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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is an unacceptable text to send to a child?

323 replies

skeeshgal · 15/03/2022 19:48

My DD is 11, she has her own phone which I check regularly. Tonight I was going through her text messages and one of her cousin's friends who is 8 had text my DD last night. This particular friend is 'best friends' with my niece (DD's cousin) and they have had some falling outs as of late so my DD isn't particularly keen of her. The text exchange went as this -

Niece friend (8) - hi
DD (11) - stop you made my cousin cry so I don't want to talk to you thanks.
Niece friends mum (bloody 30 odd) - This is ** mum, my DD didn't mean to send you that. Deleting and blocking your number now.

I am absolutely fuming, my DD was polite enough - gave the girl a reason she didn't want to speak and said thank you. She is fair enough to say that. I am disgusted that a mum thinks she should insert herself into children's texts like that. Being rude towards an 11 year old. Utterly pathetic.

AIBU??

OP posts:
Hesma · 16/03/2022 05:50

Overreaction on your part. That mum wasn’t rude, she was just protecting her daughter as I’m sure you would yours

Kage30 · 16/03/2022 05:59

Give over! The mum hasn't said anything out of place. Your Dd has said she didn't want to speak to her, the mum has seen it and said she's blocking so what's the problem?! Your daughter doesn't want to speak to her anyway. The mum was checking her daughters phone like you were... if anything your daughters response was rude and blunt, the mums response was more appropriate tbh.

RedHelenB · 16/03/2022 06:03

Yabu. There is a big age difference between the children and your d's would have been better not to reply rather than stir up more trouble. Other mum did the best thing in shutting it all down..

cocktailclub · 16/03/2022 06:09

Your dd messaged a child 3 years younger and said she wouldn't speak to her. She doesn't sound very considerate of anyone else's feelings and rather than post on here maybe you should talk about her text with her.
The girls mum probably thought the same and decided to put a stop to any escalation of nastiness from a much older child.
I'd look a bit closer to home if you are looking for an unreasonable message.

Dentistlakes · 16/03/2022 06:26

I wouldn’t have bothered sending a message, I would just have blocked her number. That way she’s protecting her daughter and ensuring yours isn’t messaged. Life is too short to become involved in childish nonsense.

EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 16/03/2022 06:29

Don't know how some people are going to cope with theteen years if this makes them fuming.

Your daughter made it clear she doesn't want to talk to the child. The child's mum just let her know that it was an accident and wouldn't happen again, presumably that's what your child wanted so why is she upset?

aghhinlaws · 16/03/2022 06:46

I think the op is annoyed that the parent got involved and texted her dd but the op is forgetting that her dd is 11 and responded in a mean way to a "hi" text and the other kid is 8 yo and needs more supervision with the phone especially when dealing with a mean response. I think you have taught your dd well about no means no but you need to also teach her not to be rude. Maybe the 8yo got upset and started crying after receiving the text from your daughter? The mother responded back saying her dd didn't mean to send you that and they are going to block and delete the number in case your dd sends another mean text and to end further escalation. I think it was a good call tbh from the mothers end. Maybe it could have been worded a bit more gently but none of us would know how the 8yo reacted after the first mean response and the mother was dealing with an upset child because of your dd's response.

liveforsummer · 16/03/2022 06:47

Dd was unreasonable to reply so bluntly to a simple hi, especially to a child 4 years her junior who it turned out had sent it in error anyway, she was unreasonable to get involved in other peoples arguments too. Put your self in the mums situation, if you'd seen that on your 8 year old daughters phone you'd likely be more fuming than you are right now from the parents sensible intervention.

liveforsummer · 16/03/2022 06:52

All those saying 8 year olds shouldnt have a phone many have sim free ones used like tablets or indeed tablets that have some messaging function such as iMessage. Mum is clearly monitoring it very closely and it's not like the dc was harassing or sending inappropriate messages. She just wrote hi

liveforsummer · 16/03/2022 07:01

Oh and your dd is likely upset because she's been caught out being nasty to a much younger child. I'd say more embarrassed tbh.

