Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend copies everything... even DCs name?!

191 replies

Bakeacake131 · 17/03/2022 00:05

Long story short. I have a friend who, in other people’s words, is besotted with me/borderline obsessed. They’re lovely as a person but over the years I’ve seen my engagement ring copied, my watch copied, and now my DCs name...

Received a message asking if they would mind if they selected DCs name for their own DC even though when we announced DCs name they noted that they thought it was odd, sneered at it and said they weren’t a fan.

What would you do? I want to say I think it’s too much and they should probably find another name that’s their name, but I’m not sure how to phrase it.

They are seeing a health professional for underlying MH issues so I want to be sensitive but feel this is just getting too much now...

Thoughts?

OP posts:
AmberGer · 17/03/2022 05:49

I had a friend like this when I was a teenager. It became overbearing.
You definitely need to distance yourself. As pp have said, it will get more intense.

RavenclawsRoar · 17/03/2022 07:32

I'd say "I thought you weren't a fan? You said you didn't like it when I announced it" and see what she says. Obviously you can't stop her but if she's brutally honest with you about her opinion, I'd say it's time to do the same back. Let it be known you're not happy and "sneer" at her copying someone else's baby name.

WhenDovesFly · 17/03/2022 07:42

I'd probably say something like "Thanks for asking. I recall when we chose the name you said you weren't a fan, so it's a bit of a surprise you're considering it. I can't help thinking we'd always be referring to 'my Theodore' or 'your Theodore' so as not to confuse them. I believe every child is unique so I'd actually prefer if you chose something else".

gamerchick · 17/03/2022 07:48

It's a bit single white female isn't it Confused tell her it's weird and if she wants to bee seen as weird by people for copying you then crack on.

User280905 · 17/03/2022 07:51

Say no, you've already copied my watch and my engagement ring, don't copy my baby's name too, it's too much.

TheNoodlesIncident · 17/03/2022 07:53

I would say, if I had to say anything, "When I used it for my baby, you said it was odd, sneered at it, said you weren't a fan. But you can name your baby whatever you want, it's nothing to do with me". I honestly would be giving this individual a swerve now though, she seems irrational and a bit of distance seems appropriate. (Although I would have done that long before, you are much more tolerant than I!) You think she's besotted with you and you haven't cooled towards her, wouldn't it make sense to curb an unhealthy obsession by not pandering to her?

I'd honestly slow down replies to her and just disengage.

Suzi888 · 17/03/2022 07:55

It’s not just the name though.
This woman is copying everything, it’s a bit intense.
I had a friend like this in school, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery but … I’m inclined to disagree.
I’d distance yourself, she doesn’t sound like a nice friend in any case.

Lalliella · 17/03/2022 08:07

@JennyWren

Just tell her that you think her baby deserves a name that is special to him/her, not just a name copied from their mum’s friend’s child.
^^ this is perfect
Dacquoise · 17/03/2022 08:38

Someone imitating your life isn't flattering, it's creepy as hell. I went travelling with a 'friend' many years ago, made the mistake of showing her clothes I bought as I was excited about the whole thing. When we got there she had bought an identical wardrobe. It was incredibly awkward having to see what she put on everyday before I could get dressed as we'd have looked like twins.

Turned out she wasn't flattering me, she was actually very jealous and insecure to the point I wasn't ever introduced to her husband, even at their wedding, where I made the headdresses for her bridesmaids. Sneering at you is a warning not to be overlooked. You might want to back away from this one.

lemongreentea · 17/03/2022 08:44

her copying your dc name is the last of your problems if she is obbsessed with you! shes not much of a friend, slowly cut her out of your life.

Ratatoo · 17/03/2022 08:49

Say oh haha you got me, I thought you were being serious for a minute! Of course you won't use the same name, your baby needs it's own one. Using x would just be so odd, can you imagine? People would think you've just copied me (again)

AllOfUsAreDead · 17/03/2022 08:49

She's not a nice person and doubt she is socially unaware, she just doesn't care if it looks weird. She wants to copy you and doesn't care if it bothers you I'd imagine. When you tell her you don't want her to use that name, I bet she'll start crying and come up with some reason for why it's fine and that she's always wanted to use that name, that you're not a friend if you won't let her. She will guilt you into it.

