To not want to give people free advice?

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I work in the legal sector, studied Law at both undergrad and postgrad level and I am hoping to work towards becoming a barrister.

Since starting my undergrad Law degree I have always had people (family & friends) reach out to me to ask for advice. I have always tried to answer their questions based on what I know but warned them I am not a professional. Since gaining my current position I now specialise in a certain area of Law that a lot of people are wanting advice in. I don’t mind people asking me the odd question here and there but I am increasingly getting messages asking for advice and even people asking if I will meet them. I have told these people that I can’t do that and it’s constantly been met with “it’s not really legal advice I just wanted to meet for a coffee and a chat”.

I work very long hours. Sometimes I’m working 14+ hour days going over massive amounts of paperwork and I come home with my brain frazzled. I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not constantly be asked my professional opinion. I have friends who are hair dressers and I wouldn’t ask them to do my hair for free, so to me this feels like the same thing. However, there is a part of me that’s thinking well it’s not like I’m doing their paperwork and legal advice is more important than that so should I be giving these people some time? A lot of the people who are asking my opinion are not well off and would probably struggle to afford professional advice so I’m not sure what to do. I obviously don’t want their lives to be negatively impacted by not gaining appropriate advice but if I did it for one person, how many would I be meeting? I’m not a charity As I said, I don’t mind answering messages here and there or even pointing people towards a solicitor in that area but suddenly it feels like a lot. I’m on a salary right now so even if I was giving these people advice through work I wouldn’t be paid any extra for it.

So AIBU to not want to give advice to these people? And if I am please can you help me come up with a reply because I just keep being met with “I only wanted a coffee and a chat” when I tell them I can’t meet up with them and give them legal advice.

I’m not insured to answer that. On repeat.

My husband actually loves doing it, it does my head in because I might want to be doing something with him and he's writing legal letters for his cousin, my sister, my friend, his friend, our neighbours etc etc

Giving legal advice can be a minefield, and something that can spiral from what seems like a small query.

Best not to get sucked in.

I'd tell a little lie.

'As I'm salaried at X right now I'm not allowed to give out any form of legal counsel as it breaks the terms of my employment.'

So it seems like oh you would... if only you could.

Oh and I definitely understand btw. As a journalist people always come to me with their issues as though I'm going to print their squabble with John Lewis/ their hairdresser/ their ex sugar daddy and humiliate them.

People often think if you just 'go to the press' we'll print it and their issue will be solved... as though we wouldn't then be liable.

I don't know. It depends on the people. The ones you are describing seem to be taking the piss.
I work in employment law and i am quite happy to discuss cases and give general advice. But I've never got drawn into actually acting for anyone outside of my professional activity. Maybe because the people I know aren't cfs. I don't know. Or i manage to steer it by giving appropriate but only initial advice on the matter and send them on their way.

"I'm sorry, I'm not insured to give advice unless it's as part of my job."

"Do you want me to lose my job?"

"I understand how difficult it is, but I can't afford to lose my job."

I'm also a 'legal professional ' working in a pretty useful every day area. No one ever asks for my advice. Even my mother who was dealing with a stressful situation involving my exact speciality didn't ask or listen to me. I am worried I give off an air of complete incompetence.

Me too - and by the sound of things rather a blessing.

I think I just need to be able to say “No, sorry”, and ignore any further messages

Spot on, OP, especially with those who've been told you can't discuss these things outside of work and still push

Many professionals have had the "It's just a chat ..." line; it's hard enough with those close to you but even worse when it's Me Toos, so really the only answer is to shut it down

I’m a dentist and during the first lockdown when dentists were closed down I was happy to give advice via the phone and via text because that’s all we could do professionally. It was an extreme situation and morally and professionally I felt obliged to do so.
Any other time I carefully sidestep. I also try not to advertise what I do for a living when in social situations.
When put on the spot I ask what their own dentist has advised or just tell them to make an appointment, I am happy to sort them out and advise what it will cost them.
The only person I am happy to exchange professional favours with is my plumber. They are like hens teeth and I benefit from the arrangement far more than he does.

I agree with “giving off an air of incompetence “ around friends. I’m just a dipsy blonde to most of my friends. Professionally I’m totally different. Because of the nature of the work I do I find it really difficult treating close family and friends. Taking out one of my DH’s teeth recently was one of the most stressful things I’ve done, however my cool professional mode kicked in two weeks ago when he had a stroke, as a result he is likely to make a full recovery. The most annoying thing is that he has yet to acknowledge that my rapid actions may have saved his life, but hey I’m just the DW in his eyes, and happy to stay that way.

@xXwhenwillitendXx

I know the feeling. I'm a nurse and it's not unheard of to have strangers asking me to look at their bunions or so forth. I will give quick advice for little things, but mainly I will say you should see your gp/ practice nurse about it. Could you not do the same and so something short but add you should really contact a ...... about it.

Unfortunately OP can’t do the same, because GPs are free, so it’s much easier to send them in that direction, whereas lawyers are mainly not free, unless it’s crime which it won’t be (I’m in crime and one of the few advantages is you don’t get lots of mates asking for advice!)

Yes, my only advice to my daughter for when she makes a career choice was not to pick something people would be asking for free.

My job isn’t a service people want, but my husband is in IT. He is always being asked to fix stuff.

Not the same as CFs asking for advice but I get asked to give driving lessons at “mates rates” by people I’ve not spoken to in years.
They say thing like “You’ve already got the car with the extra pedals so it won’t cost you anything.”
Only (astronomically expensive) fuel, wear and tear on my car, tyre changes like you wouldn’t believe, high insurance and my precious time that I like to spend with my own DCs

I don't work in a job that's public-facing, but I do work in a niche area. Only large companies tend to have someone like me in-house. I have found that when colleagues leave and move on to other companies it's not unusual for them to keep emailing me for advice! Often because they've moved on to another smaller company where they don't have someone in a role like mine so would have to pay for an external specialist.

