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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To divorce him for this?

248 replies

Koalah · 16/03/2022 01:24

I have flu plus an injury which hurts when I cough. Since I lay down in bed I’m huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain.

For the past 2-3 hours my husband has been sighing and whinging because I’m stopping him sleeping. Finally I asked him for help. I said I need propping up so I can breathe. He yelled at me well we don’t have any more pillows! So I said we have other stuff like blankets that could prop me up? But he has flung his pillow in my face and said I might as well have it because I’m stopping him sleeping anyway, and he’s stomped off to sleep on the sofa.

I burst out crying because he was so nasty, but he’s just ignored me and couldn’t care less that he’s made me cry. I am breathing a bit better because I’ve managed to prop myself up on his pillow now. Am I totally unreasonable to divorce him? He clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.

OP posts:

Peasock · 16/03/2022 07:57

Out of interest though OP, instead of spending 3 hours trying to get his attention enough for him to ask why what's wrong dear, why didn't you just ask him rather than wait to see if he offered?

Northernparent68 · 16/03/2022 07:57

@2DogsOnMySofa

Yanbu. My dh broke 4 ribs and was in agony. He was huffing and groaning in bed a lot, it annoyed the shit out if me, but because I care and love him I didn't voice my annoyance and did whatever I could to help him.

What you're going through isn't permanent (I hope), you're in pain and ill. It's not indefinitely that his sleep will be interrupted, I'd be really really pissed off that he can't have a bit of sympathy for you and put his own feelings to one side for once.

Next time hes ill show him the same courtesy he's showing you.

There’s a difference between broken ribs and having the flu.

lemongreentea · 16/03/2022 07:57

your husband sounds horrible OP

so many posters disagree as mayb culturally they are used uncaring thoughtless men so see nothing wrong with it.

next time he is unwell treat him the same or better still go through with that divorce

SW1amp · 16/03/2022 07:59

@lemongreentea

your husband sounds horrible OP

so many posters disagree as mayb culturally they are used uncaring thoughtless men so see nothing wrong with it.

next time he is unwell treat him the same or better still go through with that divorce

Yeah, divorce him That will show him, being on your own without help and support Take THAT ex husband, who is the winner now

Honestly, this thread is peak MN…

gettingolderandgrumpy · 16/03/2022 08:00

Unsympathetic yes but your also stopping him sleep so what good is your both awake ?. I’d probably loose my shit after a bit too .Sounds a bit extreme to divorce him for this unless he’s like this all the time ? .

WouldIwasShookspeared · 16/03/2022 08:01

That was completely shitty of him.
Is this how he usually treats you?

DillDanding · 16/03/2022 08:02

I would be in a spare room or on the sofa if I had a cough and was keeping my husband awake. What on earth is the point of neither of you getting any sleep?

But I can’t imagine him throwing something at me, even if he was demented with tiredness. Nonetheless, it’s hardly grounds for divorce!

TravellingFrom · 16/03/2022 08:10

Being grumpy one thing. Hitting someone (with a pillow) is another.
Being short tempered because you are been kept awake is one thing. Having a go at your partner who is ill AND injured (and clearly can’t stop being ill/coughing) is another.

Fwiw I REALLY can’t cope with lack of sleep. I might be short in the morning (because I’m shattered). But i would never speak like that to my partner who is ill.

Brideandprejudice · 16/03/2022 08:11

He was tired and grumpy, we've all been there.

Sounds like a normal marital argument and not a divorce worthy incident.

TravellingFrom · 16/03/2022 08:12

@DillDanding did it cross your mind that, as the OP is injured, she wouldn’t be able to lie down on the sofa Wo being in pain?

It also assumes that the OP has a spare room and a sofa you can sleep on. I have neither.

