People offering rooms to refugees

[Decorbreadthegingerate]

Been on a page that’s trying to match Ukrainian refugees with potential sponsors (weighing this up personally, as we do have room, but wondering if taking in a traumatised person so far from home may do more harm than good and there are more effective ways to help). Anyway - so many of the posts just make me feel a bit weird. Lots of self-congratulatory, saviour complex stuff e.g ‘hello darling, we live in beautiful [random town far from a city] and have a trampoline and a hot tub a huge garden and three lovely golden retrievers. Our children can’t wait for a playmate and we would love to welcome you and your little one into our happy home’ (insert cheesy Christmas pyjama family photo because that’s going to make a woman whose been separated from her partner and loved ones feel great)

And that’s before you get to the dodgy posts from single men who have a spare room in their dingy, dirty flat for “a woman in their 20s or 30s”

AIBU to think that it’s all a bit unseemly (genuine folk aside) and wrong

I've just seen someone offering to take in children with no adult 🙈 it's beyond weird

I agree with you. I think it’s a shit show waiting to happen.

I also think it amounts to the government passing on responsibility for refugees onto the, largely inexperienced and unknowledgeable, public. Instead of providing proper housing and refugee services through commissioning refugee organisations they’re choosing to save money by throwing £350 a month at mr and mrs smith who signed upon a whim without giving more than 2 minutes thought about what will be involved.

Traumatised people, vulnerable people being dumped in the homes of inexperienced people who won’t know what to do with them.

People have been hosting refugees for a long time. There are several organisations that arrange proper hosting arrangements.

A dbs and willingness isn’t enough.

I expect very few people will end up being placed this way and I expect there will be issues with a lot of the hosting matches that do happen.

Personally I think putting people in hotels was a better option, but instead of having security have mental health and social support. At least refugees would be allowed a personal space for their families and some control.

@Whatinthelord agreed. I doubt this will really get off the ground. I think it’s just government virtue signalling. They don’t want to shell out for the cost of premier inn rooms, food etc for all the refugees. Far better that Mr and Mrs Smith do the bulk of the work for a couple of quid, and the government claims the headline virtuous credit.

I also think most offerees will drop out as they get further into the application process. No one is offering to house families from and in the uk who become homeless through no fault of their own (flooding, house fires etc). The “glamour” of hosting a family just because they come from Ukraine is going to wear off pretty quickly.

I've a friend who's doing it. Told no one in our huge close group. Her three year old told me when I bumped into walking back from nursery. She doing it as she has a spare room and she's a kind lady who helps everyone she can prior to this.

A dbs and willingness isn’t enough

Agree - that people thing DBS is adequate vetting concerns me. I think in 5-10 years abuse scandals will be the headline news, and MNetters will be wondering how on earth it was allowed to happen

“Personally I think putting people in hotels was a better option, but instead of having security have mental health and social support. At least refugees would be allowed a personal space for their families and some control.”

Living in a hotel is a shitty option.

No cooking facilities, no other living space, no outside space and instead of sharing a building with one host family, there’s a whole hotel full of people.

Just you and children trapped in one room with nowhere to go and no control at all over anything.

@tabulahrasa

“Personally I think putting people in hotels was a better option, but instead of having security have mental health and social support. At least refugees would be allowed a personal space for their families and some control.”

Living in a hotel is a shitty option.

No cooking facilities, no other living space, no outside space and instead of sharing a building with one host family, there’s a whole hotel full of people.

Just you and children trapped in one room with nowhere to go and no control at all over anything.

The gov website states that hosts dont have to provide food. I’ve seen multiple people offering up awful accommodation (one an outside lodge without a bathroom or kitchen- but access to a kitchen in the main house…it was basically a posh shed).

The gov are saying local authorities will do a home visit either before or shortly after people arrive. So refugees are being placed in homes that haven’t been checked for suitability. I wonder what happens if the local authority check hosts accommodation after arrival and find it lacking….where do that refugee family go then.

I agree hotels aren’t a good option. Weighing it up I would personally rather be put in a hotel room with my family, than in a room in a strangers home ……though obviously some are offering self contained annexes etc which seem much more appropriate.

I dunno. Maybe it’ll work out. It just all doesn’t sit well with me. Last night Looked through some of the Facebook pages where people are trying to find refugees to host. There were some worrying posts on there. And it just didn’t look safe at all.

“Weighing it up I would personally rather be put in a hotel room with my family, than in a room in a strangers home”

I wouldn’t - but then I have experience of living in a hotel as temporary accommodation as a child. No kitchen at all, no laundry facilities, nowhere to play, not usually near schools or parks, no opportunities to have friends and sharing a building with a whole load of random people including at night when you’re trying to sleep.

It’s nothing like staying in a hotel through choice for a short period of time.

You feel constantly on edge, unsafe and demoralised.

Worst case in someone else’s house you’d have one person or family that made you feel like that - and while yes, there are going to be people who volunteer who shouldn’t, the odds are much higher of being in contact with someone dodgy in a hotel with multiple ever changing occupants.

@Ivyonafence

I have more time for people making an effort to help than I do for people standing on the sidelines, poking holes and finding fault while congratulating themselves on their 'critical thinking' and general superiority.

There is no perfect solution - welcome to the refugee experience. It's messy and dangerous and full of people quickly doing what they can to survive and hopefully help others to do the same. There are some bad apples, but that's all the more reason for good people to rush in, not stay away.

When your house is on fire you don't care if you're leaving through the door or a window. You just need to get out.

Good for you for having spare funds and a large home in a safe country. I hope you do something useful with those things.

Well said, you've articulated exactly how I feel much more succinctly than I could. I was horrified by a sneery Telegraph article criticising the 'middle class bidding wars' on social media criticising those offering a home because they tried to 'sell' their accommodation/house/town. The btl comments were even worse 'Ukrainian refugees - the new must have accessory for the middle classes to boost about at dinner parties' and the like. So much easier to sneer than to act. I get particularly frustrated by the argument that traffickers and pedophiles will be rubbing their hands together with glee, there are checks in place you know. DBS checks, home visits, document checks etc. Yes there will be some evil bastards out there exploiting this situation for nefarious ends but all the more reason to offer up your own spare accommodation, if you have any, so the refugees that wish to come here can be put in safe welcoming homes.

To be fair it has become a bit of a demeaning bidding war although initially it wasn't. It was when the photos of the converted barns and 5 bed homes in the home counties that the whole thing changed. I'm waiting to be contacted by one of the charities now.

We were asked to host a girl in her 20s who had observed trauma directly involving family members. We thought about it but ultimately it wouldn't have been a good match. We are in our 50s, our children are teenage boys, we don't know any 20 year old women who live locally to help her feel less isolated, we are boring. Otoh i'm virtually retired so not at work all the time, we would have provided a safe quiet refuge, maybe that would have been suitable. Who knows. I just wonder how people working full time with busy lives will provide psychological support for traumatised refugees.

I agree in it not an ideal situation, but I'm inclined to think that trying to help is better than not trying to help.

I think there are probably a lot of people who are not helping who are trying to find a justifiable reason to not inconvenience themselves and still feel like they are making the right decision.

@Stompythedinosaur

I agree in it not an ideal situation, but I'm inclined to think that trying to help is better than not trying to help.

I think there are probably a lot of people who are not helping who are trying to find a justifiable reason to not inconvenience themselves and still feel like they are making the right decision.

I think this might be true. People may feel better not signing up if they disagree with the scheme.

However Several refugee organisations have raised concerns about the scheme and these are organisations with a track record of supporting refugees from all around the world and matching refugees with host families. Organisations like the refugee council and reset. Local authorities still have little to no guidance about how they are supposed to be supporting these families when they arrive. I Called the council I worked for previously as a social worker to see if they would be looking for volunteer social workers to support assessing host….they still had no idea what this was going to look like in reality.

