People offering rooms to refugees

[Decorbreadthegingerate]

Been on a page that’s trying to match Ukrainian refugees with potential sponsors (weighing this up personally, as we do have room, but wondering if taking in a traumatised person so far from home may do more harm than good and there are more effective ways to help). Anyway - so many of the posts just make me feel a bit weird. Lots of self-congratulatory, saviour complex stuff e.g ‘hello darling, we live in beautiful [random town far from a city] and have a trampoline and a hot tub a huge garden and three lovely golden retrievers. Our children can’t wait for a playmate and we would love to welcome you and your little one into our happy home’ (insert cheesy Christmas pyjama family photo because that’s going to make a woman whose been separated from her partner and loved ones feel great)

And that’s before you get to the dodgy posts from single men who have a spare room in their dingy, dirty flat for “a woman in their 20s or 30s”

AIBU to think that it’s all a bit unseemly (genuine folk aside) and wrong

Link? Screenshot?

@LampLighter414 you will find stuff like this with very little effort on Facebook. I’d rather not personally name and individual or group, understandably

I have more time for people making an effort to help than I do for people standing on the sidelines, poking holes and finding fault while congratulating themselves on their 'critical thinking' and general superiority.

There is no perfect solution - welcome to the refugee experience. It's messy and dangerous and full of people quickly doing what they can to survive and hopefully help others to do the same. There are some bad apples, but that's all the more reason for good people to rush in, not stay away.

When your house is on fire you don't care if you're leaving through the door or a window. You just need to get out.

Good for you for having spare funds and a large home in a safe country. I hope you do something useful with those things.

@MushroomCow99

YANBU. Human traffickers will be rubbing their hands with glee. Lots of people are doing it for a well done pat on the back you can tell and have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

And again... if they're so welcoming why didn't they offer their home to a homeless person beforehand?

Because most homeless people have extremely complex, chaotic lives, with a mixture of subtance abuse, severe mental health problems and other very difficult to deal with comorbidities. They need help from specialist services, not random people with a spare room.

Ukrainian refugees are almost exclusively women and children - yes, they will be traumatised, but a warm, safe home with a family is likely much better for them than a single room in a B&B.

“It sounds like a wonderful, humane thing to do, however I think that the government should take the approach that these refuges need to be housed together in decent hotels, they need each other, the familiar langugue, the support of being with people who have had the same terrible experiences, who are seperated from family, who have basically lost everything amid ongoing trauma.

They need professional help with trauma counsellors, immediate help with working out what happens to them next, help with finding out the status of husbands (dead or alive) the children need to keep some sort of education going in their own langugue etc. The list goes on.”

I agree with this! I also don’t like “my children can’t wait to have a playmate”. We don’t know what trauma these refugees have been through and they don’t need the added pressure of having to be pretend to be sociable, or having to be grateful to their hosts lest they be chucked out in 6 months time. They need professional support really. Don’t even want to think about those who may be housed with predators.

“ yes, they will be traumatised, but a warm, safe home with a family is likely much better for them than a single room in a B&B”

Debatable

@Decorbreadthegingerate the schemes arent compulsory you know. No Ukrainian has to apply to one. I would assume those that do have decided it's the best option for them and their families.

Posts like yours remind me quite a lot of all the arguements put forward for not accepting Jewish refugees in the 1930s. So many good reasons for doing nothing.

Wow, way to shame those trying to help. If you don't want to help, then don't (and your posts implies you won't even donate money to relevant charities).

A family describing themselves and their home, with a friendly picture, sounds like a good introduction. Interested refugees can discuss further with them.

As for language barrier, that's not necessarily the case: many of the refugees speak English. The UK also has a large Ukrainian community, as well as a large Polish community, which is very similar linguistically to Ukrainian.

The reason this scheme is being offered is that there simply aren't enough hotel rooms and empty flats. Living with a family can also provide companionship, support, and aid in improving language skills too.

[quote Porcupineintherough]@Decorbreadthegingerate the schemes arent compulsory you know. No Ukrainian has to apply to one. I would assume those that do have decided it's the best option for them and their families.

Posts like yours remind me quite a lot of all the arguements put forward for not accepting Jewish refugees in the 1930s. So many good reasons for doing nothing.[/quote]
I agree.

@Pyri

I am not sure the judgemental tone of this post is more useful than the well meaning but missing-the-mark posts on a forum like that tbh

This.

@Ivyonafence

I have more time for people making an effort to help than I do for people standing on the sidelines, poking holes and finding fault while congratulating themselves on their 'critical thinking' and general superiority.