Unsure5679 · 16/03/2022 07:05

Melodramatic much Hmm

Misspacorabanne · 16/03/2022 07:22

Not rude in the slightest! She told you her daughter made a mistake to send it and was blocking the number (so it can't happen again) nothing rude at all about that!

JazzHandsYeah · 16/03/2022 07:28

If a secondary school aged child sent my 8 yr old that text, I sure would ‘insert’ myself into the convo just like the little girls mother did. The mother wasn’t rude, your daughter was.
YABVU.

TokyoTen · 16/03/2022 07:30

I wouldn't get involved, you're in for a rough ride in later years if that upsets you. Sorry.

Looubylou · 16/03/2022 07:33

Hi OP, it sounds like your daughter got a bit of a shock that an adult got involved. She thought she would get away with being mean to the 8 year old, because no one else would know. Now she knows different. Good outcome.

SartresSoul · 16/03/2022 07:36

The 8 year old shouldn’t have a phone, the Mum should just have blocked your DD’s number without sending the message but your DD is 11 so should just be able to shrug something like this off. It isn’t really a big deal, you’re overreacting.

Squeezita · 16/03/2022 07:40

@LetHimHaveIt

OP's daughter could've 'asserted her right' 🙄 not to talk to the eight-year-old by, er, not talking to her. The message was snippy and unnecessary and if she was 'put back in her box', it was deservedly so.

'Block and delete' 🤣

An 11yo is still a child. Get a grip, you’re supposed to be an adult, the 11 is not.
LetHimHaveIt · 16/03/2022 07:49

Get a grip? I'm not the one trying to put a 'third-wave feminist' spin on a bit of WhatsApp unpleasantness 🙄

And OP doesn't have to 'block and delete' as the other girl's - eminently more sensible - mother, has already taken care of that.

WeRTheOnesWeHaveBeenWaitingFor · 16/03/2022 07:50

Your daughter was rude to a younger child, getting sanctimonious about a situation that didn’t involve her. Sounds like the apples doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Beautiful3 · 16/03/2022 07:54

I also take that to mean that she's respecting your daughter's wishes by preventing anymore messages between them. I think it is fine.

NurseBernard · 16/03/2022 07:55

Look at it from the other mother’s perspective. All her DD said was ‘hi’.

To be ‘fuming’ and ‘utterly pathetic’ing - is really quite embarrassing for you. Save the drama for your llama.

Squeezita · 16/03/2022 07:55

@LetHimHaveIt

Get a grip? I'm not the one trying to put a 'third-wave feminist' spin on a bit of WhatsApp unpleasantness 🙄

And OP doesn't have to 'block and delete' as the other girl's - eminently more sensible - mother, has already taken care of that.

Yep, get a grip. People do expect girls to be nice all the time, nothing third wave about that.

The 11yo is at perfect liberty to block and delete the the 8yo, in case they never bother to block the 11yo.

Again, you are expecting the 11yo to take a passive approach and wait to be blocked.

Squeezita · 16/03/2022 07:56

@NurseBernard

Look at it from the other mother’s perspective. All her DD said was ‘hi’.

To be ‘fuming’ and ‘utterly pathetic’ing - is really quite embarrassing for you. Save the drama for your llama.

Save the drama for your llama? Are you the 8yo? That’s pretty embarrassing for you 😂
LetHimHaveIt · 16/03/2022 08:02

'Again, you are expecting the 11yo to take a passive approach and wait to be blocked.'

'A passive approach' to deleting and blocking? Bloody hellfire. What a crew.

I'm* doing no such thing. I'm assuming the eleven year old has been blocked because the OP says the mother told her as much. The race to block and delete first - though clearly fascinating for you - is hardly the issue at hand, though.

Bizarre.

imhereforthecake · 16/03/2022 08:05

Why does an 8 year old have a phone?----
Misses entire point of thread

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