Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

[joboy2]

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

It’s a tricky one. Say you end up being together for the next 20 years, she might end up being your carer at some point. You die, your daughter kicks her out. That does seem a little unfair.
A relative of mine had something a bit like that happen to her. Her husband had children from his first marriage (his first wife had died) she was younger than him and for the time they were together (30 years) she enriched his life and towards the end of his life was his carer. Now the house they lived in was massive and worth a lot of money. She sold up and bought a small property to live in and gave the rest to his kids. But they were really grabby about it. It wasn’t very nice all round.

@BOOTS52

I agree with what others have said if you are serious about this relationship you could rent out your own house and rent a new place with her instead and that way she gets to stay in the house you are renting if that is the way you move forward. Also you are both moving into a new place which you can make your own and you are both on an even footing.

@BOOTS52 I honestly would find the prospect of renting when almost 70, very unappealing.

Dealing with landlords who may want to sell up.
Never being able to call it 'home' and do what you want.
Squandering a pension on rent. (Remember the OP and his partner are retired.)

It's hardly an attractive option for older people.

Wish you were my dad

He promised the same thing. But then he got married and changed his will…….

What about if your still together after ten years then change your will to include your lady

@cherish123

I would not let her move in. It's important your daughter inherits.

There is absolutely no guarentee that the daughter will inherit anything, esp if her father lives a long time and requires care. Or he might marry the next girlfriend. She'd be a fool to count her chickens.

If you eventually get married to your new partner the property will automatically go to the living spouse if one dies unless the will specifically leaves it to someone else. This is a common problem where unrelated kids end up getting the property. I've also heard if the property was fully mortgaged the heir will get that debt!

Lots of posts recently commenting how the OP may need his girlfriend to be his carer.

1 we don't know the OP's gender. We assume they are male but could be female. They could be 2 women.

2 The OP is the younger one so they may end up caring for their partner.

It may be that OP you should have never got involved with this woman. You say you expected a woman of her age to own a home.

Maybe you got in too deep too soon without giving thought to how this relationship would develop.

If she is living with you now, you need to make your mind up sharpish over what you want.

I'm assuming your subject line is a typo and you really meant your partner ^wants' to live with you, rather than is now.

Otherwise you will have to 'evict' her.

It’s a tricky one. Say you end up being together for the next 20 years, she might end up being your carer at some point. You die, your daughter kicks her out. That does seem a little unfair.

If it ends up being that serious then yes, of course he should consider how to provide for his long-term partner in the event of his death.
But this is a "recent partner" who hasn't even moved in yet and is starting to make noises about wanting an interest in the property. It's too much, too soon and it's a red flag.

I can't imagine having a relationship with someone that I didn't want to feel secure if they moved in with me. She will be giving up her rented property and will contribute to your household expenses so she should have an interest if you died. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone knowing that you would leave her high and dry in those circumstances? It doesn't say much about you, I'm afraid.

I'm not saying you shouldn't make provision for your daughter but you should also make provision for your partner. Otherwise, what kind of relationship are you having? I do think she has every right to have some expectation or you should let her go her own way now. You can't help who you fall for and thinking you could have a relationship with someone who had their own home is just an ideal. The reality seems to have turned out differently and I think you should adjust to that.

RUN for the hills OP. How long have you dated?

The audacity of your partner if it was a man he would be getting called Cocklodger by now.

Let her live in her current house. Do not move in together.

@joboy2 You could give your home/ transfer ownership now to your daughter. As long as you trust her not to sell it and kick you out.

But assuming she is somewhere between 30-45, she may not be single forever.

@Xenia

I wouldn't let the partner move in - what's the point at their age. I would never move anyone in and my house goes to my children equally come what may.

Exactly you have made a crucial point. At their age OPS daughter has been around long before this new partner...

DM is in this exact situation. I think everyone is just pretending it'll resolve itself but it won't

DM partner owns a home. He wants DM to move in, but will not marry her or leave the home to her. So if she outlives him, she'll be homeless

Neither DM nor my siblings are interested in " profiting " from the home, but I do expect DM to not be in her 70s or 80s ,having spent the past 15 years making a home and then be turfed out (and this is what will happen to someone you care enough about to be in a relationship with. )

So she has had to kept on her own rental. And spends half her time there.

I have suggested that they have someone is writing which says DM may stay on in the home , until she passes, siblings and I will not pursue and then sale /home left to Partners children.

So I would suggest something similar. You cannot expect your partner to be homeless in her twilight years.

@Cookay

If you eventually get married to your new partner the property will automatically go to the living spouse if one dies unless the will specifically leaves it to someone else. This is a common problem where unrelated kids end up getting the property. I've also heard if the property was fully mortgaged the heir will get that debt!

If someone dies intestate with a spouse and kids then the spouse gets the first £270k and half of the remainder. The rest is split between their children (not step children)

The Sideways Disinheritance Trap is a real thing, but can be avoided by using a lifetime interest trust.

