Partner has left me, I'm devastated

[LakeIsle48]

Hi I hope all is well. My partner of 9 years has left me completely out of the blue. We were so close and had such a good time but suddenly it's all over. I am completely devastated. I honestly don't know how I will ever recover.

I have been having some menopausal problems with memory loss and concentration. He did show some signs that he was losing his patience at times. I tried to keep him informed about how I was feeling. We still have a good physical relationship. He just ended it today and I'm really upset

He was so cold when he told me it was over and shamefully I begged him not to end it.

I'm 56 and I'm worried about my future alone. I can't believe that he ended it so brutally.

I've read about other mums who have been in my position and my heart goes out to them. I feel utterly dumped and my heart is smashed to pieces. Thanks for reading x

I’m so sorry. People can appear cold and unfeeling when they do this as a way of distancing themselves from the guilt they feel but it’s heartbreaking for the other person. Take your time to grieve-what you’re going through is like a bereavement-in some ways worse as you have to deal with all the fallout from his shitty behaviour. Best wishes to you.

I am so sorry to hear that, you must feel dreadful. Have you got close friends you can plan something with to cheer you up? If you have finances together, get that sorted too, as you want to reduce stress at this time.

hi op
if you feel like it - there are knitter natter groups around - i think you might like that
best wishes

@LakeIsle48

Sorry to read your latest updates. Are you ok?

What happened re: the assault?

Try to put the wine down if you can.

You've completely skimmed over whether your ex assaulted you or not? Are you ok?

You sound like a caring person . So I have a question for you . If a friend came to you with a problem , or perhaps your neighbour when they had their cancer scare , would you advise them all the answers or solutions would be found in a bottle ?
That was not meant to be nasty , just honest , as we all know the answer to that question is in reality a bottle or too many glasses of something is not the answer .
He is also not worth that to do that to yourself .

So sorry that this has happened to you. As hard as it seems now, things will get better, and he obviously wasn't the right man for you if he doesn't care enough to stay by your side through any health issues. Please take care of yourself and have as much time as you need to grieve the relationship. Better things will come your way one day

@faceonfire

It’s not much comfort just now but if someone can be so cold and unfeeling then they’ve shown you the kind of person they are deep down.

It is absolutely a form of grief when a relationship comes to an end so please take good care of yourself.

You’ll come out the other end in time and you’ll hopefully see that for him to do this to you so coldly is callous and completely rotten

❤️

This. He is not who you thought he was. Try to organise counselling and concentrate day to day stuff.

Something better is on the way

You sound so lovely. Drinking as a coping mechanism is ingrained in society so don’t beat yourself up for turning to the bottle.
If you stop drinking everything will seem much better. It won’t make things go away but you will be able to manage them.
Can you go to AA? Whatever you do today, don’t drink. Eat lots of sweet things to replace the sugar. Try and go for a little walk. If you can, open up to friends and family for real life support.

Hi @LakeIsle48 - I'm sorry you're struggling, but I noticed you have a decent sounding GP.

Can I just check, he did make sure that your cognitive issues etc were def meno/covid related, because it could be something else.

It's not that difficult to do a quick blood test, and I'm just being a bit evangelical about it at the moment, because I had similar symptoms, similar assumptions, and it turned out to be something else altogether.

Next time you see the GP, if they haven't already, ask them about ruling out other stuff.

Sorry, slightly out of left field, but after more than 6 years of gradually getting less and less able to work, I'm still pretty angry that these things are so easily overlooked!

Good morning OP. I hope you got some sleep. Remember that at least some of how you're feeling is related to that false friend, the drink. You are probably going to feel more down today because of it, but in reality, you've got through another 24 hours of this, and every day and night yoi get under your belt takes you a step closer to the time when you'll feel better. And you will.
There's an army of us out here who've been where you are, and have come through the other side to be happy again. No one stays in this state forever, it will pass, you just have to buckle up, and ride it out.
At 56 with a bit of luck, you have nearly half your adult life ahead, with so much potential for happiness, and when you feel better, it will be the start of the next phase.
Look after yourself physically, you'll need that body to be in the best possible shape for your future; and reach out to other women here and in RL, you need that too.
Sending strength.