I dunno. I kind of wish that instead of offering hosts £350 they had funded the existing organisations who run hosting services to expand their services to support more.

I’m kind of sceptical that the government have purposely made it hard by requiring visa, not supporting with matching hosts and refugees, in the hope that fewer people will come here and instead go to countries where that isn’t required.

I have a property - that I offer as part of a well established scheme (I take no rent and cover the utilities etc) - to refugees from all over, have done for years. It's well regulated and together we make sure they have access to the local services they need. Most stay a year or two, to get on their feet and then are supported to move on to more permanent housing etc.
the lack of regulation or planning for the current scheme worries me very much. It's not just about a having a roof - counselling, jobs, medical support all of these things are necessary as well.

@Mama1980

I have a property - that I offer as part of a well established scheme (I take no rent and cover the utilities etc) - to refugees from all over, have done for years. It's well regulated and together we make sure they have access to the local services they need. Most stay a year or two, to get on their feet and then are supported to move on to more permanent housing etc. the lack of regulation or planning for the current scheme worries me very much. It's not just about a having a roof - counselling, jobs, medical support all of these things are necessary as well.

It would be so handy if organisations like the one you are involved with were better consulted before the scheme was thrown together.

It’d be wonderful to think of people with your kind of accommodation being properly assessed and matched to provide support to more refugees.

Can I ask where ish your based. I’ve seen many are in larger cities rather than rural towns.

It really would. Whatinthelord it really isn't as simple as just providing a roof.
I'm based near Colchester though a lot of the properties (including mine) are rural. Placement is a difficult thing, we have recently placed female Afghan refugees with children, they are well suited to being placed here due to the school infrastructure, the fact that many refugees already live and are fully integrated into the community, free language lessons are readily available and there is already employment in place - namely cooking for pop up food evenings. Many Syrian refugees started working this way and now we have 4 refugees run and owned cafes in the immediate area. Refugees with these skills or who are interested in this area are carefully matched to such a placement whereas rural living would be less suitable for young men, interested in studying or construction due to the lack of employment opportunities.
Whilst taking in Ukrainian refugees is clearly a good thing, I just wish a better plan was in place and the cynic in me feels the £350 payment is just a way to avoid properly funding refugee services so that as soon as public outrage dies down (as it sadly inevitably will) they can forget the whole thing.

“I dunno. I kind of wish that instead of offering hosts £350 they had funded the existing organisations who run hosting services to expand their services to support more.

I’m kind of sceptical that the government have purposely made it hard by requiring visa, not supporting with matching hosts and refugees, in the hope that fewer people will come here and instead go to countries where that isn’t required”.

My thoughts exactly!

have purposely made it hard by requiring visa

That's not making it purposely hard, that's protecting the UK from potential terrorists and others who would seek to do us harm. It's ridiculously naive to think that if we had an open door policy everyone coming here would be a needy woman with DC who was merely escaping bombardment.

Have you forgotten the terror attacks of the past few years and the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko with a radioactive agent and Sergei and Yulia Skripal with Novichok? Do you think it would be beyond the wit of terrorists to sneak in among genuine refugees if we just let anyone come here who had a Ukrainian passport?

I'm hosting a mum and her daughter, well once visa has been approved.

I worked in A and E for 16 years, every single homeless person was either addicted to drugs or alcohol or both. Their lives were incredibly chaotic and most had mental health problems. I'm not saying that the refugee's won't have MH problems but they are likely to be of a less chaotic nature and less to introduce drug dealers to your home!

I'm not doing this for some 'pat on the back either' how bloody insulting and rude. I'm doing this because their situation is horrific and cannot imagine being in that situation with my own child, I'd like to think that someone would help me.

I live in an area where there are groups trying to secure access to counselling, bringing together groups of people so the people they host will know other Ukrainians and be able to support each other and not feel so lonely. We are contacting local councils to make sure we know exactly what is being put in place.

Most have created WhatsApp groups to try and get to know who they are having to stay and discuss any concerns, but also show we are human and we care.

