Page 5 | To be annoyed with vegan friend

WheresTheJustice2 · 2022-03-15T21:09:23+00:00

I tend to be sympathetic to her and order meat free dishes when we’re out together. However we were recently at a wedding together and I hadn’t ticked the vegan dietary request on the invitation so was served the meat dish. All throughout the meal, my friend kept commenting about my meal saying things like “I don’t know how you can eat that. Even just looking at it makes me want to throw up.” I just kept eating and told her I forgot to tick the vegan request. But she kept on and on until I snapped and told her that I respected her choice to be vegan but I wasn’t. Was I being unreasonable?

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2022 22:38

I honestly thought I was being a good friend by choosing to go meat free around her.

It’s not exactly a choice if she’s harangued you into it. This is not typical behaviour for vegans or vegetarians.

You really sound like a total doormat.

godmum56 · 15/03/2022 22:40

@WheresTheJustice2

Gosh I’m truly surprised that so many people think it’s controlling, rude etc. I honestly thought I was being a good friend by choosing to go meat free around her. It’s making me think about all the other things that I do to accommodate her, like meeting up closer to her house than mine because I drive and she doesn’t when actually it’s only a few stops further on public transport to meet halfway. Maybe I am a bit of a pushover

no shit Sherlock?

AngelinaFibres · 15/03/2022 22:40

My husband's sister is incredibly controlling about what she eats and what other people around her eat. Not about whether they eat meat,veggie or vegan, but about the amount they eat. In her world you must clear everything off your plate and if you have kept even a chip or 2 peas you are not allowed to order a pudding. Her siblings were brought up in the same way,and are all tall men, so are able to eat all of a huge portion in a pub My other SIL will be at meals with us and will force herself to eat as much as possible in order to please the other one.She tried it with me the first time I met her. I laughed and told her I would eat what I wanted ,when I wanted and I would stop when I had had enough. I wasn't rude but I made it clear she had absolutely no say in any of it. She has never mentioned it again.You need better boundaries Op. The meaty cat is out of the bag now Op. Don't put it back it ( have it pan fried with new potatoes)

donquixotedelamancha · 15/03/2022 22:43

threads like this are a red flag to the paranoid anti&vegan and delighting in tearing it down 'I have one friend who represents all of vegankind' brigade:-)

Yes, OP, you should be ashamed for relating your experience because it might lead to negative comments about vegans.

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 22:43

She didn’t harangue me into it. I just learnt over time that it made her unhappy if her husband and other family/nearest and dearest ate meat around her so I didn’t think it was a big deal to be sensitive to her feelings.

OP posts:

Momijin · 15/03/2022 22:45

It is so hard when you're vegan for the animals and for the planet and having watched animals being tortured and murdered to be sympathetic about jane smith liking her steak and just needing to eat some cheese. Or just needing to have an egg (which means absolute vile torture to even free range chicken).

Tbh I wish vegans around me had been less indulgent and shown me the torture and murder that I was eating. Plant based is absolutely delicious and not missing out at all. So much more tastier and so much more healthier

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 22:46

Maybe I am a bit of a pushover

You think? You're the poster child for 'doormat' in this friendship. Something tells me you're like this in other relationships/aspects of your life as well. FGS, your opinions matter. You matter. Anyone who really loves you will respect your choices. Stop making choices that only serve to please other people.

PurpleDaisies · 15/03/2022 22:46

@WheresTheJustice2

She didn’t harangue me into it. I just learnt over time that it made her unhappy if her husband and other family/nearest and dearest ate meat around her so I didn’t think it was a big deal to be sensitive to her feelings.

How did you learn over time? Through her criticising your meal choices?

Bromse · 15/03/2022 22:46

You were not unreasonable. Your friend needs to learn some manners.

People should never say, "I don't know how you can eat that", whatever a person is eating, it's plain rude and nobody else's business. I've sometimes thought that vegan meals look horrible but I wouldn't say it to someone who was consuming it - not my business.

It's a pity your friend did not have the vegan meal she wanted but surely there were things available that she could eat.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/03/2022 22:47

@Momijin

It is so hard when you're vegan for the animals and for the planet and having watched animals being tortured and murdered to be sympathetic about jane smith liking her steak and just needing to eat some cheese. Or just needing to have an egg (which means absolute vile torture to even free range chicken).

Tbh I wish vegans around me had been less indulgent and shown me the torture and murder that I was eating. Plant based is absolutely delicious and not missing out at all. So much more tastier and so much more healthier

🙄. FFS.

Womencanlift · 15/03/2022 22:48

@WheresTheJustice2

She didn’t harangue me into it. I just learnt over time that it made her unhappy if her husband and other family/nearest and dearest ate meat around her so I didn’t think it was a big deal to be sensitive to her feelings.

And what about your feelings?

Sounds like a very one way relationship. You respect her food choices, she should respect yours

Maray1967 · 15/03/2022 22:49

In your opinion - certainly not in mine. There is nothing tastier than a porterhouse steak or smoked salmon.
I wouldn’t eat veggie or vegan just because a friend is vegan. My veggie friend cooks meat for other members of her family and while most of my other veggie friends don’t, they certainly don’t comment in any way when I’m eating meat.