You cannot inherit debt. However, the estate of the person who died must pay off any debt before any inheritance can be distributed. In the case of a house with more mortgage than there are savings, this is likely to mean that the house is sold and the equity is distributed according to the terms of the will (or rules of intestacy).

There is no right or wrong on this. I would never let a man get my house so will not move one in and that is fine by me. My children's father has remarried and apparently his will leaves all his assets and house to our children (unusual) as his wife has kept her own flat which she lets out and keeps the rent )(which her son will get when she dies or she can move into when her husband dies - her husband has the house my children will inherit from him apparently). She gets his pension.

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns That sounds tricky. I think it’s slightly different if the partner actively wants her to move in- in that situation he should of course give some thought to what happens when he dies.

The impression I got from OP is that he doesn’t really want her to move in and that all of this ( moving and inheritance) is coming from her. Hard to know for sure though.

I can't imagine having a relationship with someone that I didn't want to feel secure if they moved in with me. She will be giving up her rented property and will contribute to your household expenses so she should have an interest if you died. Do you really want to have a relationship with someone knowing that you would leave her high and dry in those circumstances? It doesn't say much about you, I'm afraid.

But it takes time to reach that stage, and relationships are more complicated when you already have children, even if they are adults.

Of course, Merrymouse, but it's all about the negatives of having a partner moving in. What if the partner ends up caring for OP into their old age? Should she have to move out when she is very elderly to find a rented home and perhaps be left destitute? It could happen. The OP doesn't talk about what they are gaining from the relationship. It's presented as all take. We don't know the full story.

@Londoncallingtothefarawaytowns

DM is in this exact situation. I think everyone is just pretending it'll resolve itself but it won't

DM partner owns a home. He wants DM to move in, but will not marry her or leave the home to her. So if she outlives him, she'll be homeless

Neither DM nor my siblings are interested in " profiting " from the home, but I do expect DM to not be in her 70s or 80s ,having spent the past 15 years making a home and then be turfed out (and this is what will happen to someone you care enough about to be in a relationship with. )

So she has had to kept on her own rental. And spends half her time there.

I have suggested that they have someone is writing which says DM may stay on in the home , until she passes, siblings and I will not pursue and then sale /home left to Partners children.

So I would suggest something similar. You cannot expect your partner to be homeless in her twilight years.

But how is it different to how she is now, without the partner, where she plans to pay rent for the rest of her life? If she saved the rent while living with her partner isn’t she then in the same boat plus more savings when the partner dies to go get a rental again, with the big hurdle being having to move house, but you can pay people to do that? And especially when you know dc would help apply for rentals so it’s not a concern they are a bit frail and tired for the effort or not up to the online processes, this doesn’t seem a big issue to me. What am I missing?

I don't understand this at all. You wanted to meet someone who has their own property and for you both to continue to live separately. So why are you moving in with her? She does have her own property, it just happens to be rented not owned. That's not your problem, to put it bluntly. You don't owe her a home with you just because you're dating and she's tired of paying rent! Stay living separately or if that's a deal breaker for her then you're not compatible anyway because living separately is what you want. If you're not compatible breaking up is the right thing to do, as sad as it may be. You could change your mind and live with her, but if she's appalled by the prospect of not inheriting your home, that's not going to be enough for her and there's going to be resentment, then you'll either live miserably together or break up anyway so you can be happy. So if she doesn't want to live separately and also isn't happy to compromise by living together but not inheriting, then you may as well break up now and save yourself some misery!

[quote JinglingHellsBells]@joboy2 You could give your home/ transfer ownership now to your daughter. As long as you trust her not to sell it and kick you out.

But assuming she is somewhere between 30-45, she may not be single forever.[/quote]
This might not work depending on the daughters circumstances. If she's claiming any welfare benefits as a single mother on a low income for example. A house you live in, however unnecessarily huge or expensive it may be, doesn't disqualify you from claiming. But a house you don't live in is counted the same as if it were savings in the bank and would disqualify you from claiming anything based on low income/little savings.

I really don't know why this thread is still going

The OP has posted once. And disappeared. No other posts on MN.

It's just wasting everyone's time IMO.

@JinglingHellsBells

I really don't know why this thread is still going

The OP has posted once. And disappeared. No other posts on MN.

It's just wasting everyone's time IMO.

And yet here you are 🤷‍♀️

Surely it’s up to people posting on the thread how they spend their time?

You've bothered to post @Blossomtoes just to pick me up on that? (Rather than engage with the point).

Ah well.

Enjoy the rest of your day .

@JinglingHellsBells

I really don't know why this thread is still going

The OP has posted once. And disappeared. No other posts on MN.

It's just wasting everyone's time IMO.

The OP won't be back. They have a nice long run of posts on a supposedly women centred forum saying that its totally fine for a scenario where and elderly woman is left homeless and with no security in old age, because the only thing which matters is the DD getting an asset free of charge from the moment of death.

Of course neither the hypothetical DD or partner have paid toward the asset at this stage, the hypothetical partner likely would do over time if living there.