Partner has left me, I'm devastated

[LakeIsle48]

Hi I hope all is well. My partner of 9 years has left me completely out of the blue. We were so close and had such a good time but suddenly it's all over. I am completely devastated. I honestly don't know how I will ever recover.

I have been having some menopausal problems with memory loss and concentration. He did show some signs that he was losing his patience at times. I tried to keep him informed about how I was feeling. We still have a good physical relationship. He just ended it today and I'm really upset

He was so cold when he told me it was over and shamefully I begged him not to end it.

I'm 56 and I'm worried about my future alone. I can't believe that he ended it so brutally.

I've read about other mums who have been in my position and my heart goes out to them. I feel utterly dumped and my heart is smashed to pieces. Thanks for reading x

So sorry to hear this. You will improve in time, even if it takes a while.
Honestly though, if someone is able to just dart after 9 years without even talking to you about it, then i think you've had a very lucky escape.

He'll have his own share of health issues as he gets older. And I bet he'll expect someone to be supportive towards him, but he's lost you now.

Sorry OP. It’s so shit when this happens.

Look after yourself

I do sometimes think (not saying it's necessarily happened to you) that when they suddenly leave and seem so cold and heartless, there is another woman. It's already happened to me a couple of times.

I’m so sorry OP this is awful. But he is quite clearly not the man you thought he was. .

That's for certain

I'm so sorry you're going through this . It's ok to feel sad and sorry for yourself but you also need to stick two fingers up at him and carry on. You seem concerned about what his family will think when you don't attend the wedding. Could you still send them a gift and card so they know you're thinking of them?

He's a selfish man pig.
You can do better op, your only young 56 is young enough to be dating and having fun when your ready to of course.
You sound like a lovely person with a big heart - don't let him get you down.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You deserved so much better after sharing your life for nine years. Compassion as a minimum! You’ll find your strength. You don’t need anybody that fucking cold in your life xx

It happened to me, absolutely no idea it was coming and the abrupt cold and callousness of a man I thought I knew (for 20 years!!) was breathtakingly shocking. There was another woman, felt it in my gut but took me a while to work out as he was incredibly clever with covering tracks. So sorry you are going through it, when it happens like this the grief stings harder as you try and make sense of it. You will be ok x

You will get through this. It's so painful to be rejected by someone you thought was central in your life forever. But you can cope and you will.

The most important thing is to take excellent care of yourself. No more knocking back entire bottles of wine. No self-hatred or trying to change to win him back. Just gently take care of yourself. Try to eat very healthy food, shower or bathe every day and wear clothes that feel and look good. Spend time in nature, with animals and with kind, loving people who will support you.

If you need medical help with your menopause symptoms, get it now. Don;t leave it. You have a right to feel well and balanced.

@Ddot

Just read your posts and yes by the sounds he instigated the tiff for an excuse. I think you will find their is another woman. I've never known a man leave his home and wife for any other reason. unless of cause your both scrapping constantly which you said your not. But if the only reason is because your struggling with your health then good bloody riddance to good time boys.

True. Sadly. There's always another woman.

@faceonfire

It’s not much comfort just now but if someone can be so cold and unfeeling then they’ve shown you the kind of person they are deep down.

It is absolutely a form of grief when a relationship comes to an end so please take good care of yourself.

You’ll come out the other end in time and you’ll hopefully see that for him to do this to you so coldly is callous and completely rotten

❤️

Sometimes things end naturally. There is no rhyme or reason. Keep busy, keep your friends around you and in time you may appreciate the freedom and independence

Sorry you are going through this OP.
There will be something behind this which you will find out in the course of time.
But meanwhile cry it out and take time for yourself. Treat yourself to a few things - reward yourself for getting through a month without him, two months etc.

