People offering rooms to refugees

[Decorbreadthegingerate]

Been on a page that’s trying to match Ukrainian refugees with potential sponsors (weighing this up personally, as we do have room, but wondering if taking in a traumatised person so far from home may do more harm than good and there are more effective ways to help). Anyway - so many of the posts just make me feel a bit weird. Lots of self-congratulatory, saviour complex stuff e.g ‘hello darling, we live in beautiful [random town far from a city] and have a trampoline and a hot tub a huge garden and three lovely golden retrievers. Our children can’t wait for a playmate and we would love to welcome you and your little one into our happy home’ (insert cheesy Christmas pyjama family photo because that’s going to make a woman whose been separated from her partner and loved ones feel great)

And that’s before you get to the dodgy posts from single men who have a spare room in their dingy, dirty flat for “a woman in their 20s or 30s”

AIBU to think that it’s all a bit unseemly (genuine folk aside) and wrong

Severe PTSD is terrible and not even easily dealt with, even by professionals. However, never underestimate the power of love and patience. My dear father in law joined the army at 18, was evacuated from a French beach (he said it was worse than the film Dunkirk), transferred to the RAF, crash landed 3 times, once ripping off all one side of his face. Most of his friends were killed. He helped bring back Japanese camp victims. At the end of the war he was given no specialist help, had appalling nightmares and flashbacks etc but with the love of his wife and family he eventually recovered. Yes. The refugees might well be traumatised but there are not enough mental health professionals to deal with them. So we have a choice. If we host them, it MIGHT be disastrous for everyone. But not even trying to help WILL definitely be disastrous for them. And, speaking personally, I might have difficulty facing myself in the mirror, knowing I might have made all the difference to a traumatised woman and child.

@Snippysocks, given that the events you are talking about were 80 years ago I assume you were not living with your FIL while his family gave him endless love and patience, in no way am I about to try and diminish the trauma he went through, however, living it at second hand is easy. The pertinent point is that your FIL was with his family, not strangers in a strange country.

@lollipoprainbow

Ridiculous statement. We are one of the richest nations on Earth. If we can't afford it, who can?

Yeah that's why millions won't be able to afford to eat, heat our homes, drive our cars because we are such a rich nation have you not read the news lately ???

Yep, I have. And a lot of these things are the result of policy decisions.

Low corporation tax, regressive individual tax policies, huge tax breaks for oil and gas producers despite their massive profits, a refusal to do what eg France has done and massively subsidise to offset the rise in energy costs - those and so many other things that are entrenching poverty and inequality are policy decisions, not the consequence of a lack of overall wealth compared to most countries.

The fact that millions of individual citizens are getting screwed and struggling so badly should be a source of enduring shame for such a wealthy country. Instead, most have swallowed a line that 'we can't afford it' because of policy decisions to fleece citizens rather than reforming taxation in a sensible way.

@JassyRadlett

so right.

I don't get how thousands of refugees are going to be instantly accommodated in these imaginary ideal situations of self contained accommodation with access to specialist psychological and trauma support... this is fairytale stuff. We don't have basic timely mental health support for kids and young people at the best of times in this country. This situation has emerged and escalated so quickly - housing people and making sure they have somewhere to go in the short term is the first challenge and ok, you may not agree with how people are presenting their spare rooms, but they're trying. There is so much discouragement of people taking in refugees but if everyone takes that attitude then what's the solution - more horrendous camps like Calais? And these brainless arguments "why haven't you taken in the homeless then" - erm, clearly anyone making this kind of "whataboutery" statement has not worked with the homeless. Newsflash - many homeless people aren't homeless because of nowhere to stay but because of complex mental health issues which mean they do not settle and contrary to how most people see the world, they see the street as home/safer. The government is planning to vet those offering rooms which should help minimise the chance of harm and mean those who genuinely want to help and be of use can help offer someone a welcome and some kindness. It's not perfect, it's not without risk - but look at Mariupol. They are digging people out of the ruins of a theatre that was sheltering civilians and was bombed.

I'm in EU and seeing refugees being accommodated by lots of people this week. Some kind person posted on FB the message she had written and translated into Ukrainian for her "guests". It was BEYOND patronising and made me cringe. All about what they could and couldn't do but they must feel happy to ask for up to a certain amount of money and not disturb the paying tenant on the top floor. From the local FB support group, families are asking to be located where they know someone else and have a chance of finding work. Everyone is going overboard to find the right places for people. Some heart breaking tales, and also some scammers. No disaster is too large for someone not to try to make some cash out of it.

So I’ve been and looked on that FB group and what’s horrifying is the number of very attractive women posting photos of themselves saying they’re single women, and 10s of men offering a single room with them. Then you click on their profile to see they’re commenting on only attractive young women’s posts.

The genuine offers for help are lovely to see, but I’d really be concerned for the safety of these women

@ShirleyPhallus

So I’ve been and looked on that FB group and what’s horrifying is the number of very attractive women posting photos of themselves saying they’re single women, and 10s of men offering a single room with them. Then you click on their profile to see they’re commenting on only attractive young women’s posts.

The genuine offers for help are lovely to see, but I’d really be concerned for the safety of these women

I was also shocked by the number of thirsty men on those facebook groups. To be honest, a little bit put off by very suggestive photos some women put on their posts too (and their profiles do not suggest they are refugees).

It's very sad but people on both sides will try to take advantage of the crisis. Big dramas in Belgium on what happens with foreign students from Ukraine. Particularly if they come from African countries. Technically they can go home to their own families and are not considered as refugees. Huge calls of racism.

to be honest, a little bit put off by very suggestive photos some women put on their posts too

I’ve been surprised by this too but have put it down to young women being used to posting pics like this on social media and being unaware of the potential risks in this situation. Do you think there’s more to it?

Re the suggestive photos someone posted on one of the facebook pages that it was like a dating site and she was pounced on immediately. No one knew what she meant apparently..but being a cynical old bugger I did get it and it made me realise that someone in their 20s probably wouldn't want to stay with people old enough to be their parents .

@BennyTheWonderDog

to be honest, a little bit put off by very suggestive photos some women put on their posts too

I’ve been surprised by this too but have put it down to young women being used to posting pics like this on social media and being unaware of the potential risks in this situation. Do you think there’s more to it?

I saw at least one where I had a strong suspicion (from the profile) that the lady is a "holiday" sex worker (i.e. someone who flies off to UAE or similar locations for the high season) - unfortunately, it is somewhat common. She's also probably not from the city she claimed to be from in her post, she named one that is constantly rotating on the news but all her photos and check-ins (spanning the last couple of years) are from another, much safer, town. It is absolutely not to say she's not a genuine refugee now or undeserving of help, of course.

There is also a surprisingly high number of posts from Ukrainian people who are very clearly normally resident in other Eastern European countries. A bit disappointing.

The majority seem to be genuine, of course. And honestly, I don't know how it is possible to vet here, unless you have a good Ukrainian friend or colleague who'll run a sniff test for you.

My dd was diagnosed with PTSD in 2014, supporting her has been and continues to be the most difficult thing i have ever done.
I really hope any refugees and their hosts can access support for it.

That worries me any dodgy person could be hosting a very vulnerable person. Majority are good but there are some evil ones out there and no screening would play right into their hands

I saw at least one where I had a strong suspicion (from the profile) that the lady is a "holiday" sex worker (i.e. someone who flies off to UAE or similar locations for the high season) - unfortunately, it is somewhat common. She's also probably not from the city she claimed to be from in her post, she named one that is constantly rotating on the news but all her photos and check-ins (spanning the last couple of years) are from another, much safer, town. It is absolutely not to say she's not a genuine refugee now or undeserving of help, of course.

Of course this is going to happen and of course these single women who look like sex workers almost certainly are! There are 44 million people in Ukraine. Around 3 million have so far fled the fighting, but most of Ukraine is not under bombardment. So how many randoms who happen to have a Ukrainian passport will show up and try to take advantage of the situation? This is precisely why the govt have insisted on a proper visa for each person who comes here, rather than just letting anyone in.