@LakeIsle48
Hi OP, I hope you had a better day.
You mentioned upthread about how you used to knit and how knitting puts you in a happy frame of mind. I so wish I could knit...I'm too uncoordinated!

There is a group on Mumsnet called Woolly hugs who knits and they make blankets for bereaved family members to remind them that they are loved. You may want to give the site a look see.

Hi op - sorry you're struggling. Be wary of the demon drink - it's easy to turn to but it really isn't your friend (I did similar when my ex cheated so I speak from experience.

You say you were assaulted? What happened?

You're feelings and pain are just as important as everyone else's.

How are you doing @LakeIsle48?

Thanks for the warning about the demon drink. Normally I'm pretty moderate. I was so overwrought I just started drinking wine. I literally knocked it back as if it was medicine. I'm calmer today thanks to you guys. This is the first day I've stopped crying. I was crying 24/7. It was mad. I was literally crying so much I was worried that the neighbours would intervene. We live in a terraced house and it's pretty good sound proofing but they would have known something was wrong

I do have friends and my work friends are quite close. I imagine if we didnt work together we wouldnt be close. I just got such a shock. At one stage during my madness I tried to message him over and over (dying of shame) but not really I was so devastated

I rang the police about the assault my ex perpetrated against me. I originally told the police I wanted to charge him for assault. The policeman was unbelievablywax decent. He rang me this morning to see if I was alright and said I could change my mind anytime. He actually said that a breakup can be very painful.That made me feel less like a crazy person, which I was. I think he must have been there himself. He was extremely kind to me and that really helped. That and some friends and my adult kids telling me he is a p*k and they never liked my ex. I feeling ok now. Thanks again for being there for me. I've learned a lot over the last few days. I hope I can be of help to other mums.

My ex shoved me into a wall and kicked me

I wish I could remember everyone's name but I can't. I'm just feeling good because of the support from you guys. Thanks doesn't seem enough but I'm very glad I had you all.

If anyone is a fan of Kath and Kim (Aussie comedy). It's noice, its unusual, it's different. Bit of an in joke but again, thanks a million for digging me out of a hole. I feel significantly better. What would I have done without you.

You're so lucky to have a dog. If/ when I inevitably lose my job I would love to have a doggie. I'll need to win the lottery. I'm trying unsuccessfully to ignore the outstanding mortgage payments. I'm sure the bank wont hold out forever. If my brain worked I could work my way out of this s**t but I can't. I feel less alone knowing I'm not the only one.

Let me know how you're doing x

@LakeIsle48

I wish I could remember everyone's name but I can't. I'm just feeling good because of the support from you guys. Thanks doesn't seem enough but I'm very glad I had you all.

If anyone is a fan of Kath and Kim (Aussie comedy). It's noice, its unusual, it's different. Bit of an in joke but again, thanks a million for digging me out of a hole. I feel significantly better. What would I have done without you.

You're so lucky to have a dog. If/ when I inevitably lose my job I would love to have a doggie. I'll need to win the lottery. I'm trying unsuccessfully to ignore the outstanding mortgage payments. I'm sure the bank wont hold out forever. If my brain worked I could work my way out of this s**t but I can't. I feel less alone knowing I'm not the only one.

Let me know how you're doing x

Are you saying you're not paying the mortgage and that you think the bank will just leave you alone after a while? I'm not sure if that's what you meant?

Please talk to your mortgage holder. I had to do this as STBXH is unreliable at paying it. They will try to work out some plan for you, possibly interest only, freeze payments. If you ignore it, they will not look well on you. You can also go to Citizens Advice for help. In Ireland, repossession is almost unheard of , believe only 3 in the whole country last year.
And it is OK to cry , I think I cried a bit every day for a year !

At the moment you might feel broken hearted but really what is there to miss about a guy who punched you into a wall. That is who he truly is .
You deserve better.

Still that's very interesting about the bank. My strategy was to hide away from the bank until they found me. I'll contact them this week.

Still I hope you didnt cry for a year!!!

@LakeIsle48

Still that's very interesting about the bank. My strategy was to hide away from the bank until they found me. I'll contact them this week.

That's a really really bad idea op. You surely must realise that!