To not want to give people free advice?

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I work in the legal sector, studied Law at both undergrad and postgrad level and I am hoping to work towards becoming a barrister.

Since starting my undergrad Law degree I have always had people (family & friends) reach out to me to ask for advice. I have always tried to answer their questions based on what I know but warned them I am not a professional. Since gaining my current position I now specialise in a certain area of Law that a lot of people are wanting advice in. I don’t mind people asking me the odd question here and there but I am increasingly getting messages asking for advice and even people asking if I will meet them. I have told these people that I can’t do that and it’s constantly been met with “it’s not really legal advice I just wanted to meet for a coffee and a chat”.

I work very long hours. Sometimes I’m working 14+ hour days going over massive amounts of paperwork and I come home with my brain frazzled. I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not constantly be asked my professional opinion. I have friends who are hair dressers and I wouldn’t ask them to do my hair for free, so to me this feels like the same thing. However, there is a part of me that’s thinking well it’s not like I’m doing their paperwork and legal advice is more important than that so should I be giving these people some time? A lot of the people who are asking my opinion are not well off and would probably struggle to afford professional advice so I’m not sure what to do. I obviously don’t want their lives to be negatively impacted by not gaining appropriate advice but if I did it for one person, how many would I be meeting? I’m not a charity As I said, I don’t mind answering messages here and there or even pointing people towards a solicitor in that area but suddenly it feels like a lot. I’m on a salary right now so even if I was giving these people advice through work I wouldn’t be paid any extra for it.

So AIBU to not want to give advice to these people? And if I am please can you help me come up with a reply because I just keep being met with “I only wanted a coffee and a chat” when I tell them I can’t meet up with them and give them legal advice.

I'm a solicitor. I either listen then tell them they will need a legal advice or listen and tell them they should get legal advice but if they don't want to then they could look at acas website /land registry/similar.

I don't want to risk giving free advice that is wrong

Well, it depends. As a physio I used to help close friends and family (there always something) but not someone I just met at a social. I would also pull the ‘not my area’ card. But its different with health, people can access their GP for free if they need to. I supposed law is different.

Anyway, you most definitely not being unreasonable, awkward though it may be.

@DogInATent

My response (not a solicitor, but another advising profession) is that I'm unable to give a professional opinion unless I'm being paid as my professional indemnity insurance only covers paid work that's been put through the office.

Ok, it's a little white lie. But it generally works.

Yep, this.

I used to get his weirdly with gardening. Apparently it is fine for me to not earn money as I am there doing old people's gardens for them for free whilst their 4 adult sons sit on their arses and do nothing.

No. I always said if I'm doing it for free where will I live when I default on the mortgage? If you want skills, then pay for them. And I'm not a registered charity.

I also don't pay mates rates when they offer them I pay what they would charge anyone else, for the same reason.

Perhaps you've looked at your professional responsibilities regarding client advice and are unable to even give informal advice without jeopardising your (future) career? Presumably none of your family and friends would want you to do that.

I’m a psychotherapist and can relate! I used to tell people I met socially that I was a yoga teacher otherwise they’d start telling me their life story, all about their divorce etc and chew my ear off.

Direct them to CAB if they’re skint, not your problem.

From your post, I may have this wrong but it doesn’t seem like you’re a qualified lawyer yet. If this is the case, can’t you just say you’re not qualified to give legal advice?

That is until you are practising then the insurance statement PPs have applied plus Regulatory requirements apply.

Obviously that won't stop someone subsequently asking for medical advice from a HCP. friend or family member.

TBH I would be tempted to whip out a contract or ask for an email to send it to. Hourly rate £5k (for example) I have no idea if you are actually allowed to do that though

The people who are voting YABU are clearly the people who ask advice like this and I really wish some of them would say why they think you are being unreasonable. I get this all of the time with my role and it’s exhausting.

Could you just laugh and say 'I've already worked 14 hours today, I thik I've done enough!) then change the subject?

