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Original poster

Partner has left me, I'm devastated

269 replies

LakeIsle48 · 15/03/2022 22:29

Hi I hope all is well. My partner of 9 years has left me completely out of the blue. We were so close and had such a good time but suddenly it's all over. I am completely devastated. I honestly don't know how I will ever recover.

I have been having some menopausal problems with memory loss and concentration. He did show some signs that he was losing his patience at times. I tried to keep him informed about how I was feeling. We still have a good physical relationship. He just ended it today and I'm really upset

He was so cold when he told me it was over and shamefully I begged him not to end it.

I'm 56 and I'm worried about my future alone. I can't believe that he ended it so brutally.

I've read about other mums who have been in my position and my heart goes out to them. I feel utterly dumped and my heart is smashed to pieces. Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 16/03/2022 23:43

I've decided to live in the suburbs of a city again. I'm excited about it. Cant wait actually. I'll let you know how I get on! Cheers friends, I couldn't have done it without you x

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/03/2022 07:47

All the best OP.
You know where we are!

Newnamefor2022 · 17/03/2022 13:05

Go LakeIsle! Flowers

Riverlee · 17/03/2022 16:18

Onwards and upwards. We’re all rooting for you. All the best for the future.

Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 18/03/2022 13:33

Thank you all very much! I hope you are all keeping well

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 19/03/2022 23:42

I just typed a long message saying how grim it was to be with someone who sucks the joy out of life. I somehow lost the draft message.

To the mum whose joy is being eroded, get out of that situation. I know you probably think I've never been where you are but I have. It's awful, soul destroying and depressing. You owe him nothing. Its scary to leave a home that's all you know but it's a depressing, joyless life.

Please get out, leave. I can't remember if you have children/adult children but if you do have children of any age dont think for a minute that kids of any age dont know exactly what's going on.

I left circumstances like you. In no time life changed for the better, little by little. We moved to a tiny flat but myself and the kids had a good laugh. Sometimes I'd wake up and realise the kids crept into my bed. It was a really nice time. We were a little gang and we laughed a lot. There was war at times, but didnt last long. It was brilliant when he was gone. There adults now and love life, usual stresses of course.

Get out of that gloom.Eugh has not worth it.

He might change, who knows. Put yourself and the kids first.

Apols for any repetition, spelling mistakes. Just leave. I know it's not easy. Let us know how you get on x

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 19/03/2022 23:45

Reach out for some support for yourself xxx

OP posts:
Boxowine · 19/03/2022 23:50

I’m sorry. It hurts so much and nothing that anybody says ever seems to help. Just remember that a time will come when the pain will lessen. Until then, try to find someone you trust to give you advice about any financial affairs you have to settle, you may not be able to advocate for yourself. Do not trust him about anything money related, once they’ve decided they don’t care for you anymore that carries over into practical matters. He is going to put his own interests first. Good luck.

ImJustMadAboutSaffron · 20/03/2022 00:00

@ChiselandBits

He didn't leave his home and his wife. He ended the relationship and drove the OP home. They are not married and have no kids. Its really sad and not nice and I do have sympathy for the OP but the man hasn't really done anything wrong as such, other than not voice any fears or doubts earlier but it does seem as though many men just work it out alone and then do what this man has done and shut off that avenue of emotion / feeling. I completely understand the feeling that the OP feels like she has been cheated of a chance to save the relationship - I felt similar when ex walked with out OW but we DID have kids and were married and there was more at stake. OP I'm sorry you're heartbroken, don;t get me wrong, I would be too. By all means hate him. I'd wait to see if his family approach you but it will be awkward. Go out with your own friends and family. Do nice things for you and remember your worth is not defined by being in a relationship.
This is a bit harsh. The OP has spent 9 years with this guy, it's not a teenage crush!

Also he HAS done something wrong. I disagree with you there. He's acted like a coward and a tool. That is 'doing something wrong'

Stephthegreat · 20/03/2022 00:03

I’m sorry OP, I hope you will be okay.It sounds like a shock.

Cryalot2 · 20/03/2022 00:10

So sorry op.Flowers .You must be in shock.
Thoughts and goid vibes going your way.
You are young at heart and stronger than you realise.

Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 20/03/2022 01:42

I'm in my own house and enjoying my own company. I'm not sure I can even listen to him going over a load of crap. He's not here anyway. I've honestly had a lovely evening.

I watched some Kath & Kim on the box, had a laugh. I've always been independent, lived in other countries, travelled alone. I'm feeling good.

Thanks for reading and as always your support from all you mums

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 20/03/2022 01:43

I'm no longer devastated. I hope you can sleep well. Night night x

OP posts:
Aria999 · 20/03/2022 01:45

Glad you are feeling ok.

I think a lot of men don't really do emotional conversations so they wait till they are totally decided and then shut it down as fast as possible, and guilt and discomfort makes them mean.

echt · 20/03/2022 01:46

@LakeIsle48

I'm in my own house and enjoying my own company. I'm not sure I can even listen to him going over a load of crap. He's not here anyway. I've honestly had a lovely evening.

I watched some Kath & Kim on the box, had a laugh. I've always been independent, lived in other countries, travelled alone. I'm feeling good.

Thanks for reading and as always your support from all you mums

Kath and Kim: the antidote to feeling down. Smile

It's noice, it's unusual, it's different, as they say at the end of every episode.

All the best.

Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 20/03/2022 01:57

Thanks again for pulling me of a hole tonight. I will be just fine. My next door neighbour has just had a cancer scare and I'm more concerned for him and his family.

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 20/03/2022 02:12

I thought I would be deeply upset but I am 100% not. He was being a dick earlier. I struggled to drive the van and he kicked off. He can eff off in his van on his own.

Its amazing to have mums support. Thanks again. Sleep well or if you're on the night shift stay awake!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 20/03/2022 02:13

Boxofwine I'll join you someday!

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 12/04/2022 21:21

Thank you all for your support. It is exactly what I need to hear. He gave me no reasons. I will look at the stages of grief. Thanks for the big hug!!!! You're so right, ghosting is disgusting behaviour. Luckily HRT is finally working.

You're so right he is putting the blame on me. I assure you I will never break breath to him again. Like you guys said he would never be there during a crisis.

I honestly don't know what I would have done without you over the past few days. You are so so kind.

I'm starting to fee a bit more myself.

What would I have done without you all.

THANK YOU FOR LITERALLY PULLING ME OUT OF A HOLE.

I wish you were my friends. I'm so lucky to have had your experience and kindness. Seriously, love to you all xxx

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 13/04/2022 01:43

Things have got much worse for me. I have told my family how bad it's got for me. I cant stop drinking alcohol and I'm in such a panic for me. I've told my family that my ex partner assaulted me and they are helping. I haven't told them I'm drinking to block the pain. If anyone can help me I would appreciate it. Thanks as always

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 13/04/2022 01:45

Has anyone been in my shoes. Please help me

OP posts:
Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 13/04/2022 01:48

Is anyone awake?

OP posts:
LondonQueen · 13/04/2022 01:49

I'm awake OP, is everything okay?

Ophanim · 13/04/2022 01:52

OP, he assaulted you? Recently?

Original poster
LakeIsle48 · 13/04/2022 01:57

London thanks for being awake. My life is falling apart. I've told my family, well the diluted version, I am feeling panicked because I rang the police about the assault but I know I have to probably have to go to Court to back up his assaults. Everything is falling apart. I'm just not coping. I'm drinking too much to block out everything. Please tell me it will all be ok

OP posts: