People offering rooms to refugees

[Decorbreadthegingerate]

Been on a page that’s trying to match Ukrainian refugees with potential sponsors (weighing this up personally, as we do have room, but wondering if taking in a traumatised person so far from home may do more harm than good and there are more effective ways to help). Anyway - so many of the posts just make me feel a bit weird. Lots of self-congratulatory, saviour complex stuff e.g ‘hello darling, we live in beautiful [random town far from a city] and have a trampoline and a hot tub a huge garden and three lovely golden retrievers. Our children can’t wait for a playmate and we would love to welcome you and your little one into our happy home’ (insert cheesy Christmas pyjama family photo because that’s going to make a woman whose been separated from her partner and loved ones feel great)

And that’s before you get to the dodgy posts from single men who have a spare room in their dingy, dirty flat for “a woman in their 20s or 30s”

AIBU to think that it’s all a bit unseemly (genuine folk aside) and wrong

I do worry about the lack of host screening. Women and children in a very vulnerable situation shouldn't have to worry about being housed by predators.

On the bragging side, I think people get involved in aid/voluntary work for all sorts of reasons, including Instagram opportunities. It's unseemly but hopefully actually hosting refugees will be a humbling experience.

"More harm than good"

Ah, you so you would like to offer a room but you are refusing for their own good. Lucky refugees to have someone like you to look out for them. Not knowing anything about their personal circumstances makes you ideally placed to determine this if course. And you get to have a nice glow from doing the right thing by doing nothing at all

There are messages like that that everyone can see? 😬

I am not sure the judgemental tone of this post is more useful than the well meaning but missing-the-mark posts on a forum like that tbh

What site is this?? I don't see anything wrong with the family ones, if I was fleeing with my daughter I'd like to go somewhere where the people were making an effort to make us feel welcome.

YANBU. Human traffickers will be rubbing their hands with glee. Lots of people are doing it for a well done pat on the back you can tell and have no idea what they are getting themselves into.

And again... if they're so welcoming why didn't they offer their home to a homeless person beforehand?

If I was a female refugee with a child I’d be quite happy to see a photo of a family with a nice home and garden. It’s probably the safest place to be housed.

Why is it so cool to be negative these days.

Newsflash some people have more money than you and want to do good with it.

Also - haven’t seen any of the posts you are talking about.

It’s like the whole oh I’d rather do something else than donate a tenner - then never do anything else.

@MushroomCow99 I can tell you've not had much to do with you average street homeless person if you're suggesting that as an alternative. PM me and I'll introduce you to a few, then you can offer them a room and see how that works out for you.

@Joinedforthis22

What site is this?? I don't see anything wrong with the family ones, if I was fleeing with my daughter I'd like to go somewhere where the people were making an effort to make us feel welcome.

Yes I agree.

I would like to think that the majority are good kind people who want to help. I wish I could offer a home to someone in need

[quote Porcupineintherough]@MushroomCow99 I can tell you've not had much to do with you average street homeless person if you're suggesting that as an alternative. PM me and I'll introduce you to a few, then you can offer them a room and see how that works out for you.[/quote]
I work with homeless people on the street.... I help them with mental health issues, getting them into hostels, I've spent christmasses hosting homeless people in my home and yes I've given up one of my rooms in my house to help people. Thank you for assuming though.

@Donra

If I was a female refugee with a child I’d be quite happy to see a photo of a family with a nice home and garden. It’s probably the safest place to be housed.

Yup me too ...i would be very very happy to be welcomed into that home

#if i was

And again... if they're so welcoming why didn't they offer their home to a homeless person beforehand?

Studies suggest that 1 in 3 homeless people have serious mental health problems which could make them a danger to my family. There are also higher incidences of crime, drug abuse etc.
Not the same as taking in a mother and child who are refugees.

You work with street homeless people and yet you think that the answer to their problems is someone offering them a room in their homes? Ok then. But no one should offer a room to a refugee because it's to difficult. Ok then

@Tiredcatmum I don’t care about being cool. I don’t care about sounding negative. I do care about people and ensuring they access genuine support. And despite having the funds and space I’m still not convinced offering my home is the right form of support, given the likely complex needs of these people. It’s called critical thinking and I highly recommend it, if you have the time.

And whether I have donated or done my part in any way means very little here as I can’t prove that to you and I’m not interested in performative acts or patting myself on the back.

@Donra

If I was a female refugee with a child I’d be quite happy to see a photo of a family with a nice home and garden. It’s probably the safest place to be housed.

Often photos do not reflect reality. It is very naive to assume that nice house = good people.

Really OP yet from your posts you sound exactly like someone patting themselves on the back for doing the right thing. Performative in fact.

I agree. The whole thing stinks. Unvetted predators hosting traumatised and vulnerable refugees and - conversely- kindly, well meaning and naive people letting God knows who into their homes.

And don't get me started on the FB bragging and GoFundMes for people claiming to be hosting 24 families in their 3 bedroom council flat.

@LizDoingTheCanCan absolutely- how many posts here in relationships start ‘it looks like we have the perfect life.’

The concern about “ man has room for woman in her 20s. Child no problem” is one reason I’ve offered a room. I know people will be safe here with me.
Don’t have a trampoline, jacuzzi, an orchard or retrievers, just a clean, warm room and a non-predatory host.

Having given this whole idea a lot of thought I believe its a recipie for disaster.

It sounds like a wonderful, humane thing to do, however I think that the government should take the approach that these refuges need to be housed together in decent hotels, they need each other, the familiar langugue, the support of being with people who have had the same terrible experiences, who are seperated from family, who have basically lost everything amid ongoing trauma.

They need proffessional help with trauma counsellers, immediate help with working out what happens to them next, help with finding out the status of husbands (dead or alive) the children need to keep some sort of education going in their own langugue etc. The list goes on.

As nice as it sounds I would think it would be incredibly traumatic to find yourself in a strangers home with a huge langugue barrier and just be expected to 'fit in'. I honestly think that it would be ok for maybe a couple of weeks but I can foresee huge problems on the horizon for these poor souls and I think they should be housed together, even now, we are a very rich country and could afford to do it.

I agree. The whole thing stinks. Unvetted predators hosting traumatised and vulnerable refugees and - conversely- kindly, well meaning and naive people letting God knows who into their homes.

This is kind of how I feel. A relative is offering a currently empty BTL, which I'd do if we had one!

@Porcupineintherough well except for the fact I’m a complete nobody, serial name changer, and give zero fucks what people think of me, good or bad.

Personally speaking though, if I were fleeing my home country, I’d want a private, self-contained space for me and my family to pause and take stock rather than someone with their mad retrievers and god complex trying to gee me up. I’d want privacy, away from scrutiny and the need to feel grateful to anyone or put on a brave face.

I would want to live in a city where I would be close to people from my community and have access to some sort of social work + psychological support.

And so, that is something I would like to support, if possible.