@LakeIsle48 Oh my dear fellow Lake Lady, I have just read all of your posts, but sorry not the entire thread. At first I was so worried for you as the very next day after 'the idiot' left, you sounded so good and upbeat, and as someone else who has been through the mill at the hands of a selfish, stupid, jerk, I thought that you couldn't possibly be ok that quickly. So I actually heaved a sigh of relief when you admitted to crying so much, and not wanting to get out of bed, washed, dressed etc. as that is a very natural reaction, and part of the process that we need to go through when our lives have been
'thrown in the air by the horns of a massive dick (I have a picture in my head right now of a massive penis with bulls horns growing out of it's 'head'!), and then when we fall back to the ground that massive dick (which has now grown four stamping legs as well as the horns) tramples us into the dirt! But we don't, and mustn't give in, so we get back up again, jump on to the penis bull's back - it is the very last time that we have to go near to that rampaging dick - and this time we hit and kick it until it shrivels up into a disgusting, tiny, wriggling worm, that trys to bury itself into the ground...'
Now I feel that I have to state here that in reality I hate bull fighting, and I am afraid that I have always been on the side of the bull (not that I have ever watched a bull fight as I think they are horrendous), but in this case, with another one of these massive penis bulls - this one being your ex, not mine - I love to see the picture in my mind of them shrivelled up, into a wrinkly pathetic worm trying to crawl back into it's hole, but not managing to get all the way in!
Wow, I didn't know that I could still produce such venom, I think it is reading women's experiences like yours, here on Mumsnet, that has reminded me just how vile some men can be. I am in no means a man hater, I have wonderful adult sons, and a husband who I don't think could ever behave in such an atrocious way - however after what I have been through in the past, and what so many others have been through (as shown on this forum practically daily), I will never trust any man 100% to not behave in such a way, especially if they keep so much of their brains in their much smaller head at the tip of their fluctuating appendages.
However, as happy as I was to see you reacting much more healthily, your drinking does concern me a little, a bottle of wine or two in the first couple of days is ok, but although it is so easy to do, and very understandable, please try to not use it as a crutch long term, however tempting I know that that is. I think you said that you have a few friends who can support you in real life, but I know from my own experience that we don't want to put too much pressure on our friends, so it can still get really lonely at times, and I think that mumsnetters are a great resource in that way, well actually in lots of ways. There are some very wise and experienced women on here, who want to help if they possibly can - as you have already experienced - but you obviously need real life help too.
I think you mentioned a female doctor who has been helping you with Menopause and long Covid symptoms? She sounds both caring and approachable, therefore if you feel that you are still drinking too much, please be honest with her, in fact do lean on her, although she sounds nice, it is her professional job to help you (without judgement), so you cannot over burden her with your concerns, which we can be worried about doing with our real life friends.
I know that I keep on referring to 'real life' people, but I am just trying to distiguish between them and the women on here, many of whom (including me) would like to be considered as friends too, and you don't need to worry about over burdening us, because although we do genuinely care about you, that is buffered by anonymity and time and a computer (in my case a phone) screen, which I think can actually help with the clarity of thought - although I am not sure after my emotional outburst above, that I have got that last one quite under enough control yet! So please do keep on coming back on here @LakeIsle48 it doesn't matter if it is every day, once a week, once every 3 months etc, there will hopefully always be someone here who understands, and wants to help if at all possible. I am sending you a big hug - that is definitely mumsnetty for quite a few of us!