People offering rooms to refugees

[Decorbreadthegingerate]

Been on a page that’s trying to match Ukrainian refugees with potential sponsors (weighing this up personally, as we do have room, but wondering if taking in a traumatised person so far from home may do more harm than good and there are more effective ways to help). Anyway - so many of the posts just make me feel a bit weird. Lots of self-congratulatory, saviour complex stuff e.g ‘hello darling, we live in beautiful [random town far from a city] and have a trampoline and a hot tub a huge garden and three lovely golden retrievers. Our children can’t wait for a playmate and we would love to welcome you and your little one into our happy home’ (insert cheesy Christmas pyjama family photo because that’s going to make a woman whose been separated from her partner and loved ones feel great)

And that’s before you get to the dodgy posts from single men who have a spare room in their dingy, dirty flat for “a woman in their 20s or 30s”

AIBU to think that it’s all a bit unseemly (genuine folk aside) and wrong

I am finding this whole thing just so weird. As pp have said, it's just the government shirking responsibility.
Other European countries are already housing hundreds / thousands of refugees and people agreeing to house them is not a condition of them being accepted into the country. It's crazy.

@Jazzy1000

I think the advantage of refugees being housed in people s homes is that in many cases they will make good friends and connections in the country and it will help with integration. Staying in hotels won't do thst.

But they’re not planning on staying, though. They won’t necessarily want to integrate. They’ll want to go back as soon as possible.

I’ve just been looking through a few of those Facebook groups and I’m seeing some of the posts from Ukrainians looking for accommodation saying stuff like ‘I will help clean the house / look after children / we are no bother’ I feel that’s ripe for exploitation as some people will no doubt host someone and happily let them do lots of domestic chores or childcare.
There needs to be ground rules established in this scheme and a hotline for anyone having issues.
Like as a minimum the person being hosted should be allowed a door key, access to internet, they should not be expected or asked to work by their host as part of being hosted, the house should be in good condition, access to the house amenities etc.
Otherwise what’s to stop a host being really controlling towards the person they host?
I know people want to be kind, but if you host someone it really has to be without obligation and you’ll have to be fairly flexible and accommodating which are not traits everyone has.

Bluntly, because these refugees have white skin and are middle class.

While I definitely agree with you about the race sentiment, can I ask why it is being accepted that the majority of these refugees are 'middle class'? I've seen it reported a lot. White I can see with my own eyes but where does MC come from?

I'm not being facetious, I am genuinely curious. I live in a compound of privately rented flats, but none of the residents are considered 'middle class'. Yet I'd expect we'd all be seeking refuge elsewhere if it ever came to it.

Would we be described as 'middle class' as well? Would people in state housing not be fleeing?

Local authorities will be taking on responsibility for things like checking suitability of the accommodation and DBS checks for hosts under the Homes for Ukraine scheme

I would offer my home if I had a self-contained granny flat, or an empty rental property.

Having been a housemate and room boarder in my uni and young professional years, I know how awkward it can feel to be living in someone else's home, even when you are paying the homeowner rent. It's not the same as being an exchange student when you're an adult. You don't get to be fully yourself or fully settled in. There's always someone else's feelings and expectations to work around. Depending on the personalities involved, it can feel like walking on eggshells for both parties.

Boarding someone in an emergency is one thing, but what is the timetable for getting these refugees into their own housing? And can that timetable not be streamlined somehow?

Yeah, I doubt very many of them are middle class tbh. We're middle class and in that situation we'd just rent a place for ourselves, probably in Poland so we'd be close to home and in a country with a similar culture, similar food, etc. People with money don't often throw themselves on the mercy of complete strangers in a country 1500 miles away!

@moanriver. That’s not what Rosehugger is saying about homeless people on the UK. What she means is that most people aren’t qualified to address the problems such as addiction and MH issues that frequently go hand-in-hand with homelessness. Most of us couldn’t cope with a drug addict/alcoholic in our homes, for example, nor could we risk putting our children in danger if someone had MH problems.

It’s totally different to housing a refuge family who may be traumatized initially, but may also recover relatively quickly in a stable environment.

Britain hasn't enough funds or staff to deal with the complex needs of traumatised refugees.

Ridiculous statement. We are one of the richest nations on Earth. If we can't afford it, who can?

Don't confuse policy choices on taxation and spending with actual wealth.

Not read the full thread but I have been on that FB page and we are considering it. It's awful, demeaming and humiliating. Lots of very well meaning people in the UK who are genuinely offering a home. Several dodgy ones.
What I don't like is the way the refugees are trying to sell themselves and promising to do childcare and cleaning.
There has to be a better way, in fact there are some much more reputable sites trying hard to match people without the hard sell.

One comment that stood out was that in Ukraine rural = poverty and deprivation, they are used to city living and suspicious of accommodation in countryside.

@zafferana

Yeah, I doubt very many of them are middle class tbh. We're middle class and in that situation we'd just rent a place for ourselves, probably in Poland so we'd be close to home and in a country with a similar culture, similar food, etc. People with money don't often throw themselves on the mercy of complete strangers in a country 1500 miles away!

How would you pay? Your money is effectively worthless. You can’t exchange it. “Many of them are struggling to buy even basic necessities as their savings in hryvnia are non-convertible across most of Europe, meaning they have no means to exchange”

Of course people will try to exploit the situation but Ukrainian women aren't stupid and many have excellent English, they will be avoiding dodgy men!

My town so far has 12 families plus pets placed and the local schools are ready to accept them too, everyone here is trying to help people in a desperate situation, I'm coordinating donations to help the hosts (I do not have room to host) and I'm ready on standby to pick up from the airport as soon as they get clearance to fly.

What would you prefer us do, nothing?