I don't mind the odd question here and there, but one person emailed me so much from his new company that I started replying with my email signature as "My Job Title" followed by "Cheeky Fucker's Company Name". He got the hint!

I’m a solicitor, my friends and family, even complete strangers, always used to ask for advice. I used to hate saying no, but now I enjoy it (saying no).

Just pretend you’re not allowed to help them if you’re not comfortable saying no.

@Marchingredsoldiers

I have sympathy with people asking.

It is bloody expensive to get professional advice. This information asymmtry is why certain professions earn shitloads.

Also every job has its down side. I work bloody hard for little money. No-one asks for my opinion or even gives a shit about my job, which is actually essential for society.

I can understand it being annoying, but really if your profession didn't charge a fortune (resulting in larger than average salaries) you wouldn't have this problem. Suck it up buttercup.

This is a common attitude leading to the CFery. @marchingredsoldiers, in practice i made 27k for working unlimited hours plus supervising a team.

Legal advice is expensive because even for the simplest case you have to draft client care letters and sort insurance etc. So if a client pays £50 for an hour's consultation, we just about break even.

That's why we have/had Legal Aid! Do you not read the news? Legal Aid was designed to ensure that everyone could get proper legal help and not have to rely on friends or the odd charity. The government trashed Legal Aid about ten years ago (now it's severely limited and not fit for purpose).

The government got away with trashing Legal Aid because they sold the idea that you're now repeating: that lawyers are greedy and we should work for free all the time.

Next they'll try the same thing with medical care.

@Marchingredsoldiers

I have sympathy with people asking.

It is bloody expensive to get professional advice. This information asymmtry is why certain professions earn shitloads.

Also every job has its down side. I work bloody hard for little money. No-one asks for my opinion or even gives a shit about my job, which is actually essential for society.

I can understand it being annoying, but really if your profession didn't charge a fortune (resulting in larger than average salaries) you wouldn't have this problem. Suck it up buttercup.

This line of thinking is why we have cheeky fuckers. There is CAB, legal aid and other ways to get free advice. Why would a run to the ground junior who isn’t actually qualified in anything, so I can almost guarantee is not being paid a good wage have to suck it up and help people for free because they can’t be arsed to research how to access free advice?

@Marchingredsoldiers

I have sympathy with people asking.

It is bloody expensive to get professional advice. This information asymmtry is why certain professions earn shitloads.

Also every job has its down side. I work bloody hard for little money. No-one asks for my opinion or even gives a shit about my job, which is actually essential for society.

I can understand it being annoying, but really if your profession didn't charge a fortune (resulting in larger than average salaries) you wouldn't have this problem. Suck it up buttercup.

You think someone who does the paperwork (at ops own admittance) makes the prices for whatever legal firm they work at I don’t understand this CF mindset you have.

By that mindset maybe you should suck it up and get a better paid job?

@Marchingredsoldiers

I have sympathy with people asking.

It is bloody expensive to get professional advice. This information asymmtry is why certain professions earn shitloads.

Also every job has its down side. I work bloody hard for little money. No-one asks for my opinion or even gives a shit about my job, which is actually essential for society.

I can understand it being annoying, but really if your profession didn't charge a fortune (resulting in larger than average salaries) you wouldn't have this problem. Suck it up buttercup.

Everything @Coffeetree said in spades.

Do you think this of everyone who charges for a service or is this belief only held for people who you believe to be well paid professionals? What about people who work in IT? Or people such as painters, decorators, plumbers, joiners? Those people are actually mostly in control of how much they charge and it’s usually massive amounts of money, do you think they should come out and offer advice too? Or is that okay because they are seen as blue collar workers?

You clearly have no idea how the legal world works. When I was beginning in Family Law I was earning circa 20k a year and my superiors who had years of experience were probably in 50k on 70 hour weeks. I quickly left. I sympathise with OP if her family and friends have the same mindset as people like you, when you have absolutely no idea what you’re taking about.

This ‘fortune’ that legal firms are charging, particularly in family law, cover the majority of the overheads and after that there’s usually not much left. Of course there are experts in every industry who charge more but overall, the costs are not massively inflated. The secret barrister is a good way to educate yourself on the pittance many, juniors in particular are being paid. When you factor in the hours worked, maybe fall below the legal minimum wage threshold. But as PP said, the government have gotten away with making you think everyone in the legal profession is money greedy and that is why our legal aid system is a massive shit show and many of us end up being hounded by CF who think like yourself.

@Marchingredsoldiers I have paid a lot of money for my education, spent countless hours of time studying, working and putting my children in childcare so that I can become a specialist in my field and you think I should suck it up and pass that around? Nah. Life doesn't work like that and grifters don't deserve free stuff on the back of others just because they didn't want to do it themselves.

I tell people that I loose all knowledge when I clock out.
We’ve been in pubs where I’ve had to listen to peoples life stories. At first I was sympathetic but then thought actually fuck it, this is a really rare night out!

Isnt this just life?

No matter what job, people want your advice and help in your specialist subject

This is true, dh is motor trade and some family members think he can get them a £60k car for 5p a month 🙄 time wasting fuckers.

I'm an OT I get asked to do independent reports for PIP and DLA appeals which I do. I spend about 1.5 hours assessing then about four hour to write up. I have a good success rate ( by being honest as I refuse assessments for people I know don't have a cat on hells chance.)
I get asked by friends to just do a favour for their friends qnd family, I tell them my rates and hey look at me like I've gone mad. You are paying for my assessment skills, years of experience and my write up not just bunging me a tenner or expecting it free.