To not want to give people free advice?

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I work in the legal sector, studied Law at both undergrad and postgrad level and I am hoping to work towards becoming a barrister.

Since starting my undergrad Law degree I have always had people (family & friends) reach out to me to ask for advice. I have always tried to answer their questions based on what I know but warned them I am not a professional. Since gaining my current position I now specialise in a certain area of Law that a lot of people are wanting advice in. I don’t mind people asking me the odd question here and there but I am increasingly getting messages asking for advice and even people asking if I will meet them. I have told these people that I can’t do that and it’s constantly been met with “it’s not really legal advice I just wanted to meet for a coffee and a chat”.

I work very long hours. Sometimes I’m working 14+ hour days going over massive amounts of paperwork and I come home with my brain frazzled. I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not constantly be asked my professional opinion. I have friends who are hair dressers and I wouldn’t ask them to do my hair for free, so to me this feels like the same thing. However, there is a part of me that’s thinking well it’s not like I’m doing their paperwork and legal advice is more important than that so should I be giving these people some time? A lot of the people who are asking my opinion are not well off and would probably struggle to afford professional advice so I’m not sure what to do. I obviously don’t want their lives to be negatively impacted by not gaining appropriate advice but if I did it for one person, how many would I be meeting? I’m not a charity As I said, I don’t mind answering messages here and there or even pointing people towards a solicitor in that area but suddenly it feels like a lot. I’m on a salary right now so even if I was giving these people advice through work I wouldn’t be paid any extra for it.

So AIBU to not want to give advice to these people? And if I am please can you help me come up with a reply because I just keep being met with “I only wanted a coffee and a chat” when I tell them I can’t meet up with them and give them legal advice.

I get this as an accountant. I don't mind short little questions I can answer and usually will. But I have been asked things that really aren't a quick question, I think people don't understand the scope of what they are asking sometimes. When I worked in practice we had clients call constantly with "just a quick questions" about a pretty technical issue.

So maybe just listen politely, and re-direct them.

I’m an accountant and a bloke at work asked me for some personal tax advice. I told him that wasn’t my area and he should go and find an accountant and he told me he thinks they’re not worth the money 🤣 CF!

I have sympathy with people asking.

It is bloody expensive to get professional advice. This information asymmtry is why certain professions earn shitloads.

Also every job has its down side. I work bloody hard for little money. No-one asks for my opinion or even gives a shit about my job, which is actually essential for society.

I can understand it being annoying, but really if your profession didn't charge a fortune (resulting in larger than average salaries) you wouldn't have this problem. Suck it up buttercup.

Come along and work in a bakery. Nobody will EVER ask you how long the sausage rolls need to bake for 😀😀

@Georgeskitchen how do you put the jam in the doughnuts and why do you bother making custard or apple doughnuts?

@HotDogKetchup

I don’t agree with totally snubbing these requests. I have had many instructions from friends/acquaintances who have become clients by saying something like

“That’s certainly something I can look into for you, would you mind summarising that on an email to [work email] and I can have a think about the best approach and get my secretary to send you a quote.”

Don’t turn work away!

That's different. That's just a very clever way of steering them towards paying for what they are asking for. I was recently berated by a complete stranger for not doing a big job for him for free. Found out later he ran a Swiss bank so could have funded his vanity project if he'd wanted to.

I get this with people asking me to proofread stuff in English as I live abroad. I've had acquaintances who I wasn't even keen on send me something at really short notice and breezily ask me if I could just proofread it for them by tomorrow. Er, no. I mean, proofreading isn't exactly something you do for fun, especially when it's not very good English and needs a lot of work. These people knew native English speaking men, but didn't ask them, just the woman is expected to do this unpaid labour. I wouldn't have dreamt of sending them something out of the blue, asking for them to send their corrections back to me by tomorrow.

When DH was a headteacher, he always avoided mentioning it on holiday as he was not remotely interested in hearing about countless dyslexic kids.