AngelinaFibres · 15/03/2022 22:50

@WheresTheJustice2

Gosh I’m truly surprised that so many people think it’s controlling, rude etc. I honestly thought I was being a good friend by choosing to go meat free around her. It’s making me think about all the other things that I do to accommodate her, like meeting up closer to her house than mine because I drive and she doesn’t when actually it’s only a few stops further on public transport to meet halfway. Maybe I am a bit of a pushover

Get a piece of paper and set your timer for 5 minutes. In that time write down as many things as you can instantly think of where you change what you do or wear or think or attend ( and eat) to accommodate your 'sensitive' friendand her wishes . I bet you will write the first 10 without any thought. Other ones will come to you over the next few days. Add them to the list. I think it will give you a different perspective on your 'lovely' ,'kind' , 'sensitive ' friend.

AngelinaFibres · 15/03/2022 22:52

@Momijin

It is so hard when you're vegan for the animals and for the planet and having watched animals being tortured and murdered to be sympathetic about jane smith liking her steak and just needing to eat some cheese. Or just needing to have an egg (which means absolute vile torture to even free range chicken).

Tbh I wish vegans around me had been less indulgent and shown me the torture and murder that I was eating. Plant based is absolutely delicious and not missing out at all. So much more tastier and so much more healthier

In your opinion

NurseBernard · 15/03/2022 22:53

@WheresTheJustice2

Then why don't you feel comfortable enough with her to choose what you actually fancy eating.

Because I know it will upset her and she will think I’m being insensitive and less of a friend knowing how she feels about meat.

But what she’s done is upset you so much, that you’ve started a thread about her on a very popular forum, inviting people to pile on and bitch about her.

I don’t exactly respect the women (assuming this even happened). But at least she, arguably, has the ‘decency’ / ‘maturity’ to actually say something to your face.

Do you think silently seething, and then doing this, is the more noble, kind, considerate-of-her-feelings option?

AngelinaFibres · 15/03/2022 22:55

@WheresTheJustice2

She didn’t harangue me into it. I just learnt over time that it made her unhappy if her husband and other family/nearest and dearest ate meat around her so I didn’t think it was a big deal to be sensitive to her feelings.

So everyone else, including her actual husband, eats whatever they want around her ,but you felt you had to drastically alter your diet .That's barmy Op

Original poster

WheresTheJustice2 · 15/03/2022 22:57

No, I meant her husband and family don’t eat meat around her because it upsets her so I decided I’d do the same as it was a small thing for me but a huge deal for her.

OP posts:

WhoKnowsProbsNotMe · 15/03/2022 22:59

YANBU - I have close friends who are vegan (I’m not) and when having the girls over for girls night buffet/drinks she is completely fine with the mix of food and the only ask is not to cook on the same tray (which I totally understand) and at hers though it’s mainly vegan there are a couple meat options (mini sausage rolls) for those who want to eat it. You can be friends with someone with different options but only if each respects each other! X

donquixotedelamancha · 15/03/2022 23:00

@Momijin

It is so hard when you're vegan for the animals and for the planet and having watched animals being tortured and murdered to be sympathetic about jane smith liking her steak and just needing to eat some cheese. Or just needing to have an egg (which means absolute vile torture to even free range chicken).

Tbh I wish vegans around me had been less indulgent and shown me the torture and murder that I was eating. Plant based is absolutely delicious and not missing out at all. So much more tastier and so much more healthier

Everyone: your friend is a dick, vegans aren't all like that.

Momijin: Hold my beer.

saraclara · 15/03/2022 23:08

I think Momijin is OP#s friend.

Chely · 15/03/2022 23:10

Your friend is a dick

LadyPropane · 15/03/2022 23:11

I actually do make an effort to eat in accordance with friend's dietary choices/requirements when I go out with them, but that's because I'm not remotely fussy about food. I'm one of those people who can eat pretty much anything and find something I enjoy. It's 100% my own choice to do this and I would be very pissed off if it became expected of me.

I'm not sure I would think to tick the box for vegan for a wedding invite if I wasn't vegan. I wouldn't be thinking about who I was planning on sitting next to. I'd just be getting the annoying wedding guest admin done as quickly as possible.

People can eat whatever they like. Your friend sounds like a stroppy 8 year old.

BOOTS52 · 15/03/2022 23:15

I go through stages of just eating veg but never been vegan. Was vegetarian in my late teens but now eat fish/salmon but has to be well cooked and I couldn't care less if the person with me had a massive steak or 10 big mac's. People should just eat what they want and not be preaching to others. I had a friend before and she would not let a boyfriend eat meat and trying to control her family also regards to meat. Her boyfriend at the time and her brother used to sneak off for steak burgers but when I was out with her ate my chicken burger if that is what I wanted. Worse than Electric car owners who expect everyone else to do as they are doing and preaching. Just tell her to let you enjoy your food and to stop as it ruins your meals.

BlindGirlMcSqueaky · 15/03/2022 23:17

So she's made you and the other people around her feel so uncomfortable around her that you are now kicking yourself for not choosing a vegan meal at a wedding, even though you aren't vegan? How is she not controlling?

Wiredforsound · 15/03/2022 23:20

“I don’t understand how you can eat meat.”

“You don’t need to understand how I can eat meat. You just need to know that I can if I want to.”