@thebabessavedme

Having given this whole idea a lot of thought I believe its a recipie for disaster.

It sounds like a wonderful, humane thing to do, however I think that the government should take the approach that these refuges need to be housed together in decent hotels, they need each other, the familiar langugue, the support of being with people who have had the same terrible experiences, who are seperated from family, who have basically lost everything amid ongoing trauma.

They need proffessional help with trauma counsellers, immediate help with working out what happens to them next, help with finding out the status of husbands (dead or alive) the children need to keep some sort of education going in their own langugue etc. The list goes on.

As nice as it sounds I would think it would be incredibly traumatic to find yourself in a strangers home with a huge langugue barrier and just be expected to 'fit in'. I honestly think that it would be ok for maybe a couple of weeks but I can foresee huge problems on the horizon for these poor souls and I think they should be housed together, even now, we are a very rich country and could afford to do it.

I agree with this, very well said. From a purely practical point of view, even the nicest of the refugees are going to be traumatised to some degree. If you have family member who are working, will they be able to cope with months on end of being woken up by a traumatised refugee screaming because of nightmares? What about outbursts of very understandable and justified anger? If people think they could cope with this, good luck to them but even if the refugees are given high-quality therapy (and our mental health services are dire these days!), they will be extremely emotionally disturbed and this will take it's toll on anyone hosting them. Personally, even though I used to be a psychiatric nurse, I could not cope with it every day in my own home for weeks, and I think I have no right whatsoever to put my loved ones in such a position. If I couldn't cope with it, how on Earth would I have the right to expect them to, and they either getting up at Silly O' Clock or getting home near midnight? These people will need very specific environments and the best of mental health care to cope with their situation and I'm sorry, but the average person is not able to give that, at least not for long and not without cost to themselves and their family members. I personally believe that your first duty is to your own family. Our countries are rich. There is much can be done for the refugees without putting the burden on families in their own homes! However, if someone makes an informed decision to host refugees, I hope and pray it works out well for all concerned and I respect their right to make that decision.

what is the timetable for getting these refugees into their own housing?

Housing where exactly?? there is a massive shortage of rentals as I posted further down. I feel desperately sorry but let's people that are about to be evicted from their own homes be housed first.

Ridiculous statement. We are one of the richest nations on Earth. If we can't afford it, who can?

Yeah that's why millions won't be able to afford to eat, heat our homes, drive our cars because we are such a rich nation have you not read the news lately ???

There’s a vast gulf between overzealous families “trying too hard” and men potentially looking to sexually exploit refugee women. I really don’t think you should lump them together.

*While I definitely agree with you about the race sentiment, can I ask why it is being accepted that the majority of these refugees are 'middle class'? I've seen it reported a lot. White I can see with my own eyes but where does MC come from?

Many are well dressed, professionals, educated, there have been videos of people playing grand pianos in bombed out flats. Many are comfortable and educated people in a desperate situation.

[quote Decorbreadthegingerate]@Tiredcatmum I don’t care about being cool. I don’t care about sounding negative. I do care about people and ensuring they access genuine support. And despite having the funds and space I’m still not convinced offering my home is the right form of support, given the likely complex needs of these people. It’s called critical thinking and I highly recommend it, if you have the time.

And whether I have donated or done my part in any way means very little here as I can’t prove that to you and I’m not interested in performative acts or patting myself on the back.[/quote]
Fair enough if you are talking about social problems in your home country but people who have been unexpectedly bombed into the Middle Ages, and separated from their family probably need safe haven, food, and rest while they try to figure it out.

@lollipoprainbow

Ridiculous statement. We are one of the richest nations on Earth. If we can't afford it, who can?

Yeah that's why millions won't be able to afford to eat, heat our homes, drive our cars because we are such a rich nation have you not read the news lately ???

That doesn't mean the wealth isn't here. It means it's distributed unevenly.

The first example in the op is absolutely fine. Stop being so miserable.

The second is clearly wrong to the point that it shouldn't be there and you know it.

Many are well dressed, professionals, educated, there have been videos of people playing grand pianos in bombed out flats. Many are comfortable and educated people in a desperate situation.

Many will be MC , many won’t be, but they are all in the same situation now - without money. Many now will have lost their jobs, so no income, and if they had any savings, they won’t be able to access them, and they’re virtually worthless anyway. They won’t be able to just rent a flat somewhere in Poland.

I’ve just been looking through a few of those Facebook groups and I’m seeing some of the posts from Ukrainians looking for accommodation saying stuff like ‘I will help clean the house / look after children / we are no bother’ I feel that’s ripe for exploitation as some people will no doubt host someone and happily let them do lots of domestic chores or childcare.
I don't see a massive issue here. Many people will be very willing to help, they do understand that they will be an inconvenience to their hosts. It would be kind to accept offers of help with grace.

As a follow-on, I have no idea what happens to those Ukrainians who have mortgages or rent to pay, even if their home hasn’t been destroyed, or other general bills. Is there an amnesty or will people be racking up thousands in arrears?

if they had any savings, they won’t be able to access them, and they’re virtually worthless anyway

This isn't entirely true. Payment cards etc are still working. The hryvnia is currently worth about 2.6p, down from about 2.9p before the war- so it's down but it's not worthless at all.

The bigger short-term financial issues are lack of income and the fact that some people have taken hryvnia out of Ukraine as cash which they now can't exchange.

@Blimecory

As a follow-on, I have no idea what happens to those Ukrainians who have mortgages or rent to pay, even if their home hasn’t been destroyed, or other general bills. Is there an amnesty or will people be racking up thousands in arrears?

Everyone I know keeps paying bills remotely. There was only an insignificant proportion of people with mortgages, it was not very popular, it is very unlike the UK property market.