Friend copies everything... even DCs name?!

[Bakeacake131]

Long story short. I have a friend who, in other people’s words, is besotted with me/borderline obsessed. They’re lovely as a person but over the years I’ve seen my engagement ring copied, my watch copied, and now my DCs name...

Received a message asking if they would mind if they selected DCs name for their own DC even though when we announced DCs name they noted that they thought it was odd, sneered at it and said they weren’t a fan.

What would you do? I want to say I think it’s too much and they should probably find another name that’s their name, but I’m not sure how to phrase it.

They are seeing a health professional for underlying MH issues so I want to be sensitive but feel this is just getting too much now...

Thoughts?

Any response?

My cousin used both my kids names and I found that pretty odd! First one I thought was a bit of a compliment and no big deal but the second one I found really weird.

My aunt said a while ago ‘whenever anyone mentions John and Sarah I never know if it’s you or the cousin we’re talking about’. Mine are John and Sarah the FIRST actually 🤣. Names not really John and Sarah obvs!

It’s just a name. Be glad you helped someone struggling with choices at the moment.

I would distance myself from her from now on she sounds disturbing to me,my next door neighbour has been "mirroring" since I moved into my new home 4 yrs ago it has been strange to say the least.
I had new flooring laid when I moved in... she changed her carpet to wooden flooring throughout...I had my curtains right across the window to give illusion of space... so did she.
Light fittings changed to the ones I bought same with the large mirror in my lounge...even the wallpaper she has chosen is similar to mine.
I never tell her anything now I'm decorating again and keeping that information to myself.

In some cultures, it's an honour if someone copies you. It means you have good taste! It's up to you how you choose to perceive your friend's actions but perhaps you could help them develop their own preferences.

@Sisteragatha @Theunamedcat @SunshineCake1

Flattery

@Cavementality

In some cultures, it's an honour if someone copies you. It means you have good taste! It's up to you how you choose to perceive your friend's actions but perhaps you could help them develop their own preferences.

Don't say that I did and people have had a go at me ! But you are right.

I am not poor (not wealthy either!) but I couldn’t afford to keep copying people. Replace carpets, buy a new car just like theirs etc. 🥴

I had the same but much bigger scale. I bought my first house (terraced) she bought one further down my street. I decorated my bedroom in a Daisy print she did her daughters the same. I moved to a semi on a different street and she followed a couple of years later then copied my decor but the icing on the cake came when we both remarried! I’d booked for a small abroad wedding so ordered a simple dress and my daughter a bridesmaid dress. Her own daughter used to come for fittings with us and saw daughters dress. A month before her wedding she announced she’d booked the honeymoon to the same place we were going (we overlapped by 2 days so she thought we could meet up) . We then turned up to her wedding to find her sister as a bridesmaid in my dress!! Her daughter as another bridesmaid in my daughters dress!! I was so angry I ended up in tears at the wedding dress shop finding a dress off the peg! The lady in the shop said she’d insisted she had the same dresses as mine! Luckily I managed to get a new dress and it altered in 5 days! I cut all ties with that toxic ex friend. Best goodbye ever. Get rid is my advice it will get worse.

Do you feel obligated spending time with this person? I think you do as her behaviour makes you feel uneasy. This is a red flag from your gut and what do they always say...follow your gut instinct. I've found myself in similar situations and kick myself for not cutting the person out my life straight away. We are told to not judge mental health issues which is good in some contexts but it can cause kind people to hang out with dangerous and manipulative individuals. NEVER hang out with people due to feeling obligated. You owe them nothing. No good can come of it. From experience: people you find strange, but feel sorry for as they seem socially inept and act childish e.g over the top praise towards you or seem a bit dim are usually covert narcissists and are putting on an act for a sinister reason. People who are genuinely slow etc don't make you feel uneasy - there is a major difference in how they make you feel. I never believed adults would full on put on an act like this but they do to manipulate you in some way for gain such as to get you to pay for stuff, put you down to boost themselves up or even for much darker reasons - don't allow her in your home or near your children she's odd. They also get a kick out of it like it's a game pulling your strings. Yes people really are that odd!!!!!

I meant to add...also get good security cameras. I don't want to freak you out but you can never be too careful and if things esculate you have proof

The copying thing sounds like a nervous teenager who has no idea how to be themselves so copies someone they admire. DD1 was exactly like this as a teen but grew out of it.
Is she also quite needy? Perhaps it’s a self esteem issue?
While imitation can be flattering the name choice isn’t acceptable particularly since she made it clear she didn’t like it when you chose it. Tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable.

I agree and also think the fact that the two children will have close interaction etc, it would be and would become increasingly annoying!

@Bakeacake131 @blubberyboo I think this kind of person can kind of convince themselves and twist the narrative even in their own mind so that the things they are copying from your are ‘meaningful’ for them. They have adopted your perceived personality so fully they genuinely are like in love with your life iMO. That’s what it looks like. This friend I had must have spent a lot of money copying expensive musical equipment I was given a a wedding present… it’s a big sacrifice but I think they are blind to it. It’s like a compulsion…

Me and my husband decided to have another child after looking after my friends little one. We gave our daughter her middle name as a tribute.
It can be weird or not, but you sound uncomfortable with the friendship itself which makes me wonder why you still have this person in your life.

I wonder if it’s her or her partner that is doing the copying? I’m assuming the OP would understand better based on in person reactions, but from a distance I wonder if the comments of “it’s like yours” or going back on a name that she previously criticized is her partner pushing this stuff on her. If this person has been a friend for a while before the copying started, makes me wonder.