I don't know of a single person hosting who doesn't realise they will be traumatised, homesick and overwhelmed. I think trying to show them that your house is welcoming is not a negative thing ffs!

We're also raising funds through donation sites so that they can choose to buy their own things when they get here and have some control over their lives. How sad that one of the posters was so disdainful about doing this. Your lack of compassion showed. Thankfully, I have lovely friends that have donated so that I can get vouchers for them to buy their own clothes and toiletries etc. Fleeing with only one bag means they haven't got a lot of belongings.

The negativity on here and the disdain to those willing to host is actually rather sad.

@zafferana

have purposely made it hard by requiring visa

That's not making it purposely hard, that's protecting the UK from potential terrorists and others who would seek to do us harm. It's ridiculously naive to think that if we had an open door policy everyone coming here would be a needy woman with DC who was merely escaping bombardment.

Have you forgotten the terror attacks of the past few years and the poisoning of Alexander Litvinenko with a radioactive agent and Sergei and Yulia Skripal with Novichok? Do you think it would be beyond the wit of terrorists to sneak in among genuine refugees if we just let anyone come here who had a Ukrainian passport?

7/7 bombings were perpetrated by British citizens. I don’t really believe the standard vis process would pick up professional Spy’s/agents of the type bringing Novichok in. So neither of those examples convince me.

Plenty of other countries are managing the risk without insisting g on visas.Anyone who thinks this is anything other than our government attempting to make it as hard as possible for refugees to come here, while still looking like they’re trying to help, is naive.

I'm doing this because their situation is horrific and cannot imagine being in that situation with my own child, I'd like to think that someone would help me.

Exactly

For any potential hosts, there are loads of FB groups with loads of info and a few websites that have sprung up to match people.
I would advise caution as it is a Wild West situation right now and as ever you don't know who anyone is online.
Good luck out there.
For anyone who just wants to stand on the sidelines and bitch and moan, carry on with this thread, the rest of us will get on with doing something actually useful.

I'm so glad I've found this thread, which contains a lot of hard-headed common sense. I've offered the spare room in my house but had no takers yet and I haven't had the courage to attempt to engage further in the process. I'm horrified by the 'competitive hosting' I'm seeing on many FB sites, with people bragging about their annexe, their holiday home, the lovely family with three children they've found, the fact that they've flown to another country to interview them . . . Many people seem to be offering to help for the wrong reasons, mainly to brag about how kind they are being. It's all a bit

Regarding photos, I think a lot of people have just used the pics they already had of themselves, so their most attractive selfie, without realising that these may lead to unpleasant situations. Anyway, as a single woman in late middle-age, I'm not a threat to anyone and don't have to defer to other family members about what I do, so here's hoping. I've also signed up to host refugees from other countries but I suspect where I live is too quiet for most tastes.

[quote Decorbreadthegingerate]@Tiredcatmum I don’t care about being cool. I don’t care about sounding negative. I do care about people and ensuring they access genuine support. And despite having the funds and space I’m still not convinced offering my home is the right form of support, given the likely complex needs of these people. It’s called critical thinking and I highly recommend it, if you have the time.

And whether I have donated or done my part in any way means very little here as I can’t prove that to you and I’m not interested in performative acts or patting myself on the back.[/quote]
You sound so sanctimonious and patronising. We are talking about fully formed, adult people here- just like you and me. They may be refugees, but that doesn’t mean they are mentally impaired. Don’t you think they might know a little bit more about what they need / what is in their best interests , than you do?? If what they are looking for is a safe and comfortable place to stay, offering one’s home is a wonderful thing to do.

So far where I live I’ve seen a post from a fairly affluent family asking for tradesmen to offer their services for free to convert their annex into accommodation for a Ukraine family.

The town hub has loads of posts offering rooms.

After this there will be lots of cases of slavery, abuse, pedophilia, trafficking etc. DBS checks prove nothing. It’s very nice and quant but society isn’t like that.