There is no perfect solution - welcome to the refugee experience. It's messy and dangerous and full of people quickly doing what they can to survive and hopefully help others to do the same. There are some bad apples, but that's all the more reason for good people to rush in, not stay away.

When your house is on fire you don't care if you're leaving through the door or a window. You just need to get out.

Good for you for having spare funds and a large home in a safe country. I hope you do something useful with those things.

It doesn't take much critical thinking to see that this situation could very easily and quickly lead to vunerable women and children being abused.

If your house is on fire you don't rush into another one that is just about to go up in flames to continue your analogy. I'm not in a position to offer anyone a home but I am very worried about what could happen.

It lets the government look like they are doing something when they are just passing the buck to the community. If it doesn't work out who will get the blame, the government for setting up such a bloody stupid irresponsible system, or individuals?

I worked in multiple refugee responses and host communities are always people with links, family ties and shared language. The level of support needed is still massive in those circumstances. I haven't looked but it would be really interesting to see if UNHCR have commented on the scheme. I believe several charities have expressed concern.

Send money to local or international charities operating in the locality.

@Meadmaiden not sure why you infer I wouldn’t (or haven’t) donated to relevant charities

@Decorbreadthegingerate

“ yes, they will be traumatised, but a warm, safe home with a family is likely much better for them than a single room in a B&B”

Debatable

Is it? In what way? Would you care to share what you think the other side of the debate might be?

I agree with those who say that there are lots of things that could go wrong. I am offering two rooms to women who are known to our family who still have to get out of Kiev. I can only do this because I have a house in London which we no longer live in full time (we moved to the country but still kept the house, husband spends a few days there each week when he goes to the office and eventually the plan was to let it out).

Has anyone actually been into the system and started a visa application form for anyone? I am anticipating a high holy clusterf**k of forms to get through, knowing what i do about the Home Office.

For example, can I sponsor two unrelated people? Do I go in and give their details and then they have to go in and finish the form? I am reluctant to start this without finding out from others what the hell it looks like.

Hostels already host refugees from other countries I think that would be the best process, it would require government money obviously.

This way the government can put the onus on the public and they can manipulate the cases where it fails to their advantage.

[quote Decorbreadthegingerate]@Porcupineintherough well except for the fact I’m a complete nobody, serial name changer, and give zero fucks what people think of me, good or bad.

Personally speaking though, if I were fleeing my home country, I’d want a private, self-contained space for me and my family to pause and take stock rather than someone with their mad retrievers and god complex trying to gee me up. I’d want privacy, away from scrutiny and the need to feel grateful to anyone or put on a brave face.

I would want to live in a city where I would be close to people from my community and have access to some sort of social work + psychological support.

And so, that is something I would like to support, if possible.[/quote]
Well I’m sure that’s what you’d want, but that isn’t what’s on offer is it. The facilities you suggest aren’t possible so this is a good option.

Plenty of people do want to help and Ukrainian people are free not to apply for this specific scheme.

I’m sure they’ll all be very grateful for you doing nothing but making judgements though. That will keep them warm at night.

@Crimesean well, in the same position, I’d consider whether it was a good idea to expose my children to well-meaning but unfamiliar faces and a different language and culture so very suddenly. I’d prefer for us to have privacy and the right support to find our feet on our own terms. I’d prefer some dignity. I’d prefer to make my own connections in my own time.

And whether I have donated or done my part in any way means very little here as I can’t prove that to you and I’m not interested in performative acts or patting myself on the back

This implies you haven't donated.

You also seem to lack the critical thinking to understand that refugees may have different wants to you.

I should add that our guests would have their own floor, a bathroom each, and full run of the house when DH isn't there, which is most of the time, so in this way they will have privacy and space. Most people can't offer this and we are lucky that we can.

@Pyri “The facilities you suggest aren’t possible” - they should be and they could be.

Plus I certainly won’t be doing nothing. And your “that will keep them warm at night” is pretty silly.

Do you really think that's what is happening in Poland, in Romsnia, in Moldova right now? People being sat down and offered a wide range of choices and a long discussion about what they might prefer? All 1.whatever it is now million if them?

So if you think this is a bad idea, what about the countries who are already doing it, like Poland?

A number of people in this country all ready offer up their home to refugees

I think an awful lot of people really haven’t thought it through at all.

@Meadmaiden how telling that you infer my lack or desire to tell you all the great things I have done implies I have done nothing. Maybe I just think an anonymous post on a forum describing all my amazing good deeds is neither here nor there.