@5thnonblonde

Oh yeah- I work in data analysis and literally never get any follow up qs about my job if you wanted a boring cover story 😁

I used to work in data analysis and I DID get asked for some free advice. Fortunately he wanted to know about sampling for a scientific research project and I was able to say that I worked in market research which lacks any rigour on sampling which is usually based on what the client is willing to spend and who answers their phone/opens their door.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar that sounds awful! I work for a very rigorous business and we get proper demographically representative samples before we go our research (and then change them and re-run it until we get the answer we need, obv…)

@BeastOfBODMAS

If you wanted to help people in a compartmentalised way without it taking over your leisure time, perhaps you could volunteer a day a month/quarter with CAB or a relevant charity. Anyone who wants free advice could be invited to come along on that day. If they can’t be bothered (and they mostly won’t) then they don’t need your help that badly!

I don’t think the OP was wanting to do extra work!

Volunteering like this would likely mean she would be bogged down with looking into cases, so even worse than it is now. Plus, she isn’t fully qualified yet, so doubt she would be covered by any professional insurance on giving wrong advice!

Sometimes patients will ask me to do something outside of my job remit and if I say no , i get back - "Well who's going to know?"

Not worth risking my insurance and livelihood for but always gets a response from them .

I do think it is sad if friends won't help with bits of advice. My friend who is a pathologist has talked to me a lot about Covid, vaccinations, research, (and I catch her taking a second glance at any moles I have on view). My husband's GP friend was so comforting and helpful when our daughter was ill, made a real difference to my life that he called to check up on her and gave us some very reassuring and thoughtful ideas about her prognosis.

There is so much kindness and generosity in sharing your expertise. I am always very happy to help friends with my advice and time when I can (I teach a specialised subject).

It depends who asks and what they want. Close friends and family wanting straight forward advice, no problem. People I hardly know wanting call outs at short notice on a Sunday, definitely not going to happen.

Being suitably vague or unable to help or redirecting people to their local professional usually works

‘I’m forbidden from giving out advice as per workplace policy’

An aquaintance of my father tried to get free legal advice out of me at my father's funeral. My dad had told him I was a solicitor. It was quite funny but hideously inappropriate. But yes, it all the time I may give an answer if it's quick and I know but often it's an area of law I know nothing about so I'll tell them that.

@WomanStanleyWoman

In one of the later Adrian Mole books, he asks an accountant friend for advice, but when he tells him to book an appointment, Adrian says ‘Can’t we just have a chat?’

His reply is ‘Accountancy ain’t my hobby, Moley’. I think that sums it up!

I absolutely love this!

@Purrbox the mind boggles at what you’d be tapping up a pathologist for help with!

So far as they're concerned though, THE LAW IS THE LAW and as a lawyer I must know it all yes exactly!

Family law is such an emotional area for parties involved and I’m sure it’s horrible to see friends and contacts distressed by such circumstances.

I would recommend you just say the same to everyone something along the lines of the subject being too big and important for ad hoc advice without the full picture/procedures and also too hard to advise when you know the parties.

Do you have a colleague who give free half hour advice for. We clients you can point them towards?

FWIW I would personally also say never have a family business, never work for a friend or employ a neighbour much easier to say no than deal with any unforeseen problem later. People do accept this if you say it’s a policy you have adopted and don’t stray from.

The thing is a fair bit of stuff people want to chew your ear off can easily be checked out by a quick google search— some people simply can’t be arsed - bet they wouldn’t be so keen on mending your dodgy flush or delivering your groceries for free

I find people who ask for favours like this never do things for others themselves, it's just taking advantage.

Just tell them that you don’t want to work in your free time & give them the number of your firm.

@5thnonblonde

Your mind is easily boggled... you can't think of anything it would be interesting to get advice from a pathologist about?

My friend is an MD / PhD (American) and a fount of information on lots of subjects, including cancer and Covid. I asked her about the various vaccines last time I saw her.

If anyone in my family had cancer, I would be on the phone to her for advice about where to get treatment.