To not want to give people free advice?

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I work in the legal sector, studied Law at both undergrad and postgrad level and I am hoping to work towards becoming a barrister.

Since starting my undergrad Law degree I have always had people (family & friends) reach out to me to ask for advice. I have always tried to answer their questions based on what I know but warned them I am not a professional. Since gaining my current position I now specialise in a certain area of Law that a lot of people are wanting advice in. I don’t mind people asking me the odd question here and there but I am increasingly getting messages asking for advice and even people asking if I will meet them. I have told these people that I can’t do that and it’s constantly been met with “it’s not really legal advice I just wanted to meet for a coffee and a chat”.

I work very long hours. Sometimes I’m working 14+ hour days going over massive amounts of paperwork and I come home with my brain frazzled. I want to be able to switch off when I finish work and not constantly be asked my professional opinion. I have friends who are hair dressers and I wouldn’t ask them to do my hair for free, so to me this feels like the same thing. However, there is a part of me that’s thinking well it’s not like I’m doing their paperwork and legal advice is more important than that so should I be giving these people some time? A lot of the people who are asking my opinion are not well off and would probably struggle to afford professional advice so I’m not sure what to do. I obviously don’t want their lives to be negatively impacted by not gaining appropriate advice but if I did it for one person, how many would I be meeting? I’m not a charity As I said, I don’t mind answering messages here and there or even pointing people towards a solicitor in that area but suddenly it feels like a lot. I’m on a salary right now so even if I was giving these people advice through work I wouldn’t be paid any extra for it.

So AIBU to not want to give advice to these people? And if I am please can you help me come up with a reply because I just keep being met with “I only wanted a coffee and a chat” when I tell them I can’t meet up with them and give them legal advice.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

And what advice are we asking from a prostitute?

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Oh look We have a CF

I have a nursing background and my DP is a medic - over the years we have both cultivated a stance to prevent all but the most thick skinned questioners. I have a reputation for a standard answer - family & friends will even butt into the conversation after someone has asked their question "Don't bother to ask her, she'll just tell you to run it under an cold tap".

Could you have a standard reply ? - "Sorry can't answer that - would have to send you a bill".

I feel for you.

I work in IT and recently worked for a degree in Canine Behaviour - which means I am also often called upon for technical or dog advice.

The dogs I don't mind so much; it's not my job and I find it interesting to chat about.

The IT is a different matter. I agree with the 'standard answer' approach. Mine is obviously 'have you tried rebooting it?"

What DelphiumBlue said on page 1.

"I don’t think it’s like asking your hair dress friend to do your hair, more like advice on a colour or a hair cut. Which most are happy to do."

♡THIS

if you meet new people just say that you have a different occupation if you dont want to hand out "free advice".
And if you dont want to hand out free advice to family and friends? Well that sounds a bit harsh. People ask me about a specific topic all the time as I am very knowledgeable on that topic. I love it that I'm able to help my friends. Strangers or acquaintances: no. But friends? Hell yes :)

But if you dont want to do it: speak up. Be honest. Dont make up lies
Just be honest.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Why should OP or anyone in this position get over themselves?

My DH is in a job where he is constantly harassed by family and friends for advice and the way that we have had to deal with this is by going low contact with these people. What should be nice visits to family/friends houses were being taken over by ‘can you just look at this for me’ and became all about his work. It is really CF behaviour.

"Oh that's interesting" there was a recent appeal on that topic so you need somebody really up to date, try Messrs XYZ."

Yanbu but just see it as they would value yr thoughts. I once asked a cousin for her thoughts and was put in my place instantly. I was still going to have to get a lawyer though.
Your thoughts on the matter aren't Free Legal Advice.

Yep, I'm an accountant and get the same. In fact, it got so bad it started making me more reclusive as I started to try to avoid social gatherings, making new friends, etc., as I was frightened of it leading to expectations of free advice and I didn't have the balls to say no to them, so rather than having to refuse, I simply stopped making friends etc. It was a common theme when I met someone new, "and what do you do", "I'm an accountant", then almost immediately "I've a buy to let, can I claim a new kitchen". Now, I'm so long in the tooth and partially retired, I just say that I'm not up to date anymore so can't give that kind of advice, but sign post them to the HMRC website! Now I've discovered my "beggar off" response, I'm a lot more relaxed around new people. The OP needs to find some kind of "beggar off" response that they can practice and start using.

This is very common with the legal profession.

All lawyers I know have always referred friends and relatives wanting legal advice to see them as clients.

