Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with vegan friend

171 replies

WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:09

I tend to be sympathetic to her and order meat free dishes when we’re out together.

However we were recently at a wedding together and I hadn’t ticked the vegan dietary request on the invitation so was served the meat dish.

All throughout the meal, my friend kept commenting about my meal saying things like “I don’t know how you can eat that. Even just looking at it makes me want to throw up.”

I just kept eating and told her I forgot to tick the vegan request. But she kept on and on until I snapped and told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LadyMonicaBaddingham · 15/03/2022 21:12

No, you were not BU. In fact as she seems to have ignored your efforts to be empathetic I'd knock them on the head and tell her exactly why. What a moo.

NurseBernard · 15/03/2022 21:12

Yes. You were being unreasonable.

You should have sent the food back, not eaten anything, got changed into a sackcloth and self-flagellated for the remainder of the evening.

Or … what do you want people to say?

GinUnicorn · 15/03/2022 21:12

I’m vegan and you were not unreasonable. You are perfectly entitled to make your own dietary choices.

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 21:12

YANBU, why do you put up with her and kowtow to her?

Eat what you want from now on.

I don’t eat pork or drink alcohol but I have never cared if anyone else does eat/drink them in front of me.

takealettermsjones · 15/03/2022 21:13

What? Why would you get vegan meals if you don't want them? Tell her that people eat meat, get over it, and stop commenting on your food. If she doesn't, stop seeing her for food related things. And this coming from a vegetarian!

CMZ2018 · 15/03/2022 21:13

Why put up with the bullshit, go to a steakhouse for your next meal out with her

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:13

Sorry I forgot to add my AIBU which is that I told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t. However I always try to eat meat free around her but I resented being pressured. She got huffy and said that she wasn’t trying to make me vegan and that she was just saying that she couldn’t understand how I could eat meat that’s all.

AIBU to not want to be sympathetic anymore and just eat whatever I want around her from now on?

OP posts:
HELLITHURT · 15/03/2022 21:14

@WheresTheJustice2

I tend to be sympathetic to her and order meat free dishes when we’re out together.

However we were recently at a wedding together and I hadn’t ticked the vegan dietary request on the invitation so was served the meat dish.

All throughout the meal, my friend kept commenting about my meal saying things like “I don’t know how you can eat that. Even just looking at it makes me want to throw up.”

I just kept eating and told her I forgot to tick the vegan request. But she kept on and on until I snapped and told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t.

Was I being unreasonable?

If he e told her to fuck off and move table if she was so bothered.
NurseBernard · 15/03/2022 21:14

All these threads do is invite people to come on and flail about at the profound unreasonableness of the vegan in question.

What good does it do?

And I say this as a committed omnivore.

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 21:14

YANBU, she has mistaken your consideration for her for timidity.

Enjoy your food.

gamerchick · 15/03/2022 21:15

I'd be stopping the being thoughtful after that. No more vegan stuff unless you want it.

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 21:16

@NurseBernard

All these threads do is invite people to come on and flail about at the profound unreasonableness of the vegan in question.

What good does it do?

And I say this as a committed omnivore.

I don’t think it’s just vegans though. I’ve seen omnivores complain about the smell of innocuous things like fruit.

Some people just want to make other people feel like shit.

unfortunateevents · 15/03/2022 21:16

Was she equally rude to all the other non-vegan guests at the table? Or did she confine her rudeness just to you?!

Avocadobacardi · 15/03/2022 21:16

Why would you order vegan food if you’re not vegan. You owe her nothing. DP went through a (thankfully short( vegan phase and it wouldn’t have occurred to me to order vegan when we were out and neither would he have expected it. Equally we all ate meat when he was in our house and we made him a vegan version. To order a vegan meal at a wedding when you’re not vegan is just utterly nuts

JackieWeaversLaptop · 15/03/2022 21:17

YADNBU! It’s very thoughtful of you to order vegan dishes when you’re eating with your friend, but it’s totally out of order of your friend to make you feel bad for eating meat.

I’d feel upset if I was in your position, because the way I see it is that you’re going out of your way to accommodate your friend’s life choices, but when a mistake crops up and you can’t have a vegan dish, your friend goes out of her way to make you feel bad. In my view, your friend is not being very kind or considerate here.

Have you spoken to her since about how she’s made you feel?

Squeezita · 15/03/2022 21:17

I’m guessing she picks on OP because they’re ‘friends’, and the other wedding guests were not friends.

EmmaH2022 · 15/03/2022 21:17

@WheresTheJustice2

Sorry I forgot to add my AIBU which is that I told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t. However I always try to eat meat free around her but I resented being pressured. She got huffy and said that she wasn’t trying to make me vegan and that she was just saying that she couldn’t understand how I could eat meat that’s all.

AIBU to not want to be sympathetic anymore and just eat whatever I want around her from now on?

You should always have eaten what you wanted around her. But she is being really rude. I would point that out.
KitKat1985 · 15/03/2022 21:17

YANBU. And I say that as a vegetarian.

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:18

@NurseBernard

That’s not what the thread is about. I’m not vegan bashing in the slightest. I’m trying to figure out if it’s reasonable to eat meat in front of my friend because she is very sensitive and it’s not a big sacrifice for me not to eat meat whereas for her it’s a much bigger deal.

OP posts:
NurseBernard · 15/03/2022 21:18

I’m not having a go at vegans @Squeezita. I’m having a go at the OP - who quite clearly knows she’s not in the wrong, but is jumping on the chance to wind herself - and her audience - up about one socially clueless individual.

ThinWomansBrain · 15/03/2022 21:18

if you bother to eat out with her again, go for a juicy rare steak with chips

SprayedWithDettol · 15/03/2022 21:18

As a vegan for decades, she is an arse. I don’t expect other people to adapt their diet to suit me.

NurseBernard · 15/03/2022 21:19

[quote WheresTheJustice2]@NurseBernard

That’s not what the thread is about. I’m not vegan bashing in the slightest. I’m trying to figure out if it’s reasonable to eat meat in front of my friend because she is very sensitive and it’s not a big sacrifice for me not to eat meat whereas for her it’s a much bigger deal.[/quote]
You know the answer.

lemongreentea · 15/03/2022 21:20

your friend is expecting too much from you. I dont eat meat but wouldnt impose that on anyone else. she sounds controlling and rude and not much of a friend

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:22

It’s not black and white @NurseBernard

Part of being a good friend is understanding the other’s sensitivities and we all have blind spots.

OP posts: