Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

[joboy2]

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

In your partner's position I wouldn't want to move in with you.
I am assuming she has decent rented accommodation- which is not easy to come by.
By moving in with you she puts herself in a potentially vulnerable position. If anything happened to you- or you decide living together is not working- she may become homeless.

In her position I would be hanging onto my own home- rented or otherwise.

@LaraDeSalle

Lots of young women today are looking for sugar daddies.

I think they’re probably looking for suave, sophisticated silver foxes with multiple properties, not a pensioner with a three bed semi. 😂😂

I'm a couple of years younger than you OP, and there's no way I will ever have a live in partner, for a variety of reasons, but primarily for exactly the reason that your OP demonstrates.

I consider my house to still be half my late husband's. And no way will his share ever go to anyone other than our daughters (nor should mine for that matter, but I feel extremely strongly about their inheritance from their adored dad).
Nor should they have to wait for their inheritance because a relatively new partner has been given a lifelong right to live in my house after my death.

So should I meet someone over the next few years, they will have to remain independent in living arrangements. It is absolutely not up for negotiation.

While I think you're absolutely right to make sure your daughter inherits, I would say it's maybe a bit harsh the way some posters are talking about the partner being a shameless grabby free loader.

The op and partner could be together 20 or so years. Maybe the op gets unwell and their partner nurses them for years, only to be turfed out upon OPs death. For me these sort of scenarios make it more complex.

Transfer the property to your daughter now with a caveat she let's to live in it through out your life time.

If you have your gf a life interest I.e right to live in the property until death, she could theoretically sell the house and buy somewhere else provided that was then left to your daughter- it could all go horribly wrong.

saraclara I completely agree with you. It’s a shame more people don’t think as we do.

Can't you charge her a peppercorn rent? Or even a more substantial rent to cover contribution of bills and food. This way she becomes a lodger without rights as she's lodging in your home.

Keep a careful paper trail so if she decides to contest anything your daughter can show she was a lodger.

The easiest thing would be not to move on together at all but stay over regularly with each other to keep things on an even footing.

I was the daughter whose mother died and whose live in partner (who owned his own home and had for many years) had a good go at grabbing her house when she died, even though I owned it and had for nearly 20 years as she'd gifted it to me to keep it 'safe'.

He wouldn't have been able to legally own it but he wanted to remain there without paying rent, nor having a tenancy agreement and with me being legally obliged to never contact him. This would have meant he and his daughter and children (whom he moved in just after my mother died) would have remained there forever. It took a hefty legal battle of nearly a year to get him out and even then his family stripped my family home of everything, down to the plugs and lightbulbs.

Hang on it's not that unreasonable FFS. All she is asking for is what pretty much all MNers advise for someone who is renting when they move in to a partner's owned home. All the reactions here are pretty misogynistic - unsurprisingly

Imagine your frail 88 year old mother was recently bereaved and her late partner's family were evicting her....

She isn't asking to inherit, just to be allowed to remain if her dp predecessors her.

Why not wait for a couple of years, then rethink this. And don't get married.

Only 1 post from the OP.

I find it odd that someone close to my age would even ask this question on a forum for mums.

@joboy2 Don't you have male friends/ mates you can talk this over with?

Are you going to respond to any of the points raised here?

@TatianaBis I've been with my DH since I was 21, we're nearly 50 now. If one of us shuffled off tomorrow any new relationship would be 'recent'.
I have got two kids who I love to an insane level but actually I don't want my DH living in his own or being lonely except for a trip to the cinema and a National Trust property every fortnight for decades.
You expect a 20 or 30 something to protect their bank balance at all costs, your 70s could be glorious if you take a risk.

@Delectable

Transfer the property to your daughter now with a caveat she let's to live in it through out your life time.

The only trouble with that is if the daughter is claiming any benefits.

My name was actually on my dads house years ago, but we had to take me off when my first husband left me as I had to claim housing benefit. I wouldn’t have been able to if my name was on a property.

So @titchy if you are in a new or newish relationship with someone who owns their own home you would ask to move in and gain an interest in their property?

You wouldn't try to see if your relationship was going to be long term first?

There are many, many issues with the OP transferring his property to his dd. What if his home becomes unsuitable in a few years and he needs to move into sheltered accommodation? What if he one day needs care? What if the daughter married then divorced? What if she marries then dies?

Inheritance is nice but the OP needs to provide for himself first.

@JinglingHellsBells

Only 1 post from the OP.

I find it odd that someone close to my age would even ask this question on a forum for mums.

@joboy2 Don't you have male friends/ mates you can talk this over with?

Are you going to respond to any of the points raised here?

I think the issue is your assumption that the OP is male. There is nothing in it to confirm this and I would have thought the clarification that the partner is female may well suggest the OP is also female as otherwise many people would not think to specify the sex of their partner.

@JinglingHellsBells

Only 1 post from the OP.

I find it odd that someone close to my age would even ask this question on a forum for mums.

@joboy2 Don't you have male friends/ mates you can talk this over with?

Are you going to respond to any of the points raised here?

You are right

Of course you want your property and money to go to your children - I would be exactly the same and I believe the majority of people would be the same. You sound like you have been honest with your partner and taken legal advice - both very good things.

I would also ask yourself if you are feeling pressured for her to move in as she doesn't have a property. Because if you do feel under pressure then it's not right or healthy you feel that way. It could also be more difficult to get her out if you decided that you want to be on your own again (as she'll have no where to go).

@saraclara it is properly complicated.

If my father moved a woman into his house who was going to be homeless if he died that would also make her my and my brother's responsibility. I wouldn't actually be willing to turf her out when grieving and possibly elderly and vulnerable.

The legalities are actually only one part of it.

@Anniissa I was going to write "he" in my replies then realised I actually know and met people who changed their preference of the sex of the people they had relationships with as they got older.

@Anniissa I assumed male because I thought somewhere they had referred to role/gender reversal and how responses might differ.

I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house

and they also refer to themselves as 'boy'

Why is she discussing it with her friends and you taking it into account?

You stay living separately and leave it to your daughter. Obviously.

You may have another 20 years ahead of you yet. Make sure you make a water tight will that you wish for your house to go to your dd and any legacies you wish for your dgc. If this lady lives in a council property/housing association with subsidised rent she should stay where she is. If she gives this up she could claim you promised her lifetime enjoyment. That would delay your inheritance to your dd. If you do let her move in get a contract stating she has no claim upon your house but will share living cost she would have where er she lives eg council tax, food, electricity/gas, water TV licence. You pay insurance on house, any mortgage on payments and any repairs/refurbishment on house. Don't let this lady contribute to any house cost.

The more I think about it, the more I would prefer my father did make provision in his will if he does find a penniless girlfriend. Allowing her to stay in the house until her death though is fraught with problems.