Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To divorce him for this?

248 replies

Koalah · 16/03/2022 01:24

I have flu plus an injury which hurts when I cough. Since I lay down in bed I’m huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain.

For the past 2-3 hours my husband has been sighing and whinging because I’m stopping him sleeping. Finally I asked him for help. I said I need propping up so I can breathe. He yelled at me well we don’t have any more pillows! So I said we have other stuff like blankets that could prop me up? But he has flung his pillow in my face and said I might as well have it because I’m stopping him sleeping anyway, and he’s stomped off to sleep on the sofa.

I burst out crying because he was so nasty, but he’s just ignored me and couldn’t care less that he’s made me cry. I am breathing a bit better because I’ve managed to prop myself up on his pillow now. Am I totally unreasonable to divorce him? He clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.

OP posts:
Porcupineintherough · 16/03/2022 06:29

Presumably the OP could have asked for help at the start of the night rather than flailing around groaning for hours?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/03/2022 06:32

After hours it’s no wonder your husband is irritable and tired, you could have asked for help earlier, instead of moaning and twisting keeping him awake for hours.

If this is your reasoning to seek a divorce, you need to have a serious word with yourself and stop being dramatic.

Shoxfordian · 16/03/2022 06:32

Hope you got some sleep op and that his behaviour isn’t reflective of how he usually is towards you

TracyMosby · 16/03/2022 06:34

Absolutely gobsmacked at all the posters accusing op of being dramatic for STRUGGLING TO BREATH! ffs. What the fuck is wrong with people?!

BeHappy91818 · 16/03/2022 06:34

@SW1amp

Why on EARTH In three hours of huffing and puffing didn’t you tap him on the shoulder and ask for some help? Or, you know, prop yourself up like an adult?

You sound quite immature and very needy, and I would snap if i was married to someone behaving like you
Marriage isn’t a constant test to see if the other person has noticed you need something and then passes by helping

Communicate! And if you can’t work that out, then yes, maybe marriage isn’t for you

^ this.

I’d be annoyed too.

harriethoyle · 16/03/2022 06:37

@twinsetandpearl

Since I lay down in bed I’m huffing and struggling to breathe, sitting up then finally coughing and moaning in pain.

Yeah you'd piss me off too

If you knew that it was uncomfortable to sleep like this you should have sorted it out before you went to bed

Same same. Honestly OP just reading this irritated me. Sounds like am dram time!
gonnascreamsoon · 16/03/2022 06:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

HELLITHURT · 16/03/2022 06:39

@TracyMosby

Absolutely gobsmacked at all the posters accusing op of being dramatic for STRUGGLING TO BREATH! ffs. What the fuck is wrong with people?!
If you were really struggling to breathe, would you

A post on mumsnet about your DH?

B get some help quickly?

People get poetic license when posting on a forum.

Pllink · 16/03/2022 06:40

@TracyMosby

Absolutely gobsmacked at all the posters accusing op of being dramatic for STRUGGLING TO BREATH! ffs. What the fuck is wrong with people?!
For real. By these comments it would seem no-one believes in supporting your partner?

Yes being kept awake can be pretty annoying but if myself of my husband are ill or injured then the other one does everything we can to help them out? Yes OP could have asked but equally husband could have offered. And throwing his pillow at you and stomping off would have made me cry too - especially when you're already feeling like shit!

Is he usually Inconsiderate or is it a one off?

Heronwatcher · 16/03/2022 06:43

In all seriousness, if you’re really too ill to sit up and grab a pillow for yourself you should be calling an ambulance.

Riseholme · 16/03/2022 06:43

I can empathise OP.
I had flu when pregnant and bruised my ribs with coughing.
The pain of trying to settle in bed was indescribable.
Fortunately my dh was lovely and did what he could to help.

If you have damaged your ribs you will be in awful pain when you cough.
Hope your better soon.

HelloHiBonjour · 16/03/2022 06:44

That is why I would never not have a sofabed for the living room.

