settle for a salary of 27k because in the context of how affordable life is I don’t want them to struggle. I’d also be upset if they were slogging away 70 hours of their lives to earn this. It doesn’t matter that there’s people out there who earn less. It isn’t comparable, it still doesn’t mean that’s a fortune. I want them to be able to afford to do what they want to do. Not be rich, but to be able to live comfortably.

Childcare will be less once the children attend school but you’ll still be looking at breakfast club and a child minder. 27k is certainly more than national minimum wage but NMW is a shambles anyway. As PP said above, this amount after dedicating years of your life to learning a skill is really not a lot. There’s no further training or qualifications you can do to advance yourself. You only have to look at previous threads on here to know that 27k PA is not a lot. Maybe in the context of what you earn, but not in life. Some people are still able to qualify for benefits when they earn this amount, because they struggle to live on it.

Nobody on here was complaining about salary. I haven’t seen OP mention it once. You are the one who brought it up. You said people in ‘high paid’ professions should ‘suck it up’ like they owe those on less money something.

Pinkrose1111 · 19/03/2022 17:29

Just tell them I don't really want to talk about work at all right now. And if they press further just say please contact me during my working hours xyz a consultation fee is X amount. And leave it at that

angela99999 · 19/03/2022 17:36

If you're still training it's probably not a good thing to give legal advice anyway, I don't imagine you'd be covered by the Law Society if something went wrong because of your advice.

Hankunamatata · 19/03/2022 17:43

Just say 'I cant help with this, I recommend you contact x' and if they reply pleading poverty ect just resend the same same message. If they still are demanding a meeting 'I'm working 14 hour days, I do not have the time, contact x if you need help'

Xiaoxiong · 19/03/2022 17:47

For me the conversation always goes:
"Aren't you a lawyer, can I pick your brains about..."
"i'm a lawyer, but I'm not YOUR lawyer. You need to talk to someone that you can sue if they get it wrong!"

Refer them to chambers uk or the legal500 if they need a recommendation.

And then change the subject!

Primrose97 · 19/03/2022 17:49

I so understand how you’re feeling OP - but then I’m a counsellor so maybe I should … I keep very quiet at any party or gathering about what I do as people do expect that on the most casual acquaintance they are entitled to endless amounts of your time for free. Luckily I’ve been trained to hold my boundaries so am able to smile and say No firmly but without having to apologise or justify myself, it’s called being assertive and everyone is entitled to do that.

Londoncallingme · 19/03/2022 17:50

We all advise friends on what we specialise in - teachers, greengrocers, tech, doctors, hairstylists,surgeons etc etc. no, you wouldn’t ask for hair styling for free but if you developed a bald patch , alopecia you might reach out to hairdressers, doctors, therapists etc to ask an opinion if these people are your friends. What is it that makes you do special that you can’t do that? I shouldn’t worry - I’m sure they’ll soon retreat and the invitations for coffee will stop.

BananaSplitX · 19/03/2022 17:51

It appears I am a rare one on here, but I do think YABU. You come across rather selfish and self absorbed. I am a professional too. And I also work crazy long hours. But I don’t mind giving friends advice. That’s what friends are for.

berlinbabylon · 19/03/2022 17:58

@BananaSplitX

It appears I am a rare one on here, but I do think YABU. You come across rather selfish and self absorbed. I am a professional too. And I also work crazy long hours. But I don’t mind giving friends advice. That’s what friends are for.
MN took the thread down by the person who was complaining about people being nasty on MN, but this is exactly the sort of thing. Why on earth are you calling the OP selfish and self absorbed. How are you remotely qualified to make that sort of remark about someone you have never met. You owe the OP an apology especially as there are very good reasons not to give free legal advice which have been outlined many times on this discussion.