To divorce him for this?

[Koalah]

I have flu plus an injury which hurts when I cough. Since I lay down in bed I’m huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain.

For the past 2-3 hours my husband has been sighing and whinging because I’m stopping him sleeping. Finally I asked him for help. I said I need propping up so I can breathe. He yelled at me well we don’t have any more pillows! So I said we have other stuff like blankets that could prop me up? But he has flung his pillow in my face and said I might as well have it because I’m stopping him sleeping anyway, and he’s stomped off to sleep on the sofa.

I burst out crying because he was so nasty, but he’s just ignored me and couldn’t care less that he’s made me cry. I am breathing a bit better because I’ve managed to prop myself up on his pillow now. Am I totally unreasonable to divorce him? He clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.

We have a golden rule. The one' who can't sleep, gets up and goes somewhere else. The logic being that if you can't sleep it doesn't make sense to stay in the bed. We have a very comfy reclining chair that does the job just fine with a spare duvet.

When one of us is ill, the other one takes the sofa, as otherwise sleep will be impossible for both. It's common sense.

You need to buy one of those folding matresses. They're not expensive and can be used when needed. (i'm currently on one on the landing due to snoring).

Have you a spare room? When one of us is ill we sleep in the spare room so not to disturb the other. I know this isn't posit if you don't but it's probably saved my sanity one or two
Times. I know I can get the rage in the night if dh is snoring. I normally take myself off to the other room. A look so am
Menopausal so often wake in the night tossing and turning so her up and move beds.

I'm not making excuses for your husband as he sounds like a bit of a twat with how he reacted but I know I can be a bit of a bear with a sore head if I don't sleep or a
Constantly disturbed.

I would u divorce personally unless he's a twat on a bigger scale.

Sorry for typos as middle of night and on a small screen.

Just seen you've no spare bed. If that was the case on my house and I was really poorly as you are I know for a face my dh would offer to sleep on the sofa for a few nights so I can spread out and get comfy and not worry about disturbing each other. If he hasn't offered them he'll just have to put up with it won't he but if you need attention and nursing in the night then that's another arrangement.

By your own admission you've been "huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain".

I know you're unwell and I'm sorry about that, but there's absolutely no need for such histrionic behaviour. It's performative and attention-seeking and I'm not surprised your DH was pissed off, even if he has also acted like a bit of an arse.

We don't have a spare bed either but I wouldn't lie next to my partner "moaning" and "huffing" for hours. I'd sort out my sleeping position, or if I needed help, I'd ask for it rather than disturbing them for the whole night long. You might be unwell but that doesn't excuse you from being considerate.

Hope you are on the mend soon.

How is his behaviour in general? Is he normally so callous? Is he normally so precious about his sleep that not sleeping well makes his grumpy? What caused this injury? Was it by him or something else? There seems to be more going on.

It’s hard to tell if you are really really unwell and the moaning and huffing are justified in which case your husband sounds really mean.

Or, you are a bit of a hypochondriac making a big deal and keeping him awake needlessly just because you can’t sleep Kim which case I see his point.

Either way though now is not the time to decide about divorce.

@Koalah

So many people who need to check their privilege - not everyone has another bed!

Calm down.

We don't have a spare bed.

Doesn't mean we put up with the other one keeping us awake.

Its perfectly easy to sleep on the sofa or even take the sofa cushions off to make into a floor bed.

But if you can't lay down anyway then the sofa would be a better place for you to spend the night.

You sound like a drama queen. You could have got yourself a pillow and propped yourself up, just like you would have done if you were single and lived alone.

Yabu to consider divorce but at the very least, when better, you should punch him the face for his insubordination 😂😂

@1forAll74

Are you real? divorce a Husband because you are a bit ill, and he would not get you something to prop you up in bed.. I would have told you to go and sit on the sofa, with some cushions, and leave your husband in peace.

This ^

If you have an injury and the flu, try propping yourself up before you go to bed, or sleep propped up on the sofa. Sleeping next to you , moaning and huffing and expecting things to be done, would give me the rage.