Remember how businesses could apply for very generous loans with none of the usual checks and paperwork during the pandemic? And then what happened? Surprise, surprise, criminals then availed themselves of £4.9 billion of UK taxpayer money! Who'd have guessed that that would happen eh????? This scheme is open to abuse and the 'easier' it becomes for anyone with a Ukrainian passport to pitch up at the UK border, the more the system will be abused.

It’s open to so many abuses on both sides...it’s starting to look less like a good idea now...I’ve seen some posts and people from other countries not from Ukraine that’s just not right ! It needs a re think to ensure only genuine people are admitted ...

@zafferana I agree with your post! Exactly we know how that played out it’s been largely covered up but scammers stole billions of tax payers money as no checks done ...

I had a look at Facebook and Lord, what a shitshow.

@Sapphireskies

That worries me any dodgy person could be hosting a very vulnerable person. Majority are good but there are some evil ones out there and no screening would play right into their hands

I'd be a bit more worried for your kind, naive fellow countrymen and women if I were you. God knows who they'll end up living their spare room for the next god knows how many months. They're probably getting a warm glow from thinking of helping a desperate Ukrainian woman and her DC and they could well end up with scammers, sex workers or other random people with a Ukrainian passport who think this opportunity to come to the UK for free for 3 years is too good a chance to pass up.

@zafferana there is a significant potential for foul play on both sides. There's not a higher or lower % of dodgy people amongst Ukrainians compared to Brits. The problem is that there are asymmetrical gains for such people under the scheme. Again, on both sides. The sheer number of middle-aged men who comment exclusively on very young girls posts, claiming they've been vetted by the police to host (which is dodgy in itself as there's no vetting scheme yet), makes me want to unsee it all.

It does worry me that the government seem to have washed their hands of actually doing anything to support refugees and have placed it all in the hands of the public to organise. It all looks chaotic and leaving people wide open to some really awful experiences. I worry there's no proper vetting of hosts and refugees, that there is little preparation for host families, no support for settlement and ongoing psychological needs.

How will hosts get people out of their homes too, if it all goes horribly wrong? People are being asked to commit to a minimum of six months, but what if they need to break that commitment, because they don't feel safe or because the people they've invited into their homes are e.g. smoking in the house, dirty/untidy, trashing the place, inviting other people over when the home owner is out, etc, etc. There are so many ways that this could turn into a nightmare and what support will there be, if that happens???

@zafferana

How will hosts get people out of their homes too, if it all goes horribly wrong? People are being asked to commit to a minimum of six months, but what if they need to break that commitment, because they don't feel safe or because the people they've invited into their homes are e.g. smoking in the house, dirty/untidy, trashing the place, inviting other people over when the home owner is out, etc, etc. There are so many ways that this could turn into a nightmare and what support will there be, if that happens???

Legally speaking they're Excluded Occupiers - just like a regular lodger. This means you can give reasonable notice (which is a bit vague) and then change the locks. Practically speaking I think the refugees would have to present as homeless if they're unable to secure a private rental for themselves.

However there doesn't appear to be much support with this from the government. Organisations that have been doing this for a long time, such as Refugees at Home, will move them on swiftly upon request.

@WelshyMaud

I think it's extremely irresponsible to invite a stranger to stay in your home when you have children

Yes I think so too.

God forbid it got to a point where there were truckloads of children being sent unaccompanied - I would take a child in, absolutely. And treat them as I treat my own dc for the duration and all the rest.

An adult though - male or female - no way. You'd have to be an idiot.

Well I hope you and you’re children are never looking for refuge in desperate circumstances!

What do you think these women and children are going to do to your children!!

I feel so uneasy about this and am just steeling myself for the horror stories that will inevitably arise. Vulnerable Women and children are essentially being offered up to weirdos and it is not going to end well for some of them...