It doesn’t get any better when you become a barrister. You get asked every legal question from housing to commercial disputes, despite those not being your specialisms. Random people from your past pop up and after a few pleasantries, “so I wonder if I can pick your brain”.

I think it’s just human nature - trying to get stuff for free.

My DM is an amazing baker, so she’s permanently being asked for free cakes. My sister is an accountant - people always ask her questions about tax. Another sibling is a teacher (secondary science) doesn’t stop the questions about phonics or school appeals.

Just say no. People don't respect what's given for free and I'd bet pretty good money that you never get anything approaching the full story but then take the hump when you a) don't tell them what they want to hear or b) moan when they don't get what they want because YOU dared to advise them in this way. Forgetting of course they left about 75% of the story out.

I work in the debt arena and I tend to cut people off by starting to do the job properly. Most people who've asked me for free advice don't actually want it.

@Herewegoagain84

From your post, I may have this wrong but it doesn’t seem like you’re a qualified lawyer yet. If this is the case, can’t you just say you’re not qualified to give legal advice?

No, I’m not qualified yet and I think that actually makes some people worse! Like they’re okay to ask me because it’s not like they’re wasting the precious time of an actual fully qualified barrister, I’m just someone with knowledge.

Ironically, one of the guys messaging me regarding being denied access to his children valets my car every month. He hasn’t mentioned doing that for free for me (not that I would accept obviously because it’s unethical, dangerous for me and I shouldn’t be giving anyone but clients proper advice), but has still asked me to meet him for coffee for an hour to discuss his children and what he can do. It’s like they don’t understand this is work for me.

“Thanks for your message but I’m not overly familiar with so my advice would be no more useful than what you can glean from your own research. Good luck finding someone who can advise you”

I don’t think it’s like asking your hair dress friend to do your hair, more like advice on a colour or a hair cut. Which most are happy to do.

@RelentlessForwardProgress

One of my good friends is a GP. Every single party/pta meeting/church supper etc someone asks their advice about something.

"I've got a terrible rash",
"Do you think i've got tonsillitis",
"I can't bend my elbow properly."

She gets out of it with good grace and humour each time by pretending she doesn't know that 'bit'

"I'm sorry I was off when they taught rashes"
"I missed the day they did tonsils at med school"
"I was away when they taught us about elbows" etc etc

I met my doctor in the queue in B and Q yesterday. He looked horrified. I didn't show him any lumps,bumps,boils or rashes. By the look on his face other people frequently have . Must be hideous.

I work in a very different area to law and medicine but have had this numerous times. It is usually the suggestion that I will give up an evening or day at the weekend to use skills I have taken years to acquire, for no fee. As though I would be grateful for the opportunity to use them Recently someone said I might like to do it for the experience. Well no, I've been getting experience for over 40 years now, thank you all the same.

I am very good at saying "Let me have an email address so I can send a contract form. My fees start at £45 per hour." They never follow it up.

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

I'm not a lawyer but when people find out what I do I often get questions!
I just say to people, I'm not working right now. If you have a question, contact me at work.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

“Get over yourself”

That’s a bit harsh isn’t it!

Surely everyone gets this no matter their job.
When I used to work in food retail people used to ask me all sorts about it. My sons a hairdresser people always want free cuts.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Maybe instead of telling people to “get over yourself” we should teach people not to be cheeky bastards and ask for stuff for free?

It’s very annoying when people who you haven’t spoken to in years start messaging you out of the blue to ask for advice. It’s horrible having to prepare yourself for kids parties, family gatherings etc knowing you’re going to be hounded for advice on x, y, z. Oh and FYI not all highly trained experts deal with the public. I don’t deal with people at all yet I’m still hounded for free advice.

Sorry, I don't do homers.
Sorry, I'm off the clock.
Sorry, I've been shafted giving advice before.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Well don’t you sound like a dream