Friend copies everything... even DCs name?!

[Bakeacake131]

Long story short. I have a friend who, in other people’s words, is besotted with me/borderline obsessed. They’re lovely as a person but over the years I’ve seen my engagement ring copied, my watch copied, and now my DCs name...

Received a message asking if they would mind if they selected DCs name for their own DC even though when we announced DCs name they noted that they thought it was odd, sneered at it and said they weren’t a fan.

What would you do? I want to say I think it’s too much and they should probably find another name that’s their name, but I’m not sure how to phrase it.

They are seeing a health professional for underlying MH issues so I want to be sensitive but feel this is just getting too much now...

Thoughts?

“Thanks for asking in advance, and I really appreciate you asking. I think it would be a bit of a funny one for us to have children with the same names, thanks for bringing it up and making it not awkward. Let’s catch up soon”

That’s what I would reply.

“Actually, since we are so close, and since you’ve asked, I’d really rather you not have the same name. I’m surprised you want it as I recall when I chose it you weren’t keen.”

You don’t own a name, in the same way you don’t own an ex-partner. But if a so-called friend used either of them as their own, I would ditch the friendship.

I would be trying to distance myself as much as possible from this person. I've been in this situation before and it's not something that just goes away.
Also could someone be very kind and explain what 'dc' means plus the other initials people use on here? I'm quite new and can't seem to work them out!

You need to tell her how you feel but prepare yourself for her to kick off about it to you or mutual friends and probably use the name anyway

Maybe suggest it as a middle name, as will be confusing for the children. Mention that they be growing up together and seeing each other regularly. Perhaps that will soften it, rather than saying no?

I would say you’re honoured that she likes the name so much now to consider it being in her list of choices, as you know how much her and partner disliked it when you announced originally.
That really you’re not keen on her also using it though, but ultimately it’s down to them etc. Then maybe ask what other names they have thought of, or what your second choice was etc. If she wants to copy you she may be happy to nab your next choice to ‘get in there first’
Maybe pick a pretend favourite name for this reason

I would just say that's fine. Chances are they will call their child whatever they want even if you were to say no.

Irrespective of the name you don't have to continue a friendship that isn't working for you. You are clearly uncomfortable and I don't blame you. It's ok to want space. It's ok to set boundaries. It's also very much ok to say, thanks but I think I would like to end our friendship. I'm not saying that this is what you want- I'm saying that you don't have to continue out of a sense of guilt because your friend has mental health issues. I have friends with mh issues I love dearly. I have had friends that don't and the friendship ended because it had run its course. You are not responsible for her ongoing happiness/well being.

I would tell her no it is not good for them to have the same name and maybe she could use it as a middle name but you thought she did not like the name.

Really tricky one. Some names are just in. You might have found that name and loved it before other people picked up on it. When we had our son 18 years ago there were so many baby girls being called Ella - a really pretty name which will be associated with the early noughties. My cousins asked me before they gave their daughter my name - not because she's named after me but because they like that name. It was out of courtesy. I think you can't really tell someone they can't name their child such and such because you picked the name first. I guess if it is a really unusual name eg that is made-up or even particular to your family your friend's behaviour is then downright odd but otherwise you do tend to get loads of children from a particular generation sharing names.

I'd say "well, no one owns a name so feel free to choose whatever you like, but if you have the same watch, engagement ring and childs name as me people may wonder if you are capable of making your own decisions on these things "

I would say, "Friends don't don't this, there are thousands of names out there, & you choosing to copy me once again is frankly pissing me off"

Just tell that you do mind, so no. They have asked, so they know it's not the done thing anyway.

Surely though it’s a name?!?

You don’t own the name and you can suggest she uses another maybe. But I think that’s pushing it.

Oh my lord ive been here to the point it became actual insanity. I was getting tattooed by a lady who specialises in a certain style , she used her which I recommended which was fine, but then the second tattooist I was using she had to go to, then I got my full beck bum tattooed she got tattooed in the same shop all her beck and bum too 🙈I was getting married, she basically told her bf they were getting married coz I was. we went to the wedding show (my wedding was before hers, she got me a bridesmaid badge and every time I was enquiring with businesses, she would interrupt and say I’m getting married not her. I got married in Iceland she wanted her honeymoon there, I found a little dressmaker in New Mexico to make my all black Victorian wedding dress she wanted to use her and have a black dress. It actually got to the point where I outright told her it’s weird. The final straw was when I lost a baby, she had a termination couple months before then she turned around to me and said that she had lost twins so she understood what I was going through, when in fact it was blood clots (as seen on scan which she told me as she was going through it all) like I was going to forget she called me a c*t and blocked me I’m so glad she’s out of my life it’s actually quite scary that people even behave in that way. It’s a mental illness for sure but mental illness isn’t an excuse to be acting that way. When I lost my baby she was he’s ily pregnant at the time, and my cat was also pregnant. After i told her about the scan and no heartbeat found she turned around and said at least you can use all the baby stuff you brought on the kittens like what the actual f*k lol

Forgot to mention she also wanted to call her son my sons name when she was pregnant 🙈

Funny how people lacking in self awareness never have their actions manifest in lovely kind ways. Always sneery, abrupt, unkind ways.

Same as people who are oh so sensitive that they can't take a few firm words or pulling about about something but can dish it out.

I’d probably say something like ‘as a middle name? That would be lovely. For a minute I thought you meant first name! That would just be weird though haha haha” and hope they take the hint.

I'm baffled by the amount of weirdness people will put up with before they even consider calling time on a relationship. I'd have run at the engagement ring, I think!
MN is odd about claiming not to notice other peoples jewellery. Most of the women I know would definitely clock a friend stalker buying an identical engagement ring!

Id be mad

Thing is you don't own the name. Imitating someone is a form of flattery

Yeah this is weird!

I would say something along the lines of - you’re very flattered that she wants to call her DC the same name but you don’t think it’s a good idea.

Surely her DH thinks she’s mad to do this too.

I would then be cooling off the friendship.

@whysoserious123

Thing is you don't own the name. Imitating someone is a form of flattery

It really isn't, as referenced by every poster on here who has experienced it.