@Koalah

So many people who need to check their privilege - not everyone has another bed!

This all sounds quite dramatic. It's possible to try and sleep quietly. If I was unable to sleep due to illness or injury I wouldn't be keeping someone else awake, I'd be off downstairs for a hot drink, painkillers and maybe an hour of TV before trying to settle down again.

Sorry but you were always going to have a rough night so IMO you should have gone to the couch.

I'd be annoyed if my dh was tossing and turning then properly woke me up asking me to find items to prop him up with

@fallfallfall

you should be sleeping on your own when you're sick you need to sort out better sleeping arrangements and when injured you need to have adequate supplies. i be livid if my dh whined and asked for stuff willy nilly like this. it's one thing to need extra pillows but then expecting someone to sort out a folded blanket is OTT. and wtf is putting away all this extra shit in the am when the house gets tidied? sorry but the idea of a huge assed extra duvet thrown about on the floor by am and me expected to fold it THEN the need to wash the damn massive thing....hell no....go to the hospital if you're that ill.

Why would you have to wash a dam massive duvet in the AM? OP said folded blanket anyway, did this morph into a king size duvet?

Since I lay down in bed I’m huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain.

For three hours?! That would make mother Theresa grouchy You should have asked for help, like an adult, then he should have gone to the sofa with a blanket.

You should have asked for help earlier. You openly admit that you knew that your behaviour was inconveniencing your husband.

When you were inconveniencing him, he should have offered to help, rather than making it obvious you were annoying him.

But both of you performed this ritual for two to three hours, both preferring to feel sorry for yourselves and giving yourselves permission to despise the other for their selfishness, rather than take the small action that might have resolved the issue.

So my conclusion is that you can divorce him if you like, but unless you own the fact that you are equally to blame for this situation, there’s a risk you will find all future relationships end up the same.

@Koalah

So many people who need to check their privilege - not everyone has another bed!

I can't see people mentioning spare beds? The sofa they have.

You're tired and irritable, divorce is a bit strong.

Sorry you’re ill, but it’s not hard to prop yourself up or pop downstairs for a hot drink to help you breathe. You’re making a mountain out of a molehill.

You spent 3 hours keeping him awake. Not surprised he's pissed off.

I can't figure out why you couldn't have propped yourself up. I do think he's been really tolerant to not react before he did tbh. Divorce is a very strong overreaction to what's happened but you do sound like you've been quite dramatic over this anyway. Maybe have another think about how you feel when you've had some sleep and things have calmed down.

YANBU to feel so upset.
Someone can’t help coughing and it’s not fair to blame someone for being il.

If he is usually very loving then I’d forget about it but I’m guessing there are issues in your relationship anyway as most couples would be more sensitive.

However I’m not sure why you needed him to help prop you up and if I was you I would personally have slept on the sofa knowing I was going to be awake all night and coughing. He doesn’t need to catch it.

Why on EARTH In three hours of huffing and puffing didn’t you tap him on the shoulder and ask for some help?
Or, you know, prop yourself up like an adult?

You sound quite immature and very needy, and I would snap if i was married to someone behaving like you
Marriage isn’t a constant test to see if the other person has noticed you need something and then passes by helping

Communicate! And if you can’t work that out, then yes, maybe marriage isn’t for you

That's a new one. Spare bed privilege?

You have a sofa though? Where he is sleeping now.

I do agree with everyone else. Depends pm how he usually this. And that having flu AND an Injury is difficult. But you could have done something before. It was obvious it was going to be difficult to sleep laying down. Tbf the probably should have just gone to the sofa before. That's what both me and dp do. We don't have a spare bed. He has damage to his back in 2 areas if it's playing up sometimes he is better on the sofa. If he is sick I sleep on the sofa. If I am sick he sleeps on the sofa. Both people sleep better and often the other one doesn't get the sickness.

Fuck sake, presumably the man child could have asked hours ago if op needed anything then fucked off to the sofa if she's keeping him awake. He's not ill, nothings stopping him sorting himself somewhere to sleep hours ago rather than losing his temper with his sick wife