If she does that, and that still doesn't prove to you that she isn't a nice person, then you'll just keep getting copied for the rest of your life.

SartresSoul · 17/03/2022 09:02

You need to pull away from this friend, it’s the only solution.

I had a similar situation as a teenager. One of my friend’s seemed to want to be me, I didn’t notice it to begin with but as time went on it really grated on me. She copied lots of things I did and wore, even music I listened to which she’d shown no previous interest in. I wasn’t flattered, more annoyed than anything. I stopped being friends with her in the end which I implore you also do.

georgarina · 17/03/2022 09:09

Say yes I would feel uncomfortable with that, what are the other names on your list? And maybe pick one out with her, steering her away from DC's name.

VestaTilley · 17/03/2022 09:12

Why on earth are you friends with this person?! They sound like a stalker. Just drop them.

If they ask why, tell them. Also, why are you friends with someone who openly sneered at your DC’s name choice? You don’t need “friends” like that. Just block and stop seeing them.

MushroomCow99 · 17/03/2022 09:16

I wouldn't be comfortable. Having mental health doesn't excuse their behaviour of copying everything you do.

I would say yes I do mind, you've been copying me for years and it's getting creepy now and then I would end the friendship.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 17/03/2022 09:19

Aren't you getting a huge tattoo this week end op? Garish and obvious?

SheWoreYellow · 17/03/2022 09:22

I like this - playing on the closeness you have with your friend “ I can't help thinking we'd always be referring to 'my Theodore' or 'your Theodore' so as not to confuse them.”

I’d be distancing myself though.

Elieza · 17/03/2022 09:26

Agree with trying to get her to choose another name you ‘just love’ ‘that works better’ with her surname etc, and with the reasons many have suggested above: individual special name, too confusing etc.

Then I’d distance myself once the baby is named and can’t be unnamed!!

I couldn’t be doing with that.

CatSpeakForDummies · 17/03/2022 09:33

You can remind her she didn't like it but phrase it in a concerned way.

"I was really surprised to receive your msg, as your reaction to DCs name made it clear you didn't like it very much. I know you sometimes struggle to trust your own judgement, but I chose this name to go with our surname in the context of not knowing any. In your shoes I'd choose something else. I can discuss name choices with you, if it would help, but I don't think using this name is a good idea for you, me or your DC."

incognitoforthisone · 17/03/2022 09:34

I would be backing away from this friend very rapidly indeed, at this point. If other people have noticed that she's obsessed with you, it's getting creepy.

Regarding the name, though, I'd say 'To be honest, I'd really rather you didn't. When we announced DC's name you said it was odd and you didn't like it - and I think it would be much better for your own DC if they had their own name, one that suits them and one that their mum doesn't associate with another child.'

StooOrangeyForCrows · 17/03/2022 09:36

@Easterbunnyiswindowshopping

Aren't you getting a huge tattoo this week end op? Garish and obvious?
Yes. Do this. Get a massive fake tat, show it to her while it's covered in vaseline and clingfilm and stand back and watch the fun.

There are limits and she is trashing yours without a care.

You describe her as being not socially aware but she will only learn to become so by the likes of you putting her straight.

RosiePosieDozy · 17/03/2022 09:41

I have read on here before that some people copy a friend like this because they're struggling mentally, questioning every decision they make and so making the same decisions as a friend means that they can be confident that they're doing things right.

Re the name, I wouldn't name my child the same name as a friend's child unless I was in love with the name. As a pp said, no one owns a name and friends come and go. She might well love the name or she might be doing this because of her mental illness. She has asked you what you think so now is your opportunity to be honest in a sensitive way.

MarinoRoyale · 17/03/2022 09:45

If she’s your friend you should be able to be honest with her. How about “I don’t own the name so of course it’s your choice but to be honest, I find it a bit odd that you’d choose the same one as my DC when there’s so many other great names out there. As we seem to have similar taste, I’m happy to tell you the names I also liked but didn’t use?”

Bromse · 17/03/2022 09:47

I'd just ignore it in view of the fact that you have said she has mental health problems (which I realise is not your problem but it doesn't hurt to be sensitive.). It won't impact on your life. I expect you have other friends and don't have to see this one all the time.