GracieLouFreeebush · 16/03/2022 08:13

Does the injury make you bed bound? If not then I think you were out of order not sorting yourself out earlier and keeping him awake for so long. Fair enough you are ill but that doesn’t mean he should have to suffer too. If I was poorly and it was keeping me awake I would have got on the sofa and put the tv on to distract myself and let him get sleep before work in the morning… but I actually like my partner!

lemongreentea · 16/03/2022 08:14

Take THAT ex husband, who is the winner now

for anyone who has divorced a selfish twat, I'd say the ex-wife

PinkNails1 · 16/03/2022 08:17

YABU. You should’ve realised before falling asleep that you needed extra pillows to get comfy. Your constant moving and moaning would’ve disturbed your DH’s sleep. Then add the fact you asked him to get out of bed and get things for you in the middle of the night. I would also be irritated and my poor sleep quality would’ve made me snap at you too.

EthelTheAardvark · 16/03/2022 08:17

I've got to admit that when DH has a cough I find it incredibly irritating, much as I know he can't help it - and even more so if it keeps me awake. Really your DH should have thought about sleeping somewhere else in the first place.

Unless he's normally like this, I'd suggest you put his behaviour down to tiredness and carry on.

MintyFreshBreath · 16/03/2022 08:21

Unless there’s more to this then YABU.

TheBigDilemma · 16/03/2022 08:22

@Aquamarine1029

It would be over as far as I'm concerned. A stranger would show you more compassion than your twat of a husband.

Really? After dealing with two accidents and trying to stop a suicide attempt I would say that most strangers would tell you they “don’t want to get involved” and leave you to it.

OP, I think you need to make sure you don’t descend in the “he needs to help” mentality, of course he needs to but it is important that you don’t become dependant on anyone. If you know your injury hurts, just get the pillows sorted before you go to bed or ask him if it would help for him to sleep on the sofa for one night.

LaraDeSalle · 16/03/2022 08:23

My ex was like that, uncaring and self centred.

By stark contrast my husband lives and cherishes me and would be doing everything he could in your situation to make me as comfortable as possible and soothe me.

What’s the point of staying with someone who doesn’t cherish you?

TheBigDilemma · 16/03/2022 08:23

In the “I” need help mentality… keep your independence intact, if you do you are free, whatever life throws at you.

kittensinthekitchen · 16/03/2022 08:24

@HerArtMaterials

one wonders why women marry people like this in the first place - surely if this is part of his character you'd already kind of know? what attracted you to him, father material or financial?

Wtf?

newusername2009 · 16/03/2022 08:25

I think you are being a bit dramatic

Lovemusic33 · 16/03/2022 08:26

To be fair I hate people moaning when they are ill, probably because no ones ever given 2 tosses when I’m unwell, I hate people moaning, coughing, sniffing, sighing etc… so if I was your dh I would have probably gone and slept somewhere else and let you get in with it. Maybe that’s why I’m single, if I’m unwell I don’t really want anyone near me so I think sleeping in separate beds would be ideal.

I don’t think it warrants a divorce unless he’s always uncaring and twatish. He was obviously tired, you both were. Hope you manage to get some rest today and feel better soon. Just remember next time he’s ill not to help him out 😉

TheBigDilemma · 16/03/2022 08:28

Yep.. I find it very short sighted as well @kittensinthekitchen. Those women who think other women’s marriages go bad because they did’t choose well are at best judgemental and at worse deluded. Nobody knows how a marriage would be until you have been living as a married couple for a good few years and through changing circumstances.

SpicePumpkin · 16/03/2022 08:29

No one's in the wrong. One of you could sleep on the sofa. Which in the end is what happened anyway. I'd be pissed if if my husband kept me awake huffing and moaning all night too. I'd probably throw a pillow in his face too. Thankfully even when he has man flu he doesn't do that though. All very dramatic.

Stonerosie67 · 16/03/2022 08:33

Absolutely this.....op, you made yourself sound ridiculous! Why didn't you ask for help sooner rather than lay moaning and moving about for three hours??
Incidentally, does your husband have to get up for work??

GabriellaMontez · 16/03/2022 08:36

Is this a one off or part of a bigger picture?

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