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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed with vegan friend

171 replies

WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:09

I tend to be sympathetic to her and order meat free dishes when we’re out together.

However we were recently at a wedding together and I hadn’t ticked the vegan dietary request on the invitation so was served the meat dish.

All throughout the meal, my friend kept commenting about my meal saying things like “I don’t know how you can eat that. Even just looking at it makes me want to throw up.”

I just kept eating and told her I forgot to tick the vegan request. But she kept on and on until I snapped and told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t.

Was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
NaomhPadraigin · 15/03/2022 21:22

I'd be having the biggest, juiciest, rarest steak I could find the next time I eat in her company!
😋

HoppingPavlova · 15/03/2022 21:22

Why would you tick the vegan box for your meal when you are not a vegan? She ticks it for hers if she is a vegan surely. Or, was it you were invited and she was your +1 and you forgot to tick vegan for her in your rsvp as that’s the only way this makes any sense.

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:23

@NaomhPadraigin would you really though?

I don’t think I could ever do that.

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 15/03/2022 21:25

I'm vegan. I don't expect other people to eat vegan around me. It is my choice, not theirs. You sound like a lovely friend but she is taking the piss.

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:26

@HoppingPavlova

I knew we would probably be seated on the same table but when I rsvpd I just didn’t think to tick the vegan option and only realised as we were being served the meal.

OP posts:
Hunbabe · 15/03/2022 21:26

I am a vegan, and am currently cooking a steak pie for DH.
You are definitely NBU.
She IS definitely BU.Hmm

pastypirate · 15/03/2022 21:27

Urgh. What this is really about is 'my friend keeps giving me grief about my lifestyle choices that don't affect her'

It's not how friendship works is it.

I have an ex friend who became a performance vegan and was an asshole about it. On reflection she was an asshole about a lot of things.

BiscuitLover3678 · 15/03/2022 21:29

I’m vegetarian and I would think it was so sweet if my friends ate non meat around me! I’ve had friends eat massive steak next to me and I just sit there Envy (not envy) but I don’t say a word.

So you are lovely and your friend is ridiculous.

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:30

@pastypirate

She’s really not an asshole. She’s just very sensitive and I do go out of my way to make her feel comfortable. I was just pissed off that she didn’t seem to reciprocate the gesture when it came up.

OP posts:
Yahyahs22 · 15/03/2022 21:30

I'm vegan and this annoys me. I don't expect my friends or anyone to eat with me in mind. I don't eat meat with my meat eating friends so how on earth csn I expect the same 'respect'.
Just bizarre and that would really annoy me to the point I would say something.

BlissfullyIgnorant · 15/03/2022 21:31

What kind of person sits at a table talking about throwing up while other people are eating their food?

YANBU

As for people suggesting you're being an antagonistic anti-vegan, so you think it's acceptable to discuss vomit at the dinner table? Not everyone likes discussing bodily functions, especially when eating

BeHappy91818 · 15/03/2022 21:32

Just bin off the vegan friend. She sounds a nightmare.

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:32

@BiscuitLover3678

That’s really interesting. Do you really not mind if your closest friends eat steak around you? My friend would never say anything to anyone else I reckon. It’s just that we’ve known each other forever and are very close friends and so I think she is more honest with me than she would be with acquaintances.

OP posts:
mamatoTails · 15/03/2022 21:33

My friend is vegan, and never has a problem if anyone out with us eats meat,
Dairy etc when we are out.

Not much of a friend if they can't respect your choices, when you don't question theirs!

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 21:34

@WheresTheJustice2

It’s not black and white *@NurseBernard*

Part of being a good friend is understanding the other’s sensitivities and we all have blind spots.

Do you not see how ironic this is? By your definition, your "friend" is absolutely not a good friend.

I'd be telling this sanctimonious, obnoxious bitch to go fuck off to the far side.

Raise your standards as to who you consider a friend.

MagicDragonsPuff · 15/03/2022 21:35

I’d be petty and eat meat in front of her saying his delicious it was, then I’d tell to fuck off with leave hers and mine dietary preferences out if things

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 21:35

It’s just that we’ve known each other forever and are very close friends and so I think she is more honest with me than she would be with acquaintances.

FFS. This isn't "honesty." She's being an arsehole with zero respect for your personal choices.

FantasticFebruary · 15/03/2022 21:37

I've been a mix of vegetarian & vegan for over 30 years.

She is incredibly rude & socially clueless.

OnTheBoardwalk · 15/03/2022 21:38

If I’m out with a vegan or vegetarian friend I might avoid ordering a rack of ribs and chomping on them in front of them. That’s just being sensitive to a friends views

It wouldn’t stop me ordering a steak when with them though. Talking about being sick at the table is rude on her part

saraclara · 15/03/2022 21:40

I don't know any vegans (and there are a few in my circle) who show any signs of caring what any of the rest of us are eating.

It's taking people pleasing to new heights for you to always eat vegan around her. And quite bizarre for you to think you should have ticked the vegan box because she'd be sitting at the same table as you at wedding. Everyone else at the table would be eating meat so why shouldn't you?

She's not 'sensitive' she's controlling and entitled. This is not a healthy relationship if you are going to this kind of extent in order to keep her happy.

donquixotedelamancha · 15/03/2022 21:43

I’ve seen omnivores complain about the smell of innocuous things like fruit.

Sorry, what? You've met more than one person who doesn't like the smell of all fruit? And you think that's related to them eating meat?

Original poster
WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 21:44

I think you might be right about me being too much of a people pleaser @saraclara

She's not 'sensitive' she's controlling and entitled. This is not a healthy relationship if you are going to this kind of extent in order to keep her happy.

I hadn’t thought about it like that.

OP posts:
Pbjontoast · 15/03/2022 21:46

Of course UANBU.

You have previously BU to yourself by continuously ordering vegan food in her presence. She is vegan, you are not. So eat whatever you like. She's got used to you pandering to her so felt she can make such rude comments to you.

From now on eat what you want, and if she comments again either tell her you don't want her opinion or stop eating out with her. Don't put up with this nonsense.

Justilou1 · 15/03/2022 21:47

I think you’ll find that the “I’m just a sensitive little snowflake” types are the biggest assholes around. It’s a passive-aggressive way to control the people around them. She’s a twat.

Chloemol · 15/03/2022 21:47

It’s veganism at its worse

She should respect choices anyone makes

Personally I would stop all the meat free stuff and eat whati want