Live in partner expects assurance of interest in my property

[joboy2]

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

No way. She should nt move in at all IMO

@Supersimkin2

As long as you and DD pay the ‘gold-digger’ the going commercial rate for her eldercare, cooking and cleaning services.

What is it with all the ‘woman gets the bullet for asking for anything’ posts. Is it half term at St Incel’s?

Who said OP’s girlfriend was going to look after him, cook, clean, eldercare? If they live separately and have separate financial interests, but are boyfriend and girlfriend for companionship and affection reasons……then if he needs a cook, cleaner, elder care for himself, as he ages, he can hire help from those ‘care at home’ agencies, or get his daughter (who he leaves the house to) to do that stuff for him. As a live out girlfriend, she owes him nothing in terms of being his at home care worker or house maid, she is there to provide companionship and affection, nothing more. It works both ways. And that’s fine with a lot of older people.

@JinglingHellsBells

Only 1 post from the OP.

I find it odd that someone close to my age would even ask this question on a forum for mums.

@joboy2 Don't you have male friends/ mates you can talk this over with?

Are you going to respond to any of the points raised here?

I suspect he already has all the screenshots needed about "gold diggers" and "protect your assets, her future security doesn't matter". I doubt we we see more.
If this is real and the partner does want to move in, then the OP can't have made it clear that all he wanted was a FWB and not any long term relationship.

Anyone, male or female, who gives up the roof over their heads to move in with a partner would be mad not to want some kind of protection in the event of their death. Since the OP thinks this its fine for her to be thrown out in this situation I'd say its just as likely this is a big red flag for the partner and she should be the one looking elsewhere as the OP plainly wants nothing more than FWB.

@beautifullymad

Can't you charge her a peppercorn rent? Or even a more substantial rent to cover contribution of bills and food. This way she becomes a lodger without rights as she's lodging in your home.

Keep a careful paper trail so if she decides to contest anything your daughter can show she was a lodger.

The easiest thing would be not to move on together at all but stay over regularly with each other to keep things on an even footing.

If you really want to move her in then she should come on the proviso that she is a lodger only. I would have her pay rent (albeit a peppercorn rent) by direct debit and give her a rent book. On your death, she moves out.

The rent saved by paying you a small amount could be used to rehouse (upfront deposit, etc) her if she is left alone by your death.

I doubt she will want to take this any further if you suggest the above arrangement.

Do not go down the route of giving her a lifetime interest as that would be grossly unfair to your daughter.

Ideally, if I were you I would say that I had considered her moving in and decided it wasn't the way forward.

If you are in a serious relationship though these won't be easy conversations to have.

One option is to rent out your house and rent a house together (you can use your rental income to cover your half) and split all costs down 50%

This is what I would, and have suggested, to female posters in the same position.

Anyone, male or female, who gives up the roof over their heads to move in with a partner would be mad not to want some kind of protection in the event of their death. Since the OP thinks this its fine for her to be thrown out in this situation I'd say its just as likely this is a big red flag for the partner and she should be the one looking elsewhere as the OP plainly wants nothing more than FWB.

If sounds like it's the partner that is pushing to move in though, not the OP?

Her moving in seems premature if your relationship isn’t ready for that, aside from the implications of the will…

Do you WANT to live with her OP?

You can tell her that it’s already agreed that your daughter will receive the house.

I would not let her move in. It's important your daughter inherits.

I think this is a bad idea - for her to move in at all, will be disastrous. Imagine the clock fast forward 10 or 15 years - hopefully you will last longer than that but you never know. Its very difficult for people in their late 70s or even into their 80s to move house and get used to somewhere new. If you die before your partner and she has moved in with you she would be grieving, and homeless because the house is quite rightly being sold and going to your DD. Her getting a life interest in your house would be the obvious way to stop what would be by then a frail old lady from being made homeless but that's equally obviously not the right solution here. So she should not move in with you.

Either she should continue to rent her own place and just stay with you and you with her occasionally, or you sell your house now, invest the whole capital in a way that produces income sufficient to pay your share of rent for a place you rent together.

I completely agree with everyone on here - you’re being entirely sensible to put things in order.

Heck, my other half and I have a legal contract between us to protect each of our interests in our house and we’re in our thirties with no child to leave it to. It’s just good sense.

Dodgy territory. Even with a will if she lives there and has nowhere to go she can and will contest it. You need a really good solicitor, she has to agree and you need it drawn up watertight before she moves in.
You are quite right in wanting to leave it to your only child btw - your home, your choice.

Don’t move in together. She seems entitled and grabby. If there is even any further discussion about this from your partners end. I think it would be the end for me.

You say she's recent? How long have you been together? It's a huge red flag that she's already thinking about what she will get when you die!

You are right. If the roles were reversed it would be seen as taking advantage. She is taking advantage. You should absolutely pass your home onto your daughter. Do not let her move in. If she claims to be appalled by this, then she can leave

I wouldn't let the partner move in - what's the point at their age. I would never move anyone in and my house goes to my children equally come what may.

Even if you have something in writing from a good solicitor, if she decides to not move out if you were to die before her, she could still be a massive pain in the bum trying to evict, even with a legal document. And it would be your daughter having to drag her through the courts to evict her, doing all the nasty work. I wouldn't want to leave that to her. You're better off not letting her move in at all. Official paper written up or not.

I would not move in together and keep the living arrangements as they are. She can visit for a few days and then return to her own rented home. Make sure you have a proper will drawn up as you want the property to go to your daughter. I would not want your daughter to have to deal with that woman in the future as it would seem like she would make it quite difficult for your daughter and probably would not move out and would be looking for something. Do you really want to live full time with somebody though or do you feel pressurized into it by her. Ask yourself this and if you really do want to live together make sure all the legal paperwork is sorted so she does not get her hands on the property that you so want your daughter to have.

OP, I think you know one thing already - that you need to consult a lawyer to ensure your wishes for your daughter are thoroughly protected. I also agree with a previous poster that there may be advantages in giving some inheritance to your daughter now, rather than hopefully decades from now.

So many of the other posts, though! I'm shocked at the rush to judgement and outright vitriol aimed at a woman who has different expectations of a relationship, which, while incompatible with the OP's, are not necessarily sinister.

Also feel a bit queasy at the general sense that children are of course entitled to inherit from their parents. If that is the parents wish, then how wonderful for their children; but if parents want to spend it all on travel, or bingo, or the new beau, then that is their prerogative and nobody has been hard done by.

She should continue to live in her own rented accommodation.
"Recent" partner? Far too early for her to be talking about an interest in the property etc.
It's different if you've lived together 20 years - in which case you should be thinking about what would happen to her after your death, while ensuring your daughter inherits - so a life interest in the property for example.
But you barely know each other, she hasn't moved in yet and she's already talking like this.
Golddigger/Vaglodger alert.

Definitely see a GOOD solicitor OP if you plan to go ahead moving your girlfriend in.

She may be very loving and not a gold digger.

However if you predecease her and have not set it up properly she could remarry and leave your home to her new husband, his children or any of her previous children.

The same applies in reverse for a woman taking on a man.

@joboy2

My recent female partner would like to move in to my property. I'm 67. She is 69. Until now, I had expected to date a partner with her own property, meaning we would live separately but regularly stay over in each others property. My partner has no property. My main worry is that I have always intended to pass my house on after my death, in its entirety, to my single mother daughter. As I understand it, if my partner moves in and contributes anything in terms of work, money, even decoration, she could, on my demise, declare a financial interest in my house, allowing her to occupy it. I have discussed this matter with her, and been blunt or rather frank and honest as to my intentions. Both she, and her friends seem appalled that I will not consider passing on an interest in my home upon my demise. I have pointed out that if the sexes were reversed, they might take a less charitable position regarding a relatively elderly male expecting an interest in his partners house, indeed they might think he was taking advantage. The upshot is, that I have insisted that some sort of legally binding document be drawn up between us stating my position quite clearly before any move by my partner. The only other options being that we break up over this issue, or we carry on as we are and she continue to live in her own rented accommodation. I wonder what other readers might think, or indeed what advice they might offer. Joboy.

Your understanding is wrong. She won't get a financial interest in your house just because she decorates the house or does some work. To get a financial interest, she would have to pay some of the capital off the mortgage (if you still have one) or pay for work on the house (not just cosmetic work such as painting and decorating but something substantial such as an extension or significant repairs). However, if she is dependent on you financially when you die, she may have a claim on your estate. There is nothing you can do to prevent her making such a claim.

You could consider giving her a life interest in your house in your will, with it passing to your daughter on her death. That would obviously delay your daughter's inheritance, but she would ultimately inherit your property and your partner would still have somewhere to live.

I agree with what others have said if you are serious about this relationship you could rent out your own house and rent a new place with her instead and that way she gets to stay in the house you are renting if that is the way you move forward. Also you are both moving into a new place which you can make your own and you are both on an even footing.

@drpet49

* Run away from her. She is wanting to profit from someone else's hard work and is happy for your daughter to get nothing.*

^This. Goldigger alert

And you say "recent". How recent? It sounds as if she was just looking for someone with a nice home she could move into.

The fact that she is very clearly wanting your house and to not leave it to your daughter is awful. I suspect that this is why she wants to move in.

You don't seem too keen on the idea of living together. And to be honest, I think she has shown her true colours. I advise you very strongly to not have her move in and to consider your future with someone who is after your money and does not care about your child.