If you're so bad that you need active care, then you shouldn't be home and if you are well enough to be home, you should be well enough to set up a comfy sleep situation in another room. Sorry, I get you're feeling rubish but I also see your husband's point.

Sarah2891 · 16/03/2022 06:45

Christ, there are some really cold comments in this thread!
Your husband should be more caring towards you, OP. I hope you feel better soon

gamerchick · 16/03/2022 06:45

Glad I have my own room. Can be ill in peace then. Emotions run high in the middle of a sleep deprived night. Hope you got a decent kip and send him out for pillows today.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/03/2022 06:51

Absolutely gobsmacked at all the posters accusing op of being dramatic for STRUGGLING TO BREATH! ffs. What the fuck is wrong with people?!

Give over, if she was struggling to breathe she wouldn’t be position on MN or berating people for being privileged!!!

She’s talking about a divorce because her husband had a 30 second irritation due to lack of sleep.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 16/03/2022 06:52

*Posting on MN

Magdalena543 · 16/03/2022 06:52

Bit of a pile on for a woman who's sick and struggling. Shameful really.

OP I hope you recover soon.

UserError012345 · 16/03/2022 06:54

OP I'm going to guess that although you have divulged this incident that it really isn't about him not propping you up. This is about the state of your relationship in general.

How are things?

2DogsOnMySofa · 16/03/2022 06:57

Yanbu. My dh broke 4 ribs and was in agony. He was huffing and groaning in bed a lot, it annoyed the shit out if me, but because I care and love him I didn't voice my annoyance and did whatever I could to help him.

What you're going through isn't permanent (I hope), you're in pain and ill. It's not indefinitely that his sleep will be interrupted, I'd be really really pissed off that he can't have a bit of sympathy for you and put his own feelings to one side for once.

Next time hes ill show him the same courtesy he's showing you.

DrSbaitso · 16/03/2022 06:58

Seems pretty clear this isn't an isolated incident. I would have been willing to take the sofa if I was going to be keeping him awake at night, but I also wouldn't stay married to someone who didn't care about me. Actually, as the sick one, I'd hope he'd offer to let me have the bed.

OverTheRubicon · 16/03/2022 06:59

That's as bad as shaking a baby because it's crying and YOU'RE tired!

It is so so so not as bad as that. The pillow was not good, and normally I'd be sympathetic to the injured one, but agree with others that it seems a bit silly to let this go on for three hours - if it's that bad then ask for help (or an ambulance).

My ex used to do things like this to ensure that suffering was always somewhat shared, it was fairly abusive in itself, if we're throwing that word about.

needhelp34 · 16/03/2022 07:00

Not sure why so many posters are mocking you.

Does he usually act this way? If so, I wouldn’t stay with him. No point questioning his behaviour if that’s the pattern.

If he doesn’t usually act this way I would be very disturbed that he is choosing to treat you like this when you very vulnerable. I would speak to him about it today and see if there was something contributing to it.

My DH and I are very sleep deprived due to our two toddlers being unwell and not sleeping much. We swipe at each other occasionally because we’re exhausted but we do not stop treating each other with respect and caring for each other because we’re tired. If my DH treated me like yours had I would hit the roof.

Do you have an oximeter? May want to check your oxygen levels. Your illness does not sound pleasant

crossstitchingnana · 16/03/2022 07:01

I know this is a predominantly female site but why is it men that behave like this? Women are much more selfless and caring. In fact, to point of fault often. My dd has Covid and I cook for her and take her drinks. (She's 18.) My dh just doesn't think about it. She would literally be in her room dying of thirst. He says she can text. But when he's I'll he expects lots of sympathy. Same treatment when I am ill. He has got better over the years. It's like he just struggles with empathy.

Momijin · 16/03/2022 07:01

I'd be really upset op. My boyfriend would definitely help make me comfortable as I would him.

Hope you feel better soon

cantbecoping · 16/03/2022 07:08

And the Oscar goes to…..

3 hours of that crap? Nope.