Also, if you do take on friends and relatives as clients don't go the 'mates rates' route, always charge them your hourly rate.

Say no. ‘No, I can’t offer you free legal advice, thanks though.’ No need to prostrate yourself offering up little excuses to cheeky fuckers who don’t respect your time.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Ah yes, we've found the person who always wants freebie advice and reluctant to pay for it.

If you have a close friend then you could advise them if you really wanted to do this and be nice.

Years ago I had a friend who was broke, not married and with a young DC, she asked me if I'd ask my family law colleague a question re access and payments - he gave very brief advice via me but said, as he should say, if she wanted to take it further then she could come and see him, as a client.

Most people actually who I knew who were my old boss' clients (not just family) wouldn't dream of asking for free advice. It was usually around the same old conveyancing etc cases but if there were extra different work of course they knew that my boss would see it that way and charge them accordingly. But then they knew my boss would do a good job and be honest.

In one of the later Adrian Mole books, he asks an accountant friend for advice, but when he tells him to book an appointment, Adrian says ‘Can’t we just have a chat?’

His reply is ‘Accountancy ain’t my hobby, Moley’. I think that sums it up!

I think you have to prepare a stock of excuse sentences and wheel them out so you don't get drawn in. e.g. "Sorry, but I don't anything about that, it isn't my field at all, you need a specialist".

Its awful. Everyone I know hates it but still people ask.

Don't you know that lawyers, even students, are meant to provide a free of charge, available at all hours, legal advice service on every single legal topic under then sun, running the risk of not being covered by insurance and being sued by them if you get it wrong?

Its usually the people who wouldn't dream of giving you their services free of charge either. Case in point are my PIL who changed their mind about letting me stay in their mostly empty holiday home and made me get an Air BnB in the same area, who have had several thousands pounds worth of free advice on complex subject matters over the years. They are a prime example of the type. I am now no contact.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

Are you on glue?

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

@2bazookas - it's a bit different asking a professional, trade etc for advice.

Most professions e.g. accountants would say to come and see them as a client.

If you ask e.g. a washing machine engineer advice then if they're seeing you they may/will give you advice.

A doctor is different if you're seeing them, but if you ask them about a matter for which you'll need a referral of course they'll say that.

Professional advice which requires proper attention and care - accountancy/tax/legal - should always be handled on a client basis.

OP also I should imagine especially as not qualified yet, doesn't want to scare off potential clients so is trying to find a way to deflect politely but not put potential clients off.

Someone I knew was constantly claiming he had had legal advice about XYZ topic (relating to property rights). This 'legal advice' was from a solicitor he occasionally met while shooting. I'm sure the solicitor would have been horrified if he realised that his idle conversation with a random was being claimed as actual advice.

They can either afford the advice, in which case have a name or two handy to pass to them,
or
they can't afford the advice so directing them to their nearest Citizens Advice Bureau might be a way out.

My legal professional father used to answer all requests for advice with ‘that is not my area of expertise’ worked a treat.

There’s no point doing the training to dole out free advice that could land you in trouble if it’s wrong.

@DelphiniumBlue

Tell them you are not insured and therefore not able to advice outside your employed work. TBH it is dangerous for you to do so - you will not have all the necessary info in front of you, and may give wrong or negligent advice, for which you will be legally responsible. You can say "it's not my area, and I don't want to give misleading advice", you can refer them to Citizen's Advice or to professional colleagues. But you should not be giving advice in a situation where you are not covered by insurance should things go tits up! Stick to your guns. Just say no.

This. Even "coffee and a chat" stuff can rebound because its like any other regulated profession, you can't take it off like a hat and not "be" a professional when you are giving profession related advice. Its the same as confidentiality, it doesn't end at the office door.

@2bazookas

Get over yourself.

Every professional or expert- trade gets their ear bent while off-duty. It comes with the territory.

As a highly trained expert "whatever", you're expected to be good at PR /customer relations and know how to deflect unwanted trade.

If you don't know how , just ask any prostitute/ washing machine engineer/doctor.

and which one are you?

Not quite the same as I don't risk my career by giving advice free of charge but it's similar as a musician.

'I'm sure you'd love to come and play the piano for the playgroup singsong as it'll be such fun. Oh no, we don't have the funds to pay anyone'

'I've written some songs - I'd love for you to listen to them and advise me on how to get them published. You could even orchestrate them as I know that would be fun for you.'

'Aunty INeedNewShoes would love to do your piano practice with you Pandora'

No I wouldn't and now that DD is school age this shit is happening more and more.

Grumpy, me? Yes I am!