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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

323 replies

skeeshgal · 15/03/2022 19:48

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

OP posts:
lavaa · 15/03/2022 20:32

to state the obvious - yes yabu

we are talking about an 8 year old here, I think it's good her mum stepped in.

PastMyBestBeforeDate · 15/03/2022 20:33

You're reading it as "I'm deleting this and blocking you so you can't contact my dd again" whereas in the context of your dd saying she didn't want contact it could be "I'm deleting this and blocking you so my dd cannot contact you again in line with your wishes".

Ionlydomassiveones · 15/03/2022 20:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Jonny1265 · 15/03/2022 20:34

This is a supportive act by the mother. Why are you fuming?

DariaMorgendorffer · 15/03/2022 20:34

YABU op! Completely.

MotherOfBeardedDragons · 15/03/2022 20:35

Your DD being involved at all is just asking for ‘I’ll get my big cousin on you’ from your niece, I had to step in when my DDs bff/bully’s cousins started to get involved, with a similar age gap.

I think you’ve taken the mums message the wrong way, I don’t think she was being nasty to your DD, rather letting her know the 8yo wouldn’t be texting again as well as making sure an 11year old cousin of a friend couldn’t text her, it’s fair enough OP.

It’s a children's squabble, try find some perspective.

ImFree2doasiwant · 15/03/2022 20:36

A good lesson for your daughter. She was rude and unpleasant to an 8 yr old . 8! She doesn't want to talk to her and now she can't. Sorted.

Lizzy1980 · 15/03/2022 20:36

@LetHimHaveIt

Tacking 'thanks' onto an incredibly curt message doesn't make it polite, ffs. She was pretty bloody rude, actually. Thank heavens the eight-year-old's mother, at least, was sufficiently on the ball to shut it down - take a leaf out of her book.

You sound absurdly melodramatic and now you're bringing up your daughter to be officious and precious.

This
Thewindwhispers · 15/03/2022 20:38

Your dd was rude to the 8 year old, who may have been very upset by your dd’s message. The mum was abrupt but not unacceptably so.

Your dd and the other child are clearly not mature enough to have phones.

Grasping · 15/03/2022 20:39

I’m baffled

It’s like saying “don’t contact me” and then being annoyed because you’re no longer contacted.

AchillesPoirot · 15/03/2022 20:40

Your dd was rude.

The other mother did the right thing.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/03/2022 20:41

If my 8 year old daughter texted the word "hi" to a much older girl and got your DD's response back, I would be putting a stop to it too. No child of 8 needs such needless friendship dramas, especially when the main point of concern is a third party. Just why does your daughter feel it necessary to get involved in something between her cousin and cousin's friend and to take sides? Teach your daughter text and friendship etiquette, OP, or she's in for a lifetime of "falling out with friends" dramas.

And suggest she finds friends her own age, and deals more politely and maturely with children a lot younger than her.

MrsRussell · 15/03/2022 20:41

I'd also be wondering where the 8 year old got DD's phone number from?

Must admit, Russell Jnr was getting weird messages on WhatsApp from someone he didn't know and I took the phone off him to message back, "this is Mrs Russell, we don't know you, and I will block you unless we know you".
Haha maybe I am in fact the rude mum in the OP!!

reesewithoutaspoon · 15/03/2022 20:41

Yabu and a ridiculous overreaction.
Your DD said she didn't want to speak to the child so the childs mum deleted and blocked your child's number so her child couldn't contact yours again. Exactly what your child asked for.

FancyAFlapjack · 15/03/2022 20:41

I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that

Pot, meet kettle

BluntWithAC · 15/03/2022 20:42

I can't see where she was rude tbh. I would probably suggest to your DD to not get involved In 8 year olds business.

RealRaymondReddington · 15/03/2022 20:42

YABU your 11 year old was very unkind to an 8 year old who had done nothing more at that moment than say 'hi'.

NumberTheory · 15/03/2022 20:43

Sounds like you're all drama lamas.

Your DD didn't need to respond as bluntly as she did to a child so much younger than her. Just as much potential for upset as the adult to your DD. The 8yr old's mum could have phrased her text better. She may or may not have been annoyed at your DD, it's hard to tell from a text, but she could have used better wording. Telling your DD that the number is blocked could easily be an attempt to show her that the 8 yr old will not be allowed to contact her anymore - as she requested. It does not necessarily imply any blame. If you are going to think the mum's message is unreasonable there is equal scope for the 8 yr olds mum to think your DD should have been more mature towards a child so much younger than she is and simply ignored the "Hi" instead of a blame game retort that basically said "You're too nasty to talk to".

In neither case it is anything worth getting upset over. At worst it's people being terse about being annoyed and needing some distance. That's it. Nothing more. You are creating drama and looking for offense.

TonkaTruckduck · 15/03/2022 20:44

Is NetMums still going? If so you'd love it there, all the huns are permanently raging / fuming / shaking and crying.

AnnesBrokenSlate · 15/03/2022 20:44

Perfectly fine text to send. It's letting your DD know that the other mum is aware and also that she is making the decision to delete and block your DD so her 8-yr-old can't be blamed for it. It's quite a common way to deal with issues that could escalate on phones.

ringoutthebells · 15/03/2022 20:45

@TirednessButHappiness

8 year old seems too young to be texting acquaintances.

DD was a bit blunt / rude, especially as talking to a younger child.

Other parent was a bit blunt but probably best to block numbers to stop her texting people.

All a bit daft and no need to be fuming.

Agree with this summary. Both FAR too young to be texting unsupervised, clearly. I'd be needing a chat with dd.
CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/03/2022 20:45

@TonkaTruckduck

Is NetMums still going? If so you'd love it there, all the huns are permanently raging / fuming / shaking and crying.
Are you sure they haven't all defected to here? There's been a lot of these "outraged" sort of threads the past few days.....
Viviennemary · 15/03/2022 20:45

Can't see what was wrong. The Mum stopped the communications. Her child is 8 yours is 11.

Somuddled · 15/03/2022 20:46

If your daughter actually started her message with the word stop, I would say she was the rude one. I don't see the issue with the mum stepping in and assuring your DD that her request for not talking will be met.

LittlePennow · 15/03/2022 20:46

YAB completely ridiculous.