Partner has left me, I'm devastated

[LakeIsle48]

Hi I hope all is well. My partner of 9 years has left me completely out of the blue. We were so close and had such a good time but suddenly it's all over. I am completely devastated. I honestly don't know how I will ever recover.

I have been having some menopausal problems with memory loss and concentration. He did show some signs that he was losing his patience at times. I tried to keep him informed about how I was feeling. We still have a good physical relationship. He just ended it today and I'm really upset

He was so cold when he told me it was over and shamefully I begged him not to end it.

I'm 56 and I'm worried about my future alone. I can't believe that he ended it so brutally.

I've read about other mums who have been in my position and my heart goes out to them. I feel utterly dumped and my heart is smashed to pieces. Thanks for reading x

Seriously after 9 years he jumps dumps you with no fanfare!!! Sorry I'm not impressed by him. A decent person wouldn't do that.
My husband of 20 years walked out during my menopause and apart from the divorce paperwork in the post completely ghosted me, that was 4 years ago and I've heard nothing since, I must have meant a lot to him
Turns out he'd met someone else and didn't think I deserved an explanation or a goodbye.
Didn't say goodbye to his DSS of 20 years either, my DS was very very hurt - he thought they were friends.
Now I've moved on and I believe it was the best thing to happen - I don't need a selfish, cheating, manchild living in my house.

Sack him off, not worth your time or tears love. I’d be glad to get rid of him if I were you.

I'm so sorry, op. He's having an affair, so let his new "friend" keep him. They deserve each other.

Please do not blame yourself and going through the menopause as he was going to leave anyway,you will be absolutely grand once you get iver the initial shock.This happens to people both men and women all the time and it doesn't really matter why he left so try not dwell on that part but instead 100% put all your energy into yourself making lots of new plans,go for nice walks,coffee,swimming is really calming.
Tomorrow if you can get a new hairdo(I'm sure nothing wrong with one you have)it will help and maybe get nails done and hold head high,remember you got this.
Also you are not the first or the last person for this to happen to but its just your turn right now fir this little bump in your life, op you are understandably upset tonight but I think if you eat with him for any reason you meet with him don't show your upset and take the power backfor you

Just so sorry to hear this you must be in total shock. What an unfeeling prick to end a nine year relationship so coldly.
Sounds like you are well rid if he can do that to you.
Hugs and please keep strong.

What a horrid, vile, turd of a man! I am so sorry OP, what a terrible shock. Please promise that you will be very kind to yourself, this is none of your doing, he's just a cockroach and there's many much better men out there for you to find (or to find you) when the shock has subsided and you feel ready.

Very sorry to hear this, menopause is and can be a nasty beast, and left me with hormonal depression full time, it robs figures too, well waistlines.
Maybe men seek, women in ‘ better nick’, or whether seeing if they still ‘have it’, been on my own 20 yrs, so never had it happen to me, who wants an older man if much younger.
Take care of yourself, if he doesn’t want you better off without

Andou, I broke my heart laughing at you calling him a vile turd of a man. It was the only laugh I had today. Menopause is no fun. I don't have financial ties to him. My kids are 22 and 24 and work away. Funnily enough they weren't mad about him. He didn't live with me & my kids, they work away

So sorry OP, I know what you are going through

Menopause is not a bag of laughs!

Away, thanks very much!!!!

Really sorry to hear this. Not sure if it will make it hurt more or less but when a breakup comes "out of the blue" like this, it's extremely likely that something else has been going on with your partner beneath your notice or behind your back.

Some problems with memory loss or concentration span are absolutely not the kind of issues that can cause a permanent schism in an otherwise loving, healthy relationship, certainly not without the leaving partner expressing

It may be hard to put on your helmet of objectiveness right now but I think you should sit down quietly and calmly as you can and honestly ask yourself whether your memory/concentration issues are truly the only thing you felt was 'off' in your relationship. If you can identify any other changes at all – your husband working more, mentions of a new friend, any other changes in his behaviour, things he said to you that felt funny or not quite right – those are probably starting-points for further investigation.

Given the abruptness and coldness of his announcement of separation, I would also steel yourself for learning more unpleasant things about your husband, and lawyer up immediately to protect your own interests.

Sorry, just seen he's not your husband, which may make things less legally complicated. Still, I'd advise you to steel yourself for the appearance of a new woman rather shortly.

Shehas that is terrible!! How could he do that? Honestly

Nsky, you're spot on there. He wasnt up to much.

As a fellow Meno Traveller, its not fun but like when your periods started, when you got through pregnancy, birth and the early days of motherhood, you will get through this.

If a man cannot deal with that then he isnt a man that deserves you.

I had a similarly brutal "its on/its over" break up, although I did at least have a reason, three years ago. Now I am fucking grateful that that piece of crap is no longer in my life. You will feel that too. Tomorrow it will hurt a tiny bit less, and the next day a bit less too. Then the day will come that you realise that you havent given him a second's thought.

Keep the faith, keep strong, keep being the incredible woman that you are xx

Sitting, what a lovely thing to say x

This is the first time I’ve been able to write this anywhere - I had a similar experience last April - husband left suddenly after ten years together. Absolutely heartbreaking for you OP - it does get less unbearable xx

You're going through the worst time in your life but you started your post thinking about everyone else and wishing them well. And you took the time to think about other people going through the same as you. No advice here - I just wanted to say you're clearly great and don't forget it.

Oh and a word of warning....Mr Vile-Turd will want to come back (they all do, regardless of their reason for leaving), so be prepared and dont fall for it.

Dont worry I wouldnt touch him with a bargepole.

God I'm so angry for you. This must be incredibly hard if he'd never been flaky before. You have to view it as a lucky escape. Anyone that can end a 9 year relationship so abruptly and without discussion was never worth committing too in the first place, alas he didn't show his true colours sooner. This is not how someone worth being with behaves. It may not feel like it now but you have not lost anything losing in this faithless, shallow man. I've been single 8 years now and occasionally it's hard, but honestly it's never been as hard or hurtful as being in a false relationship was. Honour yourself and let him go fuck that shitty bastard

Aww AFMe you're right, it's better to be single than with a loser

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You’ll be fine

I'm not scared of being single but I have to say I loved being in a relationship. I'm stunned at the way he ended it but there you go. Goodnight and thanks for all your support which really made a difference to me. Goodnight!