So sorry this has happened to you OP, from the experience of various friends I would think its a question of "Cherchez la femme" here. Leave him to it and look after yourself.
Like a previous PP look into HRT, I found it absolutely life changing, (I had no idea how moody and awful I was until my Dsis pointed it out and virtually frogmarched me to the GP)
I know its a cliche but time is a great healer, Try and look forward and treat yourself because you are worth it

OP you sound lovely and I'm sorry this has happened to you

Yes I have space to grieve. I don't want to burden my adult kids. They never liked him. He didn't live with us. I loved him so much. Everyone I know will be going to a big family wedding. soon. I should have been invited but I won't be. I'm embarrassed about that.

I'm still stunned at him leaving without any word to me. I'll have to get over it. It is all so painful. I haven't got out of bed yet. I'm too afraid to go out in case I meet someone. Well I'll have to leave sometime. Thanks for reading.

Squiggles thank you for being so kind. It meant a lot to me.

Do NOT cut up his clothes that's the worst advice I've ever read on here 🤦🏼‍♀️ no man is worth losing your integrity over. Ever x

You say your to afraid to go out in case you meet someone, its like you are embarrassed or ashamed yur relationship breaking down,please don't be no need.My advice would be to purposely go out and tell everyone you meet matter if factly you don't need to be all tearful(hard not to be)but you will be amazed by the response you will get,most people will just pass practically no remarks much and that will be great for you, it will help you see its a thing that has happened to almost everyone you talk to.I think the sooner you do this the better for yourself.
Do not confide in any of his family just be your normal pleasant self,they won't really care much.
In case you are invited don't go,you are only 56 years old my god you have the world at your feet with adult children so no responsibilities as such.Believe me you are in a much better position today than one week ago when you were oblivious to all this.The only pity here is that snake didn't tell you a few years ago and not be wasting your time. Give yourself a few weeks or less and even if he came back crawling you will most likely not want him,he's no prize

You have nothing to be embarrassed about regarding the upcoming wedding. It was his decision to end the relationship. You say that you are close to his family and look after grandchildren. Don't contact them first but if you see or hear from them make sure to let them know that the split came as a shock and that he ended the relationship abruptly.
Years ago when my ex husband packed up his belongings, moved out and left a note whilst I was at work, his aunt phoned to say, several days later to say how sorry she was to hear from his mother that we had split up. I told her that we hadn't split up, he had left me without any warning and there's a difference.
Oh, and I don't want to upset you anymore, OP, but there was another woman. They weren't together but it was someone he had developed feelings for and a few months later they started dating.

@Ddot
I KNOW that there is not always another woman. My ExH and I split after 21 years and two kids. We'd just become like house mates - no intimacy etc. we both irritated each other. he didn't have a relationship for a year afterwards as he wanted to work on himself, grieve and heal from the split. I met someone else after six weeks which is now very regrettable. He's now been in a relationship for 8yrs. We're all friends. Another of my friends (I am friends with both husband and wife) left his wife for the same reason, after 26yrs - they just grew apart. No other woman. 18montgs later, she's moved in with her boyfriend (they're 53) but he hasn't had a relationship and doesn't want to yet.
There is not always another women involved, peoples needs and wants just change as they grow older.
OP I'm sorry for your loss, it takes time to recover from a long term relationship. Look after yourself, lean on friends and family.
I'm 51 now and in a lovely relationship - we met through mutual friends and are looking to move in together after a year - no kids involved as they're all adults. I hope you find the same

One day you'll look back, I promise, and realise you're better off without him.
He sounds a nasty, callous, selfish man.
Look forward to a new chapter, it will get better.

@timestheyarechanging Out of interest, did the relationships you mention end out of the blue and the person leaving seemingly has a personality transplant overnight?

Looks like the ones you mention there was an obvious build up to the distance and change in the relationship so was hardly shocking.

It's the shocking/abrupt ending of a relationship that is one sided which is often the flag for third party involvement.

I’m so sorry, lovely

Sorry you’re going through this, I bet the family who’s kids you look after won’t be very impressed as I’m sure xh won’t step up.